Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to find out the sex or not...help!

50 replies

EmilyRose21 · 17/04/2014 18:27

Hi,
My 20 week scan is in under 3 weeks and I keep changing my mind on whether to find out or not. On one hand I'd like to be able to be organised, but on the other im worried ill miss out on having that surprise moment.
What are people's opinions/experiences and how did you decide?

Thankyou in advance

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

kinkytoes · 17/04/2014 19:44

I also had a

kinkytoes · 17/04/2014 19:46

Whoops!

I also had a pretty awful birth experience, and one beautiful clear moment in amongst all of that was when they held DC's nether regions up so I could see I'll never forget that.

But I didn't have a preference for either gender so I'd have been thrilled either way.

omama · 17/04/2014 19:49

We didn't find out with DS as I just really wanted it to be a surprise, something to keep you going through those final weeks & through labour. Numero really sums it up saying its like opening a Christmas present early.

DH on the other hand, desperately wanted to find out as he hates surprises, so I think I may have to be the one to compromise this time around & find out at the 20 week scan.

alita7 · 17/04/2014 19:52

if you decide not to when you are so undecided then you will instantly want to know the minute you walk out!

snapple21 · 17/04/2014 20:06

I had a suprise. It was the best moment of my life giving birth, and turning round to discover myself what he was. So so worth the wait, would recommend waiting to anyone.

ZingHasAHotCrossBunInTheOven · 17/04/2014 20:18

we didn't find out with the older 4 - I just didn't want to know.

then I had a MC so when I got pg again I needed as much info and details to make me feel better - and finding out the sex felt like a little reward half-way through.

with my 6th child we weren't sure and was going to decide on the day, but DH fell ill and I had to go alone so I decided to not find out without him being present.

I'm pg again (27 weeks) and just had 4D scan on Tuesday.
it's my last pg and not only I wanted to do something special, but I wanted to find out the sex, because for the first time ever I actually had a preference and I thought it's best if I have time to "get used to it" if baby's sex is not what I was hoping for.
the scan was wonderful and seeing baby's face made not care about it being a boy or a girl so I'm really glad we went.
and we do know what it is (but not going to say)

so there. does that help?

RAFWife12 · 17/04/2014 20:19

I am 25 weeks with my first. We decided not to find out. All my friends have found out with their babies and there were no surprises left - everyone knew gender and name before little one popped out! Except one friend who was told her youngest would be a girl and a little boy arrived! My SIL and brother didn't find out, and getting that phone call to say my niece had arrived was such an amazing moment.
You could find out the gender, buy everything gender specific and then find out they made a mistake.
Plus, its fun to keep people guessing! We are still able to get ourselves prepared, and we have bought a navy blue pram - because we like the colour! There is loads of lovely gender neutral stuff out there. I can still bond with unborn baby without knowing if its a he or she. Whether you find out early or not, you can't change the gender.
Either way, its ultimately your choice. Do what you think is right for you and your family.

mollysmummy1970 · 17/04/2014 20:35

We found out. For me it was because of the usual stuff- buying prams, clothes, decorating. But also because I had such a shitty time when I was pregnant, that it kept me going and made me so excited. We got a private scan at 16 weeks so it also meant an extra scan. I just loved knowing, it's a very personal choice though. Enjoy whatever u decide to do! X

findingherfeet · 17/04/2014 20:48

I absolutely loved knowing with my daughter, picking her name (which we kept secret) buying tons of girly stuff and imagining my 'idyllic' life with our little girl (hmmm!)

Knowing certainly didn't take away any magic at her birth and I was overwhelmed with a really strange sense of familiarity with this little bundle that was plopped on my chest....

To do it 'the right way' we didn't find out with our boy...I much preferred knowing but hubs didn't want to, the pregnancy was really good but I didn't feel a connection to baby in the same way that I'd enjoyed before.

I found it annoying people commenting on my shape/size all the time and asking if we had a preference (we did but you can't really say!)

Then blow me that magic moment was totally lost as my son arrived as an unplanned and unassisted home birth, delivered by my husband - we only looked because a paramedic asked over the phone what was the sex! Last thing on our mind!

Interesting to see what people reckon on this, exciting whatever you choose!

SellyMevs · 17/04/2014 22:10

We found out at our scan..... but it's a secret between myself and DH.

My pregnancy has been difficult so far and the birth is likely to be just as hard so we wanted to know and have something for just ourselves. I love telling people we don't know because I will still get to share the surprise with them when the time comes! its the perfect solution for us.

theborrower · 17/04/2014 22:21

You know they're not always right, don't you?

We didn't want to know, for similar reasons that people have mentioned above, but also because I've heard of friends of friends who found out the sex but then had the other flavour, so, well, it seemed a bit pointless to do so.

You don't need to 'be organised' differently for a girl or boy either. Buy a pack of white sleep suits then go shopping once they're born (or not - you will be inundated with clothes as gifts). If you want to paint the nursery blue or pink in advance, just bear in mind you might need to repaint it later

MrsHoolie · 17/04/2014 22:47

1st baby- found out as I was far too excited not to find out.

2nd baby- didn't find out and was determined to have a surprise. I have to say it was amazing to have a surprise. So I would recommend it!

Jcb77 · 17/04/2014 22:57

We found out. I had a gender preference (no real rational reason) and wanted time to get used to the idea if it wasn't the preferred. As it turns out, I don't care either way now I'm being kicked and wriggles at.
I also had a pretty grim start to the pregnancy for several reasons and it was nice to have a kind of halfway mark 'surprise' then for having got that far. Knowing I was growing a specific sex made it easier to bond and think about and get excited by. Maybe I would have done anyway one the wriggles started properly and I started getting better, but it have me the little kick I needed to start seeing my pregnancy as a good thing too, rather than just feeling shit all the time. I'm not sure if bother again next time round, unless, again, I want a little boost. And even if this one turns out not to be what we'd thought, that's fine too. But I don't get the whole 'surprise' on the day thing for me. I like to plan a bit in my head if nothing else. We still have names for both genders picked and a lot of the stuff we've bought could be boy or girl (red pram, white baby grows etc) And there'll be more than enough surprises on the day!

themockingjay · 17/04/2014 23:10

It's a surprise whenever you find out op be that 20 weeks or in the delivery room.

I found finding out at 20 weeks started a bond before the baby was born. It was nice to refer to ds as ds before his arrival instead of calling him 'it'. I could buy him lovely clothes, decorate the nursery in a less neutral manner call him by his name etc.

I didnt find out with other ds and tbh I struggled to find nice neutral clothes anywhere and I redecorated his room when he was born to a more boyish one. I also had to call him 'it' all the way through. But then it was exciting to keep playing the guessing game all the way through.

With dc3 we found out the sex but told everyone we hadn't and then it was like our secret which was also nice.

For me I preferred finding out early though I know others prefer finding out in the delivery suite. In my experience it was just as exciting both times. Only you know what you would prefer and even if you decide not to find out it may all go to pot in the scan room like it did for me when I changed my mind at the last minute.

Congratulations

Blueberrybaby · 18/04/2014 04:00

I reckon if you are in two minds as to whether or not to find out, then I wouldn't. You can't undo finding out at the scan - unless of course they get it wrong. It really is a lovely surprise in the delivery suite. For me the experience of finding out at the birth was so worth the wait - much more so than having the convenience of knowing in advance so you can pick out the right clothes and paint colours. Once the baby is born you will be inundated with pink or blue and you can shop until you drop!

SassehMonsta · 18/04/2014 07:08

I wouldn't mind either way, but DH wants it to be a surprise, which is fine by me! :-)

Original poster

EmilyRose21 · 18/04/2014 22:24

Thankyou all for your opinions and experiences. It's really helped me weigh up some pros and cons! So lovely to hear all you ladies thoughts on it , can see many different perspectives now!
Thanks again xxx

OP posts:

Gennz · 18/04/2014 23:53

I'm only 8 weeks but am definitely finding out, I'm terrible with surprises & not knowing things! Plus I must admit I do have a bit of a preference for a girl - of course if it's a boy it will be fine & I will be excited, but I'd rather find out in advance than risk the first feeling on meeting my baby be disappointment! Hope that doesn't make me sound like an awful person

My dad told me not to be so silly, healthy is all you care about (of course!) and then followed it up with "healthy twins will be just fine" !!! errr right ...

MoominAndMiniMoom · 19/04/2014 00:01

Didn't find out with DD born last week, wouldn't find out in future. The suspense and excitement, the guessing and everyone placing bets, culminating in that moment when she was born and my OH looked at her first and said 'We've got a daughter', there's no feeling I've ever felt that compares to that. I was on top of the world, and it felt so intimately ours.

sykadelic · 19/04/2014 05:24

I have a slight preference so I would find out so that I had time to get used to the idea. I would probably buy (and ask for) more neutral things though so I could re-use them with other kids if we had them.

I'm not sure whether we would tell people but I have a feeling we would (mid-surprise), at least some people, but we definitely wouldn't mention the name.

No-one knows what the baby looks like (4D isn't perfect) and that's a surprise in itself, as well as name, size etc etc. And it's still a new baby so a joyous even either way.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 19/04/2014 07:29

I'm expecting DC.2 and we haven't found out either time. The moment when DS was born and we found out he was a boy was amazing.

Btw, Next and Mothercare have got some lovely brightly coloured unisex babygro's at the minute. So it's not hard to find neutral clothing.

Tranquilitybaby · 19/04/2014 08:22

I didn't with either of mine, the anticipation kept me going nearer to my due date and it was wonderful to find out when they arrived into the works. I think everything is so over planned and regimented in life now that it's nice to have a few surprises.

Saying that though if we are lucky enligh to have a third, I might just have to find out, but I'm not really sure why! Lol

That's really not helpful at all is it! X

mummy2pickle · 19/04/2014 18:09

me and hubby were adamant we weren't to find out sex of our first. the excitement of not knowing kept us going through the pregnancy although near the end it got frustrating but still glad we never found out. it made the actual birth enjoyable as I was waiting for hubby to say it's a boy or girl. I would definitely say don't find out keep you and others guessing throughout!!

Kellyjdancer · 19/04/2014 19:05

I wanted to find out, DH wanted the surprise. This was our compromise:

We had the sonographer write it in a card. We opened the card on Christmas Day when both of our families were together. Doing it that way made it really special. We both thought it was perfect (for us).

You can't make a wrong choice, it's so exciting whether you find out now or later.

Buffy81 · 19/04/2014 19:27

We just had our 20 week scan (23 weeks tomorrow),they asked if we wanted to find out and said no. I had always been undecided and neither sets of grandparents wanted to know and we did I want to risk it slipping out as you end referring to the baby as the sex. We just call ours squirmer as when it gets going that's what it feels like

There are some lovely neutral it's out there like Winnie the pooh, me to you, boffie etc that you can get from tesco and mother are an bhs have some lovey stuff as well

Flip

1 2