Pregnancy advice, miscarriage trigger warning [title edited by MNHQ]

[alita7]

Of course if there's something wrong it might just happen but I thought we should all share tips on what we do to help prevent it, we might have more sticky beans then you never know :)

I've been taking omega 3 fish oils and drinking grapefruit juice to help keep my progesterone levels up. I was going to the aspirin as I have clotty periods and a mmc so thought I might of had a clot cross the placenta but some sites say it can increase the chance of mc so I decided not to.

What about you?

I meant I found the article in the Daily Mail offensive not the post from ohmygoats.

@MNHQ, I have to agree with peeapod, sorry, m/c should be in title.

Agree that thread is a bit pointless, too, though. m/c is very hard to prevent beyond avoiding the obviously hazardous.

My nephew was born to a crystalmeth addict (used until 6 months pg), still carried thru to term (something like 12 lbs at birth, but was in ICU for a few weeks :( ). It's amazing how tough babies can be.

Why change the title?

As peeapod said now people will accidently find the thread who might not have wanted to read it...

I've miscarried and I would like to know anything that could possibly help me to stop it happening again BUT I also understand that often it just happens unavoidably. But if there are things that people who miscarry are commonly deficient in - like magnesium, then if you've had an mc before then there's a chance it could be that so I think people telling each other these things can be really beneficial!! Why shouldn't those who know things that help prevent (note use of the word 'help' it's not definite) share those things?
Thanks for looking allisgood will get myself some vit d too.

Armadale I'm sure it doesn't 'prevent' all miscarriages but I'm drinking it as it can help progesterone levels high and even if it doesn't help, it helps my piece of mind...

As I said this thread has nothing to do with the vast amount of unavoidable miscarriages but for example allisgood has been given advice on vitamins that can reduce the chances of a m/c that isn't to do with chromosomal abnormalities etc I would rather have that info now when it could possibly help me rather than suffer through another 2,3 or 4 miscarriages before trying things like that. This pregnancy might be fine without it but I'd rather not take chances.

Why have the community here is shooting me down for wanting us to be able to share what we've read or been told to help each other I don't know!

I actually feel quite sad reading this. I know this is not how you intended a reader to feel and I know it's useful advice but I have spent the last 5 months telling myself there was nothing I could do to prevent my miscarriage and it wasnt my fault and now I'm wondering whether I could have done more.

op if magnesium prevents mc why are levels not checked as part of the nhs recurrent mc tests?

katiehopkins please don't feel that way, I have had losses (no underlying reason, just bad luck) and our consultant (miscarriage specialistand v highly qualified) has said that unless you have an underlying medical condition there is absolutely NOTHING that you can do that makes a difference. I have heard the same from four other consultants. Please keep firm to the belief that there was nothing you could do, sending un-mumsnetty hugs x.

OP, I'm sure you had the best intentions when starting this thread, but it's a very sensitive and painful topic. Also, the recommendations of others are useless and potentially harmful, stick to what your GP/consultant tells you as everyone is unique and what one person is advised could be detrimental to another person. I know it's hard, and instinctually we all want to do whatever we can to try to prevent mc but don't start self-prescribing vitamins/supplements etc.
For what it's worth I have been told by several midwives to avoid grapefruit juice and pineapple juice during early pregnancy as they can cause miscarriage, like I said, everyone is unique and is advised different things.

What a horrible thread. As someone who miscarried three months ago I find this thread offensive.

Are we all qualified Doctors on here?? I'm sorry this thread needs to be removed completely as it obviously has made some women feel bad.

OP don't worry... 1% of women suffer 3 or more losses. And trust me, it's never been found all 3 were down to vitamins. I have to take mine because my last loss was a partial molar and the months of recovery drained me and left me ill.

I understand you are worried following your loss. I've been there... and I've been way beyond there. I've researched and researched and my consultant is world famous (thanks NHS!) and I know what a disgusting lottery MC is but also how unlikely 3 in a row is.

I would recommend calling the Miscarriage Association - google them- for some qualified advice about your feelings and coping. What you are doing here, although you don't understand, is rationalising to the extent it is upsetting (beyond upsetting, triggering real trauma) women who have also had losses.

If 'cures' were that simple, and applied to everyone, do you think I'd be injecting myself with a burning liquid which bruises me every day for 270 days?

Thank you stars. I'm sure the op posted this with good intentions and it's probably me being a bit sensitive. It's still not an easy subject for me to discuss. Its a horrible thing to go through isnt it and the thought that something as simple as grapefruit juice could have saved my baby and prevented all this heartache is a bit too much to cope with. As I say though I am very sensitive at the moment so im sorry if anyone feels I'm being irrational.

stars I've got a strange feeling we may have discussed miscarriage on another thread under different names. Your writing style is similar to someone else who was lovely to me on a thread just after my miscarriage.

Leaving aside obvious points of the 'don't do crack' variety, I really don't think it is within your control. Obviously some women will have complex medical conditions which might be improved with medication, but that's in the realms of proper, expert advice and not glugging grapefruit juice.

I think it's a bit like a lot of the 'advice' that goes round about conception. At a difficult time which is mostly out of your control, even the illusion of control brings comfort to some people. Which is fine, unless the advice is dangerous or the way it is being bandied about hurts others in the same position.

Katie - I don't know how many miscarriages you have suffered, but if it is one, the chances are it is just run of the mill bloody bad luck. I've been there twice, but am also heavily pregnant with no. 3 and have had successful pregnancies in between. Fingers crossed it happens for you soon. x

I didnt want to upset anyone and as I keep saying have suffered my own loss (maybe 2 but we hadn't tested the 2nd and I was only 3 days late so we decided not to see if I had hcg or not incase it was upsetting)so I know it's painful especially as I've had to wait 5 years to try for this one. But honestly I feel I have been spat at by some people for wanting advice on something that scares the hell out of me.

I've heard so many stories about recurrent miscarriers finding solutions I just wanted to make sure I (or anyone else) wasn't missing out on any tips. I was in no way implying that it was your fault for not doing any of those things.

Thanks stars will stop drinking the grapefruit juice then.

Also please change the title to something else or delete altogether as clearly the change has lead to people stumbling on this when they didn't want to!

katie I don't think it's you being oversensitive or irrational, I had a (polite but firm) rant at one of the nursery advisers in John Lewis the other day as she asked if it was our first child, looking at my bump. She did say it in a very condescending/patronising tone, but I demanded to speak to her manager and told the manager that it was an extremely insensitive thing to ask as you never know when people have lost little ones. How's that for being irrational .
On a serious note, no of course it won't be easy to discuss and yes, it really and truly sucks, nothing anyone says will take away that pain, and I still have down days now from our last mmc, even though I'm now 28 weeks pregnant.
I don't think anything can ever take away the pain, or the fear of it happening again, and as you say, anything suggesting you could have done something simple to save baby is a real kick in the teeth as it makes you feel negligent, and that is absolutely not the case, it's complete nonsense. Don't ever feel that you're being irrational or oversensitive, miscarriage is an absolutely hideous thing to go through and it leaves scars on your soul. Hang in there x. I did name change a while ago (and your writing style is familiar to me too), so if it was me I'm really glad I could help, even in some small way.

"I've heard so many stories about recurrent miscarriers finding solutions"

Where?

I've read every book, reputable website and community board out there. Obsessively. There are 3 places I've heard 'solutions' come from, and then only in 1/3rd cases (thankfully the undiagnosed ladies have a 70% chance of success next time anyway- the same as the diagnosed ladies with treatment:
(1) Clinics running blood clotting tests following Prof Regan's research (NHS, usually at a large hospital)
(2) Clinics running immunity tests following Prof Quenby's research (private at the moment)
(3) Late miscarriers having physical problems with the shape of the uterus or cervix, picked up by ultrasound, and having surgery.

There are a lot of snake oil salesmen flinging around false hope and superstition out there. I think why people are cross is you haven't been asking for advice: when you heard the solution was not that simple, you ignored it and ploughed on talking about fruit juice.

It's called binary opposition: you don't have to say something for assumptions to be made, the human brain recognises the unsaid oppostive. E.g. by asking repeatedly for solutions, the opposite (that to ignore those solutions = problem/blame) will be there like a ghost in the corner and it will upset people. Saying you have had a loss and that you know 'many' (actually almost all) MCs cannot be avoided won't remove that.

Please do go to the miscarriage association: they really are experts, no hocus-pocus, no nonsense, very helpful and clear. They will give you all the advice you need or link you to reputable experts.

I think some of you are being unreasonably harsh on the OP.

If you suffered from recurrent MC, do you not remember the pure desperate feeling that maybe, just maybe you could take (a VITAMIN) and even if it DIDNT prevent mc, it would give you peace of mind??? Perhaps the OP is extremely nervous that it was something she did (I've been there!--its not but it doesn't stop you feeling like it!) and is therefore asking for advice?

Dr. Shetata (sp?) a miscarriage specialist often recommends vitamin D to all women with recurrent miscarriage. There is research that shows a link between certain vitamins and miscarriage, and there are always new studies coming out (seeing as medicine is a science, it is constantly evolving). Please note this does not mean that simply taking vitamins can prevent miscarriage!!!

With that said, it is SO important that you ask your GP or consultant about taking supplements. I asked mine and it was all ok, but each individual is different.

alita I didn't mean that you should stop drinking the grapefruit juice, if it makes you feel happier then by all means do it, it was just advice given to me, but I do have a high risk and complicated pregnancy. All I meant was to illustrate the conflicting advice given to different people.

I will probably get shot down for saying this, but the only thing I did differently this pregnancy was to take Mumomega pregnancy omega three tablets in addition to pregnacare vitamins. I also didn't find out until later this pregnancy as had a false negative test, so before I found out I scuba dived to 40m below sea level more than 20 times, hauling very heavy dive gear and steel tanks about and up and down boat ladders in rough seas, drank lots of caffeine and alcohol, got sunstroke, sat in hot tubs, went on sunbeds, ate all the cheeses you shouldn't, drank unpasteurised milk, went jet-skiing very fast over very bumpy waves, etc etc. Basically everything you shouldn't do apart from drugs and smoking.
We were away on an extended holiday during this time, and when we got back and I found out, I was terrified, and got sent straight for early scans/consultants appointments. Everything turned out to be absolutely fine thank goodness.
During my other pregnancies I did everything textbook perfect, and they still had bad endings, so I am anabsolute believer that nothing makes a difference (again, provided you don't have underlying medical issues).

Being pregnant after miscarriage is very difficult (don't mean to be insensitive to those who struggle with infertility after mc), and riddled with worry and fear. I have sobbed through every scan this pregnancy as I've been so terrified. If there is anything you can do to make it easier on yourself, then by all means do it (but check with GP/midwife first), anything that keeps you sane is a bonus, particularly as the first trimester is very tough. Squizita gave some really good advice about the miscarriage association, and the pregnancy after miscarriage thread on here is brilliant for support too. I am really sorry about your loss, miscarriage is a vile thing and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but hang in there, as others have said, is it usually a one time occurance, although I know that may be cold comfort. I honestly think that the best thing you can do is to follow the nhs guidelines and to do everything else in moderation. Good luck x.

I really agree with everyone who has said there is no way this thread should be termed pregnancy advice. I had a mc, and guess what I took a multi-vitamin and ate half a grapefruit every morning (simply because I like them and the sharpness wakes me up).

I then got pregnant quite quickly after and nothing stops you worrying, you set yourself all these little stages like, if I just get to 12 weeks I'll relax, then if I get to 20 then if I get to 24. It is not fair to women who already look to blame themselves to suggest that mc can be prevented as the vast majority cannot. We already beat ourselves up about this, without further guilt.

As I've said but probably not in the best way - I'm not suggesting all if many at all mcs can be avoided BUT I need to make sure I do all I can to help make this one stick, if I don't then inevitably I will blame myself for missing something.
If there are things you can do like taking a vitamin that will reduce the chances of mc from a specific cause then surely unless you know that wasn't the cause of yours then you'd want to know just in case?
I apologise for any upset caused but really am not blaming anyone or trying to upset anyone, just looking for peace of mind especially as my doctor was as helpful as a chocolate tea pot(he seems to know very little about pregnancy for a gp). Im finding the wait to my 12 week scan very difficult as last time it was then that they found no heartbeat and small measurements. I called the miscarriage association at the time but didn't find them helpful at the time but maybe they will be with this.
Thank you all is good you've been very helpful.

Alita we can see what is going on, we do understand and we are disagreeing: the problem is you have been told the answer and you're ignoring it. I'm not criticising your 1st post, however many people who have been through the process of tests (after several losses) have explained and you're still just saying "I just want an answer" (we can't give you), I feel like lots of us are banging our heads against a brick wall here.

If you want answers: the miscarriage association, Tommys or a gynie doctor are the best sources.

Unless a doctor tells you, there isn't a 'fix' that works on every woman even on a just in case basis. There just isn't. One woman might need a prescribed suppliment, another aspirin... and taking the wrong one could be dangerous. After 1 loss you won't be seen by even most private doctors, so unlikely you need anything is the case. But after 2, if you are still concerned, you may access private tests (NHS is after 3 because only then are a significant number all caused by the same thing).

And this searching for 'possible' fixes isn't actually psychologically healthy: part of your recovery and reduction of anxiety must be accepting the randomness of it (trust me, been there- it's a long journey). Even with a quick fix here and there, you'll always be scared of the next news story and if you have a loss there will still be the 'what ifs' because more always come up... if you leave your mind open to every scrap of news/google advice.

And yes, you've had a loss: but please don't ignore that this thread has upset others because of that. Put in some kind of sincere apology rather than using your loss to 'justify' a lapse in judgement. And yes that is harsh I know but it needs to be said.

Although unrelated to MC physically, I found a perinatal psych assessment very useful in addressing my anxiety. I wish I had requested some CBT earlier - instead I went on the 'reasons' route and it caused me more heartache.

I think that the OP is extremely insensitive.

Of course, my miscarriage must have been my fault as I didn't follow your helpful hints and tips.

It's not as simple as that, if it were there would be no miscarriages and the world would be a happier place.

Early miscarriages occur because the foetus isn't viable due to chromosomal reasons.

Don't put false hope into people thinking that if they do as you say they will be immune from the pain of a miscarriage, and don't make others who have suffered feel inadequate because they didn't do enough to prevent.

"I called the miscarriage association at the time but didn't find them helpful at the time but maybe they will be with this."

Not if you go in wanting to hear something they cannot tell you.

Honestly, this is the only time ever I have heard them called unhelpful. Neither they, nor your GP, can give you answers because it is highly unlikely there are answers: it was likely a random incident.

You need to accept this.

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your comments. We wouldn't tend to delete this sort of thread because it doesn't break our guidelines, but we have now put a trigger warning in the title.