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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Friend being negative

32 replies

MummyPig24 · 11/12/2013 18:06

I have a lovely friend who has twins who are 5 and a 2yr old. She keeps being really negative about me having my 3rd child.

I have a 6yr old and dd will be 4 on my due date . I know she is probably only trying to be helpful but she keeps saying things like "oh 3 is totally different, much harder than 2." "3 is a lot more work. Good luck."

I'm trying not to worry and I'm blissfully pretending everything will be fine but she seems dead set on putting me off!

OP posts:

Sammi1986 · 11/12/2013 18:17

"It may not have worked out the way you wanted with you,because you cannot cope, but I am not you, so sod off" then promptly burst into tears and blame hormones :D

greentshirt · 11/12/2013 21:24

I'm one of 3 and my mum always says one was fairly easy, two her life was entirely kids, three was no different to two!

notthegirlnextdoor · 11/12/2013 21:43

A few weekends ago we had my nephew (almost 4) to stay over. We also had DSS who is 11, my DD1 who is 5 and DD2 who is almost 3. It was easier with 3 pre school kids than it was with just my 2.

I've heard plenty of people say the jump from 1 child to 2 children is massive, but the jump from 2-3, 3-4 and even 4-5 is very small, almost unnoticeable.

Agree with Sammi. Be patronising back and then blame it on hormones.

puntasticusername · 11/12/2013 21:45

From what you've said, it's unclear to me quite how she might be trying to be helpful. It sounds rather thoughtless, at best.

WoodBurnerBabe · 11/12/2013 21:59

I've got 3, currently aged 6, 3 and 1 - going from 2 to 3 was much much easier than 1to 2. You'll be fine! I love having 3, never a dull (or quiet!) moment :-)

daughterofafarmer · 11/12/2013 22:04

I can't help but think she's just being very odd...reason being, she had twins that's can't off been easy then she went on to have a 3rd child, now all she does is complain having 3 children

She sounds like a fruit loop too me...now doubt you'll cope better than her, hence her comments!

hackneybird · 11/12/2013 22:51

She sounds a bit bitter, and that she's had/is having a hard time.

DramaAlpaca · 11/12/2013 22:54

I found it was much easier going from 2 to 3 than 1 to 2.

You'll cope just fine.

CrispyFB · 12/12/2013 00:31

Another one in the 2 to 3 was easy camp. As has been said, you're already completely sunk as regards anything child-related and at maximum stress - one more does not take away free time you never had to begin with! The third baby usually finds themselves having to fit in with the family, rather than you adjusting family life to the baby like it is with the first and often second.

I found 1-2 the hardest, as until then we had been able to carry on with much of our lives as normal as we could fit stuff in, but it all changed with DC2.

Am hoping DC4 due in a few months will be as easy as DC3!

Original poster

MummyPig24 · 12/12/2013 05:35

Thanks everyone. I have responded with things like "2-3 is supposed to be easier than 1-2." But she just dismisses it and tells me how busy it is etc. She seems to be a lovely mum, who copes brilliantly, but maybe you're right and she is finding it hard.

I'm sure there will be days when I want to tear my hair out but I'm hoping it will be fine!

OP posts:

Chottie · 12/12/2013 05:40

Firstly, congratulations on your lovely family and your expected new baby. Please just ignore this woman, you will be fine, you have two children already and know just what to expect. I bet your other DC can't wait to welcome a LO into the family

IsSpringSprangedYet · 12/12/2013 05:49

I'm another saying 2-3 is easier than 1-2. I'm guessing she was so used to having a routine with the twins, that having a single baby might have thrown her a bit. Take no notice, or say you're looking forward to it

And congratulations!

Original poster

MummyPig24 · 12/12/2013 06:00

Thank you. I am looking forward to it. This baby is very wanted. Maybe if we had accidentally fallen pregnant I might feel the way she does but we intended to add to our family so I can't really understand what she is saying.

Kids very excited to have a baby around, ds is apparently going to push the pram and dd wants to feed it, which may not be possible as she doesn't have boobs!

OP posts:

LeafyGreen13 · 12/12/2013 06:06

I went from twins to 3 and I found it fine but probably because my twins are quite 'spirited' (cough, cough) and number 3 is more easy-going.

I have friends who had one easy baby followed by a more demanding second child and found it really tough to cope.

I'd just do the smile and nod thing with your friend.

WoodBurnerBabe · 12/12/2013 08:12

There absolutely will be days when you want to tear your hair out! More than outweighed by the joy of a wanted baby. My mum said 3 was easier as generally at least 2 of us were getting on so she had only to entertain a maximum of 1 child. With 2, if they aren't getting on, you have to keep them apart and entertain both of them! Much harder :-)

GoMommaGo · 12/12/2013 09:16

Hi op my dc are similar ages to yours, only very slightly younger and are saying similar re the feeding the baby and pushing the buggy, dc2 is excited about getting a wheely board. I'm excited about new pram again! Dc1 wants to give baby her first ever cuddly! All very sweet and bodes well for harmony! Fingers crossed! I would say maybe your friend is good at making it look easy when actually is finding things harder than usual atm? Maybe smile and nod?! And be there for her should she ever open up about anything? Could try asking some general questions re coping and what she does etc? I mean if she is a good friend and you feel worth the effort? You will be just fine, I am due in next couple weeks and just ready to meet new dc and get stuck in with my bunch of three gorgeous dc. Also I am never being preg again! Will be so nice to get my body back over next year or so, lots to look forward to with all your dc so try relax and enjoy preg and getting prepared.

ladythatlunches · 12/12/2013 11:13

I personally found going from 1-2 a huge struggle! Because I was so used to just the one child, my every waking minute was about the 1 child.

Then number 2 came along and I thought omg I cant dothis with dc1 anymore etc etc.

We then had dc3 and she slotted In. The older 2 loved and still does play with her, apart from the extra mouth to feed and someone else to bath it really isn't harder honest. Its much more fun. So much that we fell oregnapregnant again with twins

Ragwort · 12/12/2013 11:23

Just do the smile and nod thing - you don't know how it will be and everyone's reaction is different; perhaps she does find it incredibly hard work and is frightened to admit it.

Smile, agree and change the subject .

DinkyMole · 12/12/2013 11:24

Great "friend"
I'd imagine going from twins to three is different to going from 1-2 to three.

If it makes you feel better, I'm going from two of my own DC this year to having my two, contact with DFs two sons from January and then another one of my own in August

ChicaMomma · 12/12/2013 13:36

My SIL terms this 'competitive fertility'. People always wanting MORE kids than someone else, and then when people catch up, they try to be all negative about it and turn them off.

Regardless of how hard you might find it when 3 comes along, PLEASE tell her REPEATEDLY that you find it a dream, SO MUCH EASIER than going from 1 -2 and that you'd almost consider having a 4th! ha!

people also say with 3 that they entertain each other a lot more/fight less than when there's only 2. best of luck and f* the begrudgers!

impatienttobemummy · 12/12/2013 13:50

I've got a 'friend' like this first it's 'wait until you have kids' then you have one and you get 'oh wait until you have 2 kids nightmare!' Then wait until you have 3 kids... You get the picture, she's not coping so you won't...!! We are all different, negativity breeds negativity. Stay positive and change the subject

impatienttobemummy · 12/12/2013 13:52

'Competitive fertility' love that! So true

DuchessFanny · 12/12/2013 13:56

Nah 3 is fine ! Of course you'll be busy, but by the third they just join your family and you get on with it - another DC to love, it's great !

I agree with a pp who mentioned 'competitive fertility' it's certainly more prevalent than you may think !

My 'D' step mum didn't talk to me for quite some time every time I got pregnant, because she was jealous ( her words) as she'd always wanted more. She also took great pleasure in telling me how hard it was/ how hard I'd find it.

Ignore, ignore, ignore !

And congratulations !!!

terilou87 · 12/12/2013 13:56

I suppose it is different for your friend, twins to start with are harder as they would of been going through same things at same time then bare in mind they would of only been 3 when she had her other child so I can imagine for her at that time it was hard, however your other children are older, it'll be alot easier telling a 6 and a 4 year old to be quieter as baby is sleeping or pass mummy a nappy ect they will like to help you out also both of your children will be at school most of the day.
I'm speaking from experience as my first 3 were under 3 and I wouldn't say it was particularly different going from 2-3 but it was hard my dc1 is now 6 and dc2 is 5 and dc3 is 4. Im pg with dc5 and dc4 is 1, the only thing I found hard going from a 4yo to a newborn was id got used to my sleep again,
try not to worry you will be fine but it might be worth telling your friend to stop putting a downer on things she probably doesn't realise what she is saying is effecting how you feel, any how iv rambled on enough, good luck with dc3 and enjoy your pregnancy

specialsubject · 12/12/2013 14:06

she sounds really dull company. I'd make your excuses for a while.

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