pregnant after missed m/c....feeling of dread and doom...how can I cope with the worry?

[weewilliewinkie]

I'm only 6 weeks....actually been feeling ok until this morning - I just have this gut feeling that all is not well with this pregnancy. Feeling kind of shaky and sick, but not in a morning sickness kind of way, just in a nervous anxious kind of way.

I have an early scan booked for a week on Tuesday, which seems like a lifetime away at the moment. And I am dreading it anyway, don't know how I'll manage to even look at the screen for fear of what I might see..

Does anyone have any positive stories for me? How do you cope with pg after m/c? Does everyone who's been through this have wobbly moments like this?

I was wondering where you had got to www.
I don't really know what to say - i am 3 weeks ahead of you, and although i have had a scan, i still have dark moments when i think well what if something has happened since then. And i think these thoughts will continue till i have my baby in my arms.
Try to keep busy, and to keep your mind occupied to stop it going off at tangents. I know you have a little one, so that should help, but am i right in you dhs away at the mo?
Talk to you midwife or doctor if you are really stressing as it wont do you or the baby any good.
As for the scan, when i had mine the doctor pointed the screen away until he had found the blob - i had my eyes closed any way!
I wish there were more i could do - hang in there, and hopefully some others will put some good news stories up.

Dear weewilliewinkie I had two missed miscarriages last year,I am now 16 weeks pregnant.I had a scan at 8,10 and 12 weeks in my epu.Now that I am pastthe magic 12 weeks I have relaxed slightly but I still get times whenIhave convinced myself that this baby has died.I feel that at some point you have to try and trust that everything will turn out right this time,even though this is the hardest thing in the world to do when you have lost a baby in this way.The first 12 weeks of this pregnancy were some of the hardest in my life,because as you know, you spin between hope and despair in minutes.I said to my husband today I WISH THAT i COULD BE SCANNED EVERY DAY,as that is the only way I would truly feel safe in the knowledge that this baby is fine.I know exactly how you feel and you are not alone in that. good luck and fingers crossed.

I had a missed m/c last july and am now 27 1/2 weeks pg. I was so scared of having a scan that I didnt go to the doctors until I was 11 weeks, I then had to wait till I was 13 1/2 weeks for a scan appt. I was so scared the whole time as I didnt feel any different from last time.
For the scan I was looking the whole time, and the first thing I asked was is there a heartbeat? the relief was unbelievable when she pointed it out.

I wish that i had got myself an early scan to put my mind at rest.

I hope that everything works out for you, i think you will be fine, try not to worry.

hi Weewilliewinkle - i had a miscarriage 5 years ago and have since had a healthy dd and am 8 weeks pregnant again and i am terrified especially if i think about it too much!!!! the trick is to try not to think about it too much and remain positive which i know is hard. i asked for an early scan but they said no so i just have to wait. i am sure everything will be fine, and i'll be thinking of you.

thanks everyone....I tried calling my midwife to speak to her, just for a bit of comfort, but I couldn't get hold of her. Just said to my dh that I feel doomed. I think the reason is that I've still been charting my temps, and this morning the first one I took was much lower than yesterday's - don't know if I took it properly because I took it again straight away and it was back up to normal-ish. Low temps are a sign of a m/c about to happen. I was thinking about stopping doing my temps but I feel I need to know.

My dh (he's home now B) is telling me to stop thinking negative thoughts, but easier said than done, isn't it?

Feeling a bit crampy and achey too today. Oh, this is all a bit hard.

well i had 3mc before dd (now 1yr old)
one of then at 12wks. i don't think the worry and concern goes away completely. i had an early scan at 7wks and then the normal ones at 12 and 20.
i remember continually going to the toilet and checking for blood, i just could not help it.
but on the positive side i decided to let it go on a 'whatever will be will be' kind of way and tried to find some quiet positive time with my growing baby each day.
and i ate chocolate
hope all goes well for you, strongest best wishes do try to enjoy small moments

sfxmum - lol at 'and I ate chocolate' - I'm scoffing a bar right now!

My midwife called, bless her - she's brought my scan forward to this Monday so I don't have to wait so long. She also said I could have as many scans as I wanted if it would help. I told her I didn't know why I was feeling so wobbly and she rightly pointed out that my m/c didn't happen all that long ago (it was only at the end of Feb/start of March) and I was probably still grieving that loss as well as coping with the new pregnancy. She's right.

One thing I am clinging to is that this time feels very like my first pg with my ds - pretty symptomless, apart from total exhaustion. Last pg (mc) was a nightmare - I have never felt so unwell, constantly. Maybe that's a good sign?

www - I really, really sympathise. I had a missed mc in March and got pg again 4/5 weeks later. I am now 15 weeks. The scans were the hardest part as it was at my dating scan that the mc was diagnosed. I have cried at each of the scans I've had this time - the radiographer was very sympathetic, she had read my case history on my notes so was not surprised.
I am now past the stage I mc at (13 weeks) so I am starting to feel optimistic but it is hard. Just yesterday I had a right wobble because I was convinced my bump was shrinking.

www, dh & I experienced x2 mc before we fell pregnant with dd. One was a missed mc and the 2nd happened at around 7 weeks.

When I was pregnant with dd I worried from when we found at at 4 weeks till I delivered at 40 weeks. The hospital was brill and I was scanned every 2 weeks from 6-21 weeks. You really need to relax and to push your hospital to give you as much care and to listen to your concerns. Some hosiptals won't always scan as much as we had but it's a good idea you are having an early scan..I would push them to scan you inbetween 12-20 weeks as well (other than your dating scan) as it really will put your mind at ease.

It's awful when you experience a mc as well as the fact is that we found others forgot about ours and assumed that we had no concerns or worries..how wrong could they be..!! BTW I am expecting again (9 weeks) and know what...I'm still very anxious and worried. BUT we have been scanned early (this week) and all is ok.I still hate scans and never seem to get excited. Think the missed mc that was discovered by a scan has spoilt it for me and future scans . TBH I don't think you ever stop worrying..even after they are born. Dh & I still look at dd amazed that we were given such a gorgeous gift. Good luck. xx

thanks, girls. You're giving me hope.

So my scan on Monday..I'll only be just over 6 weeks gone - what will they be able to see? Will they detect the heartbeat or is it too small and too early?

I wish I could see into the future and know one way or the other.

They may be able to see a heartbeat (with me they saw one at 7 weeks) but they might have to do an internal scan (although they didn't for me - drink lots of water!). They can measure it and even if they can't see the heartbeat if it's the right length for your dates then that's a positive sign that it's growing properly.

Good luck. xx

How do you cope?

Well if you're like me, not well at all.

I had a m/c (I'd already had an ectopic and another m/c a few years earlier) and then conceived almost straightaway. I was worried sick. I n fact in ruined my christnas as I did the test on xmas eve.

I had a 6 week scan, and at first they couldn't see anything and my heart just stopped, but then they did and I saw the tiny flicker od it's heart beating.

I worried myself sick throughout the whole pg. We didn't buy anything until I was over 24 weeks, I was forever mahing midwife appts over some worry or something and I didn't believe I'd have a baby. We kept every box and receipt in case everything had to go back and in short I didn't enjoy the pg due to the worry.

Please don't do what I did. I now have a healthy happy 10 month old!!

I have bought maternity clothes but I can't imagine when I'll feel confident enough to buy for the baby - hopefully after the 20 week scan.
I really want to enjoy this pregnancy but I do get blips.

at our 6 weeks scan we did see "dd" but she was basically a dot..! There was a heatbeat as well. If they can't see anything with the usual external scan then they will suggest and internal one. Usually this isn't always needed aftre about 8 weeks but ime both times I had to have internal scans to allow a clearer view.
The internal scan is nothing to worry about and doesn't hurt although I must admit with dh there it does seem a bizarre experience..!!!

Blips are expected and you shouldn't be harsh on yourself for having them..see, everyone else on this thread has been the same..
xx

In between my five children I have had 7 miscariages. I completely understand the terror you feel. Every second of the day you are wondering how pregnant you feel that very second , and then an even greater terror when you don't feel sick or your boobs don't hurt. I must say that with each miscarriage the terror grew until I almost exhausted myself with it. To be honest it only stopped when a healthy baby was born, good luck

I know exactly where you are right now i have bee there myself last year.

i had ds fine, not too ill just V-tired, i then feel pg about 2 1/2 years later & i had NO symtons at all i was only 5 weeks but a mc never entered my mind not quite sure why but just something i choose to not to think about i suppose. then a week later i woke & was bleeding & yes i had mc, i was devastated to say the least i longed for this baby & now it was gone i was in a state of shock i suppose.

I then waited a couple of months & we tried again it toke 5 months but yes i fell pregnant again, feelings were unbelieveable i was petrfied, kept checking every 5 mins for blood, could not rest, sleep you name it i felt it.

I also found out early with this pregnancy it was 3 weeks i managed to get past the 6 week mark & then fell extremly ill with really bad sickness & stomach ache 7 thought this was the end again, i was wrong, i did worry all the way through but i started to calm down at about 20 weeks, i now have a beautiful 5.5 month dd

Please be positive i know its hard dont think it IS going to happen again because there is a high chance it wont.

Goodluck & i wish you all the best

I have had 17 pregnancies. 8 of these have ended in miscarriage. My 2nd pregnancy was my 1st m/c. For every subsequent pregnancy that I had, the first 16 weeks were a mix of terror, worry, upset and attempts to blank out the fact that I was actually expecting a baby. I worked on the basis of "I am pregnant at the moment and I hope to have a baby". I would also think to myself "if you throw enough mud at the wall, some of it will stick" (a saying of my mum's ).
9 of the pregnancies have resulted in the wonderful children that I now have. so I feel lucky that I have had a lot of good along with the not so good.
Just remember that because you lost the last one, it doesn't make it more likely that you will lose this one.

thanks WWW for starting this thread, I'm at the end of the 6th week, and just like you, had a missed miscarriage which only showed up at the 12 week scan. I'm getting loads of good tips from these fantastic ladies.

I;m dealing with it slightly differently because I worried like mad through the last pregnancy (possibly partly thinking, if I imagine the worst, it won't happen - ridiculous) particlarly as it had taken a year nearly to conceive. but the mc really taught me, you can worry your head off about things and it makes no difference (zero, zilch, nada!) so I am trying to keep busy and occupied with enjoyable things. It's on my mind a lot obviously, all the same.

I like the thought of spending some positive time with the baby each day. thanks for that

With a missed mc it is particularly bad as you don't even have the comfort of "no news is good news"....

glad there's a few of us going through it at the same time WWW and bobbynog...

It is very hard. I miscarried my first baby and had serious problems with dd1. I was never able to relax and enjoy my pregnancies and tended to live from scan to scan. All I can say is that I have ended up with three lovely daughters and the worry was worth it.

Thank you all so much, I can't tell you how much better I'm feeling after reading all these messages...

Physically, I'm feeling rubbish today - tired and sick...but that pleases me! I'll go for my scan on Monday and hopefully relax a little after that (presuming I get good news) although I know I'll be very emotional.

All your stories of hope and your advice are invalueable to me. I know that just because it happened before, it doesn't mean it will happen again, but the terror is always there. And it will be till I'm holding my baby in my arms. And then all this worry will have been worth it. . Here's hoping....

www i went for an early scan last monday i was 6+3 and they saw a heartbeat and it was in the right place, put my mind at rest for a few days but now i'm panicking again and i dont have a scan for another 4wks and dont see my midwife till the end of august. i had a missed m/c in oct last year and i'm so scared that the sames going to happen again, they say its not good for baby to get stressed but its so hard isnt it?

www - and everone else - t's horrible isn't it. I had a missed miscarriage almost a year ago, then (I think) two very early miscarriages - but have now reached 22 weeks with this pregnancy.

It does get a bit easier after a while - for me this was after the 12 week scan - although I do still check for blood whenever I go to the loo, even now when I can feel the lo move.

And come and join us on the pregnancy after miscarriage thread here . Everyone has been through the same thing and understands your fears - I've found it an amazing support.

oh, and I still haven't bought anything for the baby yet... (!)

I've had two miscarriages, one at 6 weeks and a missed miscarriage discovered at the scan at 11 weeks. When I got pregnant again, like you, I was a nervous wreck. However, I had early scans at 7 weeks and another at 8 weeks. One was private, but the best £60 I've ever spent. According to Lesley Reagan's book, if you see a normal heartbeat at around 8 weeks, then your chances of a successful pregnancy are over 95%. I think the exception to this is if you have had previous miscarriages when the foetus stopped growing after the 8 week stage. (This is not the same as discovering the foetus has stopped growing after 8 weeks.) I found this a massively encouraging statistic and have been feeling hugely more relaxed since the last scan. I'm now nearly 12 weeks and due a dating scan this week. Amazingly I feel OK about it all. Wishing all of you who are pregnant again after miscarriage the best of luck.

sorry to interupt......juuule...9 babies...omg..! thats amazing..!!! You deserve a medal..esp having to go through so much to "get them". It's people like that that keep me going when I have down days about babies..truely an inspiration.