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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Midwife appointment has left me feeling down

34 replies

pumpkinsweetie · 15/10/2013 13:03

Went to see my midwife today, she looked like she had been sucking lemons, no smiles, no hello to my 3yo dd who was with me & the atmosphere was very operational and downbeat.

She look my blood pressure and asked me how things were in a david dochovy type tone. I answered that everything is going well and provided that my gtt (bmi 38) comes back normal would it be possible for me to birth at the hospitals attached mlu suite. She said she doesn't think so but would enquire when i'm further on (i'm 28wks). I have four other dc.

She felt baby and measured me, but didn't put the tape tight or put it low enough! She wrote down that i'm measuring 33 weeks although i'm 28 and never explained a thing but moaned that i'm off her silly chart she made.

My last children were small-average and were born overdue between 5lb 11oz & 7lb 8oz, so it's not as though i will have a whopper due to my size so i don't get why she is charting me.

I know i'm overweight or obese as it is termed but i found her manner today appalling and her mis explanation of my measurement off.

I'm fed up with her attitude towards me because of my bmi. The other midwife in my pratice is lovely and jolly and has even said they go on health aswell as bmi and if i stay healthy and well she cannot see any reason they would dis allow me to the mlu.

Aibu that this isn't the way to be with a patient?

OP posts:

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OhBabyLilyMunster · 15/10/2013 13:05

Complain. If you dont, nothing will ever change.

Original poster

pumpkinsweetie · 15/10/2013 13:13

Think you are right ohbaby

OP posts:

Noteveryday · 15/10/2013 13:28

Did she actually do anything wrong or is it that you are inferring some sort of size prejudice from the tone of her voice? She might just be that matter of fact with everyone. Not everyone is smiley or cheerful. Do you feel that she is looking after your and your baby's health capably?

To be honest with you someone with a BMI of 38 probably is going to measure 'off the chart' on bump size, just as an underweight person may well measure small. If I remember rightly they usually have to investigate further if you are measuring more than 3 weeks ahead or behind. Even though you may be fairly certain this is down to your body size, she has to act according to her clinical guidelines.

Most areas will not let you go in MLU with BMI of more than 35. It is standard practice due to the increased risks that come with obesity. The fact that you feel you are having a healthy pregnancy does not mean your risk of a difficult birth is reduced, and even if the baby is an average size as your others have been, you are more likely to have problems such as high blood pressure, post partum haemorrhage, blood clots, more likely to need a c-section etc.. I'm sure you are aware of this already though.

Original poster

pumpkinsweetie · 15/10/2013 13:38

I am aware of all the problems that can go wrong & i know i must have more intervention than an average weight person. But her attitude towards me today stank, the atmosphere was so thick you could almost smell it.

A hello to my daughter would have been nice and an explanation of the measurments should have been given. She was very off, i have never known her to be this unpleasant before and maybe she was having a bad day, but she shouldn't take it out on her patients.

She also forgot to give me folder holder back, i had to remind her and she also said " if you have baby now they won't allow you into mlu"- very nasty thing to say, worrying me of premature birth.

OP posts:

JeanPaget · 15/10/2013 13:44

I think you're being oversensitive. You seem to have taken against the midwife and are holding perfectly unexceptional things against her - she didn't say hello to your daughter and she didn't give you your folder holder back? so what?

The fact that you measure off the chart doesn't make it a 'silly little chart'.

Original poster

pumpkinsweetie · 15/10/2013 13:54

My other mw is lovely and nothing like this one. I'm saying she always has to be upbeat but she was very off today

OP posts:

Original poster

pumpkinsweetie · 15/10/2013 13:54

*not

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TobyLerone · 15/10/2013 14:03

According to my MW, they chart everyone's fundal measurement from 28-ish weeks now. Mine actually started at 25 weeks.

To be fair, although a bit of bedside manner doesn't go amiss, she's probably under a fair bit of pressure and it's not really her job to chat to your child. Everyone has an off day sometimes.

Original poster

pumpkinsweetie · 15/10/2013 14:07

Maybe so Toblerone but it isn't my fault she is having a bad day. Not a great day for me with it being with it being world pregnancy & infant loss day (had mc, would have been due in 2 days) but i still manage a smile and tried to break the ice but she continued to be off with me and her making me worry by not explaning things has now made me worry

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TobyLerone · 15/10/2013 14:10

You do sound like you're being quite oversensitive, but if you want to complain, do so. I'm not sure what you want us all to say otherwise

terilou87 · 15/10/2013 14:20

I think you are being a tad sensitive, but I also think the mw should make a little more effort to at least be polite, with regards measurements all pg women should be measured, even though this can be way out it can indicate if there is to be a problem growth wise eg too big/ small so a growth scan can be arranged, I'm also classed as obese ( BMI 35.7) and was measuring 29 weeks at 24 but my mw said it isn't the initial size she will look at as my BMI is an obvious factor but the curve of the line as pg progresses. My consultant has told me due to my BMI being so high iv got to have growth scans anyway( iv also had 4 normal weight children. 8lb1,7lb3,7lb7and8lb3) as being overweight can effect
the growth of your baby, if you feel she was unprofessional though I agree with above complain or nothing will change. Good luck with your pg and fingers crossed you get the mlu birth you want x

HolidayArmadillo · 15/10/2013 14:26

It doesn't matter if you're 'healthy' if your BMI is over 35 it's highly unlikely you'll be allowed to deliver in the MLU, like it or not obesity does being with it several complicating factors making pregnancy a high risk affair. I think you're being a bit over sensitive, it's not her job to make small talk with your other child and she may just have a monotonous voice. Not her fault.

Original poster

pumpkinsweetie · 15/10/2013 14:29

Thankyou teril maybe i have been oversensitive, just wanted the normal bedside manner i get when i visit.
I will put it down to her having a bad day this time and leave it as that.

I have a gtt booked aswell as a growth scan and i know babies care is the ultimate priority. Thankyou for explaining the measurement thing everyone as i was panicking for a moment there.

Just don't like been considered as a statistic, although that is what the midwifes are watching, incase i am one of those statistics.

She also said my downs bloods finally come back and although i'm low risk i'm over the cut off point being at one in 155, what does this mean? My scan measured normal thickness

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terilou87 · 15/10/2013 14:37

I think(someone correct me of I'm wrong) that they are the odds on your baby having downs.

jammiedonut · 15/10/2013 14:38

I remember going into a mw appointment and our lovely mw being a complete bitch the whole time, she really upset me and put me on a downer for a good few days. The next time I saw her I did bring it up, as it had affected me so badly. On that day she'd had two of her clients lose their babies. She could not have been more apologetic and was very upset with herself that I'd gone away unhappy. Maybe ask to speak to someone and voice your feelings, or even speak to her next time. Her comments don't sound bad, but to be honest, anything said in he wrong way can be taken badly. She may have just been havin a bad day, but then again she may not

Original poster

pumpkinsweetie · 15/10/2013 14:44

Thanks jammie didn't even think of things like that, i guess we don't like to think these things are in a midwifes day re- stillbirth etc. Hope nothing like that has happened today, if it has then i take my words back as it can't be easy to function even a job after seeing such a sad thing happen.

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christinarossetti · 15/10/2013 14:47

I would guess that the 1 in 155 statistic is the chance of this baby having Down's syndrome (or other chromosomal abnormality).

The 'cut off' point may refer to the usual stat given of 'low risk' ending at 1 in 250, as this is the point where the risk of there being an problem with the baby is higher than the chance of miscarriage/premature birth as a result of any diagnostic procedure.

Factors like your age, BMI affect the statistic given to you, as well as your actual blood content.

When did you have your blood screening done? It's usually well before 28 weeks. Tbh, I'd be more upset that it had taken so long for blood results to come back - this would be worth complaining about, as it could have significant consequences for some women.

Hope that the rest of your pregnancy goes well.

SoYo · 15/10/2013 14:56

Pumpkin there's no excuse for being rude and she obviously didn't do her job as you came away with no explanation of any of the things she told you. A polite word with the practice manager or the supervisor of midwives wouldn't go amiss and ask to be booked in again next week preferably with someone else for a proper explanation of her findings from this visit.

Original poster

pumpkinsweetie · 15/10/2013 15:50

Think that is what got me more, the fact she didn't explain anything.
I had the nuchal with combined bloods done at 13 weeks.

She said the cut off at our hospital for downsyndrome screening is 1 in 163, so it scared the shit out of me but because she was in such a strange mood i didn't feel able to ask especially after her comment about not being admitted to mlu if i have baby now, such a harsh thing to say as everyone knows that and i don't need unessesary worry about premature birth as i hadn't mentioned having any issues.

OP posts:

Original poster

pumpkinsweetie · 15/10/2013 16:36

Going to make another appointment as being 1 in 155, realised its actually 1 in 163 but still way to high, i read online at my age i should be 1 in 1000

Read the date of the results, they have had them since july
What was the point in holding this back from me after the nt , i now cant have any tests

OP posts:

christinarossetti · 15/10/2013 16:50

Yes, I agree that yoiu not having been given results and then m not being explained is what to focus on.

Did you have a 20 week scan. It's encouraging if everything looked well structurally with the baby.

TarkaTheOtter · 15/10/2013 16:54

They should have told you about your nt results earlier, but low risk is considered as a risk lower than 1/150 so she is right that you are low risk and you wouldn't normally be offered any other tests on the NHS.
It sounds like there are communication issues between you and the midwife and it is important that you have a midwife you are comfortable with, so whilst I wouldn't complain I would ask to see the other midwife from now on.

Julietee · 15/10/2013 17:28

It sounds like there's been poor communication - either she/ others have failed to tell you your results and what they mean or you haven't understood - either way it's not acceptable to leave you anxious about results and unclear about what to do going forward. I'd speak to the Supervisor of Midwives.

Sorry you had a bad appointment - My last one was pretty shit as well and I left crying. Sometimes it's a perfect storm of bad midwife mood + preggo sensitivity and it ends badly!

Original poster

pumpkinsweetie · 15/10/2013 18:17

I don't even know who has witholded it, will find out and then make a complaint and then a change of doc surgery is in order.
My gp surgery is the worst in the area and have made many mistakes so frequent even my dc school says they are the worst of the worst.

I'm guessing the hospital or actual receptions/gp are at fault here.

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tsw · 15/10/2013 19:21

Did you not get a letter at about 14 weeks from the hospital saying you are low risk?

I suspect she was unaware that you hadn't already been informed or been aware. That is not something I would expect a community midwife to be aware of. My mum used to be a comm midwife & she was surprised when I told her the letter with my results didn't contain the odds & only said "low risk".

I think that is a general issue rather than an issue with this midwife.

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