Early announcement

[CatFaceCrayola]

How early have you guys made your pregnancy public knowledge. I know tradition says wait til 12 weeks but a) I'm not very traditional and b) I don't think I can wait that long!

Did you announce early or late? And was it a good choice?

I had no choice really as I was in hospital by 7 weeks each time with hyperemesis so there was little point trying to make up a different excuse as to get I was there!

I told parents brothers sisters etc as soon as I found out told my boss when sickness started told a few more people friends etc after 12 weeks then waited till 20 week scan to let the world know as it were :)

I think if you could handle telling everyone that you've told that something has gone wrong (god hoping it never does!!!) Then tell people when you want to.

I personally dont think I could have coped with the "oh im.sorrys" if anything had gone wrong.

I told people nearly straight away with my 3 pregnancies. I had the most horrendous hyperemesis with all 3 and there was no way we could have hidden it, I barely functioned for months each time. I also have quite a physical job with lots of lifting and climbing ladders so I had to tell work straight away so I could have a risk assessment.

Paint fingers... I hadn't thought about it that way. I don'twant any potentially sad wedding memories.

I think I'm convinced to wait (maybe not til 12 but a bit longer) .. Will have to persuade t'other half now! The secret is going to a tough one to keep though!

I don't plan on telling anyone, including parents or DHs parents until we've had the 12 week scan. I will probably tell my DSIL earlier as she's been a huge support throughout.

I think some friends have already guessed as I'm not drinking.

I will tell someone related to my work soon - he'll need to know due to the changes we'll have to make.

With DS I think I was 10 weeks announcing - started with parents then over the next few weeks told people as we saw them.
I had a MC 3 years ago at 7 weeks and not even my mum knew - until I had to ask her to have DS while I went to hospital (every week for 9 weeks!)
As a result I told my mum at 5 weeks with DD because I hated having to break the news that I was pregnant but potentially losing the baby when i had the MC.
This time it was my mum who told me! So she knew immediately, told my immediate family and her sister at 7 weeks, and since I had an early scan last week we've told a few friends too.

I'm 9 weeks today and showing already so I think people will be guessing soon anyway, at this point I'm not hiding it but not going out of my way to announce IYSWIM?

We told a small number of people very early on (parents, siblings, two close friends) for three of my four pregnancies. Sadly, two ended in MC - one before we had told a soul. Before I had the first MC, I would have assumed that I would want to tell all my close friends for support. But I felt very differently once it had happened, and wanted to keep it to a very select few. Everyone's different, but I was surprised at how I felt.

I think that your idea of telling a select few, such as your bridesmaids, is a great idea. Have a wonderful wedding and a happy pregnancy!

I'm just over 6 was and getting married in another 6 weeks. This means I'm going g to be 12 weeks and Few days on our wedding day. Initially we've told immediate family and bestest friends but some how after doing a count this has reached a total of 23 ppl in the know all sworn to secrecy! If things go to plan h2b will be making the announcement in his speech. Talk about timing. I've got my hen do to get through yet 3 bridesmaids and mother know so they'll create a drinking posse for me otherwise ppl will get suspicious lol

Weeks not was*

I told close F&F who would be actual help during MC or morning sickness early, told everyone else when consultant downgraded my risk (about 11 weeks).
I've had several losses so sadly this 'plan' was hard learned. :(
Tell no one = 12 weeks of lonely worry and less support if (God forbid) it goes wrong.
Tell everyone = gossip if something goes amiss, stress as people bombard you with questions waaaay to early.

My 'tells' were my mum 1st, then at 10 weeks rest of family, then 14 weeks all and sundry.

With DS1 we told my Mum the day I did the pregnancy test and DH's parents and my Dad a week or so later. DS1 was a 'surprise' and we were only a couple of months into our relationship so needed the support and advice of our nearest and dearest.

With DS2 I was taken into hospital a week after we had the positive pregnancy test with a suspected ectopic pregnancy so our family found out then because we needed help with DS2. Work were also aware because I was off.

I suffered two miscarriages, one in between the boys and one when DS2 was 3yo and both times we had waited to announce and I was glad we then just told my Mum and DH's mum.

I think it depends on you and how you would feel about telling people if you were to miscarry. I hate any sort of fuss and couldn't bear all the well meaning foot in mouth stuff that would be inevitable if I had a miscarriage, plus my mother is an exceptionally awkward person who always says the wrong thing, so I am keeping quiet until the 12 week scan (currently 6+4).

It's such a personal decision. I would be tempted given the wedding.

The thing about miscarriage is that yes, it's good to get support when it happens, but the worst thing for me was 'untelling' people - which I proactively did with a few friends we'd told at six weekish. I'd hate to have to untell a whole bunch of 40+ wedding guests.

However, it is much more likely that nothing will go wrong and all your guests will think it's fantastic news!

You could always do a private scan beforehand - your chances improve if you see a heartbeat :)

I announced early to everyone. I don't think it would bother me to have a miscarriage or to tell people about it, though. Individual decision.

Dd I misinterpret that?

Hmm, well what I would say is that you don't know how you will feel about a miscarriage until it happens. And you may have it happen more than once and have different reactions. I have had two, and honestly didn't find them physically and mentally anguishing.

They have both been first trimester. The slightly later one was like a really bad period. The very early one pretty much just like a period. I have never had to have any follow up treatment and only taken a few paracetamol. And whilst I was obviously sad (and in devastated tears for a day or two with the first one) I have been lucky enough to conceive easily in between and it wasn't actually an enormous mental upheaval for me.

I'm not saying this to belittle other women's pain. I have friends for whom it has been life altering. Things probably would have been very different with physical complications, or if my circumstances had been different (it went DD1, miscarriage, DD2, miscarriage, DC3 on the way). Or I may have been in a different place emotionally when it happened. But I am just mentioning it because a couple of times when it has come up on here I've heard women say that they feel awful that they didn't feel worse, IYSWIM. Like it makes you heartless if you get through it relatively unscathed. It doesn't, it just means that you were lucky and got through it relatively unscathed.

You just don't know. My emotionally worst one was physically just blood and aching. My 3rd loss was early BUT Really gruelling... Operations, 6 months of weekly blood tests and cancer checks. Emotionally, it wasn't as bad as 1 or 2 but physically ugh.

I tell my mum early for practical support. Untelling can be quite traumatic not just for you. I had to untell s mate who has fertility issues, caused her trauma too. :(

We told family & closest friends after 12 weeks when we'd had 2 scans. Everyone else about 21/22 weeks.
Each to their own but I was far too nervous to assume everything would be ok before I'd even seen a heartbeat/seen baby looked ok at the scans.

Congratulations on your wedding!! Maybe it's worth letting all eyes be on you rather than the pregnancy announcement take over the day on this one? Like others have said, you don't know how you'll feel in the event of a mc; I never imagined I'd be as devastated as I was. You also don't know whose or how much support you'd need; I wanted people to know, so they wouldn't expect me to be 'normal' but couldn't say the words myself. Enjoy having a secret with your new husband for a little while :)

Have to add that when early announcements have had to be made in my family, people were a teeny bit cautious in their congratulations and excitement. We told people gradually, this time round but the later ones are much more fun to tell!

It's not just the mc risk. As Penguins mentioned would you feel comfortable with a lot of people knowing if you had to make hard decisions about what to do if a chromosomal issue was detected?

With us, a few close friends knew early on as they had supported me through multiple rounds of ivf, so I told them the result of the cycle. We didn't tell family (parents and sibling) until after the 12 week scan and tests. We let work know a few weeks later. We haven't made any sort of broader announcement at all. Frankly, I'm still terrified that something will go wrong.

Yes with the benefit of hindsight the risk of chromosomal issues would be exactly what would stop me breaking the news early in future.

I loathed being vague with people when we were high risk for chromosomal abnormalities after the 12 week scan. I wanted people to be prepared for the worst but in the event we'd had to make a difficult decision I wanted it to be mine/DH alone who decided without the judgement of others. So there was lots of vague talk about "tests" and "concerns", which was hard because people wanted to know more.

um, my mom had several m/c and used to talk about them as very ordinary events. It's how I was raised (she talked about them because one of them was incomplete so nearly killed her, that was life changing because she went under the knife knowing she might not wake up, but the m/c itself was a complete nothing event). It was one of her favourite stories to tell to friends, family & at dinner parties, etc. I know there can be huge physical kickback, but I guess she didn't get that. Everyone's experience is different. So because of how I was raised I don't think it would bother ME emotionally. And even if it did bother me hugely, I think I would have been willing to share (I come from a non-British culture, so we can deal with sharing emotions).

So MY PERSONAL CHOICE would still be openness from the start was exactly what I wanted and feel fine about. I might not tell people because it's personal, but I wouldn't keep it to myself on fear of it going wrong.

So in answer to OP's question.... everything I said. Including that it's an Individual choice. I have no comment how others manage.

I told close family (parents and brother) early. They understood that it's early days, and not to get over-excited in case it doesn't work out. I also told two of my close friends, because I had already talked to them about ttc and they knew it had taken us a while, and also I would want them to be able to support me if I miscarried. I said to DH that if he wanted to tell his best friend too that was fine by me, but he said he would rather wait till after the 12 week scan. If all is well there (end of April), will make a more general announcement.

For me the key is really would you mind the person knowing that you were pg if something went wrong? For good friends, I would rather they knew, because I would find it helpful to be able to talk through my feelings rather than dumping it all on DH (who is lovely, but I need to talk emotional stuff through much more than he does, and he can find it stressful rather than cathartic). But I wouldn't want to have to deal with telling work colleagues, or people I'm not particularly close to, if something went wrong.