Scans without DH/DP

[CrispyFB]

It's extremely rare for DH to be able to come with me for scans, as not only does he work full time, but with no family/friends nearby we need him to look after our other DC.

I actually don't mind really at all going on my own. I find it easier to concentrate and ask questions without DH there. This is DC #4, pregnancy #7 and having had high risk pregnancies with every DC apart from the first, I've had more scans than I can actually count.. including some with bad news.

But one thing I have noticed is that nearly every scan, I am the only woman in the waiting room without somebody (usually a DP/DH but not always) with me.

So am I a bit of an anomaly then? Are people thinking I'm a bit odd for having no-one with me? Is it the expected thing to have support there? I've started to feel a bit self-conscious in waiting rooms of late!!

[thecakeisalie]

With DS1 & DS2 my DH came to all the scans including the growth ones later in pregnancy. We were lucky though because we lived near my Mum who looked after DS1. This time we've moved 4hrs away from her and have just accepted that I have to go to scans alone while DH looks after our boys.

I had my 12wk scan last week and went alone and it was fine, well apart from getting a flat tyre on the way (sods law!) meaning I was an hour late. I'll be going to my 20wk scan alone and any growth scans as we just don't have anyone to look after the kids for us. Its partly why I want a home birth too because childcare will be a nightmare and that's the one bit I defaintly want him there for!

[Callofthewild]

For various reasons I've had around 27-28 scans this pregnancy (currently 36 weeks pregnant), up to about 21/22 weeks I was having generally a least one scan a week. My DH has been to probably 50% of my scans and whilst I prefer he is there I am quite happy to go on my own. This is probably because when he hasn't been it's because he just can't manage to juggle work with it rather than he can't be bothered. He's not a man who easily expresses how he feels but at the scans his excitement is palapable.

[terilou87]

The majority of the time iv been on my own I also hardly ever see anyone without dp/dh but I don't really mind my dp has always not had time to take from work or he has had to look after our other kids, currently pg with dc5 but 7th pregnancy. X

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

I'm having a completion scan next week as the baby wasn't lying in quite the right position to see the back of the heart at my 20 week scan

If DH comes, he'll have to cancel a whole afternoon clinic due to the timing so I plan to just go myself but this is after being told at the 20 week scan that they think all is fine and it is just a formality. DH has also said that if there is any concern, he will come to the hospital immediately - about 30 mins away

Normally I would ask my mum to come but she is on hols do I'll just go on my own. I feel totally fine about it bit I'm someone who is genuinely puzzled about why DHs/DPs attend routine midwife appointments if the pregnancy ISPs risk.

[CrispyFB]

DH isn't even interested in photos of the scans! He goes solely to give me support if I need it, and given I don't need it particularly and the children need looking after/work needs to be attended, it just doesn't happen.

I admit I am envious of ladies whose partners actively want to come to their scans, but DH's speciality is after they're born. He is utterly detached until that point, and only cares about how the scans affect me.

[x0gawjus0x]

This is both our first child and he came to gp with me, 9 week emergency scan, 12 week scan and is coming to mw appointment at 16 weeks. He loves it and im so glad :) xx

[Thumbwitch]

DH missed about half my scans, I'd say.

I seem to remember he came to both big scans with DS1; missed the scan for MC#1 and #2 but was there for the scan when MC#3 started (I was actually having an early scan for viability and started bleeding in between the abdo and transvag scans).

He missed the 1st scan for DS2 (at 6w), was there for the second at 12w, as was DS1 thanks to lack of childcare - and then missed the anomaly scan. I also had a few other mini-scans because I had a private Obgyn (in Australia) who saw me every 4 weeks, then every 2 weeks, then finally every week (old mother with various health issues).

In the end I just got on with it - it was his loss, not mine.

[CrispyFB]

It is indeed a big honour to be asked along for support for a scan if the partner can't make it. I've had friends come along a couple of times (still done most scans on my own though) but I don't live as near to them this time round unfortunately!

Ha ha - you just reminded me! We brought our older two along to the NT scan with DS, and when we were waiting for them to write up the report, DD2 completely and utterly randomly with no warning threw up all over me in the waiting room! It completely covered my dry-clean only coat and my handbag.. it did narrowly miss the hospital floor and chairs but mortified doesn't cover it!

That was the first and last scan we ever took both of them along to! DD2 has not been to one since either! And that's why DH does the childcare..

[fedupwithdeployment]

DH hasn't come to any of mine - 2 DSs. He was in the Navy, and wasn't around. It was actually a bit of a miracle I managed to get pg!!

I went with friends, and it was fine. One I went to with DS1 who did a stinky poo ... rather traumatic.

I also went with a friend who found out she was unexpectedly about 3 months pg and her DP was in Afganistan...I was so pleased to be there for her.

[CrispyFB]

Good for your DH EeyoreIsh! I think it is more important for the couple that both go to at least some of the scans for the first baby just so the DP/DHs know what happens.. it's also usually logistically easier than later on as well.

[CrispyFB]

I agree - there is a certain expectation that partners are there, whether both parties want that or not! Aside from giving emotional support whether it's pre-scan or post bad news, there is nothing physical for the man to do.. it is entirely about the woman and what is inside her.

[EeyoreIsh]

my DH has been to the two scans I've had so far this pregnancy and will come to the 20 week scan next week. He also came to the 16 midwife appointment to hear the heartbeat.

I was pregnant before and had a first trimester miscarriage. Before that I had several scans and he missed those as he was working for a bitch of a boss and didn't want to upset things at work. me having a miscarriage put things in perspective for him and he's come with me this time. He's also quit his awful job

I didn't blame him for missing the scans last time, but I love having him there.

[motherinferior]

I think because I've worked around disability so much, it was important to me to have someone with me. I was very aware that my scan could reveal something quite serious.

[mayihaveaboxofchoculaits]

i think partners attending, is more about expectation than need. dh came to the first one and then was always working. for second scan it was with my toddler who was as good as gold. if there had been a problem i still had a phone so i could keep him informed. its kind of womens work not couple oneupmanship.

[CrispyFB]

FobblyWoof - that poor lady with her DP like that. I would rather be on my own by far than have to deal with that! I hope he ups his game before the birth too.

[CrispyFB]

I would have liked DH there today I think, I was okay right up until I got to the waiting room, then I wished I had somebody with me quite badly. That's unusual for me, but then a LOT was riding on this particular appointment, more so than usual especially given past history with NT screenings.

I'm about to make a separate post but the good news is that my Harmony test was all clear.. which was rather lucky considering the NT screening she did after she told me the Harmony results had me at 1 in 5

[FobblyWoof]

I've seen a few ladies come and go by themselves and although I notice (there's little to do in a waiting room but people watch) I never make assumptions about their personal lives and what has caused them to come by themselves.

I did see a poor woman the other day with her dp/dh. They were off for a scan and judging by her size I'd say it was the 12 week kne. She looked so nervous and worried (so much so that I was hoping to make eye contact and give her a reassuring smile, which totally isn't like me-- I'm quite shy) and all the while her dp was chatting on the phone with his mate. Even when they were called through he kept chatting- hanging up at the last minute. His partner did not look impressed. I don't wonder about the ladies who come alone but I often think about that particular lady and wonder how.much support she's getting.

[MaddAddam]

I've been on my own sometimes, we had 3 dc and several scans each time, and it seemed something I didn't mind doing on my own. If there had been a problem I'd have phoned DP and he'd have joined us.

He's a very involved father, he's always done half the childcare but we tend to do the caring stuff in shifts, not together, during the working week, to maximise time off between us.

[ZingWantsCake]

oh and another thing,if you are worried about what the couples there assume about you - don't be.

when DH was there with me we were so busy catching up it barely registered that there were other people around.
I certainly didn't sit there judging and wondering why XYZ was alone!

hth

[NomDeClavier]

DH comes if he can. He's made around 50% of all scans over both pregnancies. He only came to one MW appt with a specialist MW and I guess that'll be the same this time too. If he wants to come he's very welcome but tbh I don't need him there so I don't see the point of him taking the time off work. I do want him there meeting the specialist MW and any other appointments which would mean decisions as a couple - like discussing whether to induce or not, not that I've ever got to that stage but if I did them I'd expect him to have something to say too.

[CrispyFB]

There's nobody else who could go with me really! When I had a late amnio last pregnancy a friend came with us to look after the DC so DH could come in with me, but that was obviously quite exceptional.

In an ideal world it would be great if he could come to every scan but logistics combined with no particular desperate need on either side (hoping for the best each time!) means it doesn't happen!

Glad I am not truly alone in being alone though

[LostMySocks]

DH came to the 12 and 20 week scans as he wanted the pregnancy to seem real (my bump came late) and to be there to support me. I had to have a growth scan for a small bump measurement but as we weren't expecting problems we decided to save his hols for after the baby.
DH did volunteer to come to booking appointment as he heard the word hospital. After I explained that it was just paperwork he realised all would be ok.

[PumpkinPie2013]

This is my first baby and DH has been to my 12 and 20 week scans. Even though it's my first I am well aware that the scans are medical and you can get bad news so I was glad to have him just in case (thankfully all is well so once we knew that it was nice to see our baby together)

We are very fortunate though that he was able to take time off to come as lots of people can't or have other children.

He doesn't come to routine appointments and won't be coming to the anti-D clinic tomorrow as wouldn't be able to take time off plus I don't feel the need for him to come. I do notice a lot of couples at routine appointments though when I'm on my own.

[gemmaj66]

DH came to my one and only scan (it was 20 years ago) and also to several midwife appts when I was pregnant with DC1. Mainly because we were both in a state of either feverish excitement or anxiety throughout the whole pregnancy and he didn't want to miss anything! We'd calmed down a bit with DC2 and 3 and he just came if he could.

With DC4 (I'm currently 18 weeks) I told him not to worry about coming to the first scan as he's only got 4 days hols left this year and I thought he might need the time off for something urgent in the future. As it turned out, of the 5 women waiting only one had her DP there so you're definitely not alone Crispy

Hope it goes well tomorrow. Good luck with the Harmony results. Our screening tests have identified a possible issue but we've chosen not to go the amnio route so the anomoly scan is going to be a worry. Couldn't care less about the sex, just alive and in one piece will be enough for us!

[MrsBungle]

My dh didn't come to either of my 12 week scans although he made sure to come to the 20 week one. Didn't bother me at all. He couldn't get out of work.