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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Need a rant..............................

42 replies

Franykins · 06/08/2013 09:21

Ok so before I start I am well aware that some people may think I am being silly or a 'diva' but I can't help the way I feel.

I am 23+ weeks with my first pg and have been told yesterday by my older sister that she is 9 weeks pg. This is her third, apparently unplanned. bollocks was it! This is a person who always has to be centre of attention, have some kind of drama going on and just generally everything has to end up revolving around her.

I am so upset, angry, pissed off and feel very betrayed. Silly of me?

Chances are this will be my only pregnancy as DP has two boys already and we are having twins.

I have always known deep down she would do this to me as she can't stand the lime light not being on her, but now she's actually done it I am so upset. I know my pg is the most important thing to me and DP but now all the family are going to be talking about her. I don't know how she copes with the two she has to be honest and her and her DH are seriously struggling money wise, they're DD and DS share a room as they have a 2 bed house and can't afford to move. So of course who is going to end up bailing her out again? Our DM of course. Her DS is now 5 and its just a massive coincidence that she has 'accidentally' fallen pg now.

I just can't actually believe she has done this. The close friends of mine that I have confided in (all who know my sister very well and her behaviour) have all agreed this is no accident on her part. She is the type of person who was jealous when her one of her friends fell pg when she was pg with her second as they now had more of their pg to go. Insane!

I am beyond shattered as I'm not sleeping very well atm and last night DP held me for 2 hours while I just cried and cried, I think I finally fell asleep about 2:30 only to wake up at 4, 6, and finally get up for work at 7. I don't know how I'm going to last all day at work, I am so tired.

I hit a milestone in my pg last night as it was the first time we could see bubbas kicking from the outside and the first time DP son's felt them move, and in my head its all overshadowed by this feeling of sadness and betrayal. Silly I know, I should just be happy for what I have, which I am I've waited 10 years to be a mum and am ecstatic it has finally happened.

My mum came to work to console me yesterday as she can't believe that my sister has done this, even though I have been saying for years that one I fell she would not be far behind cos she would be jealous and need the attention back. I feel like pulling out of a family wedding we are going to in October cos every one will be saying how exciting that we are expecting together and i just want to shout no its not!

The only silver lining I can think of is that they will be born in different years, but then it dawned on me that they will be in the same school year and that set me off again.

I just wanted to do something without her stealing my 'limelight' or bursting my bubble so to speak, but no she just can't let me.

I am sorry for the long winded rant (that probably doesn't even make sense) and applaud anyone who managed to read it all, let alone reply.

Thank you, and please be gentle.......................

OP posts:

Rowboat · 07/08/2013 12:55

Do you know, I get it. I have a sister who likes to always be centre of attention. And parents in law who do too. But there really isn't a lot you can do, except get on with your own life. Some things to remember and hopefully help: 1. First babies are more exciting than subsequent ones. (they just are, though all babies are exciting its just the first are so life changing), 2. Twins are very special, 3. This is your pregnancy not your sisters or anyone else and you really want to enjoy it and 4. Sod what anyone else says or thinks - people often just talk to make noise and not say anything meaningful.
If you love your sister as you say, you're just going to have to suck it up. My sister hasnt done this to me, but she did lose a shit load of weight to be my bridesmaid and EVERYONE commented on how good she looked on the day. She got more comments than I did. She cried at my brother's wedding because she had noone to dance with. Neither did I at the time, I just enjoyed myself. It gets tired very quickly this me me me stuff, doesnt it. But I just rant, not in her earshot, and move on. Its who she is and there's nothing to do...

Please, just forget it as best you can and enjoy your wonderful pregnancy.

Original poster

Franykins · 08/08/2013 08:51

All very true Rowboat

I tried to go and talk to her last night to clear the air and see how we could move one, she gave me 5 mins and kicked me out! Says a lot I think.

I'm not going to think about it now. I have my wonderful DP, step sons and my two bubbas on the way

OP posts:

HystericalParoxysm · 08/08/2013 09:18

Hey Frany. I can understand why you feel the way you do. Please don't let it spoil this pregnancy for you. Besides, twins are far more exciting

Original poster

Franykins · 08/08/2013 09:38

Hi HystericalParoxysm thanks for your post

I am not going to let it ruin it, I've got my level head back on today. I am still upset about it all but I'm not going to dwell on it now. I think last night proved a lot of what I already knew deep down. Such a shame really.

OP posts:

Carole803 · 08/08/2013 11:33

CONGRATULATIONS
Twins=top trumps
this is a very exciting time for you. Forget about sibling rivalry, conventrate on enjoying making two beautiful little, healthy people who could go on to rule the world.
focus your energy on making sure everyone in your family unit (dh and sons) and home is ready for the madness that is cheeky twins.
it is not about being in the limelight, but as many have already said, everyone loves twins and you will start to feel like a (good) circus feature.
have fun. If you are only doing this once, knowingly, savour every moment. They will be flying the nest before you know it.
don't forget to be a good sister and cool aunty.

TarkaTheOtter · 08/08/2013 12:57

I don't think your mum should be enabling your feelings about this tbh. Why does it matter if you are not the centre of attention? You'll have two lovely babies, it isn't a competition. Your twins will have a similar age cousin which will be lovely.

Also what does it matter if you being pregnant did make your sister broody? There is no rule that only one sibling can get pregnant at any one time lest the other should lose some of the limelight. That's just pregzilla.

I know I'm being harsh but it really isn't healthy to be sobbing all night because your sister is pregnant at the same time as you. If you really think this isn't just the hormones you should perhaps think about seeing your gp.

Original poster

Franykins · 08/08/2013 13:06

Haha Tarkathe Otter that gp comment made me laugh! I think I'm entitled to be upset, and lets face it one night of tears isn't exactly ott!

OP posts:

TobyLerone · 08/08/2013 13:13

Tarka is bang on.

Razzdazz · 08/08/2013 14:02

What tarka said!!

froubylou · 08/08/2013 14:32

I know how you feel.

There is about 6 months between my DD and my nephew. Am currently 21 weeks pg after 3 years ttc. Dsis is 9 weeks pg with her second baby same as me.

Her DP is a useless layabout wanker. My nephew is a very norty little boy. And her house a shithole.

My mother runs around after her like a blue arsed fly lol. There is going to be uproar when my dsis discovrrs that my other dsis is giving me her pram as discussed whenI ffirst found out I was pg. She told my mum she was having it.

You know what? I could be upset and stressed and angry over it. But I just think she will always be playing catch up in the pg and I will always be in front. For instance today it's all about my baby as we have just found out it's a boy. She has another 11 weeks to wait.

Don't stress about it. Enjoy your pg and wish her well with hers.

parttimer79 · 08/08/2013 15:32

I'm afraid I agree with Tarka. Can you really not see that your response to this is a little disproportionate? I'd be hoping it was hormones!

It sounds like you have a lovely family and you are going to welcome not one but two beautiful babies into it. Can you not focus on that? Why do you feel the need to compete for attention with your sister? You are two grown women bringing new lives into the world. In the kindest possible way stop sweating the small stuff and let it go.

TheFalconsmistress · 08/08/2013 15:49

Sorry i completely agree with Tarka you sound a bit selfish and crackers why can't your sister be pregnant too? you are going to have a lovely family and maybe once they are here you will see how silly this is to be getting upset about

Original poster

Franykins · 08/08/2013 16:35

I only feel this way as it's my first pg, if it was my second/third/etc then it would be different. A lot of people have agreed with me without me saying how I feel to them so I can't be that mad.

I can appreciate what people are saying but no one can help how they feel about something.

OP posts:

Madratlady · 08/08/2013 17:01

Tarka has it spot on.

You obviously have issues with your sister but nobody has 'dibs' on being pregnant.

Andanotherthing123 · 08/08/2013 21:30

Me and my both my sister's have been pregnant together, I'm on DC3 and there's 2 days between me and little sister's due date. My parents have 4 kids and sometimes they need to support one of their kids more than the others. We don't mind as we would want them to do that. We've shared maternity clothes, prams and baby clothes and our kids love each other.

Why do you want unrivalled attention? Your sister sounds as though she may struggle with another child and if she did get pregnant because she wanted attention, then that's very sad and she'll need your mum's help. You sound happy with a DP you love, step sons and two babies on the way. Enjoy what you have and be glad you're a more balanced settled person than your sister.

CuppaSarah · 09/08/2013 09:19

I just want to say firstly first time mother of TWINS is going to get people so excited and happy and wanting to share in you and your DPs happiness. Even I'm excited for you and your a stranger.

Secondly, my SIL did the exact same. Now they're here everything is about her DS it's very very annoying. She literally updates facebook when he farts, I really really wish I was kidding. She doesn't let anything be about us or my DD. But you know what? I am so lucky to be secure enough in myself and my parenting abilities I don't need to seek out everyone's approval like her. Because the attention seeking, needing to be center of attention people that our sisters are. They are the most insecure people out there.

Your sister thinks if you get the limelight, then she has nothing, because all she thinks that there is about her is being the center if attention. It's not anyone's fault she is how she is. She's still your sister and you're still going to love her. Even if right now it's upsetting you, think of your children, imagine how amazing it's going to be to grow up with them all being similar ages. They're going to have the most amazing time.

Instead of letting it be a wedge between you, try to use this pregnancy as an opportunity to get closer to her. Pregnancy can be a lonely time, you have someone going through the same thing who has done it twice before! Relationships are very complicated, siblings are often a bit competitive and nothing is more emotive than pregnancy. It's upsetting the plan you had in your head isn't going to be what happens anymore. But you're having babies so you'd best get used to planning on the fly!

At the same time you don't need to be happy about this all the time, you're allowed wobbles and moments of anger, should you have one of them and need a good old rant feel free to message me(as long as I can do the same back)

Original poster

Franykins · 09/08/2013 10:59

Thank you CuppaSarah you've totally summed it up. I can't help how I feel. I'm just hoping 4 months is going to be long enough for me to get used to being a mum to twins as I won't be getting the support and help I was promised and relying on. I know I'll be there mum but with DP working full time and not being able to afford for him to have paternity leave I'm going to be alone a lot now.

I have friends going through pg with me and that is so much fun, I just wanted to share this time with my sis but no feel I can't. Oh well.

Thank you so much for your kinds words. xx

OP posts:

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