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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone else feel guilty for going on Maternity Leave earlier than normal?

70 replies

RatherUninspired · 21/07/2013 18:31

Hi,

I chose to go on Maternity Leave at 10 weeks. It was a decision based on me not being happy in my current job (from before pregnancy) and being in a very stressful job with a commute. Anyway I am now almost 38 weeks so would def have finished work by now anyway but I still feel really guilty for going off at 30 weeks. I recently met a lot of mothers at a mothers group and none of them were going off early apart from one who had been made redundant so had chosen to stay at home for a lot of her pregnancy. I have always been very financially independent but saved up money before I went off to try and help my DH with the mortgage as much as possible. I don't really regret going off but I kind of feel like 'less of a person' for not 'being able' to stick it out till about 2-3 weeks before as I had originally planned. I was just so miserable at work and could not wait to leave but kind of feel a bit like a spoilt brat as it seems I am the only one I know to have chosen to go off early and not worked right up. I even feel a bit bad for feeling like this/like I can't say that to the people who have worked right up to 2 weeks or so before baby is due as I must seem really ungrateful and I know a lot of people just think I am really lucky. I tried speaking to my mum about it and her response was 'well it was your decision' and then moved on the conversation. Loads of other people have just been like 'so what do you do all day' - in answer to that I have been trying to relax, cleaning the house, getting baby stuff ready etc. I don't really like to tell to many people about the struggles I had at work as I feel like I have to suck it all up but I get the impression not many people understand or think I am a bit weak for 'not being able to hack it'. Has anyone else felt a bit guilty/like me when they went off or has anyone else got any kind words who has perhaps been there? I am fed up with feeling bad about it

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Carole803 · 12/08/2013 12:15

Don't feel guilty. Enjoy it. I would love to go on mat leave now (only 20+4 l lol), but we can't afford for me to take more than nine months mat leave when the baby is here and want as much as possible with the baby before joining the rat race again.

The best I get it a week and a half before my due date.

Just enjoy it. I feel happy knowing not everyone has to work to the wire.

Anyway, at 38 weeks, you have more exciting things to think about. Stop feeling guilty and think about meeting your little one oh so very soon :)

Ps: I know other people who have started mat leave a month or two before they would have done.

Ooh soo exciting. Good luck :)

Shellywelly1973 · 12/08/2013 12:32

Op. I totally get why you felt guilty but i really wouldn't feel guilty if i was you.

Im self employed so basically stuck working for as long as possible... Same with returning to work, it will be asap.

Hope you've enjoyed your last few weeks of peace&quiet!

megadude · 30/08/2013 18:49

I went at 35 weeks for my first, and gave birth at 37 weeks so felt cheated out of three weeks to myself! I loved my job when I left, but since I returned part-time I've been treated very differently (whole new topic I know!), and now I can't stand the place.

I'm planning on leaving earlier this time around. My motives are a mixture of wanting more time to prepare and rest if I go into labour early again, and wanting to just leave!

There's no reason to feel guilty. Very soon you are going to be working very, very hard, and like what everyone else says, you're not getting any more time off than everyone else. There can be a bit of a culture in work where women show how tough or dedicated they are by working right up until the last minute.

There's a reason you are legally allowed to start maternity leave up to 11 weeks before your due date. Everyone is different, and if you followed your instincts then I say you did the right thing!

Moche · 18/09/2013 15:07

No way sd you feel guilty! And really, no one really cares: I can't remember when anyone finished (and I worked up to 2 weeks before). Just enjoy. Life will shortly become much more hectic - if anything, you're doing the right thing to focus on yourself and your own well-being: get your batteries up before the birth. Congrats.

PumpkinPie2013 · 18/09/2013 15:24

I wouldn't feel guilty

I'm finishing in just over a weeks time when I'll be 31+3.Partly because I have low blood pressure so I'm tired and feeling faint a lot

But also because my job is really hectic (although I do enjoy it) and I want time to be able to rest, prepare for baby arriving, get the house organised, go to aquanatal etc. All of which are either difficult or impossible to do around work.

It's our first baby so I want to enjoy the last few weeks of it just being me and DH

Everyone is different and should do what's right/best for them x

Xenadog · 18/09/2013 19:03

I plan to work until 36 weeks but in all honesty I would have loved to finish at 10 weeks pg! I hate my job and after having 7 weeks off in the summer I really did not want to return. I am counting down the next 32 working days before I can begin Mat Leave!

So anyone who feels guilty about beginning mat leave early - don't! Just enjoy it!

senioroafdog · 18/09/2013 19:10

Don't feel guilty! With DD1 contract ended so had to go on mat leave ( which they still paid) at 32 weeks, she was born almost bang on 40 and it was the most lovely 8 weeks ever!! I was very relaxed and calm when she arrived and recovered well.

With DD2 I worked until 38 weeks ( not full time though) and I did miss all that extra time.

Given the choice I always recommend to pregnant friends that they should go for more time off. We get so competitive about how far we make it too at work, but realistically it's much better for us to try and rest and nest in the later stages!

Enjoy

Naomilouise1992 · 19/09/2013 12:21

I'm due on 10th feb and I'm going on mat leave on 23rd December this year! And I'm so excited! What made my decision is seeing the rota and I was working Xmas eve Xmas day and Boxing Day then thought they are taking the mick offered to work Xmas day and new year as I wudnt be drinking thinkin I'd have time to spend with my mother on Boxing Day, and my partner Xmas eve!!! So looking forward to having me time and relaxing all Xmas xxx

Naomilouise1992 · 19/09/2013 12:22

So ill be finishing at 33 weeks xxx

Dreamingofcakeallnight · 05/10/2013 23:27

Seriously?! You feel guilty about this, you had better toughen up or your motherhood will be plagued by guilt. ....

Tweediewalker · 06/10/2013 06:42

I am 32 weeks And I left last week. I am so happy I did, my boss was evil! She literally would have me up and down the stairs all day making her tea! I feel a little guilty for putting a bit more financial pressure on hubby, but I can feel my body starting to get tired, and lack of sleep doesn't help. But I think don't feel guilty, emotional and physical stress affects the baby too! Baby deserves a happy, well rested mummy xxx

PumpkinPie2013 · 06/10/2013 08:26

Well I'm 32+5 now and last week was my first week off

It's been heaven!!

Being able to lie in, have baths when I want and nap if I want has been lovely

I've also started organising things at home and have nearly packed my hospital bag!

I'd recommend to anyone who is able to finish early to do so and enjoy!

Looking forward to starting antenatal classes Tuesday evening eek! X

Mondayschild78 · 06/10/2013 08:49

I finished at 33 weeks with DS two years ago and felt the time really helped me get into the right headspace to prepare as much as possible for his arrival.

This time I have finished at 30 weeks. Absolutely no regrets or guilt. DS is in nursery for two days a week so I have a lovely three days just the two of us then two days to myself.

Don't over think it or worry about what is 'normal'. I work in HR and there is a huge range of when people start their mat leave and a variety of different reasons behind it.

OhBabyLilyMunster · 06/10/2013 09:00

Finished at 29wjks, had three weeks of annual leave and straight onto maternity. Blissful time!

Artesia · 06/10/2013 13:53

Finished at 29+1, as not planning to go back afterwards, so thought I might as well make the most of some time beforehand without the worry of saving as much leave as possible to spend with the baby.

I know it is a real luxury, and I am very lucky to be in this position, but thank goodness I am- DS was struck down by a horrible tummybug this week, so off school for a few days. I then caught it and have been knocked out for 2 days. DP now has it too, so we are muddling through the best we can- don't know how I would have juggled work as well. Looking forward to DS going back to school tomorrow so I can try to catch up on some sleep.

Romily · 06/10/2013 21:34

I am due at the start of February however due to GD I will be induced no later than 38 weeks which is the 23rd January. SO I have decided to finish work at the start of the Christmas holidays and begin me maternity leave when my work would start again in January. This means I will only use 3 weeks or less of maternity leave before my baby arrives. If I could afford to I would go off now and would not feel a scrap of guilt.

Orrery · 19/11/2013 17:09

I'm 29+4 weeks and due to go on maternity leave at 39 weeks, but honestly I am rapidly losing the motivation to go to work at all. Luckily I have quite a flexible working pattern so I'm working at home a lot already and I have a 2 week break at xmas, but I'm struggling to find the mojo to make it to then even! I do feel bad about it because I am still fairly mobile and do actually enjoy my job and I thought I would enjoy the feeling of working to a deadline and keeping my mind off of aches and pains and the fear of labour, but I am getting fed up with myself and lack of productivity and think maybe I should go earlier to relieve my guilt.

Shellywelly1973 · 19/11/2013 17:23

I posted on this thread in August...

How do people afford to go on such early ornlong maternity leave?

Are you all high earners with good benefits?

Im 30 weeks now & feeling pretty exhausted but im self employed... £140 SMP wouldn't even cover the food shopping!

Shellywelly1973 · 19/11/2013 17:28

That's early or long maternity leave!

Oh & don't feel guilty ever!!!

LGandPandnow3 · 19/11/2013 17:59

We aren't the only ones : www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1910292-Should-I-go-on-maternity-leave-very-early-Long-sorry

My situation quite complicated so prob won't help you but admittedly my husband's wages have a big impact... And other sacrifices. I will have to work before baby is a year though as I've had time before birth.

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