Crying my eyes out after first trip to GP :(

[Hubbythecatandme]

Went to see (new) GP this morning to tell her I am pregnant and I now feel like such a crap future mum I have been crying my eyes out since I got back.
I weigh 106 kilos (16.69 stones), I had lost weight before getting pregnant but I stopped exercising and stopped dieting since BFP and so I have put weight back on. GP now sending me to a special clinic for women with BMI over 30. I feel like I am being irresponsible to this baby and he is not even born.
Secondly, I have been having occasional episodes of depression since the age of 17. Current medication (venlafaxin) keeping me stable and happy but GP didn't seem sympathetic with me taking me and she is sending me to antenatal department of hospital which specialize in mental health. I am dreading them making me stop my medication. I am coping well right now but the last thing I need is to get a nasty bout of depression and accompanying anxiety.
I feel like other mums to be all come to GP and get patted on the back and I am having to be sent to hospital because I have the potential to be the crap mum who can'r even loose weight for her baby.
I feel so upset and hurt. I have an image of the perfect pregnant woman I will never be. Poor baby of mine sad

there is no need to stop excercising just because you are pregnant.

Hello so sorry you are feeling low. I was overweight a little before BFP and there are many success stories so please don´t feel low about any of that. You are in no way a crap mum to be. So many GPs are not understanding of mh issues, even more so when pregnancy is involved.

With regards your mental health, the hospital will be wonderful I am sure. I see a perinatal psychiatrist and they are very firmly of the opinion I must continue taking my medication (lithium). It does the baby more harm if we are off our medication as the stress hormones are bad for the foetus. There are many suitable drugs to take nowadays that won´t interfere. Some antipsychotics are not good but the vast majority are fine and it does not sound like that is your problem and you are on anti ds. My friend was on these during pregnancy and did fine. The risks are minimal.

I am glad you got a referral to the correct people and it is not being managed by a GP who does not know or understand about mental health in pregnancy necessarily.

It is very hard to exercise if you are not feeling well in your first trimester. I stopped completely and have only just started going swimming again around 3 times a week. Don´t push yourself or put more pressure onto yourself. Do what you feel able to do, eat what you feel able to. If you can be healthy great, but don´t worry if not. I can´t look at a vegetable without being sick and spent 2 weeks just eating McDs and KFC as that was all I could tolerate (never touch it normally!).

Congratulations on your pregnancy and enjoy the coming months we have time once the baby arrives to lose weight. I think there is a thread somewhere about women who are even continuing with Slimming World whilst pg and losing weight healthily and safely if that´s something you want to consider.

If it's any consolation I don't think anyone gets patted on the back - when I told my GP I was pregnant she said 'and is this a good thing?' followed by 'we'll see you in a few weeks if the pregnancy progresses'. Nice.

You are not going to be a crap mum.

Hey

Just wanted to congratulate you on your weight loss and say your GP sounds like a knobhead.

My BMI is 31 and I felt like a big fat failure (literally) at my first weigh in with the midwife but she said I'm tall, busty and healthy and that BMIs aren't a hugely accurate way of deciding anything. I think they're an outdated way of judging weight and I'm not sure that the NHS should be using it as a stick to beat us with.

Congratulations on the pregnancy and don't feel bad.

there are antidepressants which are more suitable to pregnancy, ur gp probably didnt know wot they were so thats prob why u have been referred to a specialist with regards to this (i have baby brain and cant currently remember wot they are) i would try not to worry and try looking at it that ur goin to get specialist care for u and baby so u both have a happy pregnancy. happy u happy baby

Congratulations!!! Pregnancy is a special time for you so please don't let someone else's insensitivity spoil it for you.

There is no such thing as a perfect pregnant woman, perfect mother or perfect baby. All you can do is love your baby with all your heart, which I am sure you do, and make the most of any support or care offered to you.

Doctors are so busy they forget how personal and sensitive these things are. But if you ignore the tone, you've actually been offered some specialist care, which has to be good right?

And fingers crossed you won't need any of it :)

It's a time of such heightened emotions anyway. I agree that nobody gets patted on the back, and that there can be uncertainty on the gps part about whether you're happy or not. I must have crept in apologetically with a whispery little voice. When I told gp I was pregnant, I started crying because I was so terrified of telling people at work. She thought I'd come to her for a termination, and then she was pretty snappy to me. She apologised when I said I was not looking for a termination, but she really shouldn't have been so snippy and cross if I had been, so I was shocked.

You won't be a bad mother!

tgamble13 is right - see it as a bonus as because we are ´special´ we actually get access to far more specialist care and support than the average pregnant lady! Where I am I get bumped right to the top of the tree so to speak and feel incredibly well taken care of. Hopefully you should get the same.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I don't have any experience with MH issues but I do have experience with the BMI clinic.

When I first went to see my GP I was 112 kilos (17st 9lbs) and had a BMI of 46 which put me at high risk of Gestational Diabetes hence why they like you to styrene the clinic but it skins way worse than it actually is.

All I had to do was attend a Glucose test which meant at around 20 weeks I had to fast for 12 hours, get my bloods taken, sit in a room for 2 hours then get my bloods taken again.

I did have to see an anaesthetist and care was consultant led because of higher risk but nothing major.

Please don't worry yourself it doesn't make you irresponsible but it did give nee a kick up the arae which I needed to eat healthier and take care if myself and my baby!
The day I gave birth I weighes 17st 10lb (gained 1lb) and 2 days later I weighed

OP there is no such thing as a perfect mum. Were all right alongside you worrying about something were doing wrong (I'm eating too much sugar...and caffeine.) and even those doing everything strictly by the book are getting scared that they're being obsessive and that stress is affecting their baby!

Would you feel better if you drew a line under these first few weeks and started afresh? Could you maybe try going for a short walk each day so you have made a small positive step for both yours and your baby's wellbeing?

I didn't see my Dr and the MW certainly have a production line of ladies to get through - not much patting on the back for me either! I'd rely on your friends and family for that good luck for a healthy safe pregnancy!

sorry posted too soon.

2 days after the birth I weighed 15st 10 (almost 2 stone lighter than I was pre-pregnancy!)

Sometimes GP's aren't the best at showering empathy but all that will be gone from your memory when you get to see your midwife and start feeling your pregnancy properly :)

Thank you so much for all your supportive messages. Hubby said "these people seem really nice" talking about you lot!
I went to the gym on Friday and the lovely female instructor made me a special pregnancy sports program. I am going to go back today and start on that back again.
As for eating all over the place, again, when I have nausea eating helps so I am going to look for rice cakes rather than TUC biscuits etc.
The vast majority of people I tell my weight to do not believe it because as hubby says I am very active, able to run, walk etc. I come from a family of broad farmers from a rural French area, hubby says all the mums in my home village would be sent to NHS weight clinic despite all being "sturdy" yet healthy country folks.
You are making me feel a bit better. I have read lots of netmums testimonials of mums who took exactly the same medication at same dosage as me and they had healthy children.
I imagine other mums are rich, slender, living in massive houses and I am thinking "what kind of mum am I going to be?!"

Hiya Hubbythecatandme, Fristly Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I know exactly how you feel in terms of the high BMI i too had the same chat with my MW - i was sent to a consultant for an appt which was basically telling me all the risks to me, baby and birth. I wanted a pool birth was told "No, your high risk and therefore we would rather you didnt have problems in our pool" - i have to take extra Vit d throughout my pregnancy which when i went to the GP she was surprised about. I have to have extra growth scans and extra appts with consultant. I am now 32 weeks today and my last scan was Dec and the sonographer said she didnt feel i was high risk and actually moved my nxt appt back a few weeks. They were worried about diabetes so had to have the GTT test which came back clear.

But baby is growing just fine and normal, so far so good!

I spent many many weeks worrying esp being a first timer but now i realise that the extra scans are reassuring and nice to see him growing, i think that the MW/Consultants are just being over cautious and everyone i tell is completely surprised! My consultants have been very rude too which is horrible but once baby is born we wont have to see them again.

Please do not worry you are not a bad mum in the slightest and certainly dont let anyone make you feel that way, you lost weight before you fell pregnant which shows you were thinking about it. I had intended on doing the same but fell pregnant ALOT earlier than anticipated...

As someone said above, cross a line underneath your last appt and start again and try and enjoy your pregnancy.

I imagine other mums are rich, slender, living in massive houses and I am thinking "what kind of mum am I going to be?!"

Oh this I know. I never thought I would be in my mid 30s, unemployed, skint, overweight, mh issues and pregnant with neighbours that play dreadful strange European dance music all day long. But here I am and actually really starting to enjoy life. We have an image in our head of how things should be when we want children and it never turns out that way does it.

I think having a baby will bring us opportunities we never even thought of

You are right, I was very happy until this morning's appointment but I need to try to forget about it.
I can't wait to meet my lil baby and that's what I need to focus on ?

its a very hard system to fight.. They seem to forget tjat we volunteer to get the support on offer and therefore by definition are doing the best for our baby's. Just remember by engaging with the services you are not a crap mum. I need reminding of this constantly.

Don't be sad. You sound like you are going to be a great loving mum. I don't know why your GP is making such a big deal. I mean, who isn't on antidepressents and overweight these days?

lol I hope so newjob! What a horrible day grrr!

Congratulations on the pregnancy - great news!

GPs can be fabulous, or they can be utter nobbing nobbers. Utterly ignore any feelings that you are a bad mum to be, and save them up for the 18 years+ ahead of you where you get to permanently worry that you're a duff mum! (wink). Sending lots of love xx

GPs can be great or they can be wankers - I didn't get a pat on the back either, I went in with my boyfriend, told her I was pregnant, she gave me the most disapproving look you can imagine and said "So you're wanting the details of an abortion clinic?". We hadn't mentioned whether it was good or bad. We said no, she rolled her eyes and said "Fine, midwife will be in touch to discuss what happens next".

We haven't been back to see her they have this knack of making you feel like the worst person on Earth, whereas my midwife is lovely and doesn't judge. And losing weight during pregnancy is possible - I lost 3 kilos between booking in and 16 week appointment just by swimming occasionally. Oh and morning sickness is a godsend too They may put you on daily dose of aspirin, and they'll do the whole "warning you of the possible repercussions" but apart from that and the GTT, I don't think it makes a huge amount of difference!

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Thanks for these messages!! Moomin I can't believe they said that....
I have spent most of the day worrying about what they are going to do with my meds and I am scared because I am happy, stable and coping well and I think any change apart from tapering down a bit would be pure madness.... Hubby has dug all the evidence he could find from various studies and he thinks venlafaxine doesn't seem bad although there is a bit of an issue with withdrawal towards end of pregnancy.
I have barely eaten anything today lol thank you doc you've sent the message across :s

I have MH issues (anxiety and depression). Had already come off the anti d's but still take propranolol for anxiety. They have said I am fine with it for now but ideally need to come off by 32 weeks (am 16+4 now). Had a shaky first few weeks but have gradually decreased to half my dose.

At first I felt appalled that i had been referred to the midwife responsible for mental health, but all I can say is she is brilliant. I've never met her but she rang me and had a long chat, and gave me her direct number so if I am ever struggling I can ring her directly.
I understand completely how you feel, I still have bouts of being lower than low, other issues surrounding the pregnancy aren't helping.

Before pregnancy I had lost 2 stone, I have already put 1 stone back on a this early stage, so guess I'm going to have a lecture about my weight too.
I can say is that you will not be a crap mum, the services are there to help, there are more of us out there than you realise having similar issues, and mumsnet really is my life saver at the moment.