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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

"are you excited?"

30 replies

aroha77 · 04/01/2014 23:01

I have friends who seem to be constantly asking me if I'm excited about being pregnant and one in particular today who seemed to be judging whether I seemed excited enough, as if she was concerned that I was matching up to the level she thought I should be.

I know a lot of the time they're just making conversation so is it bad that this is beginning to really irritate me?! I feel like I can't be expected to maintain a certain level of excitement for the full 9 months, and why can't she realise that there will be other emotions I'm going to be feeling too - like nervous, tired (too sick to think!) etc.

I'm quite realistic that having a baby will be hard work/a steep learning curve and I love my job so am a bit nervous about how I'll feel having so much time off. I've been thinking these are normal things to be feeling but she's made me feel guilty I'm not feeling 100% excited all the time!

Would appreciate any words of wisdom, thanks :)

OP posts:

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wonderstuff · 04/01/2014 23:11

I wasn't excited all the time, I was mostly sick. I lost sight of the baby by the end and was excited about the prospect of not being pregnant for too much longer.

The baby was bloody lovely though!

Pregnancy is long and tiring and uncomfortable. It's fine to feel whatever you feel.

sarahquilt · 04/01/2014 23:11

I'm pregnant now but I've been in the position of your friends before, where I've not known much about pregnancy but felt I had to ask about it. It's hard to know what to ask or say and they might feel awkward. The easiest thing to say is something banal like 'are you excited?'

sarahquilt · 04/01/2014 23:12

Cariad007 · 04/01/2014 23:14

I feel totally UNexcited as childbirth scares me and it's got to the point that when I'm asked the question, my very honest reply is "I'd feel more excited if I didn't actually have to pop it out myself."

working9while5 · 04/01/2014 23:30

I hate this question in general. How could you ever sound excited enough? Just think it's quite intrusive as a question.

bugsyclaus · 04/01/2014 23:42

It's impossible to be permanently excited about something for nine months. By the end of my pregnancy I was so bored of the topic of pregnancy and babies that I would change the subject when people tried to talk about it.

I was so knackered that honestly I was more excited about going on ML than actually having a baby

now that I have my pfb I will bore everyone to tears talking about her

CharLiz · 04/01/2014 23:50

I'm super excited that in a few months we will have the baby we have always wanted but I hate hate hate being pregnant and no I'm not excited because of that.
10mins ago I just pissed myself whilst coughing, I wasn't excited about that. Nor the piles, sickness, insomnia, dry skin, new found soppy buggerness or hot flushes. I'm fed up of being asked 'isn't it magical? Don't you just love being pregnant'. I'm looking forwards to people having normal conversations with me.
So glad you posted this question as I feel just the same xx

whereisshe · 04/01/2014 23:59

I really didn't like being pregnant and I hated this question as well. My standard answer was that it was like asking someone to get excited about spending hours on an economy class flight rather than just looking forward to the relaxing beach holiday at the end of it - I can enjoy the holiday and loathe the flight!

RedCountryRoads · 05/01/2014 00:49

OP I feel the same. People keep asking me "are you excited about becoming a mum?" More nervous, its the biggest thing I've ever going to do. "Are you excited about leaving work?" I've worked since I was 16 and I'm now 31 with no breaks or gap year and never longer than 10 days leave all at once. I just can't imagine not working for such a long time. "Are you excited about meeting your baby" yes but not excited about having to give birth.

I don't remember what I asked pregnant women before I became pregnant but hopefully not any of the above because I would have to give myself a slap!

Sammi1986 · 05/01/2014 00:51

I hate being asked this, it's not so bad now, but I really didn't bond with baby at all until about 20w. I wasn't excited, I wasn't feeling love or wonder, it didn't feel real and I just felt fat. So every time I was asked if feel like a fraud as I'd smile and say yes and change the subject, whilst wanting to cry as I was a terrible mother!!
Thankfully once I started to feel kicks I got more excited

Shellywelly1973 · 05/01/2014 01:19

I only felt excited about Dc1...that was pure ignorance!

I never ever feel excited about my own babies but my sister & best friend I was so excited.

Like those annoying people who harp on about the beauty of birth...right yeah!!?

Plateofcrumbs · 05/01/2014 07:36

I've only told a handful of people about the pregnancy and I'm already sick of this question. "I'm terrified" is my usual response.

Original poster

aroha77 · 05/01/2014 09:44

Thank you everyone, feeling better after reading the variety of responses!

OP posts:

Suzietwo · 05/01/2014 13:21

Great response from Sarah quilt. I think that's exactly why people ask. They don't know much about pregnancy but want to be nice. It's like the assumption you spend your first trimester vomiting.

I tend to shut down questions about being pregnant quite quickly. Firstly because there might come a time when I need to whinge and I don't want to have used up my friends interest by then. But also because both being preg and being the friend to a preggo person is fraught with emotional problems/ability to unintentionally insult or be insulted that I find less said the better. But I am a grumpy preggo.

Suzietwo · 05/01/2014 13:50

On reflection, the other reason I don't love talking about it is that I don't find pregnancy all that interesting. It's a process I have to go through to achieve the baby. But while pregnant life goes on as normal and I'd hope to have something more interesting than the fact I am up duffed to talk about to most of my friends. And the more you talk about it the slowwwwwera and more involved it becomes.

Worriedthistimearound · 05/01/2014 13:55

With my first I was giddy with excitement but also terrified at the same time. With DCs 2&3, I was just exhausted and more excited about no longer being pregnant.
I'm currently pregnant with dc4 and have discovered it's a girl this time so I must admit to being very excited about having a daughter after my boys.

Suzietwo · 05/01/2014 13:58

Agree with that worried. It was definitely different the first time around. I cringe at the memory!!

RegainingUnconsciousness · 05/01/2014 13:59

When I was pg with DS I was surprised to find I wasn't very excited. Maybe it was because I felt shocking, or maybe because the excitement wore off fairly quickly.

However, I get ridiculously excited about other people's pregnancies! Perhaps because I only get to/have to think about it for fairly fleeting periods.

Even to the point where when I was pg, my friend was too, and I found I was miles more excited about her pregnancy than mine! It was bizarre!

Now with a toddler though, I am not bowled over with the sheer joy enough for some people, who cannot imagine that having a child is anything other than Wonderful at all times. (I am therefore not allowed to be tired, bemused or frustrated about parenting. Ever.)

People seem to want to dictate how people should feel about certain situations, and how they should express those feelings. I don't get it.

Suzietwo · 05/01/2014 14:06

Agree re excitement re friends being pregnant. It's much more fun!

I also find pregnancy weird, as I commented to a friend the other day. I never really feel like I think you should when pregnant. It's a bit of a blur, like when you go on holiday and you enjoy the memories more than the time away. And I rarely think about the fact there will be a baby at the end of it. Consequently I don't feel attached to the baby until it arrives. There may be some self preservation in that thought process, I suppose.

wispaxmas · 05/01/2014 17:16

I'm not a fan of the question, and my answer is usually 'eh, I guess', which makes people do a double take, so I add something along the lines of 'of course I'm excited but what other answer would you be expecting?' I've not gotten asked by the same person twice!

Sencho · 05/01/2014 20:29

This is my first pregnancy and no I'm not excited. I'm nervous, anxious and dreading the major life changes ahead. I've worked since being 16, and now I am 38. My job is important to me - I'm terrified 'who' I'll be when not working. Even more ironic - I'm a primary school teacher. Maybe it is because I've seen the other side of the fence for so many years (tantrums, stressed parents, deluded parents, broken families, money worries, children with special needs...the list goes on and on...) So I feel I'm 'realistic' rather than excited. Makes me feel like a fake, and that there is something wrong with me. I've no idea what kind of mother I'll make nor how I will cope with a partner who works away Monday to Friday. I'm already thinking I'll be literally stuck in the house every single night because my partner will not be here - and whilst these days I'd much rather read a book and play piano, I'm dreading the lack of ability to just go out to the swimming pool in the evening, or to the library or anywhere at all! Gulp. I've no idea how people have 3-4 children, my hat goes off to you. x

Foodylicious · 05/01/2014 21:31

OMFG sooo with you there OP
Everytime someone says "are you excited then?" or worse " you must be so excited!" i cringe inwardly and may actually physically shrink away from them!

Excited would be near the bottom of the list of words to describe how I feel much of the time, but I do understand that others are just excited/happy for and sometimes cant think of anything else to say.

Wonder if I have any personality at all sometimes as no one can talk to me without bringing it up!

MrsPatMustard · 05/01/2014 21:48

OP - totally know where you're coming from. I have three weeks to go and my main emotion is fear abject terror .

Sencho your post mirrors my thoughts exactly....

Firsttimemumtobe12 · 05/01/2014 22:00

I've gone through stages of being really excited about the thought of having a baby, to being scared of how much life is going to change, to hating being pregnant and just wanting it over and done with. I'm not particularly phased by the birth bit yet though (more likely to change when the time arrives haha!) just keep thinking that the birth part pain and all will eventually end, guaranteed. It's the bit after when he's here I'm more bothered by a good 18+ years of worry, happy and sad times, stress, physical exhaustion and everything else that comes with it. Will all be worth it in the end though :)

Littlebean13 · 05/01/2014 22:26

Ahh thank you for this thread, it's lifted a complete weight off my shoulders! I keep getting asked the same question more and more now my due date is fast approaching and I feel like a total freak as I'm not excited at all. I'm bloody terrified! I'm scared of giving birth, I'm scared of how I'll cope, how I'll take to being a mother, along with a million other things. Being excited seems to be right down the bottom of the list.
Also completly agree with everyone saying they are more excited about other woman's pregnancys than their own. I feel the same!

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