Pregnancy advice, miscarriage trigger warning [title edited by MNHQ]

[alita7]

Of course if there's something wrong it might just happen but I thought we should all share tips on what we do to help prevent it, we might have more sticky beans then you never know :)

I've been taking omega 3 fish oils and drinking grapefruit juice to help keep my progesterone levels up. I was going to the aspirin as I have clotty periods and a mmc so thought I might of had a clot cross the placenta but some sites say it can increase the chance of mc so I decided not to.

What about you?

Yes so the thread title now reads as 'Miscarriage trigger -Warning' as if there is a trigger to miscarriage everyone should be warned about! Talk about alarming. Please reword!

OP, I think it is normal when you mc to think "was it anything I did?". But the fact of the matter is, that most of the time it is a chromosomal issue and the pregnancy failed because it was unviable. Some of the time it is because of a medical condition like blood clotting and that can be discovered and treated. Statistics show that vary rarely (if at all) can it be put down to the sort of things you are talking about. So I agree with whoever said that you just need to come to terms with it being a random occurence.

OMG mumsnet, what is your problem??? A good title would be "pregnancy after miscarriage advice". Jeez!!

Actually I think that would be a really misleading title allisgood, as most people who post threads like that are after emotional support. So someone who wanted to give that sort of support could come on and be upset. I don't think that's any better than what they started off with.

Actually I can't think of a good title for it. I'd say "Old wives tales for reducing miscarriage risk" is the most accurate description, but I'm not sure it would be a good title.

Exactly what penguin said.

Agree with Penguin.

"Old wives tales for reducing miscarriage risk" should be the title.

I have to take aspirin to keep my blood thin as im high risk of preeclampsia due to bad kidneys. So im sure it helps some how :) x

I think everyone's being a little harsh on the OP here. After two MCs last year, I've felt a bit like her. I think people are very quick to feel offended. I don't think she's implying anyone who MC'd could have prevented it. I've become much more aware of vitamins, prenatal dos and don'ts etc since my MCs just because - even though I know it was almost certainly unpreventable - you don't want to ever be in the position of blaming yourself again. So I get it. Even though it's just a psychological thing -it's still something that can help get you through it all. So, sad to say, I'm about to go and pop my antenatal vits and some omega-3 at 5.3 weeks preg because I'm now terrified of MCs. Just to make me feel better!
Good luck OP and everyone else with TTCing or current pregnancies.

Mabel I dont feel offended, I feel a bit sad and put out that the op is suggesting that my miscarriage potentially could have been avoided by grapefruit juice. It makes me feel negligent and it minimises what happened.

This topic is too sensitive to give 'useful hints and tips' on. Particularly when they are backed up by no medical knowledge.

Maybe I should pop off and tell my friend who had cancer last year that she didnt drink enough tea and thats why she got it? I know thats very dramatic, but honestly thats how annoyed this thread has made me feel.

Mabel the problem was OP didn't listen to the advice that all those things are emotional 'props' and kept pushing 'reasons' why. It is hurtful and it is on the big list of "things never to say to a woman after miscarriage" ... and she was there saying it. Perhaps it had been said to her which was why she felt that way.

I have sadly been part of the 'miscarriage community' here and via the Miscarriage Association for a couple of years and honestly... never seen a thread like this till now.

I've been there too. The desperation for 'safety' and 'supplements' is part of the mourning process, and I found although I thought it made me feel better it was like an addiction: more and more Dr Google, more and more worry. Essentially superstition. And in my case I had other losses and in fact it made them WORSE emotionally. Much worse. It may have contributed to my current anxiety.

OP may not have realised what she was saying to start with, but several people explained and she just ploughed on stating she'd had a loss as if that made it OK.

"even though I know it was almost certainly unpreventable - you don't want to ever be in the position of blaming yourself again"

Exactly

In order to be in that position, unless you know medically why (which is horrid because it means you've had 3 or more and you've likely got a blood condition or cervical issue, not good) looking for reasons - beyond normal things e.g. don't drink - you are far more likely to blame yourself if you look for things to 'do' or 'take' instead of accepting it's random/genetics.

It's a cruel trick: you think it makes you feel better but if (God forbid) something goes wrong you end up ten times worse. I ended up thinking I caused a miscarriage by going somewhere polluted and breathing the air! Because I'd read fresh air was good for baby. Utter nonsense.

Never mind just upsetting: I find the premise of this thread emotionally dangerous.

Honestly, this thread needs to be deleted.

I agree this thread should go. Very bad idea for a thread.

I have never miscarried but I do have a child with a congenital heart defect and if anyone posted saying 'CHDs - what you need to do to prevent them is...' I would be devastated.

It's not on Op.

Exactly what Squizita said. I'm too shattered to try to word anything eloquently.

Accepting that sometimes crap things just happen for no reason was a huge part of emotional healing for me, the constant searching for things to do differently, way to prevent etc just prolongs the torment, I speak from experience.

Unless you have an underlying medical cause, there is absolutely nothing you can do to prevent a miscarriage, it's just a crap lottery.

Exactly northern

OP, different things work for different people but I wonder if you would find reading some decent info useful?

Last year I was in a similar place to you, i had a list of what I "did wrong" and a plan of action on what I needed to do differently. Thought this was proactive and positive.

A great GP talked to me at length, she understood exactly that this approach kept me sane and gave me a sense of control. But she was firm that it was important i understood and accepted that in all probability the MC was due to genetic reasons (explained the science of this). After MC 2 I felt overwhelmed by the "what ifs" and sure enough her words came back to me and eventually helped.

I can relate to what Squizita says re fresh air, I wasnt far off that.

I bought a book called "Miscarriage: What every woman needs to know". To be honest, it wasnt all relevant to me as I'm not a "recurrent" miscarrier, but it was exactly what I needed. I was lucky enough to get pregnant quickly but continued reading this in first trimester and despite that sounding like a negative thing to do it helped me to feel more informed and regain (some!) sanity.

Maybe if you have an understanding midwife or GP you could ask them to talk through these thoughts and help you find a balanced sensible approach to a healthy pregnancy.

The "miscarriage: what every woman needs to know" book is FANTASTIC! That plus a talk with a very very good consultant (I really wish I could remember what he said but he basically put it all in statistically significant terms that my mc's were just "unlucky") gave me some hope back (and here I am--two children and 14 weeks pregnant!).

Hello everyone

Thanks for all the reports about this thread.

It's a tricky one tbh. From our point of view, it seems to have turned into a really useful and worthwhile evidence-based discussion about why the thinking of the opening post was mistaken. And in some ways we think that's a conversation worth preserving, which is why we haven't deleted it so far.

Of course, if it's really upsetting a lot of people, we'll delete it. But we wanted to explain our thinking about why we've left it up so far.

Do let us know what you think and we'll check back in.

Thanks
MNHQ

squiz I get it. You've put it well and I understand. I just think certain postings/replies (not yours by the way, you've been very eloquent and reasoned) seemed almost like attacks on the OP, and she obviously meant nothing malicious by starting the thread. Naive at worst.

But I get it and you're right.