Pregnant with my first child and people just keep telling me how rubbish it is to be a parent :(

[SweetPea86]

Sorry will pre warn you this is a long rant!

So this is suppose to be a happy time, my actually pregnancy is rough, sickness from 5 weeks and now 27 weeks not sick as much but it's still draining, as well as this I have a trapped nerve in my bum and SPD.

Work colleagues seem to go out of their way to tell me how awful it is being a parent, two women in particular just seem to try to freak me out all the time.

I could be talking about rainbows and some how they would change it in to labour talk, telling my all horric things and quite frankly I'm freaking out.

Then today one of them said oh the first 3 months after you you've had baby is awful your depressed, miserable and can't cope.

I asked her if she suffered from post natel depression she replied no just how every women feels.

I've struggled with depression in the past and I am worried I do get post natel depression.

It's a time I should be excited about but there bringing me down.

Telling me once you have a baby your life is over WTF I see it as a new chapter in my life.

Come home from work feeling scared and down in the dumps.

Please tell me not all women feel like this.

Yeah it is rubbish sometimes. But then, so was life before I become a parent. That's just the way it goes! Other times it's great - undeniably knackering, I can totally see why couples might split under it all, but for me and DH we're actually a lot more tolerant of each other now. It's amazing how you cope with things that would have freaked you out pre-baby - you'll be fine.

Sweet pea I can totally relate - I get the same crap from people too ... It's the looks of horror people give me when I tell them I'm having twins ... Followed by them saying things like "oh well it will be fine by the time they get to aged 5 etc ". One person at work I just avoid now because I got totally sick of them going on about how terrible it is and how I was never going to cope etc (was v hard to bite my tongue and not say its just him and his rubbish wife that make it such hard work!). I'm unlikely to make it to the end of this pregnancy without telling someone to fuck off with their doom filled stories.

You might have an easy, pain-free labour (I did, once I had the epidural) and you might have an easy baby who sleeps a lot (I can honestly say that I have never been sleep deprived since I had my DD - many night wakings, yes, but she and I are both good sleepers and I've always been able to catch up).

Maternity leave felt like a fabulous holiday after 20 years of work. I spent a lot of time reading, watching TV, and making photo albums.

Parenting is hard work, and in some ways that I didn't think about or expect (I found the baby stage backbreakingly physical, lifting baby, car seat and pram in and out of cars or onto buses, managing shopping plus baby in a carrier, etc); and getting meals on the table day after day after day feels pretty unrelenting sometimes. But it's worth it! I wanted a child and I had one, and it's really everything I ever dreamed of. Completely fulfilling! Just try to enjoy it all to the full. You will have things that are difficult and some that are easy and it's different for everybody.

How unhelpful of them! I feel that being a mother is the best thing I've ever done.

Labour is no-one's idea of a picnic, but most people do manage just fine despite the challenges. I didn't exactly enjoy mine, but it was OK in the grand scheme of things. Most people willingly do it a second time, so it must be worth it!

Yes, the first few days and weeks with a young baby were particularly hard work, but again it was so very worth it. By 6 weeks, with any luck, you'll have sorted the worst of any feeding/sleeping issues, and the gorgeous new baby that you have created will start smiling at you and you'll be even more certain that they're the most wonderful thing in the whole world.

I have depressive tendencies, though I've not been on anything stronger than St John's Wort, but had no PND at all. I did have some breastfeeding issues in the first 2 weeks that left me in tears, but otherwise took such great delight in my wonderful sweet baby. If you do get PND, try not to feel to bad/alone and do seek help, but please don't think it's inevitable either.

Yes, your life changes after your baby, but it isn't over - as you say, it's a new and amazingly fulfilling and interesting chapter.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and good luck

I'm 17 weeks pregnant with my first, so it's all new to me. But i do know what you mean about ppl putting a downer on everything.

Every time i talk to ppl about certain aspects of having the baby, they give me that look as if i know nothing. I was talking to my MIL about maybe getting a bottle warmer for the bedroom so i don't have to go downstairs so much in the night and she said 'if you think you're gonna have a baby that lasts on one feed a night you've got another think coming' and i just thought, how rude! I didn't even mean it like that i'm not a moron!

People like to make you feel inadequate (or most of them don't even know they're doing it) but i try and remember that this baby is the one thing in the world that is truly mine, no one can take that away from me and so im going to love it and look after it in the way that i think is best, just like everyone else does!

Screw other people!! lol

Ignore, ignore and ignore.

You are going to love it! It completely changes your life and your priorities. Of course it's hard at times, but it's also very rewarding. You don't have anything to worry about!

Congratulations on expecting your child!
Like anything parenting is what you make it. Try to be relaxed and take each day as it comes xx

My SIL did this to me.

When I was pg with my first DC, she would take every opportunity to tell me how awful it would all be (in a "fun", "jokey" way... )

When I suggested we would host Christmas Day at ours (the baby would be 6 months old by then) she actually laughed and pointed.

Well actually, I did find the first few months a struggle. The lack of sleep, the total change to our lives - it was tough at times. But did I ever tell SIL? God, no! I just smiled and smiled and told her that everything was just wonderful. I told her the baby slept like a dream! I think she hated me a little bit.

And we did host Christmas - it was absolutely fine.

The truth is, having your baby will be the most amazing thing you ever do. Yes it will be hard at times, but the pay-off is that you have this most precious and amazing little miracle in your lives, who you love with all your heart.

Make sure you always tell your colleagues how easy you are finding it all, and tilt your head when you say what a shame they found it all so hard.

You've had lots of lovely posts, but I'll add mine anyway.

I hated bring pregnant - not as difficult as yours but still not uncomplicated. I have a history of depression, so I was worried.

There has not been one single day in the 2+ years since DS was born that I have not thought it was the best and most fun thing I've ever done. Even the days when he was ill, or refluxy, or stubbornly refusing to sleep despite (or because of) hysterical tiredness. The Wizard of Oz analogy is perfect. And from memory, 3 months was an awesome age.

Oh, and I didn't get PND. Get those around you to watch out for symptoms too - if it does appear the earlier you catch it the better.

Well it can't be that bad as people do seem to go on having babies.

Sorry I have only read the OP, just had to say that for me, becoming a mum was like waking up in a beautiful new life.

And I adored the new born baby stage.

I only wish I'd done this years ago and had time left to have loads more babies! But I'm so so blessed to have my two. I honestly feel that pre-kids I was living a half life.

I had

Sorry! I had an EMCS, PND and a colicky baby. Bloody awful but still the best thing I've ever done :o

This morning, my dd ran up to me, gave me a hug and a big wet kiss before running back to her duplo. Sleepless nights are all forgotten.

Congratulations OP, don't listen to the fuckers.

To be honest I wish people had been a bit more honest with me abut what it would be like.

I have an 18 week old that doesn't sleep, screams a lot, I am surviving by the skin of my teeth and am a woman on the edge.

If you have one that sleeps then I am sure you have a very different eexperience.

I now have a 5week old DS2 so it can't have been all bad the first time round even though DS1 was seriously colicky, prem an at the grand old age of 2.3yo still doesn't sleep through (he does have sleep apnoea though).

Yes it's hard work (you realise that, you're not daft!), but your life certainly isn't over and I always feel a bit sad when I hear people say that. Yeah you can't just pick up and go off clubbing at the drop of a hat or whatever, but that doesn't mean your life is over, it's just different.

As far as I'm concerned its changed for the better. I can cope without going out drinking when I want, and cinema trips a adult type holidays - ie been there and done it all anyway. I have 2 wonderful DC and I wouldn't swap em for all the flashy meals in posh restaurants and boozy weekends away in the world. And no, the sleep deprivation hasn't caused me to lose my mind , they invented coffee, cake and chocolate so I could cope with that!

They are trying to mess with you because I imagine they consider you naive.

Look, I'm not going to lie to you about labour, it fucking hurts!!!! But you get a baby at the end of it and you don't have to do it again ever if you don't want to, so it's short term pain for a whole other human that loves you unconditionally.

I found the first few days the hardest as I didn't know what the hell to do. Then we co-slept, I fed him on demand and he slept and I slept and slowly we just sorted it all out. He started sleeping through around 6 months, but even when he was waking I would go in, feed him and go back to bed. It didn't leave me incapacitated with tiredness, your body just tunes into it.

He is now 14 months, sleeps 7.30 - 7 and is an absolute treasure with a little brother or sister on the way.

So tell your colleagues to fuck off and you concentrate on your own pregnancy and if you think you might need a good support system when you have a newborn make sure you know all the places you can go in the day, all the people that may be willing to help etc

I didn't get any depression at all. It's not compulsory.