Dp’s during pregnancy- amazing & supportive or bit useless??!

[BurbGirl2013]

Am I being totally irrational/diva’rish/ungrateful???

But given the ever increasing bump (31+5) making it painful to even sit down let alone move and aches and pains increasing, not to mention the fact we are doing 9 months of hard graft with body changing forever, coping with mental/emotional anxiety and stresses of pregnancy- to think that my DP would plan the occasional treat?!

Have your DPs been amazing and constantly making effort with little touches/surprises to make you feel special throughout pregnancy?

Mine planned 1 amazing day of lovely treats and surprises and small pressies but since then there’s basically nothing.
When I moan he says all I do is have a go at him but doesn’t change. I've even basically hinted/suggested that breakie in bed on a tray with newspaper and maybe a rose (!) would be lovely or a massage booked for me etc. etc… nothing. He does have a very stressful/long working hrs job.

He has taken on more housework which is great but I still cook every night/do food shopping and half the chores. He keeps praising me and
Would love to hear anyone feeling similar or totally opposite and gushing about their DP or any better ways to get him to maybe plan the odd treat for me!

Maybe he has those things planned?

If not, book your own massage

If you have no other children to contend with, then enjoy the test when you get it and sleep a lot!

I've not had any special treats or surprises from mine but sadly he just isn't like that so as much as I was perhaps hoping for it it hasn't happened.
But what he HAS done is really more valuable, he's basically doing all the housework & cooking & hasn't complained once about it. So I'd say he's been great & stepped up during my pregnancy.
I would have liked him to do a bit more research into stuff for the baby/read some of the baby books we've been given but at the end if the day I've done it so it has been covered!

I've not had any special treats or surprises.... And when I suggest going away for a weekend he says no. Even though he's been on two stag do's and I've been stabbed at home bored. I haven't been anywhere this yeah not even a UK holiday...

He used to be find at rubbish my back when it's bad (I have a back problem that's made worse by pregnancy) but now when I ask he says your so much hard work I can't just give you a hug anymore without you wanting something.... Then goes on to day what do you actually do all day? Sit and watch Netflix?...

Yeah the fairies do all the cooking and cleaning!!

He's been so mean last couple of days.. He even called me psycho last night for no reason! ...

We've been invited to a party i said about staying at the hotel that night so if i feel tired I can go to bed and he can stay at the party.. And i wont feel guilty and it'll finish the night off etc..... Hes said no! Even though he's spent £800 on 2 stag do's 4 months apart!!

How is that even fair. But he won't see it from my side.... Just feel like I'm a baby maker and that's all I'm good for....

Sorry for the rant :/

I'm in the same boat as smallbee,no big gestures from my husband but then he was never a big gesture kind of guy anyway. As he works nights he is usually up before I get home so most nights when I get in from work he already has dinner cooking and has done a little bit of housework but he did that anyway (when it comes to the whole domestic goddess thing I am a total failure as a wife!) but as for special treats etc,other than the odd bar of chocolate,nothing (in ten years he has bought me 2 bunches of flowers,one after I had been in hospital and the other on our wedding day!)

Stuck not stabbed

Im one of those people who finds their OH absolutely perfect during pregnancy, honestly, he cannot do a thing wrong. I couldnt care less about little presents and treats, but he has elevated me to another level and does pretty much everything for me. Lately, I love him so much I could weep!!

*pathetic and weird I know but we are both enjoying it while it lasts, im fully aware it could change to venom at any moment!

Well, he's been in China for the past 6 weeks leaving me to care for our toddler, work and do all the housework so just having him around would be a treat!

Still, he's back Monday and we have a babysitter the following weekend so there's always a chance he will take me out for a nice meal!

Dh pros:

Cooks breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Brings me flowers every day (even if just picked from garden).

When I was craving MacDonalds he had it flown in (we live on an island) for me.

Made me lots of different size and shape wedge pillows to sleep with, ones with tummy cut out etc and actually sewed slip covers for them.

Runs me a bath every night with candles and a treat and sets up Eastenders or corrie on YouTube (we live in the US).

Dh cons:

Keeps planning big days out and gets all pissy when, at 35 weeks, I'm not up for them.

Doesn't seem to be talking the fact that I'm having a home birth on an island miles from a hospital seriously.

Brought home two kittens as a SURPRISE. Just plonked them on the bed. We already have 3 and a puppy.

Keeps nagging for sex.

Hey,

Mine has been a bit like that but then I bought him this book -
www.amazon.co.uk/The-Expectant-Dads-Handbook-pregnancy/dp/0091948045/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1380910864&sr=8-1&keywords=the+expectant+dads+handbook

And he has been a bit more understanding. Still no breakfast in bed or pamper days but it is a start!!!

I've not had any surprises or treats but quite frankly I wouldn't be great flu I fell so crap with sickness for 2 months I wouldn't want to go any were.

But he has been amazing doing all the house work, shopping cooking, I really love him even more than I ever did before. He lost his job two weeks ago and on top of trying desperately to find work, and doing jobs on side to earn a little money he's been waiting on my hand and foot. He even irons my clothes for work.

Try not to be so hard on him because the last thing he will be thinking of is weekends always etc.

It's the little things that me more to me that mean so much more.

I've been so vile lately lazy due to feeling ill snapping at him all the times and he still supports me.

You could asking him to do more cooking or go food shopping. If he's busy with work order the food shopping online.

I take back anything nice I said about dh.

I was just having a moan about "how comes we (women) have to do all the hard work and everyone else gets a lovely baby to play with?" and dh responded with "we're doing this together, it's only the pregnancy bit you have to deal with, I'm cooking all the time."

$@&t f@$@ boll@@$ wa@$er

Op, do you really expect to be showered with presents and treats? I think you have massively high expectations.

I'm with green. My DH is perfect all the time, but while I've been pregnant he's been even more so. He's really supportive and adorably excited. He's doing more around the house, while encouraging me to sit on my arse and/or nap. But I'd think he'd gone insane if he suddenly started buying me random presents or bringing me breakfast in bed, and he'd think the same of me if I started demanding them or dropping hints.

I can't say I've ever expected to be given gifts/treats by a partner, and I'm not about to start now! You're basically doing something that many other people also do. It's a normal bodily function. Unless you're used to gifts every time you have a period, I'd agree with Josie and say your expectations are way too high.

Book your own massage if you want one!

my DH cooked more often and generally was supportive but didn't do gifts or breakfast in bed or whatever. I didn't expect him to.

He did, however sit down next to me one day when I was shattered and miserable and say "thank you for all your hard work to make our baby. I appreciate it".

as they say in shrek, that'll do, donkey, that'll do.

:o that'll do.

To be honest if I hinted to my h2b that I wanted breakfast in bed with a rose, he would probably be corpsed on the floor laughing, he is a straight forward bloke and won't be acting out princess treatment any time soon..but there are other things he does which are lovely he is attentive and has loved learning to uset the doppler (which he brought after finding out about them). He does seem to think a bit more about me and doesn't get mad if I've had a lazy or poorly day. I love it when I feel like he's proud of me for growing his baby, sometimes he just says 'you're doing so well' which makes me really happy. He also lets me look at the baby sections in shops without moaning which is cute. And I do get toast chucked at me every few,days in bed :) he brought home a super unflattering jumper the other day, thick horizontal stripes which makes me look like a barrel but I'm still wearing it, he is trying :)
I'm not sure if you're expecting too much, are you expecting your oh to be a movie star version of himself? Because pregnancy is not going to morph him into someone he's not. The surprise day he made for you sounds lovely!I don't think the things he's not doing are stuff that most men do for their partners. If you need some pampering you will enjoy booking yourself a massage or a little treat just as much :)

Lol at Bunny's DH "we're doing this together, it's only the pregnancy bit you have to deal with, I'm cooking all the time."

I hope you pointed out to him that you are growing an entire new human being from scratch inside your body. Not the same as doing a bit of extra cooking.

No surprises or gifts from my DP here but I am another one who thinks he is wonderful. He has been incredibly supportive and done the lion's share of the housework and cooking all the way through, and I feel very very cared for and looked after, and that's what matters to me. He's also been very involved in learning about pregnancy/birth/babies and making decisions about things so I don't feel like any of it is more my responsibility than his.

I should add my DH was amazing when I gave birth to DD. If he is half as supportive for this birth as he was for that I'll be happy.

Focus on the support you need then OP, not gifts and breakfast now!

OP, your husband already booked you a pamper day with presents! Result! :)

Mine is pretty great - mostly in a supportive way rather than an action, present buying way.

Stuff he does:
Deals with my anxiety
Takes days off for scans
Makes endless tea
Lots of hugs
Buys me lunch at Wagamama at the weekend even though he only likes one thing.

Stuff I wish he would do:
Ok, the occasional surprise (flowers, pamper stuff) would be lovely.
I want him to read one of the 'pregnancy guides for men' books.
Clean the bathroom
Learn to FRICKING drive already! That's probably the major one, but he's scared.

All in all, I'd say I'm pretty lucky.

Ha, Julietee. Mine's on a driving lesson as I type. We've just bought a 7-seater, so even when he does pass his test I can't imagine he'll be driving anywhere in our car for a while!

DH was a firm believer in the "you're pregnant, not ill" school of thought.
No treats; but he did do the vacuuming for me a couple of times (I'm not a frequent vacuumer so that's reasonable actually). We already share cooking and washing up duties (alternate turns). He might have possible done a couple of extra goes of washing up when my bump got too big for me to be able to comfortably reach the sink, but not significantly enough that I really thought "wow, thank you".

With DS2, I had acid reflux from week 12, and SPD. I suppose you could say that DH's support came in the fact that he never moaned about me going to see the osteopath as often as I needed to, to keep the SPD under control; didn't moan about me seeing an acupuncturist to try and turn DS2 (unstable lie, head up, diagonal), in fact he let me spend what I needed to in order to make my life easier. He just didn't think of anything to help himself. One thing that did upset me slightly was my birthday - when I was 5m pg and pretty uncomfortable from the problems - he said "I'll take you shopping". Well no thanks, I'm not really in a good state for that. So = no present.
(Mind you, I didn't get one this year either. I don't like being taken shopping for my presents, tbh.)

So - not the worst by a long way but not that great either.

By your standards, mine's also a lazy dickhead.

However, he's fantastic in ways that actually mean something. For ex. he kepta the loo eyxtra clean during the first few months so that it was always lemon fresh for when I needed to stick my head down it at short notice.

See. saucy it's the perfect example of swings and roundabouts.

Mine's GREAT at the gifts and surprises, bought me a beautiful diamond ring as a 'thank you' for being pregnant and a car but I've begged him time and time again not to leave poop stains in the loo as when I'm throwing up it sends me over the edge.

Or asking him pretty much EVERY DAY not to come in the house with muddy boots as I've nearly killed myself cleaning, just to be ignored.

I'd take the being thoughtful any day lol.

But really, they're all different and y

Opps - you can't lump them all together and judge them on what they don't do.
Rather, what they do do. :)