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Original poster

Mothers in Law Rant

61 replies

pennygaff · 21/08/2006 13:04

Argh does anybody else suffer from the pain in the arse Mother in Law?
I have to have a rant because she is doing my head in
I am 9+3 and me and my DP decided to his parents recently.
Although she was pleased she also seemed kind of jealous, it will be the first grandchild so maybe she feels she is losing the family mother role, I don't know!
She said she couldn?t be relied on to be a babysitter and she wished her daughter had been first (what?s all that about?) and that I was to keep working as quote "you are pregnant, not disabled"
Although am having terrible m/s she did not have sickness (30 yrs ago who can remember?) and I think this has made my DP believe I am putting it on a bit. He actually commented that I could be milking it!!!! arghh the rage
Now she rarely asks me how I am when I see her and sometimes does not mention the pregnancy at all, which makes me feel invisible.
Me and my Dp have been together for 5 years so I am hardly trapping him into it, god why is she so awful!

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Original poster
pennygaff · 21/08/2006 15:07

My MIL has been getting some training in. She bought a dog which she trained from a puppy. It had childgates, special toys and blankets and is still 4 yrs later called a 'puppy' and taken to a bi weekly training class where it wins prizes. It even gets costumes made for it to wear on special occasions.(angel at christmas, its a golden retriver for gods sake)
I got told off once for giving it a doll toy because that was a not an ordinary toy it was a 'reward toy'.
I hated that dog for ages hence why I am so worried about the baby and her.

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Original poster
pennygaff · 21/08/2006 15:09

6 months jeez?? thats early!

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scotchick · 21/08/2006 15:09

omg, she dresses her dog as an angel at Christmas?

God help you.

Original poster
pennygaff · 21/08/2006 15:10

julezboo It great you have such a supportive partner, No MIL rubbish is effective if your partner just understands

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Original poster
pennygaff · 21/08/2006 15:11

yes and once she tried to train it to doggy dance.

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scotchick · 21/08/2006 15:13

promise me you'll never leave you child solely in her care.

She will have your ds/dd eating kibbles.

jenga · 21/08/2006 15:14

I think your MIL problems outweigh mine. A costume and dancing for the dog?

Original poster
pennygaff · 21/08/2006 15:22

Lol yeah I know. Lets hear those MIL tales! its really great thearpy

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Pinotmum · 21/08/2006 15:33

Pennygaff, my mil is hard to argue with as she either (a) agrees with you! Which gets confusing or (b) gets self-pitying. She sounds very much like Scotchick's MIL as far as breast feeding/lack of milk goes and did snatch 3 wk old dd from me whilst I was trying to feed her as she said she couldn't be hungry. She just wanted to hold her like a spoilt brat - and if dd cried she would never hand her back without my having to be tough about it. She lives in Glasgow and I live in London so this keeps the peace

julezboo · 21/08/2006 15:40

my mil very quickly turns into the "victim" when dp is in sight, she has been really pathetic, ok she had a bad life but thats not my fault! She even told dp i had been doing nasty things to her. She got bullied at work, we can see why, she wont listen, will only do things her way and my god does it annoy me! Shes convinced this new baby is a girl, even tried to influence names, i think its a boy though!

thanks btw took my mind of my crappy crampy belly day! although housework still hasnt been done lol

jenga · 21/08/2006 15:40

we're trying to re-decorate before baby arrives. I'm planning on not finishing the spare room in time. Then MIL won't be able to stay and will have to go to BILs. is that bad?

julezboo · 21/08/2006 15:42

not at all, we wont have a spare room, but unfortunately ds has bunk beds, maybe we should get him a new bed hmmmm!

jenga · 21/08/2006 15:44

i'd be at that bed shop this weekend julezboo!

SophieB · 21/08/2006 15:44

My mother in law does my head in when it comes to the baby! when me and my partner told her i was only about 4 weeks and the next day she went out and brought loads of baby stuff! i hadnt even got through the danger period!!! i recently told my partner to tell his mother to stop buying baby clothes as i am swimming in them, that went down like a lead ballon and she got all huffy puffy with us!! My partner isnt helping when it comes to his family, when i tell him that we dont need baby things or to tell his nan or mother this he thinks im having ago about his family! I think ALL mother in laws are like it, i just have to grit my teeth and bear it!!

julezboo · 21/08/2006 15:47

i have to get rid of the blue and green walls first - its a nightmare, she has awful taste, its bloody everywhere!!! Cept our bedroom but thats only recently been done and she asked us what colour we wanted, before that it was orange!!

scotchick · 21/08/2006 15:59

My MIL has 3 boys, and then I had my first son, and when I was pregnant with second baby, she was so convinced it was a girl (desp wanted one see) that she would constantly drag me round the girls section of Adams etc. She would ask what names I had in mind and dissed all of them, offering suggestions of Sheena and Barbara. I went for a scan to find out the sex of the baby purely to stop this mad behaviour and, joy, it was another boy! I took great delight in telling her!!!!

Original poster
pennygaff · 21/08/2006 16:04

its hard to grit teeth sometimes. I haven't been given any baby items .
But she did kindly advise me to get to the local NCT second hand sales, as our area was full of posh mums and I could buy their old stuff. (which I don't mind,but don't tell her)
She went on like that for ages, I think she feels threatend because they are quite well off and she even described me and DP as coming around with our 'begging bowl' when we told her about the pregnancy.
But she says all with a smile, it sweetens the pill!

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CurrantBun · 21/08/2006 16:09

Think I must be really lucky as my MIL is OK. She's a bit "hippy dippy" - into healing, meditation, crystals etc - but she know I think all that stuff is rubbish and doesn't try to force it on me.

She used to be a midwife and has been very helpful when I've wanted to ask questions - she hasn't interfered or bombarded me with loads of unwanted information, but she's been there when I've wanted reassurance.

The only downside is that she has a history of depression so I hope that doesn't get passed on to our baby. Hubby has spent many hours in the past counselling her over the phone (he's very good with her - calm, patient, and doesn't allow her to get self-pitying). I'm very fond of her BUT I wouldn't want to see her every 5 minutes, if you know what I mean. Luckily they live in Wales and we're in London, so no danger of that!

Reading some of the posts here though, maybe I should count my blessings!

julezboo · 21/08/2006 16:09

I just got so fed up of her crap int he last week or two i did my best to stay out of her way to avoid arguments, but according to her i ignored her and did nasty things to her, no idea what im supposed to have done, but most of it was spent on bedrest because i had some bleeding! Silly woman! I keep trying to persuade dp to move while we are still packed haha!

cazboldy · 21/08/2006 16:51

Reading about all of you actually makes me feel lucky in a strange kind of way! my mil has been round our house twice in 4 years! plus for 2 of them she lived a mile down the road!
I have 4 children, and another on the way (although she doesn't know about that yet) and she met my last little chap who is nearly 8 months just because we happened to bump into each other when we were out about a month ago.
My children don't even know her, and I am sure she will regret this one day, but I have reached the point where we can do no more. short of locking her in a room with my children I don't think she will ever take any notice, and birthdays/christmas don't exist.
She had 7 of her own so you would think she would like babies but doesn't seem to be maternal at all.

julezboo · 21/08/2006 17:01

how awful cazboldy

your poor kids x x

cazboldy · 21/08/2006 18:31

They are o.k. I guess you don't miss what you haven't had. I think they will realise more when they are older. Plus my parents are completely the opposite and they get totally spoilt!
It is my dh who I think suffers the most, he seems to blame himself, though he has done nothing wrong. I guess we will never know why she has to be this way!
What I think is the saddest thing about it is that she is only 49, so could really enjoy them now and for a long while to come, but we just have to look at it as though it is her loss really.

julezboo · 21/08/2006 18:56

I have a similar situation my my ds's father and his family. They dont want to know and its really sad, although my ds has my new dp and family, i feel bad but his dad is an arse!

SewingMadMummy · 21/08/2006 19:29

My MIL lives 200 miles from me - not far enough!! when I was 4 months pg with dd2, they were coming to see us for dd1's 2nd birthday. They turned up 4 hours late and stayed for an hour and a half. They were late because they had been to Church and bloody Tesco!!! apparently they are more important than family... Had a massive row with her when she said that God was the be all and end all. Don't get me wrong - I understand people having faith - but when you see grandchild once every 4 months going shopping and to Church before is just not acceptable. They could have gone to saturday mass (they are catholic) and shopped another time. I didn't speak to either of them for months... it was heaven!!

Original poster
pennygaff · 21/08/2006 19:44

cazboldy, that really is her loss, how silly to actually do that to yourself.

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