Midwife appointment has left me feeling down

[pumpkinsweetie]

Went to see my midwife today, she looked like she had been sucking lemons, no smiles, no hello to my 3yo dd who was with me & the atmosphere was very operational and downbeat.

She look my blood pressure and asked me how things were in a david dochovy type tone. I answered that everything is going well and provided that my gtt (bmi 38) comes back normal would it be possible for me to birth at the hospitals attached mlu suite. She said she doesn't think so but would enquire when i'm further on (i'm 28wks). I have four other dc.

She felt baby and measured me, but didn't put the tape tight or put it low enough! She wrote down that i'm measuring 33 weeks although i'm 28 and never explained a thing but moaned that i'm off her silly chart she made.

My last children were small-average and were born overdue between 5lb 11oz & 7lb 8oz, so it's not as though i will have a whopper due to my size so i don't get why she is charting me.

I know i'm overweight or obese as it is termed but i found her manner today appalling and her mis explanation of my measurement off.

I'm fed up with her attitude towards me because of my bmi. The other midwife in my pratice is lovely and jolly and has even said they go on health aswell as bmi and if i stay healthy and well she cannot see any reason they would dis allow me to the mlu.

Aibu that this isn't the way to be with a patient?

Yes i did get the letter but the figures were not on it iyswim.
Don't really blame the mw for that tbh that will be down to the surgery i suspect, i was more upset about the general lack of explanation and didn'y feel i could ask with the atmosphere i encounter but oh well hopefully next time will be better

It may just be that in your area you are not routinely told the odds, just whether you are high or low risk then.

Don't worry about the bmi, nothing much can change that now, it's about other factors ad well, mine was 26.5 at 9 weeks and is now 34, I am not worried at all, I am not too big for my height, wear size 14 non preg and when preg, and have had two boring easy water births in mlu. Current preg with dc3 and was just today warned about bmi but I know I will pop back to normal, (am 29wks) did last two times, breastfeedng for the year helped, it's how my body does pregnancy,.....everyone is different, you could have low bmi and be very unhealthy in many other weighs, self inflicted or not at all. looking at c sect this time as stubbornly breech dc3, so anything else can happen other than bmi good or bad so my point is don't stress about it or take personally, midwife could prob have been nicer by the sound of it but they just have to follow so many charts/rules etc etc, she's just doing her job......you are growing a baby, eat well be positive and go on a fitness kick after baby if it makes you feel better.....my midwife looks at least a size 20 and is not preg.....I weigh less than her preg and am very fit, dance classes etc etc!!!!!! Couldn't take diet advice from someone twice my size! Hope you are ok op. X

I've had midwives who have got my information wrong, measured me incorrectly, got cross when I asked for test results, didn't attach test results/gave me the wrong test results. For my first appointment there weren't any scales and so I was asked to guess my weight (I never weigh myself). My predicted weight has stuck with me and nobody has bothered to check otherwise.I think it's par for the course, what's important is that you don't take their negativity away with you and let it get you down!

Ishould....same happened to me, initial recorded height as 160 but they measured me yesterday and am 165!! The original midwife although much more laid back about all that stuff essentially set me off with wrong info in notes, new midwife yesterday (other one working elsewhere apparently) double checked everything, was very thorough and sorted lots bits info out for me. Is just crazy how different care can be from person to person.

Her attitude wasn't exactly wonderful, but it could just be that she's like that with everyone and nothing to do with your BMI.

I think she was just being factual when she said you wouldn't be able to go into MLU, I really don't think she intended to worry you or imply you were going to birth prematurely.

Bizarrely, fundal height measuring isn't an exact thing and varies between midwives. You'd think that it would be more accurate but if a group of midwives all measured the fundal height you'd get a variation in results.

Your midwifereally should have discussed the Downs screening result with you at the first appointment post test, so that you could ask questions and so she could determine you understood what the results meant and what, if any, actions you may want to take. But, this would have been WELL before 28 weeks so I would imagine she'd thought that would have already been discussed with you.

So in all, she does sound a little but short, but I don't think she's done much wrong.

I've had such lovely midwives and it makes such a difference, especially if you're feeling anxious.

I don't have any advice but I understand why you're sad, if that helps at all.

It sounds like a horrible appointment, but a different perspective to think about -

I am normal BMI, well spoken, (not saying that you're not! But just to give the full picture), blah de blah. At my first MW appointment we were running through the page on smoking, domestic violence, etc. After I answered 'no' to the first few, she just ticked 'no' for all of them!

She then asked if there was mental illness in the family, when I explained that my Dad had depression after my Mum's death, she said, "well, that's not really depression, is it? It's just grief. This question is just about risk of PND, someone like you shouldn't have to worry about that."

She said "well we won't have to worry about that with you" and "you know what you're doing" type things several times and the other MWs I've seen since have been the same.

This is my first baby, I don't have a clue what I'm doing!

I understand she has a lot of patients to see and maybe I am 'easy' because I don't smoke, don't drink, eat well, know the importance of exercise and folic acid and all that stuff, but I always leave the appointments feeling completely rushed through and as if I didn't really have the time or space to ask things I needed. Hence good old MN :)

Maybe it's a damned if you do tick their boxes, damned if you don't type situation sometimes...