Discussion- Whats your veiw on Teenage Pregnancy/ Teenage parents?

[TheNobodies]

I thought it woukd be a good discussion as I know there are so many different opinions and i would love to hear them!

I'm 19 myself, had my 1st at 17 but he was born sleeping at 23 weeks and then had two miscarriages. I'm now 19 and 9 weeks pregnant, I'm due a couple of weeks before my 20th and a month before I complete college.

Don't be put off because im a teenage parent, I understand everyone's opinions are different. Join in the discussion and feel free to ask questions :-)

Wow! Finally a group that's not afraid to speak about teenage pregnancies!

I'm the mother of a teenage daughter that had a son at the of 13. She's 15 now and doing well. My grandsons a beautiful boy and really, yes really! I couldn't be prouder of how she's making a genuine effort with her life. She's taught me her life's not over, just different. I'm also embarking on a new venture regarding teenage pregnancies. A support group for us parents of teenagers that need us more now, than ever. I see the struggle and inequalities she faces, the prejudices and misconceptions by our community and it makes my blood boil. She's really trying, she's studying hard to fulfil her dream of becoming an a&e nurse.

Oooop I speak too much...

I used to be very judgemental, I was brought up with the opinion that it would be a waste of my life etc etc and that stuck with me through early adulthood. However, after 4&1/2 years of TTC and feeling sure that I might have fallen pregnant at the drop of a hat when I was in my teens, my opinion changed hugely. The thought of life without children was very very black, I was getting older, I knew from my many IVFs that my egg quality was becoming poorer (earlier than expected at the age of 36!) and I would have done anything to relive my life and try when I was younger. I started to realise that actually teenage mums have it completely right... Have your kids young ( if having kids matters to you, I know some women aren't bothered) and then spend the rest of your life doing all the other stuff like career building, buying nice things etc. if you do it the other way round you are playing Russian roulette with you aspirations for the rest of your life.

There's got to be a happy medium, early 20s might be better financially and potentially life experience wise, but mid to late 30s is a big mistake.

I am so much more tolerant and understanding now. These younger girls, might just be more insightful than some people give them credit for!

I think being a good parent is not just about what you are able to offer a child but about what you are willing to give up for them. If you are willing to give up everything and anything you need to to make your child's life better then wether you are 16 or 60 you are on the right track.

I had dd1 when I was 16. I had a lot of 'help' of my parents. I made some very bad choices - as you do when you are a teen and trying to grow up.

Dd2 I had at 33 and I'm a much better mother. More patient, giving and loving.

I often look back with guilt with dd1 as my priorities were not in the right place. I wanted to be out clubbing with my friends and my parents and inlaws were only happy to oblige as she was their first grandchild . Dd1 was a very much shared baby.

If my dd1 now 19 came and told me she was expecting I'd be so upset at the missed chances of exploring the world and life she could have. I spoke at great length with her about getting pregnant and how many doors it closes for you.

Women have a hard enough time getting back in to the work force and regaining there individuality after a baby - throw bring a teenager in the mix and it's very fuckng hard work. It took me ten years to get my life on track and carve out a career.

I'm 37 and have known I wanted children since I was 13, but was very much brought up that it's utterly wrong to have children before you can care and provide for them. So I'm on my second pregnancy (miscarriage in September) trying for that first baby and I'm already nearly too old to do it. I think the world would be a much better place if we could align all the things we do with work, and travelling, and education, with all the biological stuff of having babies. If women had built this society you sure as he'll wouldn't have all this stuff that you can't do with babies at the exact time you body is best at having babies.

That said, I do think under about 17 or 18 is probably too young for most women. And my grandmother had her first (of four) at forty, so I think we can be a bit hung up on a biological ideal age, when the reality is that the age at which we can have babies is pretty big. I came HORRIFYINGLY close to rushing in to having babies with entirely the wrong person, way before I was ready, because I felt so much pressure not to run out of time.

OP, you sound like you are really lucky to have had everything come together for you at the ideal time, and I wish you all the best.

My sister had her DD at 15 and has really proved the stereotypical view of teenage parents wrong, she has been amazing. My niece is now 13 and is a credit to her mum, she excels at everything she does and is just a lovely girl, we are all so proud of them both.

I don't have any opinion either way.

Sure becoming a parent in your teens may make life more difficult. There are lots of factors to take into account such as what the teenagers own parents are like and how much support will be given.

But I know a few people who've had their children in their teens, a couple even school age, and those babies are now adults and doing perfectly well in their own lives. The now adult teenage parents have gone on to do reasonably well for themselves in their education, relationships and careers and if anything have been even more determined to succeed.

Sure there are tragic cases where a pregnancy has ruined a young person life and they've been unable to cope, but this can be the case for mothers of any age.

If I had a daughter I would hope for her to be financially secure, in a living relationship and have established some type of career or employment before having children, and have a bit of life experience. But if things don't work out that way it doesn't have to be the end of the world or the end of her life.

Loving relationship.

I would be very disappointed if my dd had a baby as a teenager.
We have a very open relationship and I have always made it clear that I would find it very hard to support her . I know that I will probably be flamed for that opinion, but I would not be prepared to look after a baby so she could complete education .

I agree that it definitely depends on the mental age of the mother and father. I am 23 and my DH and I are TTC our first child. We have been married nearly 3 years, together 9 and renting a nice house for 1 year. We have tried hard to make the conditions perfect but I still worry about people thinking we are too young. Then there are friends of ours that have two or three small children with several fathers, no job and no real life as such and we worry about them. I am not sure the best time to have a child but I think you should at least try to be stables do as long as you can provide for them, I think it's fine.

I fell pregnant at 17 couple months before my 18th birthday. To say he was unexpected would have been a lie we knew the risks when we didn't use a condom. At the time; DH and I had been dating since I was 16 and 8 years later and we're still together, thankfully. Had I known back then what it was like I would have waited at least another year. It took 3 years before we were ready for another. And thankfully, our parents were supportive.

My co

My cousin was 14 when she fell pregnant (15 when she had him) it was her first time and despite her having a close relationship with her parents she ignored everyone's adviced and didn't use protection. She had to grow up fast and missed on so much; she did finish school though. She found it very hard especially when her and boyfriend broke up and had to figure out issues regarding custody. He's turning 6 at the end of the month and she is expecting her 2nd in March.

I don't like the idea of children having children. At least 18+ but then again, if your old enough to have sex ("wishful thinking" 16) then your old enough deal with the consequences and grow up. Some teenagers are more mature than others, but that doesn't mean they're ready for what baby entails.

Another shocking thing; in my last year of school (Y11) 13 out of the year group were pregnant and bragged about, 3 of those were expecting their 2nd, and one her 3rd.

In all honestly, you can educate a child with as much knowledge as you can but knowing it and applying it are two different things.