Not in a good place! (long-ish)

[LastOneDancing]

I've always struggled with my weight. I was a 'big girl' all through high school & uni. A fair amount of teasing/ nasty comments/ being the butt of jokes occurred.

Got a grip in my mid 20's lost a load & have maintained a healthy weight for about 10 years. I have to be super sensible or I still gain weight really easily.

Now I'm 21 weeks pregnant, I wasn't super strict (fed the 12 weeks of nausea), stopped exercising (gave in to the fatigue) and have so far gained 20lb. People keep saying 'is it twins' and other silly thoughtless shit.

I'm a tough, and fairly positive cookie but Ive started to cry about this a lot, particularly when I incessantly see Mums to be who have been clever & sensible & stayed slim with tiny bumps, or hear them panicking over a 10lb gain I feel stupid & as if people are looking down on me (again).

Can anyone advise how I can I accept the damage & carry on enjoying this pregnancy? I know it's selfish & all my own fault, but my poor body image is spoiling the experience. I can't believe how stupid I was at the start. DH is lovely & supportive but unfortunately my spiteful inner voice trumps his kind words every time.

What's done is done. Don't look back, look forward. You still have plenty of time to change things and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Set yourself little, achievable goals like a certain amount of walking each day, or YouTube prenatal workout vid. Just do something, get strong and healthy and try to focus on that, rather than appearance. It will do your mental health the world of good and perception is everything. And someone will always have an opinion, but you are probably your harshest judge, here. Give yourself a break, my lovely. You can turn this around, I promise!

dats xx
19+1

Thank you Dats.

I hadn't thought about YouTube workouts - that would definitely make me feel more positive without having to leave the house & yes, achievable goals are a great idea.

I've also been quite shocked at how shallow I am - I didn't realise how dependent I was on my outward appearance to feel good about me not good!

Be gentle on yourself. Pregnancy nausea is so tough, and sometimes eating is the only way through.

But you can make changes now. Speak to your midwife or GP and ask for help- it is available. Try some gentle exercise eg pregnancy yoga or aquanatal.

Put strategies in place for after the baby is born- this is a time when you will need lots of energy and 'fuel', and it's easy to eat the wrong things (have done it myself). Make sure you have lots of tasty and healthy snacks in (including by the bed for night feeds). I found that breastfeeding, and going for lots of walks with the pram (this is deffo essential for mental health too!) helped me to lose weight.

It's easy to say 'sod it, just enjoy the pregnancy/new baby phase', and that's one strategy... But it seems putting on weight badly effects your self esteem and happiness, so some simple steps to help you stay healthy can help you to be a happy mummy

You have done it before- well done for that!- and you can do it again.

Ps am sure you look blooming lovely

I agree that it's good to stay active and eat healthily if you can but please be a bit kinder to yourself. Don't assume that other pregnant women who haven't put on much weight have been more sensible or better behaved than you. I say this as someone who didn't put on much. I did absolutely NOTHING to 'deserve' it - I wasn't especially sensible or 'good'; it just happened. Your body knows what it needs and every body reacts differently to carrying a baby. 20lbs at 20 weeks is not a horrible amount really. I know a woman who put on 6st when she was pregnant - and she's now totally back to normal.
Obviously try to stay healthy and active but mainly because it will make you feel good mentally and physically. And acknowledge that your body is doing an incredible thing at the moment and be nice to it! No woman who is growing a baby is failing at anything.

I've been doing some 10 min ones, usually two or three but feel manageable and whizz by. Look up Fit Sugar.

You're bound to feel more sensitive at the moment, it can be a vulnerable time and your emotions are all over the shop! You just need to control what you can control and focus on little steps in the right direction. Imagine yourself at 25 weeks, looking back at now - start new things now, so that when you get to 25 weeks you're not looking back going 'there's another four weeks gone by and I've not done anything'.

You can feel better (speaking from experience at being the laziest bint around when it comes to scheduled exercise!). Plus, you have previous - look at what you said about the discipline you've displayed in the past! Hell, you should be kicking my butt!

Thank you Ok, dats and Ceilia.

It does make me feel better that perhaps our bodies do have a plan of their own & mine clearly thinks I need to beef up plus stories of 6 stone gains put things into perspective!

Today is a new day. Had my organic porridge and have my banana in my bag. I will do a walk or a vid after work & start making a food/ activity diary which always helps me get back on track.

You really have made me feel lots better ladies. I really really appreciate it.

I second what Celia said. You haven't done anything 'wrong' and slimmer women may not have done anything 'right'. I haven't put on too much (so far!) and I fed my nausea too.
It's horrible for you that you have to try so hard not to put on weight but now is not the time to diet or restrict your eating. As long as what you eat is filling and healthy and you try to manage some activity you're doing all you can.
Be nice to yourself and stuff everyone's opinions!

You are aware of what is upsetting you and making small changes will help you feel more in control of the situation. You sound like you have a good plan for the day, thats great! Just dont beat yourself up if you find you dont manage to get an excercise in or you eat a chocolate bar instead of a banana one day.

Also, nobody warns you about the hormones and just how much they really affect you. And different people put on different amounts of weight during different trimesters, i found first i hardly gained any, second i piled on the pounds and then slowed down during third until right at the very end. I'm currently 31 weeks with DC2 and following the same pattern as last time.

Also, as your bump starts to come out more you may find yourself being very proud of it and you can really see for yourself that you are not getting fat, you are growing a baby.

Plus all of us get the insensitive 'is it twins' and 'theres no way you will get to full term if your that big already' comments. Just smile sweetly, ignore them and know you are doing an amazing thing.

Bloody love this forum! Hooray!

Celebrate your bump! I feel sorry for women who have had tiny teeny bumps and barely look preg. I've had the twins comments too! I also gorged and gave into the carb/cheese graving in 1st trimester, gained too much too quickly, then got more sensible. I'm 39+3 and have gained 2& 1/2 stone, but for past month havnt gained any more.

I'm looking ahead and have bought tummy control vests, will gently cut some carbs & sugary treats out of my diet and go on walks with baby in pram- once its here. Try not to fret, it will come off again but main thing you & babe are doing well.

The things your body does when you are pregnant are very powerful and very hard to resist. It tells you to SLEEP, it tells you to EAT etc and it's almost impossible not to.

I remember being in a restaurant once waiting for the order and I was so hungry, I asked for some bread asap - the waiter forgot and I was so desperate I was yelling across the room going "Please can I have that bread, like right now, PLEASE NOW IT'S IMPORTANT" Remember that it's doing those things for a reason, because it is prioritising the baby and making sure it gets everything it needs. You weren't stupid to eat and relax, you were doing what you are supposed to do.

You've put on 20lb at 21 weeks - that's not so bad. I gained 4 stone while pregnant and I went back to my previous weight afterwards without any particular effort. I had all the twins/triplets comments and "are you about to have that baby right now!?" etc etc. We're all different. I expressed envy to my friend who had a tiny neat bump, it turned out she was worrying herself sick over her baby being too small.

I just read a quote from Mark Twain that said 'Comparison is the death of joy'.

If you've been prone to gaining weight and keeping it on your whole life, for gawd's sake don't compare yourself to other women! You don't know what their genes are contributing to help them stay relatively slim during pregnancy. Just as yours are, perhaps, not being too helpful :)

Don't panic. Bodies are fairly reluctant to let weight go while pregnant anyways. As others have said, walking is really great if you can do it. It's the only thing I've been doing, but it makes me feel better (but important to remember to acknowledge that your body has different stresses atm and there are days when it's going to be really hard and not happen for various reasons). Don't beat yourself up because you've gained some weight - dude, you're pregnant!

Oh dear God! You are growing a gorgeously squishy amazing baby.
Inherently you nurture and coddle during this time.

So, I've got 2 stone off out of the 4 stone I put on 10 months in. I'm bf still so loving eating healthily for my little fella now he is here and in my arms.

I blame Cadbury.

Oh and btw you are in a FANTASTICALLY AMAZING place because as julietee rightly says...dude- you are pregnant!!

I haven't weighed myself since I first went to see the MW and I don't intend to weigh myself until I have to unless the doctor or MW makes me! In fact I don't know how much I weighed at the MW's because it was in kilos and I never bothered to work out the stones and pounds. I know my BMI is on the high side but I'm not worrying about that until baby is born and I have recovered from the birth (at least 6 weeks if not 10!).

OP, I say eat as well as you can, walk a bit every day and relax. You are creating a human being from scratch and that is a huge thing to do! We are all carrying our bumps differently and some will put on loads of weight and some hardly any. Don't compare, just be the best you can be!

You are all bloody fabulous. Thank you so much. I'm not even deterred by the person who is following me round today, gasping at how 'wide' I am from behind...

Yes, Julietee Mark Twain was exactly right... But if I'm going to compare with anyone it should be with those who are struggling to carry a baby that they desperately want & would swap a flat belly for my sprawling bump in a heartbeat.

I'm deflating my birthing pool of pity & packing it away...

Jeez OP...20lbs in 20 weeks?! I can do that in 4 no problem!!!

I bet you look bloody lovely...so listen to your other half and trust what he says. I've also got the twins comments coming at me hard and fast at 18 weeks. I now stick my podge out and I'm proud. Our new body image takes a bit of getting used to but embrace it if you can.

I've got a pre preg wardrobe full of every size from 8-20 and I am a shocking yo-yo dieter. Am enjoying this 9 month break from no carbs and listening to what my body needs. I'm active and feel pretty good so far. Be kind to yourself xx

I can't add anything that hasn't already been said but wanted to add my support. I've always been a big girl,size 18 pre bump but was healthy with it,played rugby and went to the gym a couple of times a week. Since getting pregnant I also gave into the fatigue and stopped all working out (well the rugby for obvious reasons) and while I don't pig out I certainly haven't had the perfect diet but am fed up of people commenting on how small my bump is (I'm 33 weeks) So what's been said already is spot on, there's no rhyme or reason to how big you get, I'm proof of that trust me!

Try to do what you can,eat as healthily as you can and stay away from the scales,I also haven't weighed myself since my booking in appt and have no intention of doing so.

I want to add that once you have had the baby the weight does come off again. Some people need to work harder than others but with sensible eating & gentle walks you should be fairly ok. However, be warned that even when you get back to pre pregnancy weight, your shape and where you carry the weight may have changed, i used to always carry on my bum/thighs and since DC1 i tend to carry more on my tummy even though i was at the same weight. Its not a big issue but just thought i'd let you know so its not a shock if you find this happens to you.

Thanks Craving - it sounds like we're similar shapes so at least now I'll be prepared.

On a really positive note, found a youtube workout, did a 20 minute brisk walk and then... I felt my LO kick from the outside for the first time - 3 proper mighty wallops on my palm!
It amazed me more than the first flutters... I think s/he liked the exercise!

Good girl

I too lost weight mid twenties and must reign in the inner glutton to daily to prevent getting fat and miserable again. I have a 5 mo dd and put on 3.5 stone during the pregnancy. major sweet cravings that couldn't be ignored and i obsessed so much on how it was piling on. I weighed and updated a weight gain pregnancy app everyday to really punish myself and looking back think what a flake I was to do that and that I should have celebrated the fact I was forming a whole new person but at the time I just thought I was irreparably undoing all of the hard work I had done to get slim and healthy. My advice would be to bf as with no real effort the weight starts to fall off quickly at around 3 months as nature intended. I am back to my pre pregnancy weight.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry you feel low.
but please remember that a lot of people who don't gain much weight (or look like they didn't!) do so, because of being sick or having other health problems - so it's nothing to do with being sensible.
or they are taller and baby just doesn't show as much

so try and not feel bad.

and it might be a good idea to check for gestational diabetes - if you have it baby could grow quite large and you might need a C-section

all the best

I lost a lot of my excess weight in the last two years and a small part of me is worrying that I'm now piling it back on! But it is different, and I struggle to see how we can influence it. I'd find it hard to ignore the urge to eat.

I'm 19 weeks and I was having a lot of sugar at the beginning as that was all I could get down. I'm now weaning myself off slowly and getting back to better foods. Good for you for doing walks etc too.

I'm not sure you can conclude that the amount you gain is related to your weight history. I'm a short quite petite woman and have put on over 3 stone in 2 of my 3 pregnancies (30% or more of my normal body weight). That just seems to be what my body does. Too early to say what will happen this time but with first two I breast fed so much weight off, without any effort on diet, that I was smaller than usual 9 months after the birth. As you haven't been pregnant before you can't assume that the usual weight loss rules will apply to you - it might just fall off again.

Whatever happens, the baby will make it all seem worthwhile