Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Anyone else feel guilty for going on Maternity Leave earlier than normal?

70 replies

RatherUninspired · 21/07/2013 18:31

Hi,

I chose to go on Maternity Leave at 10 weeks. It was a decision based on me not being happy in my current job (from before pregnancy) and being in a very stressful job with a commute. Anyway I am now almost 38 weeks so would def have finished work by now anyway but I still feel really guilty for going off at 30 weeks. I recently met a lot of mothers at a mothers group and none of them were going off early apart from one who had been made redundant so had chosen to stay at home for a lot of her pregnancy. I have always been very financially independent but saved up money before I went off to try and help my DH with the mortgage as much as possible. I don't really regret going off but I kind of feel like 'less of a person' for not 'being able' to stick it out till about 2-3 weeks before as I had originally planned. I was just so miserable at work and could not wait to leave but kind of feel a bit like a spoilt brat as it seems I am the only one I know to have chosen to go off early and not worked right up. I even feel a bit bad for feeling like this/like I can't say that to the people who have worked right up to 2 weeks or so before baby is due as I must seem really ungrateful and I know a lot of people just think I am really lucky. I tried speaking to my mum about it and her response was 'well it was your decision' and then moved on the conversation. Loads of other people have just been like 'so what do you do all day' - in answer to that I have been trying to relax, cleaning the house, getting baby stuff ready etc. I don't really like to tell to many people about the struggles I had at work as I feel like I have to suck it all up but I get the impression not many people understand or think I am a bit weak for 'not being able to hack it'. Has anyone else felt a bit guilty/like me when they went off or has anyone else got any kind words who has perhaps been there? I am fed up with feeling bad about it

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bunchofposy · 22/07/2013 17:12

ps, also, in my first pregnancy I had high blood pressure (which rose to the point of medication after the birth); in this one it's the lowest it's ever been so far. It could be a coincidence, but health in late pregnancy is as important as being around for the baby afterwards... and it can be easier to settle a baby with another carer when they are a bit younger. So please don't feel less of a person! you did the right thing for you, it doesn't matter what everyone else did. xx

Boosiehs · 22/07/2013 17:24

I'm 35+4 and finishing on Friday. I can't wait. The journey to and from work is now really only manageable by taxi (as today). I'm in quite a lot of pain and work is stressing me out. I can't actually cope with any more shouty calls Fromm boss. So I'm off on Friday and switching off my phone an blackberry. I need some "me" time before the alien arrives.

Never thought time could drag as much as the past 6 weeks have!

mymagaret · 22/07/2013 17:44

I'm hoping to go at 33 weeks (mainly because i live away from my partner and family and just want to be home) but i am so looking forward to it! If i could afford to lose the extra money then i would be at home right now!! Don't feel guilty at all, i'm sure anyone being negative is just jealous they are unable to have the time off. Just enjoy preparing for your baby and relaxing! There is enough to stress over.

mustardtomango · 22/07/2013 18:12

I'm talking maternity leave from 31 weeks but adding two weeks holiday before that - so actually leaving at 29 weeks. I didn't think about staying on as late as you've said, but I do feel a bit unusual for taking it so early. I did wonder whether I should feel guilty, but frankly this time is mine to take as I choose, and i can't think of anything more meaningful to do than prepare for our new arrival.
If you've not been that happy at work then being able to leave it is really a bonus... I hope you're able to enjoy this time without thinking too much about work. There's more important things [smile x

mrspaddy · 23/07/2013 12:29

I also stopped work at 30 weeks after teaching for over 13 years and only three days sick in all that time.
I actually got holiday leave so that is why I was off, but honestly I wouldn't have been fit for many more weeks due to heat, size, tiredness.
I wouldn't feel bad. If on the next baby I need to go unpaid early I will. I can feel the benefits. Also it is bitchy where I work and just can't be bothered with it. Want to enjoy this happy time.

Lovemyprincess4eva · 23/07/2013 14:11

I am finishing at 30 weeks as well. And I don't feel guilty at all. I am on a contract that finishes when I am 30 weeks and there is no way I am going to start looking for another job at that stage. X

RosieRose1980 · 23/07/2013 16:41

Don't feel bad or guilty, you had to do what's right for you and you have to put your health and baby first. It's not good for you being stressed and unhappy in your job anyway. Make the most of your time before baby comes along, don't worry about what others think. x

shufflehopstep · 24/07/2013 00:27

Why would you feel guilty? If you finish earlier, you go back earlier. You have the same amount of time as anyone else. Your mental and emotional health is of equal importance as your physical well-being so you're right to do what's best for you. I wish I'd finished earlier as I'd worked through the energetic nesting phase and was just tired and too big to do anything useful by the time I finished. Next time, I'm planning on going earlier.

Cornwall73 · 24/07/2013 14:30

ML is about your baby and you, you start when you see fit. I started at 29 wks and couldn't wait - I was unhappy in my job and my commute was long so getting out of there was the best thing physically and mentally for all of us!

Don't feel guilty!

Samb89 · 30/07/2013 16:36

Im leaving this Friday at 34 weeks.... i have some holiday to use up first and i cannot wait to finally have some time to prep for baby. If you felt ready to leave at 30 weeks then sod what anyone else thinks, you know whats best for you and your baby.

badguider · 30/07/2013 16:40

I'm working till 38+1 and I can tell you it's bloody stressful... everytime somebody on my antenatal thread or in my antenatal class has any kind of 'early' scare or when I talk to my friend who had her daughter at 37 weeks I break out in a cold sweat....

So, don't feel guilty. Feel glad.

JRmumma · 30/07/2013 17:55

I stopped at 33weeks coz like you, i wasn't happy at work anyway and so didn't feel like hanging around being miserable plus tired and uncomfortable. I don't feel bad about it at all. So far ive had 3 weeks to myself getting baby's things ready and relaxing, enjoying going out without a huge bag and doing things that I wont be able to do once baby arrives. Like someone else said, you will never get this time again so just enjoy it, and the fact that you will be rested and ready for baby when he/she arrives.

Original poster

RatherUninspired · 30/07/2013 18:23

Wow all your comments are amazing thanks guys. I ESP like the one about thinking about this time in 30 years. I guess I just felt unsupported and was really not enjoying work at all. My mum didn't seem to understand me not going to work as she has always worked a lot but as I don't find it easy to open up to people, including her she probably didn't understand how much I was struggling emotionally/mentally in my demanding job. Our situations are very different compared to when she had her first baby and I am lucky to have the support of my husband and also the financial cab ability to save up a little money to make the period a bit easier for us financially. Mums net has been a god send to me these last few months and is one of the few places I feel I can find some support and understanding!

OP posts:

BlackholesAndRevelations · 30/07/2013 19:44

Can I ask (sorry- very nosey question!) those of you who finished early to get away from various aspects if work, did you go/ are you going back? I'm thinking that might impact on how early I go off on mat leave. I find my work very bitchy too and am fed up with the place. If I don't plan on going back at all, I'll leave earlier rather than later... Need to decide soon!

Sorry slight hijack. Don't feel guilty op; the first mat leave is so special and you really never get the time again, as for subsequent maternity leaves there is someone else very demanding to look after!!

All the best

JRmumma · 30/07/2013 20:09

Unfortunately im going back but hopefully only PT. My decision to finish early was so that i would feel prepared for baby and also to avoid my long commute when heavily pregnant. Plus enjoy one last summer of freedom!

Cornwall73 · 30/07/2013 20:24

I was not only unhappy but expecting twins and had to avoid the very long commute on the tube hence why I finished early. My redundancy kicks in in October so I have nothing to back to anyway.

thruthewisteria · 30/07/2013 20:35

With DD1 I finished at 34 weeks on advice from my consultant as older mum to be and full on demanding job with long commute. I loved job and planned to go back, but didn't. This time I am leaving at 20 weeks. Not taking mat leave. Part time job that I hate and I'm not planning to go back. Will find something else when time is right. Would rather focus on enjoying pregnancy. You shouldn't feel guilty for doing what is best for you and baby.

Original poster

RatherUninspired · 30/07/2013 21:22

My conditions for getting maternity pay (occupational part) mean that if I don't go back I have to pay this back which I really don't want to do as its quite a significant help for us to have that money. If it was not for that there is no way I would consider going back to the 'hell hole'. At the moment I am planning on asking for P/T though with the view to leave ASAP. I know that a lot of people would say that's very cheeky but I feel I have no choice if I want to retain any sanity plus I worked hard for them whilst I was there and have always worked, paid my taxes etc

OP posts:

BlackholesAndRevelations · 30/07/2013 22:59

Nothing cheeky about that at all!! In fact I can see myself doing the same.

Morgan · 30/07/2013 23:14

Go for it I left at 29 weeks because I wanted to ( slight medical reason too but nothing dramatic ) with my first and he was born at 35 so only got 6 weeks off in the end

Bodicea · 30/07/2013 23:29

I have said I would start my mat leave at 37 weeks with a weeks hol before but seriously considering going a week or maybe two earlier meaning I would fin at 34 weeks. I am 25 weeks now And already finding work tough. I have a relatively physical job. But I feel strangely guilty about doing this. Colleagues that have had babies all went later and I guess I would feel like I was "soft" compared to them. I also worry I will get bored and fed up easily if I leave to soon. It's so hard knowing what is best

Bianks · 02/08/2013 13:59

I'm going on maternity leave at 31 weeks- this feels about right to me, not too early. I work as a doctor in a very busy hospital department and rushing around on my feet all day in a hot environment, plus long commute, is getting a little too much! I think it's a good thing to rest up and relax a bit before the baby arrives.

PinkApple86 · 02/08/2013 14:18

I'm 33 weeks now and left work at 29 weeks. Technically had 3 weeks holiday first so mat leave started at 32. Kind of wish I carried on for a couple more weeks but now I don't think I could comfortably work. I was the only girl in a retail sales team, on my feet all day, stressed out I was looking sales as I couldn't move quick enough as I'm quite petite (well I was lol) I think that nobody on their death bed said 'Damn I wish I spent more time at the office' I'm just enjoying my last chance to clean up the house, watch episodes of friends, sit in the garden peacefully and spend time with dh on our own. Might not go back either as my salary will only break even with nursery costs so we'll be poor either way, I'd rather be poor and see my son grow up than spend it in a shop paying someone else for the privilege! Don't feel guilty about leaving at 30 weeks. Relax and enjoy

LittleMissSnowShine · 11/08/2013 19:47

I am 40+2 (arghhh!!) and I took 2 weeks annual leave at 35 weeks and started mat leave at 37 weeks. It feels like I have been off for AGES and still no baby to show for it but its the summer so work was quiet anyway, the endless heat wave was making it unbearable, I've had really bad SPD since 34 weeks and driving has been getting a whole lot trickier and I wanted some time to just hang out in the house with DS1 (who will be 3 in a few weeks) and to get things ready for baby arriving. Of course I have been completely ready for the last fortnight now and no sign baby will be arriving but it's still nice to be off. If you are benefitting from being on mat leave, OP, then def don't feel guilty about it!!

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 11/08/2013 19:49

Back in the day I finished at 28 weeks because I had started a new job and found out I was not entitled to much as I had not been there long enough. I was in full health, fighting fit and in the end had my son at 40+3+6 (yes, that is right) No guilt whatsovever - given that I was an SAM for 10 eyars, what is a few weeks!

Flip

1 2 3