Scans without DH/DP

[CrispyFB]

It's extremely rare for DH to be able to come with me for scans, as not only does he work full time, but with no family/friends nearby we need him to look after our other DC.

I actually don't mind really at all going on my own. I find it easier to concentrate and ask questions without DH there. This is DC #4, pregnancy #7 and having had high risk pregnancies with every DC apart from the first, I've had more scans than I can actually count.. including some with bad news.

But one thing I have noticed is that nearly every scan, I am the only woman in the waiting room without somebody (usually a DP/DH but not always) with me.

So am I a bit of an anomaly then? Are people thinking I'm a bit odd for having no-one with me? Is it the expected thing to have support there? I've started to feel a bit self-conscious in waiting rooms of late!!

[CrispyFB]

I would have liked DH there today I think, I was okay right up until I got to the waiting room, then I wished I had somebody with me quite badly. That's unusual for me, but then a LOT was riding on this particular appointment, more so than usual especially given past history with NT screenings.

I'm about to make a separate post but the good news is that my Harmony test was all clear.. which was rather lucky considering the NT screening she did after she told me the Harmony results had me at 1 in 5

[CrispyFB]

FobblyWoof - that poor lady with her DP like that. I would rather be on my own by far than have to deal with that! I hope he ups his game before the birth too.

[mayihaveaboxofchoculaits]

i think partners attending, is more about expectation than need. dh came to the first one and then was always working. for second scan it was with my toddler who was as good as gold. if there had been a problem i still had a phone so i could keep him informed. its kind of womens work not couple oneupmanship.

[motherinferior]

I think because I've worked around disability so much, it was important to me to have someone with me. I was very aware that my scan could reveal something quite serious.

[EeyoreIsh]

my DH has been to the two scans I've had so far this pregnancy and will come to the 20 week scan next week. He also came to the 16 midwife appointment to hear the heartbeat.

I was pregnant before and had a first trimester miscarriage. Before that I had several scans and he missed those as he was working for a bitch of a boss and didn't want to upset things at work. me having a miscarriage put things in perspective for him and he's come with me this time. He's also quit his awful job

I didn't blame him for missing the scans last time, but I love having him there.

[CrispyFB]

I agree - there is a certain expectation that partners are there, whether both parties want that or not! Aside from giving emotional support whether it's pre-scan or post bad news, there is nothing physical for the man to do.. it is entirely about the woman and what is inside her.

[CrispyFB]

Good for your DH EeyoreIsh! I think it is more important for the couple that both go to at least some of the scans for the first baby just so the DP/DHs know what happens.. it's also usually logistically easier than later on as well.

[fedupwithdeployment]

DH hasn't come to any of mine - 2 DSs. He was in the Navy, and wasn't around. It was actually a bit of a miracle I managed to get pg!!

I went with friends, and it was fine. One I went to with DS1 who did a stinky poo ... rather traumatic.

I also went with a friend who found out she was unexpectedly about 3 months pg and her DP was in Afganistan...I was so pleased to be there for her.

[CrispyFB]

It is indeed a big honour to be asked along for support for a scan if the partner can't make it. I've had friends come along a couple of times (still done most scans on my own though) but I don't live as near to them this time round unfortunately!

Ha ha - you just reminded me! We brought our older two along to the NT scan with DS, and when we were waiting for them to write up the report, DD2 completely and utterly randomly with no warning threw up all over me in the waiting room! It completely covered my dry-clean only coat and my handbag.. it did narrowly miss the hospital floor and chairs but mortified doesn't cover it!

That was the first and last scan we ever took both of them along to! DD2 has not been to one since either! And that's why DH does the childcare..

[Thumbwitch]

DH missed about half my scans, I'd say.

I seem to remember he came to both big scans with DS1; missed the scan for MC#1 and #2 but was there for the scan when MC#3 started (I was actually having an early scan for viability and started bleeding in between the abdo and transvag scans).

He missed the 1st scan for DS2 (at 6w), was there for the second at 12w, as was DS1 thanks to lack of childcare - and then missed the anomaly scan. I also had a few other mini-scans because I had a private Obgyn (in Australia) who saw me every 4 weeks, then every 2 weeks, then finally every week (old mother with various health issues).

In the end I just got on with it - it was his loss, not mine.

[x0gawjus0x]

This is both our first child and he came to gp with me, 9 week emergency scan, 12 week scan and is coming to mw appointment at 16 weeks. He loves it and im so glad :) xx

[CrispyFB]

DH isn't even interested in photos of the scans! He goes solely to give me support if I need it, and given I don't need it particularly and the children need looking after/work needs to be attended, it just doesn't happen.

I admit I am envious of ladies whose partners actively want to come to their scans, but DH's speciality is after they're born. He is utterly detached until that point, and only cares about how the scans affect me.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

I'm having a completion scan next week as the baby wasn't lying in quite the right position to see the back of the heart at my 20 week scan

If DH comes, he'll have to cancel a whole afternoon clinic due to the timing so I plan to just go myself but this is after being told at the 20 week scan that they think all is fine and it is just a formality. DH has also said that if there is any concern, he will come to the hospital immediately - about 30 mins away

Normally I would ask my mum to come but she is on hols do I'll just go on my own. I feel totally fine about it bit I'm someone who is genuinely puzzled about why DHs/DPs attend routine midwife appointments if the pregnancy ISPs risk.

[terilou87]

The majority of the time iv been on my own I also hardly ever see anyone without dp/dh but I don't really mind my dp has always not had time to take from work or he has had to look after our other kids, currently pg with dc5 but 7th pregnancy. X

[Callofthewild]

For various reasons I've had around 27-28 scans this pregnancy (currently 36 weeks pregnant), up to about 21/22 weeks I was having generally a least one scan a week. My DH has been to probably 50% of my scans and whilst I prefer he is there I am quite happy to go on my own. This is probably because when he hasn't been it's because he just can't manage to juggle work with it rather than he can't be bothered. He's not a man who easily expresses how he feels but at the scans his excitement is palapable.

[thecakeisalie]

With DS1 & DS2 my DH came to all the scans including the growth ones later in pregnancy. We were lucky though because we lived near my Mum who looked after DS1. This time we've moved 4hrs away from her and have just accepted that I have to go to scans alone while DH looks after our boys.

I had my 12wk scan last week and went alone and it was fine, well apart from getting a flat tyre on the way (sods law!) meaning I was an hour late. I'll be going to my 20wk scan alone and any growth scans as we just don't have anyone to look after the kids for us. Its partly why I want a home birth too because childcare will be a nightmare and that's the one bit I defaintly want him there for!