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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I agreed to a termination I don't want

52 replies

Thisreallysucks · 24/08/2013 13:58

I have just found out im pregnant and knew my partner didn't want anymore.
I told him and I thought he took it quite well, he said there is worse things in the world that could happen. Nothing else was said.

Yesterday in work he was being a little off with me so I brought it up. He said he wasn't over the moon about it and we would talk later.

We spoke I asked him where he was with things and he said I think you know. Gave his reasons, which are all completely selfish. We won't be able to go away on weekend holidays anymore (we already have a 6 year old) our life was just returning to normal and we have a bit more freedom. And a few more self censored reasons. At no point during all this did he ask me my feelings or opinions.
I stupidly I supose tried to bluff him and said il make an appointment to talk about the options. He said I know its rubbish but we haven't got any other option.

So I've basically agreed to something I don't want to do and know deep down I can't go through with.
I know I need to speak to him today. I'm in such a state crying all eve an this morning. I just don't know what to do.
We have got a nice life the way things are but I just don't see it as a massive problem and he clearly does.

I just don't know what to do now, I will make an appointment to see the GP but deep down I know I can't go through with it. I'm not a maternal person but I just can't do this.

I told him in scared stiff as I don't know much about the procedure.

I found out that's why his last long term relationship ended, she fell pregnant he didnt want to know, she terminated (he said he left her to it as didnt want to be a part of it) then they split up. He did say he would come with me, how good of him.

Sorry for the long post

OP posts:

Idespair · 24/08/2013 14:32

It seems that the only thing making you think about terminating is the fact that you think he will stay with you if you terminate. He has already cheated on you (it would seem at least twice) so there is no guarantee whatsoever that he will stay with you. You want this baby so you should therefore have the baby. He should have had a vasectomy a decade ago - sounds like this is the third time he is experiencing unwanted pregnancy. What a twat he sounds.

Carole803 · 24/08/2013 14:42

I am sorry you are in this positiom. It makes me really cross when one partner tries to control the other.

I say, keep the baby, be strong, and tell him to get on board or p**s off.

You sound like a good person who deserved to be treated well. Don't make do, just in case it works out.

As another post says, he got his previous partner to terminate and the relationship still ended!

Don't terminate it because he is a dick! I am sorry if thatis a bit harsh, but it sounds to me that you are giving yourself up and pregnant or not, that will hurt you in the long run.

Make the choice for you and your children.

princesscupcakemummyb · 24/08/2013 14:52

im sorry your going through this i have to agree with the other ladies let your husband leave you if thats whats going to happen he dont deserve you by the sounds of it im sorry if that sounded harsh i wish you the best of luck in what you decide to do

dexterpat · 24/08/2013 14:55

I was unexpectedly pregnant with ds1 and me and (now) dh had never talked about kids - I made appt to go to the early pregnancy clinic with the objective of having a termination -a couple of days before my appointment I broke down and told dh that I couldn't get rid of baby he'd have to decide to stay or go but ds1 was coming the end!

DH was scared about how our lives would change but stayed at the appt I said we had changed our minds I found out I was already 17weeks!!!

I know I'm lucky that dh 'manned' up about his baby, we are currently expecting ds3 ( who was also a surprise) dh is a sahd and is great

You have to think about what you and your dd and your baby need - he has to fit in or but out - good luck x

Original poster

Thisreallysucks · 24/08/2013 15:32

THANKYOU for all of you for taking the time to reply to me!

I need some time to make a desision and I keep getting upset in front of my little so I've told him I'm not talking about it at the moment I will speak to the nurse I think and talk things through might do me good. An I've told him I will talk to him then and WILL MAKE A DESION AFTER I KNOW THE FACTS! I don't think either of us will change our minds but I need to have a think!

OP posts:

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 24/08/2013 15:36

Take care of yourself
x

num3onway · 24/08/2013 15:41

Op I have been in your position. I stuck to my guns and said I could not terminate.
He left.
Then came back.

I am so glad I did not go through with it as I cannot imagine not having my dd

ourlittlestreet · 24/08/2013 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lucybrad · 24/08/2013 15:51

Sorry to be harsh but I would be surprised if this man stays with you long term anyway. He clearly is not fully committed. I know the last thing you need is a break up while early pregnant, but you are strong and you can cope with this. If he doesn't man up - get rid.

alreadytaken · 24/08/2013 15:53

if you terminate and he still leaves you will feel bad about the baby and still be raising a child on your own. If you terminate and he stays life will be more comfortable financially but you may dislike him. If you keep the baby how bad could it get at work as it sounds as if you work together?

In your place I would keep the baby but suggest to him that he have the snip so you don't have any more.

LynetteScavo · 24/08/2013 15:59

I think you are thinking far too much about your partner,and what he wants, and not putting yourself first.

You need to be strong and tell him how you feel, and what you want. He has been honest with you, now you need to be honest with him.

And please don't let him bully you into doing what suits him best. It's not all about him.

FixItUpChappie · 24/08/2013 16:41

but it's not really a great relationship though is it, if your so worried he will leave you or distance himself from you for having a child you both produced like consenting adults? It can't just be his way or the highway - that is not commitment.

Sorry your having a tough time OP.

Quodlibet · 24/08/2013 22:55

OP, Marie Stopes clinics offer free counselling in this kind of situation (unplanned pregnancy). They will not pressure you toward a termination but will help you sort through your feelings and come to a decision that is right for you, if you think some real-life support would be helpful.

FitzgeraldProtagonist · 25/08/2013 07:17

My god. What a cretin. I honestly don't say ltb at these threads. But I'm gonna. If you terminate and don't want to, you are at risk of PTSD and depression and future pregnancies to 'compensate' in less than far from ideal circumstances. I speak from experience and whilst it is only a sample size of one, it is my experience. Speak to Care Confidential. Not just for kids but really helpful.

FitzgeraldProtagonist · 25/08/2013 07:20

Ps Marie Stopes counselling was, IME, utterly utterly useless. Even when I was sobbing with exp pinching my arm to go through with it, they somehow assumed it wasn't my idea.

FitzgeraldProtagonist · 25/08/2013 07:21

*was

Justshabbynochic · 25/08/2013 07:36

Termination is one of those things where you have to be 100% sure about. Anything less and you're at risk of it affecting you for the rest of your life. He's a dick for risking getting you pregnant in the first place if he's so dead against it, he's a dick for wanting the termination for such selfish reasons, and he's a dick for being anything less than supportive to you.

LTB. You, DC1, and baby will be fine.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 25/08/2013 07:46

If you know you don't want to terminate then what's the point of going to the gp? Just to placate him?

primallass · 25/08/2013 08:08

What an arsehole.

Tell him your baby has never cheated on you and that he needs to be a man and fully commit to his family or go.

LandsN · 25/08/2013 09:57

I have been in exactly the same position with my ds and he is now starting secondary school in 2 weeks exact same reasons from dp and I went to gp booked appointment etc and then decided NO F U I am keeping MY baby with or without you and it was the best thing I ever done I am now 32 weeks pg with dc3 and we are happier than ever please please don't go ahead with it as you will regret it for the rest of your life and its not something you can forget about either good luck x

sprite25 · 25/08/2013 15:43

Sorry to hear your going through this. It must be hard but you need to stand up and be strong for yours, your child and your unborn babies sake. Like others have said unless YOU 100% want a termination then don't do it. He sounds like a complete dick tbh, doing what he wants when he wants with whoever he wants and leaving other people to deal with it. He's selfish and no kind of man in my eyes. After all he's done/said/put you through would it really be so devastating to lose him and all his bullsh*t for the sake of not terminating a baby that he is just as responsible for creating?

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 25/08/2013 17:34

I was also pressured into a termination I dost want by a man who already had a child and had got other women pregnant. All the others terminated. I ended up on anti depressants over t as I c

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 25/08/2013 17:36

Bollocks. And that was meant to say *didn't want.

As I couldn't handle it. I still find it hard to deal with. Please think very carefully about your decision and don't be pressured into anything by your partner. He doesn't sound like much of a catch to be honest.

Naomilouise1992 · 25/08/2013 21:10

I'm so sorry your in this situation! My ex and myself had planned for a baby when it happend he talked me into an abortion (found out later he was cheating) it was the worst time of my life! After that I just wanted the baby big! It took me a year and a half to go near a baby! I started seeing my partner a year ago nothing serious I was on the pill an went onto the implant in June as I didn't want anything ruining things between us little did I no I was already pregnant so had the implant removed. I knew he didn't want a baby so I told him n did the same said I'd go speak to a doctor, then the end of the week later sai I had a counciling appointment at the hospital! I knew I wasn't going to get rid we didn't speak for a few days after I told him I wanted to keep it. Then I said I'd get some info about abortions. But I tried to take it right up untill my first scan and made him come. He then told me he loved me and wanted us to be together properly!! And everything great ATM! If u can't have an abortion DO NOT do it! I still haven't got over it and it was 3 years ago! I hope he comes round and I hope you work things out xxxxx

Naomilouise1992 · 25/08/2013 21:14

And if you keep it he might leave but I'm pretty damn sure he will be bak! You and your baby are all that matters!!! Please be 100percent sure! I'm sure I was mentally f*ed for a while! It's horrible being pushed into something that is not what u want xxxxxx

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