Struggling with maternity leave

[Alice2014]

So at 38 weeks I've just started maternity leave - I've always worked and never had any significant length of time of work other than a full week off for my honeymoon a couple of years ago. My job is (was) incredibly demanding and I now feel completely out my comfort zone. I'm no good at just sitting and doing nothing, the house is cleaner than clean, my freezer is fully stocked and everything is ready for our new arrival.

My DH is very supportive but with very few female friends, and no friends who are parents I have no idea how to make use of my time off work. I've worried about this since very early on in pregnancy, but didn't want to dwell on it too much - now it's here it's hit me hard.

Obviously when our son comes, I shall have something to fill my time with; even then I worry that once I'm over the initial tiredness and that I'll return to feeling like I need something more to fill my time and keep my mind active. I know I'll be a good mother and am really looking forward to parenthood.

Has anyone else felt like this and have some advice for me?

I had three weeks off before the baby arrived, from a fast pace 50/60 hour a week job. I seriously worried how I'd fill my time. I don't have many girlfriends or know many people with kids either.

First week was spent cleaning, doing a million tasks etc. Seconf week was spent desperately trying to fill my time - museums, throwing stuff out etc. First day of the third week I sat down with morning coffee and caught a repeat of Home & Away from circa '92...that was me. Last week was unbelievably relaxed!

My baby is almost 11 weeks and the days are filled nicely. Find one activity a day - Pilates, yoga, Mother's group, coffee, cinema - and the rest of the day fills itself with just day to day laundry, grocery shopping, hanging out with baby etc.

I manage a bit of the crossword or Suduko most days, and catch the news but it's lovely spending the time the way I do.

You do end up talking babies a lot, but end up speaking to a lot of strangers. I ended up having lunch with two lovely older ladies last week - super company!

I had a really sensible mw when gp with my first, and she told me that people like me (ft work, new to area) can find may leave hard and advised putting some effort into making friends and getting familiar with our neighbourhood.

I did nct, pregnancy yoga, aqua natal, and attended a midwives drop in session once a week. After aqua natal at the local leisure centre, all the mums would go to a local coffee shop and once popped the mums with babies would meet us there. I clicked with a couple of people and we started meeting up. My nct group has met weekly ever since. I still get together occasionally with local mums from the mw group and pg yoga.

I walked a lot, read a lot and thought a lot - 5 years on and I still don't get much time to do those things, so I'm really glad I made use of that time. Try and go with it rather than fight it, it's a unique time that will never come again. Good luck.

Does anyone here have to deal with partners/husbands who works nights so they r asleep during day? Today is my first day of mat leave im 37 weeks today and find it very hard to do anything round the hse incase i wake him, its worse currently as he hasnt had nytime off for weeks as he is trying to earn as much as poss before baby comes etc. I dnt really have any friends that r around during day so i dnt know what to do with myself?
A friend from work hs jst hd her baby and i said i wld like to see her but as its all so new to her i dnt think she wants many people round etc.
Annoyingly i have loads to get on with at home but its jst not possible till the eve when im exhausted lol.
Does anyone hve any suggestions?

OP I am so pleased when I read posts like yours, it makes me feel less alone. I'm terrified that I'll be bored to tears with time off alone at home. Daytime TV holds no interest for me (although I'm another radio four aficionado). I plan to spend some time doing practical stuff (I'm only going on leave a week before the baby is due as I don't want to be climbing the walls with boredom) like organising our photo collection and starting to read the mountain of books I've been stockpiling to get me through mat leave. Classes like those mentioned above might be a nice idea to help you get out and about but don't worry if you're eager to get back to work. Being at home doesn't suit everyone! Might you be able to sign up to do some volunteer work with a local committee or similar? We have several festivals where I live and they're always looking for professional people to help them with presentations etc?

This is hilarious. At 38 weeks pregnant the OP has between 0 and 4 weeks (max) of relaxation time before her every minute is filled with looking after a newborn. Aren't you tired at this stage after working full time until this late? I was happy to have some down time to get the house and my head ready for the major life change ahead. Volunteering certainly wasn't something that entered my head!

I don't find it hilarious at all. Whilst I'd welcome some skivey relaxing time, I understand that not everyone is like me.

Oh I loved mat leave. I have a very stressful tiring physical job too and I think I fainted at work 3 bloody times in the last week before I was off. So I spent the first 3 days of mat leave in bed sobbing and having a breakdown and then I had the best time EVER. I :

• watched almost all of the Olympics - I had to get DP to show me how to put the TV on the right channel cause I hadn't watched any in so long!
• watched lots of films
• read lots of books
• exercised every day, twice a day sometimes - yoga and swimming and walks along the river
• lots of shopping and window shopping
• visited friends, especially ones with kids who were free in the day
• listened to loads of relaxation cds and had afternoon naps/rests
• near the end when I was overdue I went out for a few "last" evening meals with DP!
• had a massage (or two, ahem)
• got a haircut, legs waxed…
• phoned and wrote to all my friends who lived further away and who I'd struggled to keep in touch with working so hard

GOD IT WAS BLISS. Apart from not being able to sleep cause my hips hurt too much. Wanted to punch everyone who told me to sleep.

I think my main bit of advice for when the baby is here is to accept that life does not go at the same pace as before. It's very relentless, but in a completely different way to working a fast paced job. You don't have to leave the house in 2 minutes flat. It's ok to spend a morning in bed if the night's been rough. I kept busy but tried not to pressurise myself to "achieve" things. It's usually worth just getting naked into bed or a bath with a newborn if things get stressful. Take an hour to cuddle, don't worry about the housework or your plans. Cancel on people, or tell them to come to you instead. It's ok to slow down.

I had the full year on mat leave and thought returning to 100mph work was tough, it was amazing for me. I was so obviously buckling under chronic stress and a year with a totally different focus and pace was amazingly healing for me. Other people really miss work and want to go back early - that's ok too.