Anyone else absolutely shitting it at the thought of being a Mum?

[ccsays]

35 +1 with my first. As the due date draws closer I'm increasingly having an inner monologue of 'fuck, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck, bollocks, shit, fuck, I'M NOT READY TO BE SOMEONE'S MUM, OH FUUUUUUCK'.

Anyone want to join me freaking out boat?

(Or anyone want to reassure me that it'll all be fine?)

I clearly remember sitting on the stairs with a positive pregnancy test in my shaking hand...OMG what have I done! Life will never be the same again. I knew nothing about babies and had no experience of other peoples'. That was 20 years ago and I have a wonderful DD and DS.

Somehow, DH and me just muddled through parenthood together. OP you have some challenging, precious but totally unmissable times ahead of you. Trust your instincts. Best of luck.

The most reassuring thing I read in pregnancy was a man's bewildered account of his wife who had been trying for years to get pregnant and finally was, aged nearly 40. One day, she called him into the bedroom, burst into tears and announced that they'd be giving up the baby for adoption, as there was no way she could manage. They did in the end, of course.

As a pp say, just take it one day at a time. One nappy change, one feed at a time, one challenge at a time. Then one day you turn round and they're all growed up. Sniff.

Aaw, thank you all! So lovely to hear your messages of (mostly) reassurance

And omuwalamulungi your story made me laugh!

Had a wee visit to my friend the other day who has a three month old son. He was very cute and DP was being properly adorable with him. Thought to myself 'hey, this doesn't seem so scary!' Then I watched her two year old vault himself out of a high chair, across a TV stand then climb down and run off in the space of a few seconds Still, one terrifying hurdle at a time I suppose!

Also, glad to see so many others in the shitting it boat!

Totally normal to feel like this....but let me reassure you. Being a mummy is the best job in the world! X

This is so reassuring for me. I thought I was the only one. I'm 23 married and now I'm on maternity leave I've had time to panic. All the info out there and people's opinions don't help. But I know we will be ok. I'm 38+1 so not long to go... Good luck everyone

in my experience the 1st baby is the massive mental shift, you don't come first in your life anymore, which although scary is wonderful and changes you as a person, I became gentler and 'softer'

the 2nd baby is mentally easier but physically harder, as you have 2 to juggle

the 3rd - I am soon to find out...but am shitting myself that doing it again will somehow alter the great balance we have with 2...

but children make you see life with fresh eyes, they make you see the magic in things. Christmas with children is wonderful.
the questions they ask make you question life itself!

Best of luck to the 1st time mummies, you will be amazing X

Look back at this thread in 5 years. You'll all have totally changed and being a mum will define you almost (!) completely. Totally normal to freak out. But wait until they're in school and you've got 3 of them. You'll be parenting in your sleep. Good luck to all. Enjoy and embrace your new journey. It's a huge change and everyone says you lose a bit of yourself. Not at all. You just don't come first anymore. It's not about just you anymore and that's actually a great way to be. Not always easy to deal with, but great all the same. Just make sure you get some "me" time or you'll struggle.

i am 18 weeks with dc3 and am shitting it at thought of being a mum of THREE !!

:o

These are all totally normal emotions.

On the practical side I would say that babies are incredibly repitive when they are very small so you soon get used to feeding, chaning nappies etc.

I would also say that introducing yourself as someone's Mum doesn't actually mean that you've totally lost your identity more just that in the example given, those particular people would know more about her child then her. It's the same as saying I'm so and so's friend, or your DH/ DPs partner to people who don't know you personally but who would know you in that context.

Gracie76 I agree with everything you've said except "you won't feel strange defining yourself as a mum." I do, I really do. I look at the two of them every so often and think "Sh*t, you're mine! And I'm your mother!" I still have moments where I think "What did we do?! We had a great life!" which I think is absolutely normal for anyone, and particularly people who started a little bit later so were a bit more in their stride.

Completely completely agree that you mustn't feel guilty if you don't feel how the books/movies/your mother tells you you ought to. I was lucky that my mother struggled with the baby years and has always been very open about that. It was still tough and she tells me that I'm much better at it than she was.

You and your child will find your own equilibrium. And there are some joyous moments. My big one said "cuddles" for the first time yesterday. I don't do soppy but that was kind of cool .

Don't worry, I'm still not ready, my DS is 10.
He's still here and not broken so something must have clicked!

Hahaha i guess i've started early then. Im 21 weeks today and i had a MEGA stress out over the weekend.

I'm 28+4 weeks (already 'over' being pregnant btw, magical time my arse!) but lately been having nightmare visions of not being able to stop the baby from hurting itself, or a toddler running out into a busy road, or accidentally dropping it on its head or something else hideous - I assume this means I am pretty anxious about the responsibility of being a Mum.

Orrery 'magical time my arse'

I witnessed my gorgeous little goddaughter literally launch herself face first into a table this weekend. Her mum is very dedicated, capable and fabulous (LO was fine after a big juddery cry!).

The lesson I took from this event is that kids are batshit crazy and will try to self destruct no matter how good a job you do.

I have unclenched slightly.

My DC is 5 and I found becoming her mum incredibly hard. She never, ever slept and yet somehow I survived two years of no sleep, breastfeed ing every few hours for 9 months and losing "me". Now she is the best, happiest, loveliest person I have ever met. I adore everything about her. And I have recovered from the shock sufficiently to be 8 weeks pregnant with the second one! although I am praying to all gods out there that this one sleeps a little

My eldest is nearly 6 and I feel like I still don't know what I'm doing a lot of the time. Which is kind of unfortunate as DC3 is due in a couple of months:) Maybe I'll have cracked it by the time they all leave home...

I will come late to this thread and say I'm bricking it about being a mum. Burst into tears today because apparently you have to put a vest on before a sleepsuit ... yep so didn't know that and the other hundreds of things you should 'just know' as a mum ...

Sat in the nct classes in the first class and the women had to share their worst fears about pregnancy. I automatically said losing the baby - cue a lot of sympathy and reassurance about unlikelyhood of miscarriage etc and then I explained "No, literally losing it, like just leaving it in Sainsbury's or something." - This is still a real fear btw.

Burst into tears today because apparently you have to put a vest on before a sleepsuit

What? Really?! But why?Oh balls.

I automatically said losing the baby - cue a lot of sympathy and reassurance about unlikelyhood of miscarriage etc and then I explained "No, literally losing it, like just leaving it in Sainsbury's or something." - This is still a real fear btw.

Ha! I will now add this to my list of worries.

I've been a maternity nurse and nanny for over 18 years and having a baby still terrifies me! I can't imagine how scared I'd be if I'd had not much contact with babies.

You'll fall into it though, I promise.

I swear our bodies/minds do this amazing thing for us. At 42 weeks now I am in SO much pain and discomfort all I want is to have this baby. All my fears of the birth (which were huge) and becoming a parent have dwindled away into nothing. All I can focus on is getting this bugger OUT. Although I'm miserable as hell and have been tempted to be induced, I think nature's way of getting us ready is incredible.

I never put a vest on under a sleepsuit, and my DS was a November baby in an icy cold winter. Why would you, unless you live in an unheated house and haven't enough outer layers? Baby cardies and central heating, plus soft blankets kept him warm enough. JA vest, which is just an extra layer of cotton over the torso, is just more layers to launder when the nappy leaks and you get poo over everything. I only used them in summer when they were all my baby wore... unless it was so hot he was stripped to the nappy.

The only rules with babies are: keep them warm enough but not too hot (not hard, they're just mini humans - feel the back of their neck with your lips and you'll know if they're either), keep them dry, clean, fed appropriately... and cuddle them. A lot. How you achieve that list is completely irrelevant, as long as you do.

An ace book someone gave me when pregnant last time (it was new in print - looking at the reviews since, it seems a lot of people share my passion for it!) pointed out that your baby is as brand new at being human as you are a mum, and they're only used to your way - so as far as they're concerned, everyone other than you is doing it wrong. So sod 'em. You don't have to do anything as long as the above basic guidelines are met.

Don't look at toddlers and feel terrified. They are advanced level parenting, if you are expecting DC1 you have a couple of years to adapt and gradually progress to this level!

I tell myself the same thing about the teen stage: once I'm in it, I'll be experienced enough for it!

MarlenaGru you're me! All of it, except I'm almost ready to pop with DC2, and my 1st is a boy.

Seriously don't worry about it, it's not that bad, if I can do it then anyone can do it! Ds has made it to 27 months unscathed!

IMO anybody not worrying about becoming a parent (or becoming a parent again) should be viewed with suspicion .

Btw as per many a thread on here, hitting baby's head against the doorframe only counts as an injury if there is blood .

Oh, and babies bounce!

perfectstorm I hope this one is a sleeper for you!