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Original poster

How do I stop crying?

33 replies

SeashellHoarder · 11/07/2013 10:17

Just looking for some advice really and need to know if this is normal or what can I do?

I'm 34 weeks and very very emotional. DH is not very supportive. Quite sweary and often raises his voice at me. Sometimes at dd (2) also.

Yesterday evening it was quite bad and he had 3 episodes of swearing / aggression within 2 hours.

Since then I've just been crying off and on, most of the night awake, every time I think I've got it under control I just start crying again.

If you can suggest any way to help me feel better that would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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chillynose · 11/07/2013 10:38

Oh hun
Hormones r a pain!
How many months r u?!
Dont like the sound of your dhs behaviour

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 11/07/2013 10:43

That's outrageous!

I would be crying if DH acted like that. The quickest way to stop crying would be to get rid of DH. However, I accept that may not be a route you want to go down.

You need to speak to DH very firmly and tell him that his behaviour is not acceptable. No excuses. If he doesn't stop, you'll be speaking to third parties such as the health visitor or midwife to get support and help.

Do you have a nice MIL? Can you speak to her and get her onside to speak to DH too?

Gonnabmummy · 11/07/2013 11:00

Your dh needs a slap!
I'm 33+1 and this weather has me soo wound up by night snapping at do over idiotic things last night he didn't have HIS pillow right in bed and shit hit the fan! He was understandably annoyed at my crazy outburst but said nothing cuddled me into his chest where I then cried a little coz he was nice and I wasn't. If he had shouted at me for it I think I would still be crying now!
And as for him shouting at your dd also, what a nightmare

Flowers and chocolate fixes most things x

TobyLerone · 11/07/2013 11:02

You're not crying because you're pregnant. You're crying because your 'D'H is a wanker.

Tell him that the way he speaks to you is unacceptable.

Original poster
SeashellHoarder · 11/07/2013 11:04

Thank you for your responses. I'm 7.5 months so I know that delivery is looming and that may be making me more stressed.

Dh says that I'm the one that is abnormal. Swearing and getting cross are normal, I was brought up in a "nanny pamby" way. and he wants our dd to be brought up normally.

Which is true, there was never any swearing In our house growing up.

I have thought about leaving and there have been at least 3 serious occasions that would be enough for me to justify it.

The only thing that makes me stay is that he says he will go for full custody, says he will get full custody and when he is cross I don't think it's safe to leave children with him.

I can't take the risk.

OP posts:
Original poster
SeashellHoarder · 11/07/2013 11:06

Oh and due to pregnancy chocolate makes me feel very sick :-(

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 11/07/2013 11:12

Honestly? He needs to fuck right off. And the only way he would ever get full custody of the children would be if it could be proven that you were abusive to the children, or if you were doing something harmful to them (drugs, alcohol etc). Obviously this isn't the case.

If you're serious about leaving, get some legal advice (or even try the legal boards here), so that you're more informed when he throws this shit at you.

It's not normal and it's not your fault.

Original poster
SeashellHoarder · 11/07/2013 11:15

The thing is I couldn't risk him having ANY unsupervised contact with DCs.

OP posts:
purplemurple1 · 11/07/2013 11:16

Any chance you can and dd can spend a night or 2 visiting someone a bit more sympathetic? It won't fix things but at least you'll have chance to rest and cry in peace.

Unless there is something serious, that you've done and we don't know about I can't see how he would get full custody, esp if you have his agression etc as the reason for leaving him. Have you taken any advice or talked to you MW or HV?

TobyLerone · 11/07/2013 11:23

That's a bridge you'll have to cross when you come to it. But likewise, you might well have to prove that he's untrustworthy with the DC.

Original poster
SeashellHoarder · 11/07/2013 11:24

Have tried to escape for a few days before. He hits the roof. Will block exits, grab dd from my arms etc. Says it's typical of me to run away.

Had a leaving bag in the car for a while, didn't get the chance to leave.

He is literally always with me and when I say I want space je gets cross.

Regarding me doing sonething awful, The only thing he says is that I twist things. Also I am very loud walking around the house and he doesn't like the fact that I watch tv.

OP posts:
Original poster
SeashellHoarder · 11/07/2013 11:27

Toby, how would I prove it? Eg I have seen him give dd a Stanley knife to hold (cue rows) but I have no evidence of this and he is a good liar.

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 11/07/2013 11:32

That's the difficult part. I'm not sure you can. Speak to a solicitor.

Original poster
SeashellHoarder · 11/07/2013 11:33

Oh and Purple, thank you for the suggestion, I haven't taken advice. I'm very "in control" in rl and I really struggle with asking for help.

Also only 1 HV in my area and she is a judgemental witch.

OP posts:
Badvoc · 11/07/2013 11:40

Phone women's Aid.
Now.
They can get you and your dd somewhere safe.
He doesn't want custody - you know that. He is saying it to frighten you and of course it is working.

babyhmummy01 · 11/07/2013 11:55

You need to leave and take dd with you. There really is no.other option.

He won't get full custody and if you talk to women's aid and a solicitor the chances are good for supervised access.

But pls get the hell away from him

HeffalumpTheFlump · 11/07/2013 16:46

So sorry to hear what you are going through op. I'm sorry I don't have any more advice than what the other ladies have already said, but wanted to send you some more support. Hope you find the strength to do whatever you need to do. Flowers

Babybump26 · 11/07/2013 17:00

I'm so sorry for what you are going through, like others have said, you need to try and get some advice on how to handle this one and express your concerns about your child being left with him. I hope you get something sorted x

TinkyPeet · 11/07/2013 17:09

If he blocks exits when you try to leave then text someone to come and get you and dd, your dad? With police You need to get away and stay away, don't allow him to have unsupervised contact with your children he can take it to court if he likes, and get access in a contact centre. if you need a police escort just to leave him they will see you are terrified. Xxx

TinkyPeet · 11/07/2013 17:11

As for struggling to ask for the help, it's the very best thing you can do for your children. Get help x

purpleaura · 11/07/2013 17:21

Hi OP,

I''m really to sorry to hear that you're dealing with this as well as being pregnant, which is hard enough on its own. I have to agree with the other posters: it sounds like its time to get away and make a fresh start for you and your dcs. You owe it to yourself and to them. His behaviour has gone beyond unsupportive and is controlling and frightening. You, your dcs (including your unborn dc) would all be better off in a safer, happier environment.

Here's the number for a 24 hour helpline, run by Women's aid and Refuge: 0808 2000 247. They will be able to find accommodation for you and your dcs. They will ensure you are somewhere that he cannot find you. You will all be safe. If you're not ready to take that step, they can advise you on matters like custody and provide you with some emotional support.

Wishing you great strength and the best of luck, Flowers

purple x

Original poster
SeashellHoarder · 11/07/2013 20:11

Thank you all for your kind replies.

That number is great - I will only get a chance to call in the middle of the night and the local women's aid is only open office hours so I was a bit stuck.

Can't ask parent for support. I had no dad growing up (hence namby pamby upbringing ) and mum is 1000 miles away.

Regarding the swearing / aggression tho, is this normal? Does it happen in your relationships?

I find it hard to believe it is... But dh is just so adamant that it is me who is strange for having a problem with it.

How would you react of your partner told your 2yr old dc to "stop being a c**t"?

Things have taken an unwanted turn today with me having what seems like really bad tummy bug, so I feel less strong.

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 11/07/2013 20:17

No. It's not normal. It doesn't happen in my relationship.

HeffalumpTheFlump · 11/07/2013 20:31

No it's not normal and it's not ok. You don't deserve it and neither do you dcs.

cravingcake · 11/07/2013 20:36

It is not normal. The odd bit of swearing here or there (stubb your toe, drop somethig etc) would be 'normal'. Calling your own child a C* definitely is not normal.

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