Terrified of tearing or being cut

sprite25 · 2013-11-13T16:14:00+00:00

I'm at 36+3 weeks and attempted to do perineal massage last night but there's no way I could reach so gave up, I know opinions are mixed as to whether it works or not but really wanted to give it a go as the thought of skin down there ripping or being cut terrifies me. I plan on using water for the majority of labour and hopefully the birth so maybe the warm water will help soften things up but I dont know what to do now that I can't do the massage :S

bundaberg · 13/11/2013 16:17

i was abolutely petrified of this before my first birth.

and no matter what anyone said to me it made no difference.
so, i am going to tell you that when you are in labour you will NOT care anymore. I promise you. I know you'll find that hard to believe, but it's what everyone told me and it's true!

when you are in labour you want that baby out, end of story lol.

as it happened I did have a second degree tear with my first. and you know what? it was ok! hurt to sit down for quite a while, but it really was nothing like i thought it would be. it healed fine and I didn't tear at all with either of my subsequent pregnancies :)

loopdaloo · 13/11/2013 16:24

I had a slight tear with first. The best advice I can give is if it happens when you're having a wee lean as far forward as you can, keeps the wee away from the wound and really eases the pain.

fairy1303 · 13/11/2013 16:27

I tore.

Tbh it was fine. I didn't feel the tear and didn't really notice the healing either.

The best advice I had was from the midwife to put a few drops of lavender oil in your bath every day after the birth - it worked wonders with healing.

It will be ok.

Good luck.

cravingcake · 13/11/2013 16:28

Speak to your midwife about it, they should be able to help you with clear instructions of when to push and when not to during labour.

And I agree with Bundaberg, once you are in labour, you will not care (or no way near as much), you just want baby out.

I had a 4th degree tear and episiotomy - I wont lie, its not been an easy recovery but tearing to this extent is not that common.

DownstairsMixUp · 13/11/2013 16:29

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Geneticsbunny · 13/11/2013 16:31

It really isn't that bad. I had a 3rd degree tear with my last birth and I didn't know it had happened until the midwives checked me out. Had to be stitched up in theatre with a spinal block but didn't feel a thing and healed really nicely. No problems after and very little pain. Only thing I disliked was having to stay in hospital for ages after the birth.

Best advice is to listen to what the midwives say during the pushing bit. If they tell you to stop pushing then do it. You will be fine.

BadgerBumBag · 13/11/2013 16:31

I tore and it wasn't bad at the time. I would say it would be sensible to plan for dealing with healing when you come home eg hot and cold pads, arnica gel, pain killers, rubber ring.

You honestly will not care in labour. Hard to imagine if you've never done it but trust us!

SadPander · 13/11/2013 16:32

Terrified of this too and was planning to try the massage but think I'm going to have the same issue reaching as you are! You hear so many horror stories, but good to see soem people saying that they recovered well from a tear.

Audilover · 13/11/2013 16:37

There's no guarantee that you are going to tear or need to be cut.
I've given birth to 5 children and didn't tear or need to be cut with any of them.
I remember saying to the midwife with my last birth that I didn't know whether it was something to be proud of or embarrassed about !

BummyMummy77 · 13/11/2013 16:44

I was too but at 41 weeks now he could rip a hole in my face and I wouldn't care!

Ilovemyrabbits · 13/11/2013 16:50

I was friends with a very senior medical chap when I was expecting my dd (now 12) and I was the same as you. I said to him that I definitely didn't want to be cut. He said that if the medical staff decide to cut you, be grateful that they aren't leaving you to tear horribly. Being cut is by far the better option. Easy for him to say, I thought, but I agree with others...when the time came, I didn't care what they did to me as long as dd got out healthily.

I ended up having an emergency c section after dd got caught on her umbilical cord and bungy jumping onto my cervix for 12 hours. I ended up with my first stitches, but not my last, and it wasn't half as horrid as I thought it would be.

Ilovemyrabbits · 13/11/2013 16:51

I was friends with a very senior medical chap when I was expecting my dd (now 12) and I was the same as you. I said to him that I definitely didn't want to be cut. He said that if the medical staff decide to cut you, be grateful that they aren't leaving you to tear horribly. Being cut is by far the better option. Easy for him to say, I thought, but I agree with others...when the time came, I didn't care what they did to me as long as dd got out healthily.

I ended up having an emergency c section after dd got caught on her umbilical cord and bungy jumping onto my cervix for 12 hours. I ended up with my first stitches, but not my last, and it wasn't half as horrid as I thought it would be.

Sizzlesthedog · 13/11/2013 16:53

I tore a little and had an episiotomy. I didn't know until afterwards when the Dr told me. Had forceps delivery so to be expected I suppose.

I was terrified of being cut, and really I didn't feel it. Everyone told me I wouldn't feel it. It's hard to imagine before you go through it, not helpful. But truly you will be fine. I am a massive wimp and it all was ok. The hormones and adrenalin make your body do things you didn't know you could do. Trust your body.

Was a bit sore afterwards, but healed fine.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 13/11/2013 16:54

I've been very fortunate to have my 2 DC without significant tearing - some grazing I think they call it, which stung a bit but not badly especially if you poured water on whilst weeing (in days after the birth obvs)
My DH had a go at some perineal massage before the birth and I also had DC1 in a water pool - so don't know if either of these things helped but they may have done. When they told me not to push too much I tried to listen, but basically I was just lucky - passes on luck to OP and any others reading with intent

StrawberryGashes · 13/11/2013 16:57

As others have said, you really won't care at all when the time comes. You might not even tear anyway, I never with my first child and only a little with my second. With my second I only had gas and air and have no recollection of tearing, I remember pushing but don't remember any pain. I hope everything goes well.

longtallsally2 · 13/11/2013 16:59

Before giving birth to ds1 my antenatal class did a special session discussing tearing and stitching so I was really worried about it and focused on it. As it happens I had a third degree tear and more stitches than the Bayeux tapestry: I was being stitched for well over an hour after the birth, but they were fine, didn't hurt at all, and didn't impede recovery. The rest of me, however, felt as if it had been run over by a truck, so it's not as if I was brave!

SootikinAndSweep · 13/11/2013 17:01

I was also terrified of this, and ended up with a third degree tear and a long recovery physically and mentally. I've had a birth debrief with the consultant overseeing my treatment, who tells me that a very small percentage of women tear this badly, and there is nothing at all that it can be attributed to, some women are just unlucky.

stickysausages · 13/11/2013 17:06

I had a very large baby, in the water, no tears or stitches. I didn't do anything in advance, but I did take raspberry leaf capsules & arnica pillules before & after Labour.

The water really did soften things, but being in a good position to push (ie not on your back in bed!!) help more I think.

Avoiding an epidural helps to, as this is often when you need interventions like forceps etc.

So I'd say staying active, upright & labouring in water all help.

strawberrypenguin · 13/11/2013 17:09

OP I had about as large a cut as its possible to have, even the doctor said it was bigger than he would usually do (my DS was a tricky forceps birth, no choice but to cut) It healed up really nicely. They sent me home from hospital with some painkillers and my MW's advice was a warm (not hot) salt bath every couple of days, as a pp said too lean forward when you wee and for poos if you fold one of your maternity pads in half and hold it against the stitches it really helps.
Honestly it seems worrying to you now and I'm not going to dismiss that but as others have said at the time if it happens all you will care about is your baby being born healthy

AidanTheRevengeNinja · 13/11/2013 17:10

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EugenesAxe · 13/11/2013 17:12

I was more petrified of the second in case I noticed more... because first time I had a grade 2, nearly 3, and I didn't notice it at all.

Stitching can be slightly uncomfortable afterwards but they give you G&A. If you do tear then pelvic floor helps (gets oxygen to the area to speed healing and ensures you knit back better than you might otherwise) - also just keep some saltwater by the toilet and goosh yourself after each wee.

It's fast pushing out that does it, and TBH it's the luck of the draw. With DS I couldn't NOT push - them saying 'Little puffs of air!' did fuck all to give me self control; it was a weird physical compulsion.

Christelle2207 · 13/11/2013 17:38

I had an episiotomy and as others have said if you get to that point you won't care. I was pushing for 3h and tbh was desparate to get DC out! Don't remember it at all, I do remember the stiching up which wasn't pleasant but by then I had a gorgeous son to look at!

fanoftheinvisibleman · 13/11/2013 17:45

I felt the same. In the end I was cut after 22 hours labour followed by pver 2 hours pushing.

Ds then shot out after one push! If I'd know how easy it would be I'd have had it done a lot sooner.

My advice would be go with the flow on the day and don't worry too much.

Original poster

sprite25 · 13/11/2013 19:49

Thanks everyone for your replies, I do feel a bit more at ease about it now and realise that with everything else going on it will probably be the last thing I notice if it does happen. I have seen loads of others saying on a different thread that they did the massage religiously and still tore so I guess if its gonna happen there's not much I can do about it.

OP posts:

cantthinkofagoodone · 13/11/2013 19:56

I had a third degree tear. I didn't feel it happen and was in no pain while recovering.

Being examined to determine if I needed to go to theatre was more painful than labour and going to theatre was not ideal but not as bad as my worries about tearing.

As pp have said, listen to your midwife when you're pushing.