First time mum labour it scaring me please explian

[SweetPea86]

Ok so I put off getting pregnant for a while because the labour was a major scary point for me (you may think I'm ridiuclous,)

But wanting a baby over took my fears.

At work my female work colleges go out of there way to tell me there horror stories like being cut and being in labour for 2 weeks amongst other stuff, I'm 24 weeks now and it's all I think about and it's taking the exciting part of meeting my little fella away. I wanted to ask my midwife but was to embarrassed as she might think I'm pathetic.

Part of my problem is I'm such a control freak and I have no idea about any of this I take pregnancy one day at a time and it's doing my head in.

Can you tell me what happens like how do you know when it starts i know it's going to be horrifically painful. I'm not good with pain In fact I'm a wimp.

I get annoyed when fellow females want to scary the living day lights out of me I think they forget that they were in the same boat as me once :(

Ok I was induced and it took 36 hours to get me into established labour but I was in pain and uncomfortable from when the induction started until I got to 3cm and was given an epidural!

The epidural was bliss no pain. They let the full effects wear off when I got to the pushing stage which was great because I could tell when to push and I delivered unassisted and didn't tear.

It really wasn't that bad at all and I want on to have 3 more dc all of whom needed to be induced. My first was the worst experience and I like I said not that bad.

I agree it's hard to cope with the uncertainty of it. Please try and focus on having a healthy baby rather than a "perfect" birth. Hypnobirthing may help give you the ability to cope with your fears? Also counselling - why do you have such a deep rooted fear?

You are not alone there are other women out there who have this fear. Hugs.

I don't think they mean to scare you, though it's perfectly understandable that it does. I think other women want to prepare you, but sometimes it comes across very OTT.

Please do talk to your midwife. Most places offer birth counselling which can be incredibly helpful. No one will think you are pathetic, it's a scary thing to be contemplating.

I'm a wimp and I was scared but I surprised myself by coping. You can do lots of reading and attend antenatal classes and educate yourself in the different ways of coping and different forms of pain relief, and think about what you would like to do and what might help you feel in control.

Many, many women have births they find empowering and wonderful experiences. There is no reason why yours can't be like that I always liked what Caitlin Moran wrote about birth: it's the only pain in the world that is good and each pain takes you closer to meeting your baby; and once you've given birth, nothing else will scare you!

I hate it that people only seem to share the horror stories. It does not mean it will be that bad for you! Everyone is scared of the unknown, but if it was so horrific then why do people go on to do it all again? I have had 1 ECS and 4 VBACs. None of mine were terrible at all. The pain can be managed well with a method that suits what you want. I am a total control freak, too, so it is good to chat with your midwife and discuss your plan, but just remember that things might not go totally according to your plan, so you will need to be prepared to listen to advice when you are in labour, too. The midwife will have seen loads of ladies in labour and will know what is the best for you at the time. She will not think that you are pathetic at all! Whatever happens the baby is the most important factor and for most people holding your baby for the first time makes any pain fade into the background.

Please don't be scared, it is painful, but it grows on you and you have people there with drugs who will help you.

I had an episiotomy (was cut) and honestly, it was fine - they give you a local anaesthetic. I wasn't even aware of that bit as a major even, if you see what I mean.

Tell the women at work you don't want to hear any more, and maybe try some hypnobirthing techniques.

Good luck, try not to worry

I was terrified too and my friend telling me "when you can't bare it any more just know it WILL get worse" scared me even more.

Saying that though, I was in labour at home thinking it will get worse like she said and just trying to hold out as much as I could and by the time I got to hospital to be checked I was 9 and 1/2 cm dilated, which shocked me and my mum

You'll be fine, you're made to do this!

You will know when labour is starting, its like your stomach tenses really tight and it's starts by being more uncomfortable than painful but progresses into painful contractions, don't worry about pain! That's what pain relief is for.. If the pain is too much ask the midwife for pain relief, diamorphine& pethidine were my saviour, I'm also a wimp my pain threshold is virtually 0 but I'm on dc5 if I can do it you will be fine. don't be ashamed to ask your mw about it, it's normal to be scared she won't think your daft!

Right, to start of with, I'm sorry that your colleagues are being so mean, I don't understand the kick other women get from terrifying (especially first time) pregnant women - you only need to do a search on here for positive birth stores to find plenty of women have great experiences too, I've linked some for you here and here, have a good read through and see if that helps calm your fears

Secondly, I can understand how scary pregnancy/birth must be if you like to be in control because it can feel like so many things aren't, is there anything that might help you like writing a birth plan? A tour of the hospital?

Also, there is no getting round it, labour is going to hurt some - however, there are lots of ways of managing the pain be it water/tens/breathing techniques/drugs, research all of these and start telling yourself you are going to do it, you may surprise yourself with how well you do do. Is anyone being a labour partner?

I would ask your midwife too, she will not think your pathetic but may well have some useful information/tips for you, of course your going to be apprehensive, its a big thing having a baby but it is a lovely thing too and I promise you'll forget all about it as soon your little boy is here!

Good luck, come back and tell us how it goes? Have you joined an ante-natal thread on here, there will be lots of women in the same boat/at the same stage as you are?

I had two water births and they were both very fast ( less than 2hours) and like you I was PETRIFIED. Think of the most prim and proper mum you know and know that if she and all of womankind can do it so can you! It will hurt like crazy but you mustn't let the fear rule your experience. Try and take time to envisage how you would like your birth to pan out and don't let yourself be bullied into anything you're not sure about. Stay calm and whatever happens. .. don't panic, it won't help you get your baby out! It really can (&will) be the most amazing experience. Good luck :)

Honestly, I'd do labour every day for 9 months over how awful pregnancy was! And I didn't even have HG!

It hurt, but I was expecting that. I thought I'd panic, but I read a lot of (wonderfully reassuring) Ina May Gaskin, and did some natal hypnotherapy CDs.

When it did happen, I was pissed off that I didn't get the contractions every 20 mins slow beginning, and instead went straight for every 3 mins. But I coped, i didn't panic, even when we had to transfer to the big hospital, and I had a tear, but it was ok! And the hormone rush afterwards was amazing!

Try the natal hypnotherapy and read Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth.

When it happens, you'll know. (I had 2 weeks of Braxton Hicks and doubted I'd be able to tell the difference - I could!) You kind of go inside yourself and the rest of the universe kind of ceases to exist, it's just you and your body. Time warps too. My labour was 13 hours in total, but it flew by. Try to relax, labour isn't all bad. Honestly, I'd do it again tomorrow: pain, blood and pooing and everything!

The important thing is to voice your fears to your MW and to be clear that there are no bloody prizes for how you give birth. If you want an early epidural, then go for it. If you want to listen to whale music, go for it also. Just be prepared to change things on medical advice.

It is very hard to assess from one post how bad your fears are, but bear in mind that if it's at the level of a phobia, there may be options like a planned section.

If it is a lower level than that, things like a birth plan where you think through what you'd do in each situation can help you feel more in control. Just be careful not to write a wish list- as that can demoralise you if and when you have to depart from it. So can touring the hospital (if allowed), researching stress management techniques, etc.

You can do this

Thanks ladies I think your right I need to write a birth plan and talk to midwife.

It gets me down because I'm not even talking about labour when they start telling me how horrific it was there's one lady (well I say lady) who has a half grin on her face wen telling me her horror stories I just need to egnore them

Some people like to tell horror stories.

They are the same ones who will tell you sleep/feeding/weaning/potty training etc etc stories.

Practice tuning her out now!

Just ignore it. Everyones experience is different. I went into labour very quickly, felt a bit like very strong period pains that take your breath away, but then they go, and come back and go for ages. Then you move to the pushing stage which feels exactly like you're trying to have a poo. Very weird. My first dc was 7 hours from beginning to end. Dc2 was 3 hours. It wasn't that bad. You just get into the zone. The breathing exercises I learnt at nct made a huge difference though, I felt I could control it all a bit better.

Don't worry and don't let people's horror stories spoil your enjoyment of pregnancy. I guess women like to tell their tale and probably don't mean to be off putting but it can come over that way. My two births were both pool and gas & air, yes very painful but the pain is productive and focus on that really really helps, the midwives are there to support you as much as dp/dh etc. am due dc3 soon so it can't be that bad can it?! The pain stops just like magic the second they are born, it really is true, then if all ok you will up and having a nice shower high on happy hormones and ready for lovely newborn cuddles.
I am nervous about 3rd birth because I want as good experience as I had the first times and I know that may not happen as every birth different but I also know the end result is so worth it! However it goes, no prizes fir struggling on so plan for the painkillers and look on it as a bonus if you decide to just stick with gas n air for eg.
I have really vague birth plans! Only specified pool room as means you get one if available sooner rather then suddenly decide you want one and they not have time to fill it!
Oh yes and you will know when labour starts, very periody type feeling often and very easy to cope with! How quickly it progresses from that will vary of course but more than likely you will have time to get your thoughts together, feel what your body is doing, ring the hosp after a while and you know what?! You will probably even feel a little but excited because that baby will finally be nearly in your arms!. Best of luck op., try enjoy preg.

Ignore, ignore, ignore. I was scared shitless at the beginning then I thought"it has to come out somehow". Sometimes your fear makes the pain bigger than it really is. I ended up being induced- they gave me the pill in the evening and most of the night I had cramps- exactly the same as with period. They are unpleasant but manageable. DS was born a few hours later with gas & air and some diamorphins (sp?).I was surprised that the labour was so easy.

I remember when still pregnant asking my friend about the labour, she said " if you're feeling the urge to push it's not poo, it's the baby". She was right, it felt like gut wrenching diarrhoea when your bowels work without your control. I was shocked that my body was doing something without the " permission" , little could I do to stop/ slow down the proccess. You'll be fine, good luck and stop dwelling on it, it really helps.

Oh,breathing out in slow way helped a lot to distract me and get through the contractions.

Some people delight in scaring you. You have the baby, and they scare you about teething, I am sure schools and teenagers are next.

Labour's not very fun, but you get the baby and honestly, you kinda forget. And the tea and toast is AMAZING!

Tell your midwife if you're worried, it's what she's there for.

It's really easy to say don't panic, but however hard to control you really should try not too. I was in your shoes getting all terrified about my low pain threshold and 'helpful' stories and found natal hypnotherapy cd's and Juju Sundins Birth Skills a godsend.
Neither try kidding you that it will be pain free, but teach you easy pain management and relaxation techniques. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't painful, but it is a productive pain so much easier to handle and you know their will be an end result worth every second of it.
I also appreciate that I was fortunate to have a straightforward labour and birth, too quick for the epidural, but in all fairness gas and air did the job well enough. As another plus the surge of hormones straight after seriously keep you delirious enough to get through the first few weeks. I too found pregnancy far far worse than labour and birth!
Don't give your scaremongering collegues talk too much thought. Some people thrive on drama and winding people up, everybody's birth experience is different. Keeping an open mind is important, your baby will have their say in their arrival too, trust your body and baby to do their job.

Your midwife should be able to help you with your fears and give you any information you need about pain relief etc.. Research as much as you are comfortable with, but steer clear of horror stories, they won't help in any way.

Its not unmanageable though. If it was, everyone would stop at one child. Seriously. Just block your ears to this stuff and sing la la la when people try to give you their horror story. I am the biggest wimp in the world and it was ok. I could do it. All was fine. So there!

Ignore her! And also educate yourself - do childbirth classes, learn what happens to your body when a child us born, learn about exercises to reduce pain, make labour easier, for optimal foetal positioning, etc!

I never had a birth plan and never asked for anyone else's experiences. Yes it hurt, was messy and I was sore for a while, but it was absolutely bearable - you will get what you need for the pain and it will be fine. If. I can do it , you can!!! Hugs xxxx

Every labour is different, and yes there are some horror stories out there but there also some lovely stories.

I had a very quick horrible labour, and my dd had a traumatic arrival (she recovered quickly). However I didn't need to have any stitching, and I recovered very quickly from the birth. My difficult labour surprised the midwifes as they usually have more positive "textbook" births.

My stepsister had her dd on sat morning, went into labour at 10.30pm, managed to get a bit of sleep at home in between contractions, went into hospital at 5am, have birth at 8.30am. Yes it was painful, but she said the most difficult thing was the lack of sleep. She enjoyed her labour though.

Good luck

Not every labour is a horror story. Women just don't boast about lovely births.

To reassure you I an due my second soon and am hoping it is just like my first. There was some pain. That is to be expected but the pain to me seemed functional. It was telling my body what to do. It was more a pressure/productive pain. I took paracetamol when I felt I needed to and used a tens machine. Swayed my body through the contractions and then had a water birth with gas and air. The water helped the rest of my body relax while the bits that needed to work did. Contractions seemed easier in the pool.

I think state if mind can help a lot. After research and talking to friends with a variety of experience I decided on a birth plan and figured it is a natural process that will happen, will be ok and there will be a baby at the end. I was relaxed.

Good luck and cut off anyone who tries to scare you. You don't need that.

I'm just like you, completely nervous but also pretty excited. I think it is the fear of the unknown that is scary and like you say people only ever talk about the bad parts but in my view lots of people also love to exaggerate about how bad their experiences are, I just think they love to scare.
When the time comes I'm just going to take it a step at a time, just keep telling myself that every contraction I'm closer to meeting my baby and it is a pain that does end eventually. Good luck to you, I'm nearly 38 weeks so I'll experience it before you and hopefully I can share a positive experience with you xx

Every labour is different. Please don't have expectations about what you think birth will be like, or how you will cope, ie "steeling yourself" or whatever. Take it as it comes, and take whatever pain relief you need.

Don't underestimate how painful contractions are, but at the same time don't run through horror scenarios in your mind. You don't have a lot of control over what happens in labour. This is easier said than done, I know.

Think of it this way - not many people would have second children if it was so off-puttingly awful. And I say that as someone who had a very fast, painful induced labour with a baby that was not well straight after birth. I am currently TTC#2 so obviously it hasn't put me off!

Like many first time mums I focused a lot on the childbirth part but not on the afterwards ie the newborn period. I found the first 2-3 weeks much MUCH harder than labour. In fact I would happily have gone through my (rotten) labour over and over again and had a better newborn phase. At least labour only usually lasts a day or two and you can get an epidural!

Also sometimes with "scare" stories, people arent' always trying to scare you, they're describing what actually happened, and trying to reassure you that despite how scary/painful it was, everything was alright in the end. Labour can be very scary. My labour probably sounds like a scare story, but I always try and frame it (to people that ask) as the start of the reality check I needed about becoming a mum, and that I was lucky to get an epidural so early, and that despite the frightening things that happened, everything was ok in the end. Does that make sense?

Also I try and point out that labour pain is so different for everyone there is no point being scared. My friend described her labour as like going to the dentist, she got by with no pain relief. By comparison, I felt like I was going to actually die, and wanted someone to just knock me out. Clearly we did not experience similar levels of pain!! Therefore, no point fretting, cos you could have a low level of labour pain like my friend. Or, in my case, I got an epidural in 20 minutes because I was in so much pain - and then I was calmly sitting up in bed after that (with some epidural shakes, but they weren't too bad) chatting to DH and the midwife and student doctor for the hour or so until I had to start pushing.

Hopefully all of that makes sense!!