Anyone else absolutely shitting it at the thought of being a Mum?

[ccsays]

35 +1 with my first. As the due date draws closer I'm increasingly having an inner monologue of 'fuck, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck, bollocks, shit, fuck, I'M NOT READY TO BE SOMEONE'S MUM, OH FUUUUUUCK'.

Anyone want to join me freaking out boat?

(Or anyone want to reassure me that it'll all be fine?)

Charingcrossbun, I felt like I did lose my identity for a bit as my life was so different, and it was so all consuming having a new baby, but as I started to do more things for me again, going out, work, study etc, I now feel like my old self again but with a child.. Obviously lifestyle and priorities have changed but interests etc are the same.

Though I do often find I know the child's name but forget the parent's if i haven't spend much time with them so maybe that's why she introduced herself like that?!

oh god yes. 35+4 and starting to properly freak out about it now. I will have an actual little person who is totally dependant on me for its survival. That is a very daunting prospect. excited beyond words, but terrified too. I think it's only natural. It's something I have never done before and I cannot possibly know what it'll be like as every baby is different.

Yeah, I agree.

Mine are 4 and 2 and I still can't believe I am their Mother.

Fake it till you make it, that's my motto!

But seriously, your thoughts are normal. Once baby is here you will so busy doing the things that a mum does you won't have any time to think about whether you really feel like one or not!

You need to embrace the concept of "Good Enough Parenthood", not "perfect mother" .

I am still terrified. I have 4, youngest is 3...

Also it makes life simple. For most women, once baby is here, all you really care about is them. No more soul searching or wondering whether Prague or Rome would be better for a city break; all that matters is baby! Its nice in a way.

Ha! I think anyone thinking they know what it is, first time round is deluded.

A note on "knowing what to do;" it's actually not a problem - the baby knows and will let you know. At first you have to guess and try everything but by the end of the first month you can make pretty good guesses.

A note on "hard work" - yes it is, but not in the usual sense; you'll just do it cos it has to be done, so it's not hard in the way that, say, a load.of chores are- because in the chores you constantly have a pressure to stop and just do less boring stuff instead. With the baby, there's no pressure to stop, so in that sense it's easier than doing a pile of ironing.

Not sure I ever met anyone straightforwardly 'ready' for parenthood - met lots of.people desperate to have a baby, met lots of people bricking it. Not sure either state is actually prepared. Embrace the uncertainty, OP, it's basically your modus operandi for the whole thing.

I'm still crapping myself about it and my youngest is 10 next week.

You're never ready!

I'm 20weeks and terrified.

What if I forget to water it or leave it in direct sunlight?

Clueless.

Princess, it'll let you know!!

i felt like that with ds1 then exactly the same with ds2. i did feel a little more prepared for ds3 but only because i embraced the chaos and uncertainty. once you realise that you can never be really prepared because each baby is an individual who is random, illogical and ever changing then it is not as bad.

just enjoy it. develop an 'ah well' attitude and learn from each day.

I'm terrified. And suddenly wondering if I can deal with endless streams of poo and vomit...

Can I join the panic boat please? 22 weeks today with DC#1, had a crying fit on unsuspecting DH last week cos I have no clue what I'm doing, don't know how to change a nappy, whether I'll cope with breastfeeding, how I'll cope with a refluxy/colicky/otherwise tricky baby, how I'll deal with my mum (lovely, but has a habit of taking over and seems to think I'm about 12 sometimes)...

Eep...

By the way, it is reassuring to know there are lots of others in a state of impending-motherhood-induced stress!

Yep I'm with you!!!!

I'm not ready to be a Mum and I've two of the blighters!

The 18 month old decided to test me this evening by climbing on a chair she knows she's not allowed on while I fed the 8 week old. I asked her to get down, unlatched the little one so I could go and get her down and what happened? Yes, yes, she fell off it and banged her head.

Parenting fail.

I have two and thought I might have got it together, but am unexpectedly pg with DC3 and DD1 has started to throw great big wobblers (she has no idea about DC3 yet so not that). I am really panicked, how do I do school run, DC3 will be born 6 weeks or so before the Summer holidays, I am going to have two older ones and a nearly newborn for the school Summer holidays HELPPPPPPPP! Oh and DH keeps having to travel with work, so we are talking weeks of being totally alone at a time.

DS was born by ELCS and just as he was about to be born they asked me "are you ready to meet him!?" all excited like and I replied:

"I DON'T THINK I AM!!"

He's 5.5 months now and I have no idea how I was allowed to take him home and look after him forever. But he's happy and healthy so must be going alright.

Definitely echo the above poster who said adopt an "ah well" attitude and would add trying to accept that your best is always good enough for your baby, even if some days bloody teething your best doesn't involve managing to get him out of his pyjamas.

Me. And this is my second.

First DS was a huge challenge. Silent reflux for nearly a year, needed constant wearing, breastfeeding and rocking. I also developed an autoimmune condition that just about floored me.

DS is now 27 months and lovely, but still full-on needy. I am praying to the kindliest god in the stars to hand me an "easy" baby!

To anyone shitting themselves.

You should be.

I'm expecting my second, and I am about the first year or two, yeah. It's lovely in spots, but so, so unrelenting. They need so much from you and the lack of sleep and energy is appalling. And so much of it is BORING. But my older one is 5 and my God, is he worth it all a million times over. That's what I keep remembering when I freak a little. It's like all really worthwhile things - you have to put the graft in to get to the good bit!

It's not scary, though, being someone's Mum. You're way too tired for any introspection or existential angst, and far too focused on wiping small arses, filling small tummies, washing endless babygrows and the glorious fantasy promise of eventual sleep.

Even if you take time to acclimatise to being a mum, the fact is, the minute your baby arrives, you'll be a mum - and you won't feel strange defining yourself as a mum. You might feel like you're not a good mum at times - the best way forward is to try really hard not to compare yourself to women you think are perfect mums or women who are comfortable in their 'mum' skin. Just follow your gut feeling on everything, ignore interfering people, and accept that it is COMPLETELY normal to come home with your new bundle of joy and feel completely over - or under - whelmed, and feel like you're clueless. It took me 3 years to realise that loads of mums feel this way and take ages to get to grips with their new role. Whatever you do, don't feel guilty if you don't 'feel' what you think you should feel or act like you think you should act. Just be yourself and focus on just giving your little boy or girl all of the attention you can - and don't feel bad if you sometimes want to just have a bit of you time! Not everyone takes to it instantly or quickly, and there's no rule about how you should feel. It doesn't make you less maternal if you feel like you're not ready or not prepared, or that you don't want to just shut the world out and gaze gooey eyed into your baby's eyes. Good luck with it!

Actually I disagree with perfectstorm - some mums are unfortunately very, very tired but not too tired for introspection or existential angst!

Gracie I think maybe it depends on how much the baby sleeps - mine was an outlier in the wrong direction for a good 18 months, and most days I had trouble remembering my own name. Am desperately hoping for an average sleeper this time - don't dare even dream of a good one!

My son is 10 weeks old. I too was terrified during pregnancy - lo and behold, it is terrifying being a mum

I think knowing and deeply understanding (as you clearly do) that it's going to be a shock is about the best way you can plan emotionally. I worry more about the women who seem to be alright about becoming a mum. Reminds me of that phrase 'If you're not panicking, it's because you haven't really understood the situation.'

So you're right to be terrified...but

IT IS ALL GOING TO BE FINE.

I have discovered the amazing epiphany that you don't have to be a mum all at once, if that makes sense...you just have to do the next right thing. For instance, DS is peacefully sleeping while I type (yay!), and in about 10 mins he'll wake up and I'll feed him. So the next right thing is to have a nice piece of toast and marmalade, chat to DH, then feed DS. My friend said 'If I think about this (motherhood) being forever, I can't cope and I'd have to run away...but I can get through today. Today is fine.'

And motherhood is just a series of 'todays'.

You can do it. You will be ace. We will all be here cheering you on.