Need a rant..............................

[Franykins]

Ok so before I start I am well aware that some people may think I am being silly or a 'diva' but I can't help the way I feel.

I am 23+ weeks with my first pg and have been told yesterday by my older sister that she is 9 weeks pg. This is her third, apparently unplanned. bollocks was it! This is a person who always has to be centre of attention, have some kind of drama going on and just generally everything has to end up revolving around her.

I am so upset, angry, pissed off and feel very betrayed. Silly of me?

Chances are this will be my only pregnancy as DP has two boys already and we are having twins.

I have always known deep down she would do this to me as she can't stand the lime light not being on her, but now she's actually done it I am so upset. I know my pg is the most important thing to me and DP but now all the family are going to be talking about her. I don't know how she copes with the two she has to be honest and her and her DH are seriously struggling money wise, they're DD and DS share a room as they have a 2 bed house and can't afford to move. So of course who is going to end up bailing her out again? Our DM of course. Her DS is now 5 and its just a massive coincidence that she has 'accidentally' fallen pg now.

I just can't actually believe she has done this. The close friends of mine that I have confided in (all who know my sister very well and her behaviour) have all agreed this is no accident on her part. She is the type of person who was jealous when her one of her friends fell pg when she was pg with her second as they now had more of their pg to go. Insane!

I am beyond shattered as I'm not sleeping very well atm and last night DP held me for 2 hours while I just cried and cried, I think I finally fell asleep about 2:30 only to wake up at 4, 6, and finally get up for work at 7. I don't know how I'm going to last all day at work, I am so tired.

I hit a milestone in my pg last night as it was the first time we could see bubbas kicking from the outside and the first time DP son's felt them move, and in my head its all overshadowed by this feeling of sadness and betrayal. Silly I know, I should just be happy for what I have, which I am I've waited 10 years to be a mum and am ecstatic it has finally happened.

My mum came to work to console me yesterday as she can't believe that my sister has done this, even though I have been saying for years that one I fell she would not be far behind cos she would be jealous and need the attention back. I feel like pulling out of a family wedding we are going to in October cos every one will be saying how exciting that we are expecting together and i just want to shout no its not!

The only silver lining I can think of is that they will be born in different years, but then it dawned on me that they will be in the same school year and that set me off again.

I just wanted to do something without her stealing my 'limelight' or bursting my bubble so to speak, but no she just can't let me.

I am sorry for the long winded rant (that probably doesn't even make sense) and applaud anyone who managed to read it all, let alone reply.

Thank you, and please be gentle.......................

I have three weeks until this becomes public and that really upsets me I don't want to see, let alone talk to her.

Sometimes in life we just have to accept how people are and take comfort in the fact that you are not like that. Don't let this ruin your time and as a mum of three nobody really pays that much attention to you third time round. The rest of your family will be excited for you the first time mum and gorgeous wee twins coming. When its the third one nobody really comments as you are seen as an old hand at it and left to get on with it. Stop getting upset and enjoy this lovely time.

I've always accepted these traits in my sister and have always loved her and helped her out, but have always said to her this would be the worst thing she could do to me and I could not forgive her for it, so she's done it anyway. Have I got mug written across my head?

Sorry to keep adding, I just can't help but have these thoughts pop into my head......................

Yes some people will think is petty but personally I wouldn't be too happy. Especially if u really do know that she did it on purpose. Xx

I know you are right, but she will have a way of making it all about her, like at lunch yesterday when she told me and our mum was there, I had exciting news to share but the whole thing ended up being about her and how will they manage house wise, money wise, etc.

I know this is the most special time for me and I am trying to just let it be but it hurts so much.

If you are having twins, I reckon she will struggle to take the attention away from you. People love twins and are always so interested.

She will never admit to it not being on purpose, but I just know her and would be floored if it was an 'accident'. I'm sure as far as her DH is aware it is but I just know her too well. I feel incredibly sorry for him as he already works to demanding jobs to afford the life they already have but they still have serious money issues and are struggling so badly. I worry about my niece and nephew already and this new baby will add to the strain. I will love the new addition but I just feel my sister has broken our relationship.

Ture, and my mum said yesterday that as far as she is concerned it is all about 'me' as this is my special time, bless my little mummy - I think she has finally seen what I have been saying for years.

In a very short period of time you are going to learn that sometimes in life you really shouldn't sweat the small stuff. Having children, and particularly twins, will hopefully give you some perspective about what's really important and being jealous of your insecure sister is not something that really is important. Get some sleep, enjoy the time that you have before you get too massive to do anything and stop worrying about something so petty. You are about to have a whole lot to deal with and it's worrying that you are making yourself ill about something so childish.

Sorry to be so harsh but you have lost perspective here: you're about to become a mum to twins, focus your energy on that!

In the gentlest possible way, you're being a bit crackers.

People get pregnant all the time and are perfectly entitled to do so. You being pregnant isn't a reason for someone else not to be. It doesn't even matter if it was 'deliberate' or not.

It seems like your worry about her DC is a cover-up for the fact that you're just a bit worried she'll steal your thunder.

You're having twins. This is wonderful and will make you and your DP very happy. That is the only thing that's important. Your family is you, DP and your DCs. Everyone else is less important and doesn't need to impact on you.

It's not worth the stress. Smile, congratulate her, get on with your own life.

Xposted with shoot, who has helpfully confirmed what I said!

Don't worry, I understand the rant. It is sometimes very hard having a sister! Mine got pregnant with her third shortly before I got pregnant with my first. She'd had the first grandchildren of our family, and all the fuss that goes with that, but then had a long gap after her second. Part of me did think it was a bit typical that she decided to have her third right about the time I would be starting to think of having a family!

Actually, I'm sure that wasn't the case, but you can't help the feelings you feel about siblings - they go back a long way further than this pregnancy.

I did have a few grr moments when my DD was born, kept subconsciously comparing how much 'fuss' was made of each child etc. But I was knackered and hormonal and that didn't help. I have stopped doing that (mostly!) now. I also know that, being in the school year, I will get a bit grr if I think that they are being compared in the future.

But, my DD absolutely adores her cousin, and it is lovely to see them playing together. They truly are little buddies.

Please bear in mind that however many grandchildren in your family they will be loved them dearly and they will have the added 'special'ness of being twins, whom nobody can ever resist staring at! And don't worry about not being pregnant again. It's such a tiny part of it all. I know people get clucky over pg women but I personally can't wait to trade my huge uncomfortable bump for my DC2 and never have to be pg again

Anyway long post, but just to say I do think your feelings are understandable, maybe you should consider talking to someone impartial about them? I found that pregnancy threw up a lot of issues - children's centres often have free talking therapy, might be worth investigating? xx

I kind of know how you are feeling, I have a cousin who is exactly the same. It is annoying and frustrating, but you just have to realise you're the bigger person and just let your DS get on with it (easier said than done I know). As previous posters have said, you have the trumph card in twins :) Also, from your post, it seems that everyone seems to know how your sister is, and will probably take the news with a pinch of salt anyways xxx Don't let this ruin your experience xx

My DC was my cheif bridemaid at my wedding in April. The wedding had been planned for two years. She announced she was preganant and would coincidentally be 8.5 months pregnant at my wedding, cue bridemaid dress stress and giving birth on the ailse stress. (And yes she planned it becuase she told me if it didn't happen within a certain timeframe it would be delayed for a few months to ensure it didn't coincide with the wedding.....) I got upset and stressed etc at the start then thought Fuck it. Everyone knows what shes like and probably find it a bit sad......that said her divorce has just come through and DH reckons she'll annouce wedding date for her new DP to be 10th March when I am due DC lol

I forgot to say that a worked with someone that this happened to. Everyone predicted that her sister would do this and she did, didn't take any attention of my friend but just made her sister look a wee bit silly and needy. The two children however are great pals so all worked out alright in the end. Try not to worry about this not worth getting worked up about, you need to take care of yourself and your lovely twins.

My brother and his wife tried for over a year to get pregnant and I cried with total happiness when it happened for them. I then discovered that I had fallen pregnant with my 4th by accident as that CAN happen and that I was only 4 weeks behind them!! I did have a small worry that something would happen to their much longed for pregnancy and how awful that would be but do you no what, nobody has a monopoly on being pregnant or the right not to want somebody else to be!! We have been lucky and are able to share the experience, them often asking my advice. Infact, I am more excited about the arrival of my niece than I am my daughter as they are so very excited, melts me. If they had thought me to be stealing their thunder I would have been very hurt indeed.

Please try and focus your attention on yourself and the incredible journey you are going through and not to think of it as a competition with your sister. Twins! Congratulations. What a wonderful and exciting thing - they will need their loving mummy to be completely focused on them, and i'm sure you will get lots of attention from family and friends. Also, don't forget that you will soon have a little niece or nephew who will also benefit from a having a loving aunt; it would be a shame to let your hurt from your sister cloud your ability to offer them your love. Rise above it and remember what's important - these tiny new people who need love, support and affection.

Hi Franykins,

I can understand your upset and frustration. I have met a few people in my time who need the limelight and will do anything to get it and I know how sneaky and underhand they can be. Human behaviour never fails to amaze me!!

But on the plus side, unless she gives birth to triplets you will DEFINITELY be the focus of attention!! Nobody can resist twins!!!!

Me and hubby are currently concerned because our baby is due the week after his best friends wedding. The Wedding is missions away from home and so we know that I won't be going in case early labour starts, and hubby is reluctant about going because he won't want to leave me. What makes it more complicated is that my husband is best man!!! We are dreading telling them! I can well imagine the The Bride-to-Be saying we did it on purpose to steal their limelight....

Oh dear the other posters and your mum are right that you are having TWINS and no one will pay attention to her having a third so you will get way more attention. I'm sure you're just being a wee bit hormonal though- I can't see that she would have got pg just to wind you up??! Annoying yes but in time I'm sure you'll feel better about it. I'm overdue and had a massive cry about a bloody roller blind yesterday but everything seems better today!!
Congrats on your twins, that's very exciting indeed.

My sister did this when I was pregnant knowing full well my mum would no longer be interested in my pregnancy and it will be all about her- which of course is exactly what happened, apprently that was accidental too - well until she decided had a nightmare pregnancy and admitted she had made a mistake getting pregnant and should have used protection.

Sod your sister believe me when your twins arrive everyone will be fasinated as they always are with twins and you will be too busy to care, just let her get on with it.

Thank you for the replies - even the harsher ones.

I am still feeling deeply upset, no matter what people think of me for that I can't help it. Had a good talk with my mum who is also angry with her (for other reasons as well as for what she has done to me), but hey ho what's done is done I guess.

I am not ready to see or talk to her and still have all the mixed emotions that she has caused but I have also had a 'talk' with myself and am not going to let her selfishness affect my pg. I have my loving DP and step sons and many friends who I can share all of my pg with - she will just have to miss out for now.

I still feel she has affected many relationships within the family but I guess with time they will heal - but we will never be like we were.

I will of course love her new addition as its not bubbas fault but I hate the fact I won't be able to give him/her the time I have given to my niece and nephew as I will be busy adjusting to life as new mum to twins.

Thank you ruledbyheart luckily for me my mum has said she is not excited about my sister as she is too worried about her financial situation, the children she already has and her health issues. She said she was really looking forward to giving me the support my sister has had but now feels she won't be able to as she will have to help her out as well and is deeply saddened by this. She has also just said to me on the phone that of course she will always love my sister (and of course I would never aske her not to that goes without saying) she feels very sorry for me having to have her as a sister and knows how hard it has been for me growing up with all of it.

Sorry but I believe hormones are to blame here. I don't believe anyone would decide to get pregnant and care for another human being for the rest of their life because they wanted to take the limelight away from someone else for a few months. That's ridiculous.
If you are worried about not having any attention then take comfort in the fact that twins and first births are always viewed as more special than single, subsequent pregnancies.

Sorry didn't see the update.
It sounds like your mum is being very diplomatic unless she honestly believes your sister has become pregnant just for attention.
Hope you sort this out before the babies are born but I think your priorities will have changed by then anyway. Congrats on your twins btw.

I'm not saying she has done it just to take the limelight for a few months, she just has to be centre of attention always. Also not blaming hormones as I have been very level headed all pg, even my DP has said many a times aren't you meant to be getting hormonal and shouting at me for silly stuff?

Believe me I know my sister - have done for the last 31 years.