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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Who will you have present at the birth?

60 replies

moomin35 · 30/01/2014 21:29

Just wondered who you plan to have in the delivery room with you when you give birth. If I have my partner in the room does this make him my "birth partner"? I would like him to be at the hospital with me but not clear whether I will want him in the room with me the whole time.

Also when do you plan to have your first lot of visitors after giving birth (relatives eg, mum, MIL and FIL, sisters, brothers etc etc...)

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RaRa1988 · 31/01/2014 08:45

Just me and DP again. I've said so far I don't want anyone visiting us at the hospital, but I may change my mind and want my parents to come and see our little one! That could be tricky though cos I can't think of anything worse than DP's family descending on us in the hospital, and I don't know if I'll get away with allowing mine to come and not him

KiwiBanana · 31/01/2014 08:55

Just me and DP. I had my sister there as well last time which was lovely but I want it to just be the 2 of us this time, and all the medical professionals obviously!

KiwiBanana · 31/01/2014 08:58

Oh, I don't plan on stopping in hospital long but our families will want to visit within the first 24-48 hours. I'm ok with this though as none of them out stay their welcome and we're all pretty close :)

MyNameIsKenAdams · 31/01/2014 08:58

Just me and DH. He was great! My dm tends to have an air of taking over so I didnt want her in the way.

Tbh, much as I love her, id rather have a friend or noone if dh couldnt do.it.

Chocpudding · 31/01/2014 08:59

Just my husband (if all goes well). It will be our special moment. No rush with relatives. I would rather have them see me once home.

Pearlsaplenty · 31/01/2014 09:08

My dp if he is able to be there (his work or possible lack of childcare arrangements for ds may prevent this). Or just myself. I'm happy with either situation :)

If it was my first time I would want dp, but I'm fine doing it myself this time so he will only be there if it is very convenient for him to be there.

Pearlsaplenty · 31/01/2014 09:09

No visitors until we are home and even then I don't think for the first few days. I want to be able to rest and recover and not have to worry about others.

Wuxiapian · 31/01/2014 09:10

Just my DP.

Family will wait a couple days, as they did, thankfully, after I had my other 2.

bLooming2 · 31/01/2014 09:19

Had my mum at my first and so glad she was there I panicked when they hit the red button on me and she told me it's normal it happened to her and for some reason I believed her and it calmed me plus dh was a mess was funny to watch she told me after it wasn't normal and she panicked too mum left as soon as baby was born so we had our time plan to have her this time with dh xx

buttercupski · 31/01/2014 09:24

First baby and hoping for a homebirth with just me and DP...and the midwives (yes, like you greentshirt, I'm wondering if it'll feel odd having what are effectively two strangers in our small home, especially for the first part. I imagine I'll be beyond caring as it progresses, though).
No visitors at all for first few days, or at least until breastfeeding is established (fingers crossed). We just want to be stay in our own little bubble, if possible, for a while.
Anyway, that's the ideal plan but, of course, it could all change in a moment.

PixieBumbles · 31/01/2014 09:28

Just my husband. That's it. Well, and any medical personal that need to be there obviously (hopefully just a midwife or two!).

I have a friend who's a midwife so if she's on duty she may well be there! As her husband put it "wouldn't it be awesome if L is working when you give birth. She can deliver your baby! I mean, you won't mind my wife rooting around your business areas will you?"

milk · 31/01/2014 09:29

DS1: DH was my birth partner, and my parents/sister was in the waiting room. Labour took 25 hours so it was great having the folks come and go as they would bring DH hot meals/drinks/what ever he wanted :) After giving birth, they waited about an hour before coming in and seeing the baby.

DS2: DH was my birth partner. My parents were at my house looking after 18mo DS1. This labour thankfully only took 8 hours, born at 2:01am and I was back at home by 4:30pm the same day :)

givemeaclue · 31/01/2014 09:30

Just dh
And 9 medical people

PixieBumbles · 31/01/2014 09:34

Medical personal? Jeez. personnel

rockin20s · 31/01/2014 09:37

hoping for a homebirth, so will just be DH and the midwife.

as for family, it will the first grandchild on both sides so if I'm not firm i will have them all in our house the moment we tell them.

i plan on asking them to come to the house on the second day but only stay for 30 mins, then leave me be for a week. DH thinks I'm being a bit of a drama queen but i really want to breastfeed and day 3 is when the milk comes in so I'm going to have to insist on no visitors.

MIL is very, not sure of the right word, prudish? so would not want to try breastfeeding in front of her until i know what I'm doing.

my mom passed away 8 years ago, so she sadly wont be there. but my dad has met an amazing lady who i know will help me if i need it. i would feel much better with her then the MIL

ben5 · 31/01/2014 09:44

with ds1 I only made it to the hospital in time and that's because I was in an ambulance!! My friend was following but wasn't allowed through red lights and missed the whole thing. My husband is in the navy or he would of been there. Ds 2 Dh was home just in time but had to leave 7 hours after I had him.
with ds1 apart from my friend my parents were our first visitors followed by many friends before my MIL turned up 5 weeks later and my brother 6 weeks later.
with ds 2 my parents visited in the afternoon off ds being born. my brother 1 week later and my MIL about 3 weeks later.
By the way I love my MIL she just knew I would have lots of visitors and knew we would need alittle bit of space. The closest we ever lived was about a 4-5 hour drive from her

SliceOfLime · 31/01/2014 09:45

My mum and dh were both there, hadn't planned to have mum but she was with me when my waters broke and I asked her to stay - dh was fine with it, I was the one giving birth, my decision! I had a long-ish hard labour overnight with back to back baby so was in a lot of pain and my mum was fantastic. We are very close, she's had 3 kids and knew what was what, she helped give me confidence that I could do it. DH in the end was really pleased she was there so they could take it in turns to go for loo breaks / snacks / snooze. I was in constant pain with no let-up between contractions because of the baby's position, so he wouldn't have felt able to leave me alone inthe room otherwise. In the end I gave birth in the operating theatre, they thought it would have to be a CS but managed to get her turned and out with forceps, so only DH and I (and about 10 doctors / nurses / midwives!) were there when DD was born. Mum stayed long enough to see me and DD then left so the 3 of us were on our own for the rest of the day. I wouldn't have had it any other way, having mum there made a huge difference to me. I'm pg now with DC2 and this time it might just be me and DH, I feel so much more confident about it all (plus granny might be needed to look after DD!)

I think it's 100% the woman's decision who should be there and who can visit afterwards, we're the ones going through this hard, exhausting but incredible experience and have to feel totally comfortable and not stressed by who may or may not turn up. It's not wrong to want your mum / sister / friend there for extra support, the labour itself can go on for ages and that's when you need the extra help IME, the actual birth can still be just you and DH if you prefer it that way.

I'd tell family that at the moment you think you'd prefer no visitors but if you change your mind you'll let them know. I didn't think I'd want anyone for a few days but we went home the day after DD was born and I was still on a post- birth high and invited my parents and the in- laws round for a glass of champagne!

Fairypants · 31/01/2014 09:59

Only DH for the first 2 but had a home birth with dd2 and dd1 was whisked in quickly enough to watch DH cut the cord and feel really involved (without worrying about the scary bit as she was 4).
This time, dd's are 11 and 15 and both want to be there with another home birth which I feel would be fab.
I was discharged after 6 hrs with dd1 and both sides of the family were waiting with food etc for us when we got home which was such a lovely celebration. They all came round the eve of the day dd2 was born as well.

captaincake · 31/01/2014 10:57

Just my husband. Then I guess we'll see how it goes and text/phone people to visit asap (after I've had a shower!).

moobaloo · 31/01/2014 10:57

Just DP and it's very probable he'll be kicked out before the actual end stage of labour (I just want him to keep me company, but not to watch the gruesome bit!)

No parents or family at the hospital unless we have to stay there for a day or so, my plan is to return home ASAP and then they can come round to view their first grandchild! If they bring food!

Mitchell2 · 31/01/2014 11:01

My husband and my doula (and the midwives!)

cathpip · 31/01/2014 11:08

I am having an elcs, my dh will be with me as well as my boss! I am a nanny and have worked for the same family for 10years, this is my third child and I get on so well with my female boss. She also happens to be a consultant anesthetist at the hospital were I am having dc3, so will be my anesthetist for my section, my theory being another friendly face in the room always helps. She did also assist in both my previous dc's deliveries, and visited me every day whilst I was in hospital (she just wanted newborn cuddles really :))!!

ThereIsNoEleventeen · 31/01/2014 11:17

Probably DH, although I am asking a friend to see if she would be happy to be on call in case the baby comes during the day, she is 10 minuets away whereas DH's commute is at least an hour and a half.

My ideal is to give birth in the night with just DH the midwife and I and have the DC's wake up in the morning to find a baby in the bed instead of a bump (I can dream...).

No guests for a few days...perhaps, we'll see, my parents don't count as guests really as they come up and help with jobs that need doing, bring food and take the older DC's out.

Your boss sounds lovely cathpip, I think you definitely relax more if you have people around you that you know.

Julietee · 31/01/2014 11:35

Me, DH and our Doula. I suspect my mum will be in the waiting area if at all possible, which I'm happy with as she can be a gofer for food :)

StarsInTheNightSky · 31/01/2014 11:39

Just my DH. We're not allowing visitors in hospital either, and won't be allowing visitors for the first couple of weeks at home. After that, we're going to allow only the grandparents for a while. Dh and I are both very private people and have gone through losses before, so we want to be able to just enjoy the time just in our little family unit for a while

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