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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Is 8 weeks to early to tell the parents?

32 replies

KitKatChick · 17/12/2013 12:34

We weren't trying to conceive, quite the opposite actually telling every nagging person there were no babies planned for another couple of years. As our contraception was pretty relaxed it was bound to happen and we are in a pretty good place at the moment so welcome the surprise.

I only found out last week and from my dates should be around 7 weeks now. Now I'm not sure if we should tell both sets of parents the good news or keep quiet until 12 weeks. We're going to be spending Christmas with both sets of parents so refusing drinks might get a bit tedious after a day or so.

At first I thought they'd love to know and it was a good idea but after a bit of reading here I'm learning that early MCs are so common it may not be the best idea....I couldn't get an appointment with my GP until Jan so won't see a midwife probably until Feb.

Is anybody else thinking of breaking the news at Christmas or as early on as 8 weeks?

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TheZeeTeam · 17/12/2013 12:36

It's up to you! I told my parents as soon as I found out. For me, it was something exciting to share with them and, if anything were to go wrong, I wanted them to be in the loop.

gallicgirl · 17/12/2013 12:40

Would you want their support if you did miscarry? Explaining the lack of alcohol can be a real pain with close family who know you well.

As an aside, you might need to speed up those appointments. First scan is around 12 weeks and nuchal fold testing at that scan can only be done between 11 and 14 weeks.

zebdee · 17/12/2013 12:41

I didn't tell my mum till 12 weeks but if it had been over Xmas I might have had an early private reassurance scan and told them.

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs · 17/12/2013 13:05

Can you have a quick private reassurance scan as zebdee suggests? That way you'll feel more confident about it. But gallicgirl makes a very good point too. I told my family immediately but we waited for a scan to tell DH's. My MIL is lovely but would make a real fuss if we had a MC and I didn't want to have to go through that. So depends on the personality I guess. You could always fall back on that old traditional excuse and say you're on antibiotics!

PenguinsDontEatStollen · 17/12/2013 13:10

Yes, I think it depends whether you would want them to know or not if something went wrong.

We told DH's parents at 8 weeks with no. 1 because it was the only time we would have the chance to do it in person. We had a private scan first and stressed it was very early.

With 2 and 3 no one knew until after 12 weeks.

Have you checked that you aren't allowed to self refer to the midwives? Some areas allow that and some don't. My current area does and it's a good way to get things moving unless you have underlying health concerns which make it sensible for the GP to be involved from the off.

Shellywelly1973 · 17/12/2013 13:13

I would tell them if you would need support, if you did mc.

Its why I didn't tell my mother as she was utterly rubbish when I was pregnant but also when I had a mmc. I didn't tell her til I was 19 weeks with the this pregnancy.

Original poster

KitKatChick · 17/12/2013 13:25

Thanks everyone. I've got mom staying with us at the moment so will have a week or so to practice my not drinking excuses. I'll probably just see how things work out over Christmas but I'm really excited and would love to share the news with them.

How long does it normally take to get an appointment with a midwife after getting referred from your GP?

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Original poster

KitKatChick · 17/12/2013 13:36

You were right PenguinsDontEatStollen. Just found I can just self refer to the maternity services at our local hospital so at least that's done now. Should get appointment and scan dates in the next week...yay! I know they probs won't see me before Christmas but at least something is happening.

OP posts:

tertle · 17/12/2013 13:37

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I told my dad and sister at 7 weeks as I was spending a week with them and not drinking would have been just impossible. They were under strict instructions not to tell anyone, and were a real help in helping me keep my secret when we were with others. My sister kept pouring me large 'gin' & tonics, etc.! I would have wanted their support if anything happened too.

Agree with other posters that you should try to speed up your appointments and if you can, get an early scan. At 8/9 weeks a hearbeat means a much lower risk of miscarriage.

PenguinsDontEatStollen · 17/12/2013 14:14

That's great KitKat. The important thing is to be in the system, as once you're 'in' they will make sure that they fit you in for a scan in the right time frame. Our area doesn't do booking appointments until about 10 weeks anyway, so just after the holidays sounds right.

chickabilla · 17/12/2013 14:22

Congratulations! I have 3 DC and told my parents straightaway for each as I would have wanted their support should anything have gone wrong. Also, for the first we found out on Christmas day and there was no way I could not drink without them suspecting so.it was easier to tell.

We told DHS mum fairly early the first time, about 8 weeks but told her not to tell anyone. It slipped out to several people so we waited until 12 weeks tor the other 2!

VisualiseAHorse · 17/12/2013 14:23

I told my mother as soon as I got the BFP - which was the first day of my missed period! So she knew right from the start. DH told his parents a couple of weeks afterwards (I think he needed to get his head round the idea first!).

Obviously, you know your own parents well - I knew I could trust my mum not to tell anyone.

Mattissy · 17/12/2013 14:27

My first dc was a happy surprise, I told my dp's the next day as I can't imagine not sharing that with them, I'd have wanted their support if I'd mc. Dh told PIL too, as we hadn't been together long by then I chickened out of telling them, lol

BelleHelene · 17/12/2013 14:46

I didn't tell my parents, and then had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks so ended up telling them anyway for the support. I'm 5 weeks pg now and planning to tell them after my 8 weeks scan. Even if I have another mc I'll be glad to have their support again

ChicaMomma · 17/12/2013 15:02

It depends.

We told my mum after the 8 week scan, when the consultant told us our risk of MC dipped to 3%.. i really needed to discuss all the nuchal testing stuff with her so i was glad we told her. We told Hubbies parents same night. My mum warned me not to tell my dad though as he'd tell everyone! and she was right. So we only told him on week 13- and within minutes he had texted all his friends haha..

InTheBEEwitchedWinter · 17/12/2013 18:50

I told my mom and MiL as well as my best friend as soon as that test was positive - I can't keep things to myself and I was grateful to be able to talk to someone about early symptoms and worries I had - those 12 weeks can be really long!

Writerwannabe83 · 17/12/2013 18:55

Me and DH didn't tell our parents until I was just over 13 weeks.

It was hard but we didn't want them knowing until we hit the 'safe' 12 week stage and when we knew our NT/Combined testing results were all normal and that baby was healthy.

Plateofcrumbs · 17/12/2013 19:21

Ideally I would get a scan first, privately if needed (is v easy to arrange), if not I would make it clear it was still early days. I understand people's anxiety about waiting til NT results, esp as a bad result might lead to difficult decisions you don't want to share with wider family. However the chances of negative results are tiny compared to risk of early miscarriage.

I know it's an emotional decision as much as anything else but I find trying to be rational about the chances of anything bad happening really helps me make decisions.

grobagsforever · 18/12/2013 07:22

Both times have told both sets of parents around eight weeks. But ideally I would have waited as neither set would understand if there was a difficult decision to make aftet NT results and neither mum could cope if I MC. 10 weeks now so hoping all goes well and telling wasnt a mistake.

hubbahubster · 18/12/2013 12:22

Depends on your folks. First time I told mine at 9 weeks, then had a MMC at 11 weeks. The un-telling was really painful and I would rather have dealt with it just between DH and me.

Second and this time, I've rung them when we came out of the 12-week scan. This time particularly it's been hard to hide as I've got big really quickly!

Booze-wise, you'd be surprised how easy it is to hide not-drinking from drunk people. They only really notice what they've got in their glasses! With DS (my second pregnancy), I did the office Christmas party and the whole of Christmas with my folks (and my dad's a BIG drinker) and no one suspected a thing. Milled about a lot with a glass in my hand, sneakily tipped it back in the bottle or down the sink and then topped up. I even managed a girlie night in with my best mate and a couple of bottles of wine, and spun one glass out all night. You'd have thought she'd notice (she's usually my partner in crime…) but nope. Just kept her well oiled ;)

If all else fails, feign illness or food overload so you can't fit anything else in and request a nice peppermint tea to make you feel better.

cosmickitten · 18/12/2013 12:31

My first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage at 11 1/2 weeks, after a good early scan at 8 weeks. Both sets of parent knew after 8 week scan. Despite the fear of miscarriage telling our parents was a happy time..... When the worst happened both where kind and supportive. I'm glad they knew.

I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant and we told family early on because we knew their excitement was lovely and should the worst happen their support was invaluable.

Try not to worry too much about miscarriage but maybe consider if your parents and in laws are people you'd want to know it something went wrong.

Congratulations on your pregnancy :-)

27mummmy2boys · 18/12/2013 13:25

Congratulations hunni!!

Ring the hospital direct if your worried, I've never needed a gps referral for a reassurance scan always just rang up the early pregnancy unit.

I told my parents but always waited until after I saw the heartbeat to tell inlaws! But its your choice xx

SweetPea86 · 18/12/2013 16:20

Congratulations I told my mum at 3 weeks I was on hoilday when I found out told her the minute I got home I was too excited to keep it from her.

She's not the crying type of person she burst in to happy tears and was shaking( she new I was trying) a lovely memory I will have forever :)

Original poster

KitKatChick · 19/12/2013 00:31

I think I'll tell them but the plan is to do another test next week first and take it from there. It's really exciting, just don't want to jinx things. I'll report back next week and thank you all for your help!

OP posts:

MrsCharlieD · 19/12/2013 05:33

I told my parents and brother immediately but we are a very close family and it was kept to just us until after 12 weeks. I also told my 2 best friends a couple of days later. I think its a personal choice and completely up to the individual x x

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