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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Newborn at a wedding - help!

51 replies

Cupcake11 · 25/11/2013 16:52

I'm due April 30th and we've got a wedding 20th June. Dh is an usher and it's a really good friend of us both.

This is my first and I'm not really sure if it's appropriate/ practical to bring a new born to a wedding? Obviously this is all on the proviso that the couple would be ok with it anyway.

The wedding is over three hours away and we'd be staying in a hotel overnight.

Dh thinks it will be fine to leave baby with my mum for the night but I think it's too soon.

Would be really sad to miss the wedding but I can't think of a way around it. Would appreciate thoughts of anyone with any experience of being in a situation like this.

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cottoncandy · 25/11/2013 16:54

If everything is ok and baby isn't really late then no reason not to go. You won't be able to leave the baby with your mum for the night - only go if the couple are happy to have baby there.

I took my first to a wedding when he was 2 weeks old - it was in North Yorks and we live in Surrey. We stayed in a hotel and it was fine. They are quite portable when they are small!

bundaberg · 25/11/2013 16:56

i would ask if it's ok to bring babes in arms...
I can understand people wanting child-free weddings, but tiny babies are a bit different IMO, they're not going to be running around screaming

there's no way I could have left any of mine overnight at that age. no way. so personally I would not go if I couldn't take the baby.

alternatively... could you take your mum with you?

Boetunesgirl · 25/11/2013 16:57

There are so many variables here that it's hard to say.

You could be two weeks late for example or have a difficult birth.

And if you're going to BF, this won't be practical either.

I would play it by ear to be honest.

At a few weeks old, I wouldn't have been able to leave DD let alone get myself decent enough for a wedding but every mum, baby and birth is different!

summerbaby2014 · 25/11/2013 16:59

Cupcake, we are in the same situation. Due on 17th June and wedding invite for 20th July. (Although DH isn't an usher in our case). Babies are not invited and the couple doesn't even know we're expecting yet!

No idea what it'll be like in those few weeks and whether it's practical to even consider going. If I'm a few weeks late the decision will be made for me!

Would also appreciate advice of people who experienced similar

HootShoot · 25/11/2013 17:00

A lot will depend on how your dc is fed too. My daughter was bf and wouldn't take a bottle so I couldn't have left her at that age. Even if I hadn't been bf I don't think I could have left her that young but I know friends of mine did leave theirs at an early age, its really difficult to know how you'll feel until they are here.

somersethouse · 25/11/2013 17:00

No way I could have done.

Chlorinella · 25/11/2013 17:00

A couple of friends bought their one week old to our wedding .

She had to go for a lie down in between the ceremony and the reception , and they ( obviously ) didn't make it to the evening party

We're still friends 19 years later , so it can be done

peeapod · 25/11/2013 17:03

I would speak to the bride and groom. If you are flexible and say that you are happy to make sure baby doesnt spoil anything and are happy that it might end up being a night in the hotel room for you (tiredness, baby sleeping etc.) then i shouldnt see a problem but then its up to the bride and groom and depends on the sort of wedding they are having..

trainersandcake · 25/11/2013 17:06

My sister was a bridesmaid for me when her baby was four weeks old.

She expressed milk (but later said she wishes she'd gone and bfed him as she felt engorged later in the evening) but she was fine.

If money allows, could your mum possibly take a room in a hotel if it adjoins and bring/take the baby to you as you want to feed/show them off/let them sleep?

NachoAddict · 25/11/2013 17:09

My dsis got married 10 days after ds was born. I was breastfeeding so just wore an easy access dress and a shaw/pashmina, took the pram for him to sleep in, a few nappies and a pack of wipes.

The only problem we had was ds upstaging the bride! Even the photographer was busy taking pictures of him and not the bride.

Reiltin · 25/11/2013 17:11

We had two weddings in the first month of baby's life. Both went really well. We played it by ear and gave her what she needed and we were able to enjoy both weddings around her. I would take her - def to early to leave her, esp if you're breastfeeding?

CrispyFB · 25/11/2013 17:14

I brought my 12 day old to my friend's wedding, she was absolutely fine with it. Luckily it was nearby so it wasn't a big deal. I was ready to Abandon Ceremony if baby made a noise, and she slept in the sling for most of it - the advantage of the sling meant people were less likely to fuss over her too. I'd never have brought her if the bride and groom weren't happy for me to though.

Toddlers are far more impractical at weddings!!

thatstoast · 25/11/2013 17:18

I'm in exactly the same situation. Wedding 1 month after my due date. The couple are happy for us to bring the baby so it's just a matter of whether we'll feel up to it. We'll go in some combination, whether it be all 3 of us, just me and my husband or just my husband. I won't be breastfeeding though so I know i'll be able to leave the baby. Obviously that makes it easier.

I think if you're going to accept the invitation just make it clear to the couple that you may have to drop out at short notice because you never know how things will work out.

Peacenquiet2 · 25/11/2013 17:27

I left my dd with my mum when she wss 8 weeks old to go london on works do, it meant traveling 3 hours and staying the night in a hotel and tbh i relished that night away so much. My mum is very capble (as im sure yours is) and has had both my dcs several times since they were born, she managed to raise me and my 2 siblings after all.
I was breast feeding so i expressed plenty and ensured my dd was accepting via bottle as well as breast in plenty of time. I also took pump to express any excess so i didnt get too full.
It was a lovely stress free night away where i got to be me and not worry about my baby getting upset or having to leave early, etc. I say leave dc with your mum and go enjoy your night off (by week 8 you will be begging for a night off).

TheFabulousIdiot · 25/11/2013 17:29

"Dh thinks it will be fine to leave baby with my mum for the night but I think it's too soon."

DH is going to get a very rude awakening!

keeg19 · 25/11/2013 17:38

I have my own wedding booked for a month after my due date...

I can't bring myself to cancel anything until I've had my 12 week scan but I think we'll have to reschedule!

Vassia · 25/11/2013 17:42

I left my ds with my mil overnight when he was around 5 weeks old. It depends entirely how you feel about it, some people wouldn't and some people would. I appreciated the break and the time to just relax for a few hours, and in all honesty, I don't think my ds noticed we weren't there and it's not had any lasting effect! He wasn't bf though.

I just want to point out that there are parents who leave their babies overnight in the first few weeks/months, it does happen and it does not make you a bad parent in any way.

MinesAPintOfTea · 25/11/2013 17:44

keeg ds was induced as he was late. A month after my due date dh was still on paternity leave, I was bleeding heavily, could only walk about 200m and bfing every hour during the day. Not to mention the sleepless nights...

Weegiemum · 25/11/2013 17:50

We took ds (now a hulking 11yo) to a wedding when he was 5 months (leaving his 2.5 yo big sister with her auntie for the day. He was still EBF at that point, so no other option.

He spend much of the day sitting on the Mother-of-the-Groom's knee, monopolising the top table! Groom was my dh's best friend since age 12, she was practically ds's proxy granny. Was lovely!

JRmumma · 25/11/2013 17:51

All id say is you will not be able to make any of these decisions until baby is here.

You may leave them with your mum but although you or hubby may think that's ok now, once baby is born you will probably feel differently.

We went to an evening reception when ours was 2 weeks old and took him with us which was fine, although we left after the first dance as it was too loud for him. Depends on the sort of wedding it is too.

SpookedMackerel · 25/11/2013 18:16

I have been to a wedding with a 5 week old and a 3 month old.

We stayed overnight with the 5 week old, fortunately we were staying in the same hotel - we left the wedding at around 9pm, I think. It was fine, but I did have to nip back to the room to feed the baby a couple of times (I missed the photos and the speeches, and the dessert, which I was most put out about, then dh appeared like a saviour at the door to our room, bearing chocolate torte!), and I also fed her at the back of the church before anyone arrived - we came early on purpose.
There is no way I could have left her at that stage of getting the hang of breastfeeding, she had to come withus. Fortunately the bride and groom expressly invited her (even though she wasn't born when we got the invite, so she was Miss Baby-to-be Mackerel on it.

ArabellaBeaumaris · 25/11/2013 18:19

I took dd1 to a wedding at 3 weeks old (she was 2 weeks late). It was easy tbh. I wouldn't have been able to wanted to leave her. It was a child free wedding but dd1 was an exception.

3boys3dogshelp · 25/11/2013 18:28

I was bridesmaid at weddings with a 5 week old first time and an 8 week old second time. Its fine I promise! They sleep a lot when they are that young. My 2 top tips are to stau in the hotel so you can go to your room to feed in peace and to take a sling to carry baby so people can't easilu pick him up. I wpuld have found leaving a newborn more stressful tbh.

daughterofafarmer · 25/11/2013 18:41

I would RSVP and take a view closer to the time. Book a hotel room now, and if you don't go DH can change it for a single room.

Speak with the bride, and inform her that if you come you'll be bringing the baby as you'll be feeding, between 6 and 8 weeks old, they will just sleep.

However be prepared that you may miss it.

nostress · 25/11/2013 19:01

Took my ds1 to my friend's wedding 5hrs drive away. He was the only child there and lots of people queued up for a cuddle. I sat at the back during the ceremony so I could make a quick exit if he cried. I saw the bride's mother last week and she said one of her favourite photos from the day was her cuddling my son. He is nearly 16 now!

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