Newborn at a wedding - help!

[Cupcake11]

I'm due April 30th and we've got a wedding 20th June. Dh is an usher and it's a really good friend of us both.

This is my first and I'm not really sure if it's appropriate/ practical to bring a new born to a wedding? Obviously this is all on the proviso that the couple would be ok with it anyway.

The wedding is over three hours away and we'd be staying in a hotel overnight.

Dh thinks it will be fine to leave baby with my mum for the night but I think it's too soon.

Would be really sad to miss the wedding but I can't think of a way around it. Would appreciate thoughts of anyone with any experience of being in a situation like this.

I'd ask the bride and groom if a small baby is welcome, you probably won't feel up to leaving your new DC, and if you do accept on the understanding you'll leave him/her, you'll feel pressured in to actually doing it at the time. As other's have said, if you are BFing it will be tricky to leave the baby that young, and not just ofr the baby, you're boobs won't like it!

Make sure you offer to the B&G to sit near the back and if the baby starts fussing you'll take them out straight away (not try to stay in and keep them quiet). Again, ask for the meal, if your DH will be on the top table, can they seat you nearish to the door so if your LO starts crying at the speeches, you can step outside easily with them rather than have to make a fuss of making your way across a whole room with a screaming infant.

Be prepared, you probably won't feel physically able to stay up late at that stage, so having the excuse to go up to the room at 8pm when you've seen them do the first dance would be lovely!

Oh and if at the time you just don't feel physically up to the drive/day out, your DH will be OK with you staying home.

Second those who say babies are easier at weddings than toddlers, Ds1 was no bother at a wedding when he was two weeks old but at another wedding when he was 20 months he spotted a freely accessible bell rope at the back of the church and as he would not be dissuaded from trying to escape and grab it, I missed the vows standing in the churchyard with y heels sinking into the grass. Also had to leave the meal after the starter as he had missed his nap and started howling. Evening party was fine as someone else had brought their nanny with them and she babysat for us.

I was at a wedding with 8 day old DD, it was nice to get dressed up and wear some nice clothes that didn't have to go round a bump. Pretty ring sling for DD, nice accessory, BF when required, small nappy bag under the table. We weren't cooking any three course meals at home so nice to go out and get fed!

Go and enjoy!

Ask to be seated with your dh even if the other ushers are on the top table, you need to have two pairs of hands and if you've have a difficult birth you may need his help.

Tbh he should be considering stepping back as an usher before suits are paid for etc. He should be looking after you and baby or the t three of you might have to drop out asst the eleventh hour.

I took DS2 to a wedding when he was nearly 3 months. It was childfree but I explained to the bride I was bfeeding and she said it was fine.

Didn't go to the ceremony (not invited) but was at drinks/ meal/ evening do. Was all fine, DS slept in pram for much of meal, it was sunny so he lay under tree during afternoon, DH and I took turns in walking him around when he was fretful. I have good memories of that wedding. We stayed in a hotel.

Only thing was I managed to remember all DSs stuff, clothes, nappies, etc etc but left my wedding outfit at home. Cue frantic rushing round town centre an hour before the do trying to find an appropriate dress I could bf in. God bless the ladies of Monsoon who sorted me out!

I think it is a bit OTT to suggest your DH drops out of a couple of wedding day duties he's already agreed to because you might have a 6-8 week old baby there.

I'm sure you'll be more than fine looking after your own baby in a nice hotel surrounded by friends etc for a few hours without needing your DH to look after you both.

It's hardly a month long business trip. He'll be within shouting distance!

I was a bridesmaid with a 3 week old baby, after a forceps birth.
It wasn't the most comfortable day of my life, but we were out at 9am and didn't get home until 11pm. I managed to BF every couple of hours. I also managed to play 'hunt for the missing bridesmaid shoes' for half an hour, whilst breastfeeding!

So long as the bride and groom and happy for you to bring a newborn, I wouldn't over-think it. Newborns sleep loads and generally cry very little. It'll be fine!

Thanks for all the great tips. I'll talk to the bride and see what she'd like us to do. I wouldn't have a problem missing parts of the day to breast feed etc but I would feel bad missing their whole day.

I wouldn't ask DH not to be an usher - he works abroad a lot so I will have to get used to looking after LO on my own for more than just one day

We've got a room booked at the venue so it sounds like it should be fine and I'm sure they would understand if I had to drop out if we had no option. Hopefully it won't come to that though!

I had to attend a wedding 5hrs from home when DD was 6wks old. Had no choice as DH was best man but we were told DD was not welcome at the wedding (wth?). Anyway, we took my parents with us and booked an apartment and made a long weekend of it. Meant I could pop back and bf DD and my DM got to enjoy her birthday in Edinburgh. Would it be possible for your mum to go with you?

Uhh, definitely possible. My brother and his wife travelled to Kent from New York with their 2 year old and 7 weeks old sons. My brother missed a bit of the speeches as he was changing a nappy, and they bowed out of the evening a bit earlier than others, but baby Julian slept peacefully in his pram, it was more the 2 year old that they left early for.

I doubt you will want to be apart from your baby a whole night!! I couldn't have spent a couple of hours without mine. You will realise that the lovely thing about newborns is that they are so portable. Take your baby along, definitely! Will be fine. They'll just sleep in the buggy or sling for alot of it. I went to a wedding when mine was 10 days, was absolutely fine. She went everywhere with us (parties, restaurants, whatever) and still does at 18 months!

I was invited to a strictly no children allowed wedding when DD was 2.5 months old - one of my DH's best friends. It was also about 3 hrs away from where we lived.

We accepted, brought the in-laws with us and put them up in a hotel nearby to look after DD while we attended the wedding.

It was a disaster as far as I was concerned. I was breastfeeding and I had to spend 20 minutes every 3 hours or so in a dirty loo to express milk. I didn't do it very well and next day I was in lots of pain, with blocked ducts and very close to coming down with mastitis. I didn't have much fun and as the evening progressed I just wanted to go home.

And then my biggest fear, DD was refusing the breast and would only drink from a bottle (in fairness I was also at another event the day before so 2 days in a row of expressed milk in a bottle). Luckily, she eventually conceded but only on threat of starvation. However if I had been forced to switch to formula at that point I would have resented the happy couple forever and their stupid little no kids allowed rule.

We have now been invited to another wedding when DC2 will be roughly the same age (2.5 months) and again, it's a best friend of DH and no children allowed. I have already told him he's going alone if they don't allow baby to come along.

Transatlantic, surely that's being a bit harsh on the couple. Whether or not to allow children at their wedding is definitely their choice, and it was your choice whether or not to go. I know I may be in the minority on this forum, but having a strictly no children rule would not bother me. If babes in arms weren't allowed either, and I was strictly breastfeeding I would not attend. End of.

Here here wispa!

I'm due 10 days before my stepsisters wedding and DD who will be 2.8 then is due to be a flower girl. It's a 4 hour drive away.

I guess I'm hoping I'll pop early as late might mean that it'll be out of the question. I'd hate for DD to miss out though and my stepsister would be disappointed I'm sure.

We've also got another wedding a month after my due date, old friends, no idea yet it that'll be child-free.... That'll be a 3hr drive away.

Typical - no weddings at all this year and loads next!!

The first wedding we went to with DS he was about 10 weeks and slept all the way through the service after a bf in the church. (It was a family orientated church so this wasn't out of place at all, vicar made a point of making babies and children welcome.) He then woke up for a while and then slept through most of the reception.

Much better than the wedding when he was 14 months and running around like a crazy thing during the speeches. I couldn't take him outside (torrential rain) or to another room (there wasn't one). To be fair, if your speeches go on for over 2 hours you should expect some interruptions! Most stressful wedding I have ever been to.

Just a little update if anyone's interested. I've spoken to the bride who is more than happy for us to bring LO with us - apparently there will be lots of toddlers and children there anyway so as most of you say, I'm sure they will be more of a disruption!
Can I just ask something else? When people say 'babes in arms' do you mean in a sling or literally in arms? Might be a really stupid question! All day sounds like a long time to carry a baby but not sure a baby carrier will look like over an elegant dress

Good news.

Take a buggy and a sling! And maybe a rug for the ground, if it's an out day wedding. However I would fully expert that you will no doubt spend a large amount time watching your baby have cuddles with everyone but you!

If the baby is late and your still trying to establish BF it's a problem.

Otherwise you'll be fine, it's just finding a BF friendly outfit.

If baby FF it's the logistics that are awkward, although with cartons quite doable.

No reason on Gods green Earth why new born babies shouldn't be feed in wedding services, receptions and dances. (DD2 happily fed through a funeral without anyone noticing).

Most tiny babies will sleep through a wedding disco. There is never a shortage of willing older relatives happy to baby watch.

If the couple are stuffy about babies they are not worth having as friends and should be told to stuff their invite where the sun doesn't shine!

Sorry somehow missed the last pg.

Here's hoping the baby turns up on time and that you have a lovely time.

Think that's a bit mean starball. If its a child-free wedding then saying one baby can come could cause a lot of ill feeling amongst the other guests, and this could be very stressful for the bride and groom. I know a newborn is slightly different, but then where do you draw the line if you allow one?

Two of my very best friends had to miss my wedding as their babysitter was taken ill a couple of days before my wedding. Their daughter was only months old but we simply couldn't allow her them to bring her along, partly because of logistics and also because our niece and nephew weren't attending who were similar in age. It was sad that they couldn't come but it would have ruined the day for me if they brought her as i would have felt awful about the people who had to leave their children at home.

The ideal solution if you can afford it is to bring a babysitter and have a second room.
Speaking as a newlywed, i'll be honest, i wouldnt have been crazy about having a newborn at my wedding. It's no place for them IMO.
The hotel may provide a sitting service also- so you could come up and down at regular intervals?

I am in the same situation, but it's my brother's wedding, it's in France and they've just announced there are to be no children at the wedding (including our approx 4 week old DC2!).

Anyway, for your situation, I would have thought that (assuming mother and baby are fit and well) the 3 hour trip and staying away in a hotel should be fine. As long as bride and groom are happy for the baby to be there, then going to the ceremony and bits of the reception should be completely manageable. The baby should sleep a reasonable amount - have your pram or a nice snuggly sling handy to get them off to sleep. However, I would have found it really hard to do the evenings at that age. DD1 was a manic evening cluster feeder and from about 4pm til 10pm would just feed non-stop and be extremely unsettled if she wasn't feeding. This obviously doesn't work well with attending an evening dinner, reception and dancing! Also, don't underestimate how hard those first few weeks are - you will be getting very little sleep and will be knackered most of the time, so might not be much in the mood for a party!

If it were me, I'd plan to go, but wouldn't commit to anything that I couldn't get out of. I think I'd suggest to my DH that he declined the invitation to be an usher, in case you can't make it and would then be letting them down and causing them stress/bad feeling.

If you're going to take a child to a wedding 6 weeks is the IDEAL time. My DS was 6 weeks old when we went to a good friend's wedding. We had elder dd too who was 2.5.

It is fine - unless you have a very unsettled baby, they just feed/sleep/feed/sleep at that age. I had my DS in a sling during the service and put him down in his pram during the meal.

We couldn't stay late as we had my elder DD - if she hadn't been there, we would have partied all night, keep an eye on DS in his pram and feeding him and cuddling whenever he woke.

Not read the whole thread so apologies if these tips have been posted.

We went to two weddings with DD very early on, when she was 3 weeks old and 6 weeks old. She was not a problem and was better behaved than some of the older children!

I had her in a sling so she was wrapped close to me and she slept for most of the wedding! For the meals we had her in her car seat next to me at the table (in the buggy chassis so she was the same height as the table). She was very good and didn't really make a sound.

At the first wedding the hotel found me a quiet room and gave me a key so I could do nappy changes and breastfeed in peace (we weren't guests) and at the second wedding we had a room (it was 6 hours away) so I was able to take her back for periods of time and sit with her. It meant DH could stay later on into the evening while I took her back to the room watching TV with a plateful of cake

Everyone said what a well behaved baby she was and I really think that it was because she was in the sling! It was a plain cotton stretchy one in purple to match the dress I was wearing.