When is it ok to ask for a seat on a train for daily commute?

[rosiepuppy]

I am only 5 weeks in but already feeling the affects of morning sickness and tiredness. My train journey to work in London takes 45 minutes, I'm obviously not showing or anything yet so feel awkward asking for someone's seat... so this morning I sat on the floor!! what would you do?

I would get a badge and ask - i think you'll feel more comfortable asking if you don't have to explain. But don't get all passive agreesive about it and expect people to notice spontanaeously- people just don't notice
(i have had a mouthful of abuse from someone in the past for failing to spot her-the eyse in the back of my head weren't working) - I've never had the situation where having asked someone hasn't given up their seat

RaRa booking a seat isn't possible on most London commuter trains. Nor is finding a less crowded one (unless you are able to negotiate a late start at work or something). Sitting on the floor runs the risk of being trodden on...

Nugget what a ghastly suggestion.

OP I don't really think the fact that you're pregnant has anything to do with it. If you feel ill then I'm sure people would give you a seat. Perhaps avoid asking one person in particular though, I've seen people ask a carriage before if "anyone would please be prepared to give me a seat as I'm feeling quite unwell". I saw a lady ask a particular person yesterday and get turned down. They then both had to stay where they were looking uncomfortable. It can make people feel like they can't say no, which I think is unfair.

I had a badge from 18 weeks but I don't expect people to give up their seats, although they often do which is nice. Nobody has to, it's just good manners and a kind thing to do but remember that just because they're not pregnant, they might be just as tired. In fact sometimes I thank them and tell them no if I'm close to my stop and I'm feeling OK.

For the record, even though I'm pregnant and now large, I still give up my seat to elderly people and I always offered pregnant women a set before I was pregnant myself. I see it as a courtesy to those in need rather than something that all pregnant women can demand (not that I'm saying you are demanding OP!).

I've had to ask for a seat when not pregnant before (severe bad back). I'd agree with Home about asking a whole row. I once had someone say "but you're young! You little ACTRESS!" (as I mentioned, I had a fricken walking stick! Also I am/was in my 30s, not a cheeky teen).

And really the whole "how far gone" debate is meaningless to me because of that experience: it's purely a case of a person who is feeling unwell, they need a seat (pregnant, very pregnant, or not pregnant).

Also don't assume that anyone of a certain age or gender is able to give you their seat! When I was 20 I got 2nd degree sunburn on the back of my legs. I was in total agony and couldn't stand for long periods. I was mortified when a pregnant/disabled/elderly person got on... Cos I couldn't give them my seat! It was horrible!

Good point Helen - although I once had to haul myself up on my stick because NO ONE gave their seat up for a shaking 90+ old lady on the bus. I thought she'd fall over poor thing. I was so at everyone else, maybe I noticed her plight because I was a fellow wobbly-stick-person.

Oh that's horrible .

For the record though, I notice men to be better at giving up seats than women but thankfully I've never needed one and not got!

Erm, never mind being pregnant, but anyone feeling sick can ask someone if they wouldn't mind giving up their seat....just for the fact you feel ill. I've done it loads of times. You don't have to mention being pregnant at all.
I was once using crutches and nobody would offer me a seat. I glared around the tube carriage, but nope. After that I decided to just ask loudly. Someone usually will.
I am 15 weeks, and been very sick and nauseous since week 6, and have only just started using my Baby On Board badge. I'm not showing at all yet, but yesterday I was standing at the tube door reading a book as I wasn't feeling too unwell, and some young man jumped out of his seat and offered it to me. I was very appreciative as I had to travel from Euston to Mill Hill East which is about 26 mins and I think I defo would have felt exhausted if I'd stood the whole way.

I'm 31+3 clearly swallowed a basketball and people pretend they don't notice.

Thanks so much everyone!! I totally get that how I feel is going to get so much worse over the coming months so im not going to use up other peoples good will too early and will carry on enjoying the luggage rack or the floor if I feel ill again. I will get a badge when I have told my family and friends - I wouldnt want a friend of a friend of a commuter to see it! Exciting times.

I agree with rara. I wouldnt ask I would just sit between the carriages, even if really pregnant. I would only ask if I was elderly.

Sorry Euro, I genuinely wouldn't know: I live in the North East and have only been to London once in my lie (thank god). Here, sitting in the doorway or the space between carriages isn't difficult or uncomfortable.

Rosie, unless you directly ask the same person every day, there's not really a limited amount of goodwill.

And Rosie you may not feel worse over the coming months! Some people have it worst in the beginning! If having a seat will help do not be put off asking! Certainly as the pregnancy goes on, sitting on the floor is not a good option either!

no way paintyfingers?

No problem RaRa - London commuting is something you should be very happy not to experience, pregnant or otherwise!

I was in the opposite position a few weeks back. I did a work trip overseas at 10 weeks, which so far has been the peak of my nausea/feeling shyteness. I'd just come off a 3 week bleed a few days before so wasn't feeling brilliant but would have let a lot of people down to pull out of the trip. Anyway, at the airport, there were rigorous security checks which meant I had to stand for around an hour, and lift my case several times for various searches. We then had to take a bus ride from one terminal to another. I was at the front of the queue and was relieved to grab one of the few seats. I wanted it by that point. One of the last passengers to board was a man with his elderly father who was clearly unsteady on his feet. The man asked me to give up my seat (everyone else around me appeared to be able bodied and was male so I was not really the obvious choice to target). The old man clearly needed the seat more than me, but I wasn't feeling great myself. Luckily, before I got to my feet a very nice man jumped up instead. It was awkward because I didn't fancy telling a busload of strangers that I was preggers and feeling rough. So I would say it is definitely worth asking generally rather than targeting a specific individual.

Aw what the hell, I hope she had her reasons... But to then presume somebody else doesn't have reasons...

Slightly different situation but I always make my DS stand up for older people/women .......... the number of people who say 'oh it's alright son, we don't need your seat' it is quite irritating when I am trying to bring up my DS to be good mannered. . I almost had an argument with someone once as I insisted they took the seat. Meanwhile my teenage DS is cringing with embarrassment, now he won't even sit near me on a train or bus because he knows what I'm like. .

Always if you are feeling like crap.

Maybe not fine to ask if you just felt your normal self (I.e asking just because it might work for no adware aspen) but if you feel really ill in first trimester I think it is fine. You will have to explain why though as you won't show, unless you have a badge. Some people will give up a seat to anyone who asks out of kindness, but maybe want to know why.

That said if you ask for a priority seat they just say pregmant, not how many months, so is fine to ask. ;-)

Etiquette is stifling and fussy.if you have a need ask someone politely for seat
Doesn't need an elaborate explanation,simple do you mind if I have your seat I feel unwell
I wouldn't sit on floor feeling ill,that's bit too martyred.you simply need to make a request

I've only asked for a seat once because I was feeling super-tired - was about 24 weeks I think and definitely showing, and made a point of making it clear I was preggers. Woman got really grumpy about it and initially refused, pointing out a free seat on the other side of the concourse about 50 yards away. I might have given in and gone to the other seat had it not been her sandwiches on the seat next to her I was asking her to move, not herself! Cow.