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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

The Great Gender Scan Debate

30 replies

LouisaJF · 27/07/2013 08:04

It's only early days but we've started to think about whether we want to find out.

With our first child DH desperately wanted a boy and wanted to know beforehand. This time, whilst DH still hopes for another boy neither of us are quite as bothered what it is. He would like to find out, I'm leaning towards wanting the surprise.

For those of you who opted not to find out, how did you find it? Was it worth it or is it just another thing to add to the emotions of the birth? Did it make decisions beforehand difficult in choosing names, colours etc? Do you still bond with the bump the same way?

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Shesparkles · 27/07/2013 08:10

I didn't know with either of mine, and it was wonderful when the midwife held ds up and said " look what you've got"
When I head dd I was on my hands and knees so it was dh who saw her first and he told me-equally wonderful.

Don't get me wrong, the temptation to find out was huge, but the wish for the surprise was huger!

I'm a complete control freak, so understand why people want to know so they can be organised, but for me it was non negotiable, I wanted that surprise. We made it verŷ clear before I had scan that we didn't want to know

VashtaNerada · 27/07/2013 08:13

I didn't know with DC1 and it was great, stopped me being tempted into pink / blue colour schemes (yuck!). Did find out with DC2 so I could prepare DC1.

VashtaNerada · 27/07/2013 08:13

And yes, bonded with both bumps!

HarderToKidnap · 27/07/2013 08:14

Surprise was amazing. I can't understand why people find out really, I don't think there is anything g wrong with it of course but I just don't get it. It was the best moment, properly meeting him for the first time. Of course you bond with your baby without knowing the sex, personally I think it's a bit more so cos it's such a leap. You don't know anything about this little wriggling fish, just that you love it with all your heart. I think when people know the sex and the name it can get a little matter of fact. Anyway, have a wonderful pregnancy whatever you do!

JellyBeanDavey · 27/07/2013 08:21

I think not finding out helps you through the birth. A nice surprise, plus wasn't it you dh decision for your first... It's your turn now

Yonionekanobe · 27/07/2013 08:28

Completely the opposites experience to Harder. Knowing DD was a 'she' at the scan was wonderful and an absolutely amazing moment to share with DH and really take in properly. I had begun to bond well before this of course but it stepped it up another level. DH also found it made him feel much closer to things, as for obvious reasons bonding during pregnancy is so different for men. Oh, and we managed to avoid gender-stereotypical colour schemes - her room was quite neutral as are all our baby products as we knew we wanted more than one child and a boy may arrive in the future. Nobody forces you to buy pink or blue just because you know!

In terms of surprises on the day of her birth there were plenty (not all good) and we chose her name (from a short list) once we'd spent some time with her.

Clearly a very personal decision - I can understand why people go down both routes!

rowtunda · 27/07/2013 08:30

I'm on second pregnancy and haven't found out with either. It builds the anticipation and excitement for me. There is just something a bit boring about knowing the sex! Yes it's a pain for buying things but as i've already got most if the stuff from DS so its not much of an issue.

I really don't understand how people think knowing the sex helps them to bond with the baby - surely people bonded with babies no problem when finding out wasn't even an option.

rubyslippers · 27/07/2013 08:34

I didn't find out with either

The first time, DH told me we had a son

The second time, the MW put my baby on me so I could tell what I had

Magic

PastaBeeandCheese · 27/07/2013 08:40

I loved not knowing. DD was handed to me for skin to skin and a towel put over both of us.

It was a full 5 minutes before I remembered I didn't know if she was a boy or a girl. DH and I peeked under the towel together and found out for ourselves we had a daughter. Amazing.

Each to their own but I can't imagine being told by a sonographer and then waiting another 20 weeks to meet the baby.

We won't be finding out this time either.

LoveBeingItsABoy · 27/07/2013 08:42

Knowing goes not make the birth any less special, for me it meant two 'reveals' rather than one!

MultipleMama · 27/07/2013 09:36

We decided to know gender of all our four pregnancies. To me, it helped bond us evwn further and helped DH too as he felt more involved and could happily tell people, "I'm having a son/daughter" not "we're having a baby".

I also hated the fact that baby would be referred to as "it" "them" "baby" "insert nickname here".

Knowing didn't make it any less of a surprise or joy, it made it better and also helped with preparing DC.

Each to their own. Both ways are wonderful and special in their own right.

Yonionekanobe · 27/07/2013 10:07

I think the issue here is that childbirth is amazing and a wonderful experience for most, so some people find it impossible to understand how anyone could make different choices. You just have to respect the experience of others - I know in the moments either side of finding out I was having a girl my feelings towards her were heightened, but equally I can imagine how wonderful it must be to find out at the moment of birth. I'm a bit shocked at the judgemental tone this debate provokes.

Essexgirlupnorth · 27/07/2013 10:13

I found out because I wanted to know. We have a mixture of girls and neutral clothes as don't want to go down the whole stereotypical pink route.
She won't have a name till she is here and I still don't know what she looks like so that will still be a surprise.
I can understand while people don't find out but like most things is down to individual choice.

ChristineDaae · 27/07/2013 10:31

I didn't find out with DD and won't this find either. It's clearly personal choice but I liked the surprise!

muppetthecow · 27/07/2013 10:43

We didn't find out with our first but have with this one so we can prep DS a bit more easily. I loved the surprise the first time, but not being able to use personal pronouns drove me a little mad by the end! I don't feel like I've bonded any differently to this bump than I did DS...

RNJ3007 · 27/07/2013 11:00

I didn't plan to find out with either, but after avoiding finding out at 20w scan, DD revealed midway through an artery scan!

This time, a routine check for a heartbeat had to be done on the scan machine... As the consultant triumphantly pointed out the heartbeat, DS flipped over and showed us the goods. Due to issues this pregnancy, we've had 10 scans, and he has landed his bits on the ultrasound probe EVERY TIME! Clearly an exhibitionist...

DDs room was pale yellow and DSs room will be pale green with Winnie the Pooh decals. No stereotypical blue/pink here!

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 27/07/2013 11:29

For me it wasn't so much driven by wanting to know, as the fact that the sonographer knew. I couldn't stand some stranger knowing that about my baby and not telling me. If the baby had been uncooperative and nobody knew then that would have been just fine.

But I can't imagine how finding out the sex would have made the first meeting with my child more special.

Razzdazz · 27/07/2013 12:09

We never found out with ds1 and dd1 and both times were magical when they were born . When pregnant with number 3 we found out the sex as dd has a chromosome condition and was adamant that she only wanted a brother so she was still the only princess!! Discovered number 3 was a boy so never told anyone else which made it kind of special for me and dh. Birth was no less magical. Now having number 4, found out for same reasons as before though this time it is a girl!! So pleased we found out as lots of prep been done to help dd1 and now she is very excited about having a sister

Anothermrssmith · 27/07/2013 12:11

I'm determined not to find out, I think there are very few surprises in life and this is one I don't want to miss out on. That said when the time comes where they'll be able to tell me we may crack and find out! My sister in law has an 18month old son who thanks to his position they couldn't tell the gender of at the scan (they were planning on finding out). I remember the week before he was born, standing in baby gap and getting so frustrated that I couldn't buy anything! The boys/girls clothes were so much cuter than the neutrals!

Plus3 · 27/07/2013 12:30

There is no right way. The whole experience is unique and to belittle another person's choice is just rude.

I found out at the scan both times - it was the right choice for me & my DH. It didn't take away from the whole experience because it was ours.
It didn't matter to us if it was a boy or girl but we were given a choice & we made our decision.

TruJay · 27/07/2013 12:48

Hubby wanted to find out with our son, I didn't but he was just so excited at the scan that I agreed to finding out and his face was priceless, pure happiness!

I wanted a boy for my first too so was really happy although wouldn't have been disappointed with a girl.

Haven't found out the sex of current bump as hubby got his choice last time so I said its my choice this time and due to a previous loss I don't care what it is as long as we get this one!

We ask our son if he thinks its a boy or a girl he says "its just a BABY!" As first he used to say "I think its a baby elephant!" Hoping he's wrong tho as a human baby is hard to part with in labour let alone an elephant! Lol

SoupDragon · 27/07/2013 12:52

I've done both - didn't find out with DS1, found out by accident with DS2, found out by choice with DD. Neither birth was less special than any of the others and I didn't feel any differently about any of the bumps/babies.

I clearly remember looking down at DD and thinking "There you are!" when she was born - seeing her was no less surprising or special than when my unknown DS1 was born (or DS2).

Amibambini · 28/07/2013 15:22

We have our 20 week scan in 3 weeks. We will find out the gender because I don't for one second want to take my eyes away from the screen! I want to see everything, and if that means seeing a little pair of balls or a tiny vulva then, double yay! I personally don't feel it's less 'magical' to know the gender while giving birth, you are meeting your child for the first time, just seeing their face is going to be a wonderful surprise. Can't wait for the 20 week scan!

Choccywoccydodah · 28/07/2013 15:28

I desperately wanted to know with ds but dh didn't. So glad we waited, it was a beautiful moment esp when ds had his legs crossed so none of us knew what sex he was! We all found out together and I will never ever forget that wonderful feeling.

As much as I'd want to find out next time, I think I would wait again. As my ds's aunty put it, it's one of natures little secrets

Weegiemum · 28/07/2013 15:28

When I had my 3, the hospital simply wouldn't tell you. So I was surprised every time, and couldn't imagine it any other way!

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