Pregnant and worried about big age gap

[Laluz72]

I've got dd 11 and ds 8 and have just found out am pregnant with no.3 aged 40. Apart from feeling old to start again I'm worried about the age gap and the effect it will have on the new baby and ds and dd. Just hoping for some encouraging words from anyone in similar situation!

Not from my own experience, but there is an 11 year age gap between my DH and sis in law. They r really close, always have been. DH was included in helping out with sis in law was a baby....helping with feeding, nappy changes....being mummy's little helper! I found this out when he was o natural with our LO.

From what mil said, just try to make sure everyone is involved. Also make one on one time with each of the other DC, if u can!

My family was like that. When I was born my brother and sisters were 12 10 and 8. It was f

....fine. Just normality for me. And they all doted on me! I was very spoilt.

Thank you for that, I'm sure it will all work fine, more than anything I'm worried about upsetting the lovely family balance we have at the moment but I guess it will just take a bit of effort to keep everyone happy...still worried though.

Apparently my mother cried for weeks when she found out she was pregnant with me. She was 40, had just gone back to work, had three DC already and really didn't want any more. However, from the moment I was born apparently everyone doted on me, and it was just the initial shock of it all. (I didn't know about the doom surrounding my arrival until I was an adult and my lovely DM telling me 'I was the best mistake she ever made' ) I always felt loved, and I got away with murder because they all doted on me.

Don't worry from the baby's point of view. To her/him having a brother/sister 10 and 8 years older will just be absolute normality as that will be their family unit from the outset.

Hopefully your older children will enjoy having a new baby in the house. It can be quite special. They will be old enough to help you out as well, with any luck. Do they know yet?

Good luck with it all. Hopefully you will slowly get excited about the idea. If you aren't feeling excited, it still will be fine, and work out.

I'm in a similar boat..... I am almost 35 weeks pregnant with dc4 at the age of 38. My other children are 15, 13 and 9.5. I am feeling a bit nervous about making sure the bigger 3 have plenty of time and attention too as they are all quite independent due to their ages

Hi Laluz, I'm in the same position! Just turned 39 and 17 weeks pregnant with no 3 - my older two are 11 and 8. Have you got to the stage of telling your children yet? When I told mine they had such an overwhelmingly positive reaction it stopped all my fears of upsetting family balance outright! We are all getting excited as a family now. Yes money will be a lot tighter and the status quo will be turned upside down, but the way i look at it now, we will be doing different things, not fewer or less interesting things.

Mine are 22, 14 and 12. Have just discovered I'm expecting again at the age of 43. Had thought it would never happen.

My 22 (ds1) and 14 (dd1) are very close. Oddly the two closest in age aren't that fond of each other.

My DS was almost 8 when my DD came along. He absolutely adores her and they are so lovely with one another! He loved helping with the baby and was so proud to show her to anyone who would look! He has recently started asking for another sister/brother but that's not happening!

Hi there! I'm 43 and have an 8 month old baby and a 10 year old son.

It is absolutely FINE,in fact my 10 yr old is absolutely wonderful with the baby. Protective, helpful, fun and has made the whole thing 100 times easier.

I have a brand new lease of life because of this little sunbeam, it's better than the first time around.

All I can say is go for it, don't let worry overshadow a wonderful wonderful gift. You are VERY very fortunate, embrace it, relax and enjoy. Xxx

My dd's will be 15 and 11 when this one turns up and have been delighted from the outset.
We have included them as much as possible - told them straight away, read out weekly baby books together (dd1 knicked one for a couple of weeks). We have a family game of reading out baby names from a book and crossing out all the no's.
I feel that treating this as a family project/interest rather than a couple thing makes a difference.
I'm sure it will be fine.

I have four sisters. Three are very close in age to me (1-3 years apart). The forth one, who is 7 years younger than me, is the only one I still speak to.

A friend's sister is 21 years his junior. He refers to her as an "Autumn crocus". It was a shock to all concerned but never a problem.

Hi, my ds1 was 11 and dd1 9 when ds2 was born last year. Both children have been fab with him. The only thing I have found a little trying is running the older two around to clubs and activities and dragging a baby around. About to give birth to dd2 on Friday and again eldest are more than happy. Good luck

Thank you so much everyone, you've made me feel so much better. I haven't told children yet as have had previous mcs and don't want to have to give them bad news. But feeling really positive now and looking forward to sharing the news with them.

Hi.
I am 39 and just found out pregnant with dc2 with my new partner. My dc1 is going to be 11 when the new baby comes along. I am also concerned about the age gap but at the end of the day, he will have a brother or sister - finally! Hoping he takes the news well - gonna tell him tonight as I had an early scan today and saw heartbeat etc. If anything I am hoping he will be more of a help as he is able to do more things for himself and not so needy as a 2-3year old still (if you know what I mean).
Good luck

My sister has a 3 year old and has 2 step sons who are 16 and 18. They absolutely dote on the little one and him on them. They have a fab relationship!

I'm in almost exactly the same position as you: just discovered I'm pregnant with number 3 and DDs 1 and 2 are 11 and 9. I've also had mc in the past so will wait to tell them. I think they'll be pretty appalled at first (esp DD2) but will come round! Fingers crossed anyway. I'm very excited though daunted doesn't begin to cover it.

And I'm 40 too - can't imagine what my poor bod is going to look like at the end of this! Sorry, v trivial I know in the grand scheme of things.

I have a large-ish age gap between myself and my sister. We weren't as close when we were little (always at very different stages), but are now best friends.

I think whatever age gap you choose there will be positive aspects and negative ones. Have you told your children yet? How are they feeling about it?

I'm sure it will be fine.

Congratulations!

Thank you Furzella, let me know how telling children goes! Am going to try and wait until 12 wks but feeling so sick not sure how much longer I can hide it! Hope they'll be excited, am going between massive excitement to sheer panic!

There are 6.9 years between my DS and DD, so far they absolutely adore each other although sometimes we need to remind him to be gentler/calmer with her as she's only 6 months.

There are 8.3 years between my DB and I, we fight like cat and dog but have always been really close. he's 18 now and we often have lunch or a coffee and a chat :)

There are 17.11 years between my sisters and I, they feel more like my kids (as they're the same age as my DS) or neice.s tbh but they're great either way Abe i'm sure we'll be close as they get older.

Basically everyone is different but i'm sure you'll be fine and congratulations :)

Missed mc at 8 weeks so no baby brother or sister, just as I was getting my head round it ......

Oh Laluz I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriage. Please take good care of yourself and give yourself time to recover physically and emotionally