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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

In laws always saying I'm fat

36 replies

sweetiepie1979 · 22/07/2013 20:35

I'm 28 weeks with second dc. Dc1 is 2 exactly. I was about 6/7 pounds overweight when I got pregnant and I'm now about 11.3. I'm only 5'2 so I don't carry weight well and I'm pear shaped-not a good combo. My inlaws are always referring to my weight. Mil constantly reminds me she was in pre pregnancy jeans when she left hospital with her third boy(my husband) and when I was throwing up in second trimester she said that was good it was 15 mins after dinner and that meant baby got the goodness but I didn't get the fat! Weird! Yesterday fil greeted me with oh hello your looking like a fat round blob. I was devastated as on my way to a wedding in my Isabella Oliver dress and my glossy hair I'd spent ages on. He's a bit of a bastard so Im trying not to get too upset about it. When I go to DH family's house I think they give me smaller portions for dinner than everyone else and constantly watch what I eat. This was before pregnancy too. I feel like shit and I do look fat in everything. My confidence hasn't been great since I got married despite having a wonderful loving caring husband. And all this chat and feeling that I'm really fat is making me eat more crap. We have a family gathering in 4 weeks i font know how im going to handle it. Can I have some free counciling please......

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SaucyJack · 22/07/2013 20:42

Could you not just kick her in the cunt?

nenevomito · 22/07/2013 20:44

Oh heck. When I was PG my D MIL patted me on the bump and said "If I didn't know you were pregnant, I'd have thought you'd just got even chubbier."

You do not look fat. You look pregnant. They are twats,

maja00 · 22/07/2013 20:46

Every time they say something reply "what an incredibly rude thing to say!" and just looked shocked.

Kormachameleon · 22/07/2013 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Isabeller · 22/07/2013 20:48

Unacceptable bullying. It might be fun to do some fantasy conversations/scenarios but some RL counselling for you to get you really tough and self confident & eventually capable of swatting them like the insubstantial flies they are might work out better. Good Luck

Isabeller · 22/07/2013 20:48

and what Korma said

FraggleRock77 · 22/07/2013 20:50

OMG. What a bunch of horrible people. What is it about pregnancy that means people feel so confident in making comments about the way you look. Really hard but just try to swallow it down or if it were me explode in a rage of verbal abuse at them xxx

AcrylicPlexiglass · 22/07/2013 20:50

They sound horrible. Can you see much much less of them? Sounds like you are spending too much time with them.

DrMcDreamysWife · 22/07/2013 20:50

That is awful. What horrible people. Tell them their being rude. Tell your dh to support you. And I agree. Stop going hear them. It is especially rude if they say it in front of your ds.

DrMcDreamysWife · 22/07/2013 20:51

Going near them I meant.

Sleepthief · 22/07/2013 20:52

Wow, what a charming lot! Could your husband have a word about the inappropriateness (bloody rudeness) of their comments and behaviour? Otherwise, for your own sanity I think you'll have to say: "I'm sorry, but if you persist in making comments about my weight, making me feel bad about my appearance and watching what I eat, I will not be able to spend any time with you." Or something along those lines (am sure someone will be along with a pithier response soon. And you need to try not to worry about your weight/appearance

Meow75 · 22/07/2013 20:52

Perhaps you handle it by not going. DH can go if he likes, and even take your other DC.

If you'd prefer, DH can say you are ill or he can tell the truth and say that you are sick to death of constantly being criticised for your physical appearance. Your weight is none of anyone else's business, but if someone is nice to comment positively then that's great. But your IL's don't do that, they are cunts and should not be allowed to continue in this way.

What does your DH say when they say these things and he is there? If I were you, I'd be expecting him to shut them up now. They've had their say and it's quite rude.

If you don't feel you can take the fall out of not going, you could always try the "Excuse me, but do you mean to be so rude to me EVERY TIME you comment on my physical appearance?"

If they respond that they are only concerned for your health, then tell them that the constant comments make you eat more, so they should STFU!!!

HTH

RandomMess · 22/07/2013 20:52

How vile of them, I'm a shortie, I carried all out front and had complete strangers thinking I was having twins!!!

I would stop seeing them, your stress levels don't need it.

ArtexMonkey · 22/07/2013 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Longtalljosie · 22/07/2013 20:58

Your DH can't be all that wonderful if he lets his parents say that to you...

Original poster

sweetiepie1979 · 22/07/2013 20:58

I hardly see them they live in England we are in scotland. Fil is in scotland it he isn't interested in seeing dc1 so we rarely see him. The think his mil Is so good to us every other way. When she comes to visit she is an amazing house guest. It's just the weight thing....,

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 22/07/2013 21:00

Right, first of all YOU have to believe that you're absolutely fine as you are.

And then we can have some fun

Eat masses around them (save all your eating for round them) giant bars of chocolate, ask for extra portions, put your feet up on the chairs.

Ignore all comments.

Smile and give birth to your beautiful baby and just, in general do what the fuck you want.

Snoot · 22/07/2013 21:09

You poor thing OP, they sound unbearable! My in-laws used to do similar portion control (I'll always see it as rationing), DH resorted to giving me food off his plate which shamed them into stopping. Sounds like your MIL's got food issues either caused or supported by your FIL. You should feel sorry for them. Having said that, you do not need to put up with their constant criticism. Does your DH stand up for you? He ought to.

Re the did you mean to be so rude? question, an alternative which worked for me (although unintentionally, I was preoccupied and responded to DM as though she were one of my DC) is thats not very kind, is it?. I've bitten down responses and repressed hurt for years with that woman but one comment a few weeks ago seems to have turned things around

CashmereHoodlum · 22/07/2013 21:09

How were they before you got pregnant?

Your choices are either to just stop seeing them (and tell them why) or get your husband to tell them in no uncertain terms to stop being so hurtful and rude. IME when people behave like this, they won't be told that they are in the wrong, so in your position I would just avoid them.

The bastards.

RandomMess · 22/07/2013 21:15

Have you got the balls to say "Geez you've got food issues" every time she does or says something? Clearly she has!

If she is great in every other way perhaps you could take her to one side and mention how she is food obsessed and enquire as to what awful thing has happened in her past to make her that way as you're concerned about her OCD in regards to it?

wispa31 · 22/07/2013 21:25

saucyjack i love your idea :)

my own mum said to me (again) last thurs night about me being fat, i looked at her and said ' how rude! im not fat!' her response? 'well what are you then?' me ' erm, pregnant?!'
some people just think they can see whatever they like to you when you,re pg, fucking hate that!

froubylou · 22/07/2013 21:26

Just tell him hes a rude fucker. Old enough to know better but not old enough to claim its age related rudeness unless you should start researching homes for him.

And just smile sweetly at her, thank her for her concern and point out that at your age you can get away with it as your metabolism is soooo much better than hers. And then whisper that it doesn't matter how fat you get, with 2 kids her ds is stuck with you fat or thin.

Then scoff a huge cream cake. Yum.

TruJay · 22/07/2013 21:30

Rotten sods! That's bloody awful and bang out of order. U def need to say something as it won't stop and will probably just get worse once u've had the baby too.

It is hard, I've had problems with inlaws since day one although regarding other issues and I have only over the last year started standing my ground and it does make a difference and I have had some apologies and some major changes in behaviour which has been an incredible relief!

Tell ur hubby how hard it is for u and ask him to stand up for u and back u up as it is hard
'Taking on' a whole family that isn't yours. If my own mum or family say stuff we all just tell each other to piss off and its forgotten but its different when it isn't ur family.

Hope u get things sorted x

saucyjack that made me laugh so much!

Original poster

sweetiepie1979 · 22/07/2013 21:49

I think these are good ideas but I don't have the balls, why have I not got the balls that's really annoying! Because I've lost confidence. In last pregnancy DH told mil to stop saying hello fatty that it wasn't very nice and I was his beautiful pregnant wife not fat! She's not said it to me this time but her new husband has pointed at my tummy and said you should stop eating prawn crackers now when we were at a Thai resturaunt. I think it was supposed to be a joke but then she jumped in with oh is that all Thai food in there? They are almost 70 it's hard to say anything back that's rude. Regarding fil he's just a cantankerous old bastard so I'll just not be visiting him for a long time. I need to work on my confidence....

OP posts:

ComtesseDeFrouFrou · 22/07/2013 21:56

OP clearly they have no such compunction about being, seriously, quite astonishingly and unspeakably rude to you. Your DH should really be being much more forceful with them about their behaviour, which really is quite unforgivable. Where do they get off?!

I agree - don't go to the next gathering, but make absolutely sure that your DH makes it clear that their appalling rudeness is the reason for your non-attendance.

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