Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

7 months pregnant & the father has left me! :(

32 replies

Mummy2014 · 10/10/2013 10:53

I honestly have no idea where to start. Me & my fiancé had planned this baby, I fell pregnant very quickly after having in implant out it other than that we were both so excited. Fast forward 7 months & over a facebook message he tells me he's my happy& doesn't think we should be together.

We are meant to be moving house tomorrow, which is still going ahead - I'm making him at least pay for a house for me & his child.

I begged him to give it a chance, I haven't been the easiest of people to be around, I honestly don't feel like pregnancy suits me, I've had 1 I'll was after another which has got me down. He spends most of his time at the pub which is when I start moaning at him.

I just wanted to hear if others have gone through the same & how you coped? Right now my heart is breaking & honestly don't know if adoption would be the best thing for this child :(

Would love to hear from you.

OP posts:

Franykins · 10/10/2013 11:23

I am sorry you are going through this. I'm not in the same situation but didn't want to read and run.

Offering a hand to hold until someone comes along with some advice. Please take care of yourself x

star87 · 10/10/2013 11:41

I am so sorry hear wbat you are going through. I went through something very similar with my fiancee on more than one occassion during my pregnancy... I think in all honesty he was freaking out about becoming a dad, setting up his own business and dealing with his own dad being diagnoised with cancer. He has finally got his head around everything and (touch wood) things are getting better.

Maybe try and speak to him and see what made him suddenly spring this on you. I know men arent always willing to talk about their feelings but I think he owes it to you.

Sending a huge hug to you xxx

LittleNightin · 10/10/2013 12:06

Hi mummy2014, I'll be watching this thread with you, as my partner left me this week, i'm 33 weeks pregnant, he says he still loves me but needs time to think, i'm not holding much hope. I'm self employed, living with my parents, dont know how i'm going to support this baby but luckily my family are being very supportive. Do you have family around who will be able to help you? xx

laura0007 · 10/10/2013 12:24

Hi mummy. I'm not in quite the same situation but similar. My baby's dad left as soon as we found out I was pregnant. It was unplanned. I decided to go ahead by myself and it was the best decision I ever made. I have so much support from friends and family I don't need him anyway. You'll be fine, I know it probably doesn't feel that way at the moment I hated people saying that to me but its true. I'm now nearly 24 weeks pregnant and looking forward to being a single mummy. Lots of love

HopeS01 · 10/10/2013 13:08

I'm so sorry Mummy... I am on my own at the moment too (24weeks) but I'm trying to stay strong and remind myself that in a few months we will have something much more important to take our minds off it

I make that might not make things any easier at the moment, but try to get as much support as you can from friends and family.
And we're all here to talk when you need us

Original poster

Mummy2014 · 10/10/2013 13:08

Thank you all for your kind words.

I am hoping that this is a blip & cold feet, and by moving in together spare room or not it will make him change his mind or have a positive effect on him.

I think I just need to focus on me & the baby, and leaving him to it for the time being. Easier said than done, but the intention is there.

I hope you all get sorted & have a happy loving life with your babies. These men are the ones who will miss out xxx

OP posts:

HopeS01 · 10/10/2013 13:08

I know that might

addictedtolatte · 10/10/2013 13:27

Hi the same thing happened to me 3 years ago 2 year old ds and 6 months pregnant due to move into new home. He disappeared changed locks on home ect....... I just focused on my child and the one I was carrying. To be honest it was a blessing it happened whilst I was pregnant as it gave me something to focus on instead of my broken heart I did go through a roller coaster 2 years but 3 years on I've never been happier. Mine wasn't a fairy tale ending but being a single parent does have some benefits good luck op stay strong and I hope it all works out. And believe in KARMA it worked for me

kelly21 · 10/10/2013 14:09

hi i am in the same situation 24 weeks and single again :( theres no chance of us getting back together and its broke me this is the second time i have been dumped in both my pregnacys thats what hurts the most i havent had good pregnancys and i probably never will :(

honey86 · 10/10/2013 14:17

sorry to here that op im single again too after abusive behaviour from my ex since i got preg. im 37 weeks tomorrow. hang in there, focus your mind on other things, and use whatever support you can access, practical and emotion. focus on bubba, that got me through xx

BummyMummy77 · 10/10/2013 14:18

I'm so sorry. I hope you can sort it out but a little advice, don't trip over yourself to 'make things perfect' so he'll stay. I know that's what I'd do but after a baby is born things don't get any easier and can be a tremendous strain on the best of relationships.

Don't walk around on tiptoes trying to be perfect now, he has to take you or leave you the way things really are.

And PLEASE don't even think about blaming yourself or saying things like "I've not been easy, I moan a lot". Big deal. He's a big man with a brain of his own. I've been utter hell to live with during this pregnancy and I'm surprised my husband hasn't upped and left to be honest but he hasn't because he's developed coping mechanisms and has the compassion and understanding to see it's been out of my control.

I was in this situation 10 years ago. Planned pregnancy, fiancee left me (I found out he was actually already married with a wife living across London half the time) and had an abortion. It's something a regret almost everyday. Whatever decision you make regarding adoption is totally yours but take some time to think.

If you don't have the support of family or friends then there is still support out there. Don't be afraid of doing this on your own if it comes down to it. Millions of Mummies do and it's not easy but I think most agree it's worth it.

Do something nice for yourself today and keep telling yourself how strong you are (even if you don't feel it!).

Thinking of you and sending you positive vibes.

Original poster

Mummy2014 · 10/10/2013 16:22

Well there is no going back. Now, he isn't even willing to have the house together as planned, he will give me "some"money towards a house but not the full amount.

I am so hurt & angry, I can't believe I'm in this alone.
My family have been amazing & constantly tell me I can do this, but do I want to? Do I want to bring a child I to the world when I have nothing to offer it.

Sending you all hugs

OP posts:

omuwalamulungi · 10/10/2013 16:31

You have everything to offer. Please don't ever think that you're not enough for your baby.

Babies need love, food and warmth and if your family are supportive there is no reason why you can't do this.

I know it may not feel like it now, but it is his loss. The best thing you can do now is leave him to it.

Sending my best wishes to you.

BummyMummy77 · 10/10/2013 16:59

I agree. You have EVERYTHING to offer. As I said before, it's your decision and nobody will judge you but you CAN do this. If you have friends and family you are far from alone.

Look at all the women who have their partners around them just to be shitty Dads and a drain and negative effect on Mum's life and emotions. You'll have none of that. No trying to please anyone, you can do it your way.

If he's an dick enough to up and leave now then he probably wouldn't have been much support anyway.

My Mum raised 6 kids on her own, all close together and two of who were autistic, one severely (can't be left alone due to self harm etc). Being a Mummy is THE strongest force on earth. Don't ever forget that.

Lots of hugs.

HopeS01 · 10/10/2013 17:31

Mummy, I'm sorry you're hurting .
You can do this! It sounds like you have a great support network and you will do a brilliant job.
Try not to stress too much. Just play it by ear for now, try to have a relaxing evening and don't overthink. Things will work out.
More hugs x

LightTripper · 10/10/2013 17:47

So sorry you have been so badly let down.

This happened to one of my best friends when she was 20. They had actually been trying for a while and had a couple of miscarriages, but her husband still decided late in the pregnancy he couldn't handle the responsibility and left (and basically disappeared and claimed benefits, so no child support, nothing).

Obviously it was very very tough. BUT I can tell you she got through, and her daughter is now a gorgeous 18 year old, about to go off to uni, and a doting big sister to her little brother who is 10. My friend is very happily married to her sons father, who is a great stepdad and general all round good bloke.

So please don't feel that this has to be a sad ending. Obviously you have to do what's right for you. But my friend had really nothing financially and no support from her hub at all (I think he gave her a 20 mother care voucher or something equally rubbish) and things still came right in time.

Do you have a good friend or family you can talk to? What you need now is lots of hugs and somebody to cry on. You don't have to make any decisions now. Do your move, settle yourself in, give yourself a massive hug and take things a day at a time.

Wishing you all the best xx

addictedtolatte · 10/10/2013 17:47

Op I was you 3 years ago and I did it. I live in a tiny 2 bedroom flat and my children are so happy. I felt like you but all they need is love and encouragement not material things. Sounds like you have a good support network. Take care and be kind to yourself xx

LightTripper · 10/10/2013 17:51

Just saw your family is supporting you, which is brilliant. Do let them help you and support you. They will want to do that more than anything. Don't feel a burden, this is what families are for. Let them support you and all will be well, it really will xx

YomAsalYomBasal · 10/10/2013 17:54

I was in your situation a few years ago. I was distraught and thought life would never get better. Things were actually easier once the baby was born as I had a focus and a reason to get out of bed each day. Several years on I am happily married to a lovely new man, who adores my child. Life has a way of sorting itself out, honestly.

Original poster

Mummy2014 · 10/10/2013 20:23

Thank you all for your kind words, it does mean so much. He hasn't even the decency to answer the phone to me so I went to his mums to confront him & he was like I don't know what you want me to say, we haven't been getting on for a few weeks I don't even know why your with me, all I do is annoy you. Then he's like, I still want to see you & be there for you, I'll come in the evenings & feel baby kicking & help as much as I can.

That says to me, he's wants his cake & to eat it. All the fun parts of a family but no commitment.

My family & friends have been amazing, I'm starting to think maybe I can do this on my own, I just know I'm in for a few tough months ahead :-/

OP posts:

omuwalamulungi · 10/10/2013 20:45

You're right, it will be tough, but it's so worth it. I can spend hours (sometimes!) trying to get my DS to sleep but when he wakes up in the morning all playful and happy I just forget all about it.

He doesn't get to pick and choose which bits he wants to do, that's not how it works.

Let people help you where they can and try to face the challenges with a smile. Keep talking here if it helps.

I really feel for you. Try to have a nice night.

SadPander · 10/10/2013 21:01

No experience, but just wanted to say I'm so sorry he is being such a dick at the time you feel you need him the most. As others have said though, I'm sure you CAN do this by yourself if you want to. You don't have to if its not what you want but please know that you can. It does sound like he wants to have his cake and eat it. Obviously its great if he still wants to be involved in the babies life, but I'm not sure it would be great for you to have him over feeling your bump then upping and leaving when he's had enough. I imagine that would make it harder for you to move on from this?

addictedtolatte · 10/10/2013 21:09

Glad your feeling a bit more positive. Your lucky to have supportive family as I did and it was a godsend. I wouldn't waste anymore time on this man he knows where you are so let him come to you if he has anything to say.
My ex didn't want commitment either it took him 16 years and 2 dc to come to that conclusion men are strange creatures. Take care

brettgirl2 · 11/10/2013 07:24

You have loads to offer baby, love being the most important, a wonderful family.

No direct experience but I know several people who have basically been single since babies were born, it's really common place.

It will be tough but you can do it. The hardest situ I think is getting stuck with a manchild who expects everything done for him without helping in any way. At least if you are on your own routines are all yours and you know where you are.

Original poster

Mummy2014 · 11/10/2013 16:31

No further improvements today, I keep breaking down & sobbing, it's hard because I've started missing him now.
Stupidly I'm thinking if I just change & let him have his nights out & try to be a better fiancé maybe he'll stay with me, when in reality hormones & a bit of moaning shouldn't matter, that's normal in pregnancy.

Oh and to top it off, I have had slight bleeding - called MW & as it's only a little have to keep an eye on it & get checked out of it worsens.

At the moment I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. :(

OP posts:

Flip

1 2