Discussion- Whats your veiw on Teenage Pregnancy/ Teenage parents?

[TheNobodies]

I thought it woukd be a good discussion as I know there are so many different opinions and i would love to hear them!

I'm 19 myself, had my 1st at 17 but he was born sleeping at 23 weeks and then had two miscarriages. I'm now 19 and 9 weeks pregnant, I'm due a couple of weeks before my 20th and a month before I complete college.

Don't be put off because im a teenage parent, I understand everyone's opinions are different. Join in the discussion and feel free to ask questions :-)

This is an emotive subject Op. If I am really honest, personally I think young people (male and female) should wait till the have completed their education, live a bit, experienced more of life and have a stable long standing career/employment so the are in a position to look after and support their DC solely should things not work out with their partner.

I am 37 and when I consider what I was like threw my late teens / early 20s even though i bought my first property alone at 19 yers old I was not wise enough to be bringing another life into the world.

I know this might be a slightly controversial thing to say, but for me, as long as that teen is able, and indeed willing to provide a stable and loving home for the child and more specifically, plans to support the child herself rather than relaying on the tax payer for welfare, then good luck to them.
I certainly wouldn't have been able to do the former at 18 (and would have only avoided the latter because my parents would have supported me financially, social welfare wouldn't ever be something we would have considered). Apologies if anyone finds that view offensive..

Rara1988 I had my first dc at 19 and I already had my own home worked full time and been with dp 3 Years never once did we get a hand out from family ect, my family have a very strong work ethic and I was brought up knowing if I wanted anything I had to work my ass off for it, so when I fell pg that's what I did im now pg with dc5 and still work my butt off and still with dp who is a year older than me. Even though things worked out for me, it has been god damn hard work. I still wish id waited a bit longer till I had kids I think it would of been easier if I was a bit more financially stable mentally mature ect.

I'm 18 and I agree with you JoJo, but there are many who wouldn't.

I think teens can of course make good parents, however it is way harder in so many ways for a teen to make a good fist of it.

I guess my question to teens who actively seek out pregnancy is why do you want to do something so tough? Why not wait? And do you really not have other stuff you'd like to do whilst you are young and free from responsibility? Really, nothing?

Sorry Terilou, wasn't getting at you (or anyone else) with that Q, but I think you might have taken it that way. Just genuinely curious cos even though I consider myself good with money, I can't imagine how I could've done it at 18/19. Sounds like you've done brilliantly, so good on you. Shame not everyone is like that - I'm not keen on the over-reliance on the welfare state of some teenage mothers (though I'm by no means tarring everyone with the same brush). I was brought up with a strong work ethic too, and I worked (part-time obviously) from 14. Unfortunately, a lot of my generation aren't like that at all and still rely on their parents well into their twenties.

Sorry, i am hopless with replying because im on my phine.. Featherbag, baby is very wanted but not at this moment in time we wanted to wait until Febuary o start trying. I was on the pill but my cycle completely messed up so came off, we had sexonce without a condom (that's how I concieved my first riley, didnt learn) and foubd out i was expecting I completley freaked mainly because I'm expected to cone out with Distinction *'s and im scared i wont now because I always feel ill and tired.

Daley, it did answer my question because you gave 2 different views.. it defiantly depends on the person I plan on goung to university in 2015.

Chelsea, there's always people out there that will judge you especially the elderly. Which I have never ubderstood as the vast majorityof then had children young?

Leanne, thank you neans alot when people say things like that. I will finish my education because I don't want to dissappoint myself or be stereotyped because most teebage parents I know dropped out. Plus ny partner won't ket me quit and will keep pushing me until i do my best :-)

To call anyone 'silly' is a bit much. I don't think it's any of anyones damn business as long as they're a good parent.

My Mum was 17 when she had me and we have an amazing relationship.

I'm 36 and about to have my first. I feel like I would have had an easier pregnancy and maybe more energy for baby if I'd done it in my teens/20s but I wasn't in the right place with the right person.

There's pros and cons to both. I'm more concerned about the number of utterly useless humans having kids than how old they are.

RaRa, I do live with ny partners mum and my oartner.. we rent a roon and help with the bills. The reason why he still lives there is because his sister is disabled hut hus mum has soneone else living there to help now and he has realised hehas to live his own life now. My partner has a good job and earns over £2500 a month. I am defiantly not going to really on my parents or his because i know the best way is to learn alone but i also know you often may need a break. my partner has never held a baby (apart from our son who passed away) so he hasnt got any experience where as i have alot as I cone from a big famiky and i looked aftrr my twin brother and sister mum was really ill after having them. idont believe on relying on others. Plus we plan on moving an hour away next summer when we buy our own house.

Wordfactory, i have alo of other things I can take resposibility for but its not just about responsibility. Its about being ready and wanting a family. I feel very ready now, but often get scared but I'm sure most pregnant woman do. I've never been the type to drink and party.. my friendship group is more lets meet and go for a meal or to the pub for a coke..

'I think it depends entirely on the person, their situation, the circumstances and their relationship and support networks. '

^ This entirely

No need to apologise I didn't take it wrong way, I was just explaining how iv done it.

I had my first at 19.

I was too young, emotionally, it virtually ended my chosen career path. It was hard, particularly financially and me and my DP split. We had been together 3 years. I thought I knew it all. But I didn't. I have been a better parent, I think, to my younger DCs.

However I wouldn't be without my DS who is 25 now.

My DD became pregnant at 18. Had her baby at 19 anD is 20 now. She struggles. Her and her now DH got married after only 4 months together. Their relationship is rocky. It was too much too soon. I cannot/do not run her life for her but I am sad for her. Is she a good mum- yes. Does she find it hard? - yes. I'm not sure that answers your question. They are just facts.

Finances wise,I've never claimed any benefits of any type and had at the time little family support I worked my arse off took 2 weeks ML but was lucky enough at that time that my boss was a very good friend whose wife did child care when I had work to do where I couldn't have the baby with me.

I was 19 when I had dd. she is 4 now.

There were people (our parents) who were absolutely horrid about it. It was unplanned but they wanted us to terminate. His parents wanted him to go to Uni alone and me to stay living with my mum etc. I have also experienced a lot of bad attitudes from other mums at baby groups / classes and in general which made things a lot harder at first, though I am much more confident now.

I would say that things have worked out really well for us. 5 years on we are married, DH Is a teacher, we are buying a house, have a good relationship and I'm pg with dc3 :o

Obviously I think I'm a great parent :o but I have no idea what I would be like if I were 10/15 years older. All of my friends are in their 30s and I don't seem significantly different to them in parenting style. It's hard to judge though isn't it? There's no one way to parent, no objective standard against which to judge so how can you tell if parenting is age related or down to the individual? Like everything I think it's pretty unique to the person, if you work hard at it (and potentially it may be harder) then it will probably be ok.

I don't know if that really answered the question sorry!

I agree with everything sockreturningpixie has said. My DSis had her two at 16 and 19, I had my first at 34 and am expecting a 2nd at 39. She is a much better mum than me and always has been. She was a home-owner at 19 and now has a good career, just been promoted and doing a new course. She is only 32 and has two great teenage sons.

Also while teenage mums face barriers and challenges unique to their situation there is never any excuse for shaming teenage parents or for withdrawing support. The rate of teenage pregnancy is naturally declining - when I was at school it was quite common for most of my friends' mums to have been 18-20 and married when they had their first (my mum was an ancient 28) - nowadays that is unusual.

Thenobodies - are you on Twitter? If so I highly recommend following Prymface - Promoting Respect for Young Mothers (also Young Dads TV) - they often have scheduled chats. Both are great lobbyists for young parents and always have interesting things to say.

My DD is 18 and pregnant, she will have her baby soon. She will be finishing HS and wants to go to College, which I support, and I want to help her in anyway possible to finish school if that is what she wants. I offered to pay for it and even take care of the baby when she attends class. But what I dont support is her BF, which is 14 years older than her and not working. My husband and I have even found a place for them to stay and invested in the place so the rent would be lower, but he is still job less. So far they havent been able to move in together because he cant pay the rent. I dont mind having my DD and her baby on my back, but no way am I going to feed him as well. The only problem is my DD is so in love she does not see that he will never be able to support her or her baby. What should I do? I have a feeling he is just waiting for her to have the baby for my to soften up and have him move in with us, but where in her teenage room? I cant...

Some younger women I work with want a child very young for the wrong reasons (i.e. think it will be a lovely little baby and grown up) I've found. There are organisations with real younger mums who buddy up and show them the reality!

It depends on the maturity and outlook of the girl.

Under 16 is too young though - it is a very vulnurable age at the end of childhood itself. Also, biologically, some women are able to carry (body size and strength - you become fertile before you're safe to carry) at 13, others not till after 16. In other countries it can cause real problems when girls get pregnant as soon as they menstruate.

I think in general people do a hell of a lot of growing up between their mid teens to early twenties and then tend to plateau out a bit. Everyone reaches that point at a different age, so I think it's hard to generalise about what age people are 'ready' for children.

One advantage of having children early I've only recently considered is that you will hopefully not only get to see your children grow up but hopefully your grandchildren too. And when my dad was ill I remember being very upset he might not live to see any grandchildren (he recovered, thankfully).

Friends of ours who are the same age had children very early and are waving them off to university when we are just embarking on our first. I'm a bit jealous!

Sorry to hear about your losses OP!

I think it can be tough for teens to have kids, particularly now that there are extra obstacles in the way of getting further education. Having said that I have known lots of young people who made excellent parents and who did complete their education. A friend of mine who was pregnant when we were both 16 is now granny at under-40 and she has 3 kids, still with same partner, and all very happy. I wouldn't let anyone tell you that anything is impossible. Some of the people who seem most 'ready' for having children are the ones who can struggle the most because of the expectation that everything will be easier for them, and things like illness or PND can just pick on anyone, regardless of their age or financial means.

Younger people may need extra support, particularly if they don't have the support of a partner who lives with them, but once you've committed to having the baby I think you have to be positive about it. Personally, I don't think it's a good idea to plan for pregnancy before you've finished your education because it is harder to go back once you're a mum, but with hard work and determination anything is possible.

Very best of luck with this baby! :-)

Bulinica: make it very clear that he can move in when he has a job and can contribute. Otherwise- your house, your rules! It will be tough on your daughter, no doubt, but you will be setting a very good example for the future day when she will no doubt come to realise that a lazy partner is just like having another child. Good luck!

Teenagers need all the support to make the right decision .... And if the decision is to keep the baby then they need the same support, direction and respect as any mum!!

I had DS when I was only 13 (completely accidental) ..... But proud to say I brought him up to be a respectful, level headed, polite, hard working young man who is now 17 and embarking on his own career!! I too managed to go to uni and get a degree and amazing career! We have travelled the world and he has some amazing experiences!

What saddens me is that i still get judged on it 17 years on!!

I had my son at 18, I was 17 when I fell pregnant when I was doing my a-levels and working part-time. My partner was in his 20s with a full-time job.
Abortion wasn't an option for me, I couldn't imagine going through that. So our relationship went on fast forward, we bought a tiny house (using all his savings as a deposit), and I deferred my college place for a year.
I love my son to absolute pieces but I don't think I was a good a mum as I could be now. I was responsible, but still quite immature, lacked confidence in many areas and had no life experience.

I did go back to college when baby was nearly a year old, and completed an HND with the view of becoming a teacher but during my degree top-up aged 21, I was so low in confidence I quit and got a full-time office job. I kept thinking I would go back to studying and complete it but never got round to it (really regret this as too much time has now elapsed to complete it).
My marriage broke down when when my son was about 5-6, think we only really stayed together as we had our son, otherwise think we'd have parted years beforehand. So I'm now 28, living in a rented house and stuck in a pretty dead end - but stable - job. My son is now 10 and turning into a lovely young man, I've met someone new and things are going really well there.

I would have loved to have travelled, got a proper career and lived a little before getting pregnant. I talk to 17/18 year old girls now and I do feel pangs of envy that they're all making their life plans and so free, and I feel I have missed the boat completely . I would absolutely love to change my career and go back to studying, but I don't even know what I truly love to do even if I could.

I don't even think my biggest regret is actually the getting pregnant, it's the quitting of the studies that have really limited my lifestyle and what I can do. Wish I had just spoken up and spoken to a lecturer about my self-doubt, rather than just run away from it all, I might have found another option.

Sorry this has turned into a bit of a counselling session!!