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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Think I'd like to sleep alone but not sure how DH would take it

32 replies

HelgatheHairy · 05/07/2013 14:15

I'm 35+5 and uncomfortable the majority of the time but especially in bed. We have a king size bed but DH still manages to migrate to my side and then there's the extra body heat. I spend most nights tossing and turning. I sleep way better after he goes to work and have the bed to myself.

The heat is really supposed to kick in this week and I really don't know what to do. We have a spare room with a single bed that I could sleep in but it kind of feels like I'm abandoning DH. We've just been married almost 2 years and have never spent a night apart.

The last few nights in bed though I just want to cry I'm so uncomfortable.

Am I being ridiculous??

OP posts:

Chickpea1983 · 05/07/2013 14:27

Hi Helga. I am the opposite to you, and get cold, so really like the body heat from my DH. However, I do have a suggestion for you.......

Do you have a Pregnancy Pillow? It's a giant pillow in the shape of the letter 'C'. Since I bought mine, my DH can't get near me because it's like a protective barrier all around your body. Makes it difficult if not impossible for anyone to cuddle up next to you! Bad thing in my case, but maybe a good thing for you?

LemonPeculiarJones · 05/07/2013 14:40

You have every right to sleep alone at this stage in your pregnancy if it will help. You are going through pregnancy for the both of you and it can be so uncomfortable and exhausting. It's perfectly ok to put your physical needs first at this stage without feeling guilty.

Just explain to your DH that you'll really miss having him next to you but you're desperate for sleep. Maybe schedule in some pre-sleep cuddle time before you migrate to the spare room each night.

Although really he should be the one in the single bed!

Honestly, the physical discomforts of pregnancy and then childbirth - you have earned the right to a bit of rest!

MrsHuxtable · 05/07/2013 14:55

I don't think it's up to your husband to not put up with this. AT this stage of pregnancy, it's about what makes you comfortable. You need your sleep now. Nothing worse than going into labour when you are already tired and exhausted.

Original poster

HelgatheHairy · 05/07/2013 14:58

chickpea that pillow sounds like an idea although it might make me even hotter. It's weird, I've always been more of a person who felt cold all the time but now I'm pregnant I'd happily walk around naked I'm so hot constantly!

Lemon that's an idea, I get up at least twice a night to pee anyway so I could go to the spare room then so we'd start the night together and I could get my space later. I'm happy to be the one who goes to the spare room, it means I won't be bothered by the cat banging on the bedroom window wanting to come in!(we live in a bungalow, not some magic floating cat!)

OP posts:

Original poster

HelgatheHairy · 05/07/2013 14:59

I don't want it to sound like DH would be an ass or cranky - just maybe a bit hurt as we were talking bout it a few months ago and I was the one saying I was happy we'd never spent a night apart.

OP posts:

callofthewild · 05/07/2013 15:18

It will probably do you both good. I'm 26 weeks and me and DH have been sleeping in separate beds for about 4 weeks. He comes into our bed for a bit before we go to sleep and then again in the morning so we still get a chance to be close but both get a good nights sleep without disturbing each other.

ilikebaking · 05/07/2013 15:49

DH and I have never shared a bed, I think I would kill him. I am 20 weeks now and it is even more important that I get a decent (ish) night. We start off in our bed, cuddle, then he moves into a single in the spare room and then in the morning he comes back again.
He snores, and steals space, and I have sleeping issues anyway.
You are in no way being unreasonable, he needs to move to the spare bed!

ipswichwitch · 05/07/2013 15:55

I'm 16 weeks with DC2 and already starting having the odd night in separate beds. I'm too hot, have joint problems so in pain and struggle to get comfy and apparently I'm snoring too.
I'd say do it for your own sanity, it's not forever

BentleyBelly · 05/07/2013 16:01

I am 32 weeks and spent a few nights on my own on the futon downstairs last week, it was bliss. Dh didn't mind at all. Only moved back to our bed as the blasted fish tank has started making weird noises and disturbed me, as soon as its fixed I'm going back! Its only temporary and important you are comfortable and get some good rest, I'm sure he won't mind, talk to him.

plummyjam · 05/07/2013 16:18

Get him to sleep in the spare room. You need your rest to prepare for labour and looking after a newborn.

Blanketsandpillows · 05/07/2013 16:35

He won't mind I'm sure! It's for the best for you and the baby. I imagine one of us will be in the spare room before long (currently 31 weeks). My DH would joke about being hurt/put out but would understand that I wouldn't suggest it unless I felt it would help.

FoofFighter · 05/07/2013 16:41

We haven't slept in same bed for months, I've got raging insomnia, plus restless legs, and a bad back! Only way I can get a semi decent sleep when i finally do drop off is on the sofa, although now have migrated to a blow up bed as it's more comfy, esp if underinflated a little.

Do what you have to do to get that precious sleep, it's disturbed enough as it is with baby wriggling, pelvic pains, pee trips.

Dolallytats · 05/07/2013 18:17

I'm 37+4 and have been sleeping in DS's bed for weeks (don't have the luxury of a spare bedroom unfortunately!!) DH doesn't mind, he knows I don't want to disturb him by tossing and turning all night a d getting up every hour to pee!!

I didn't think the 'DS in my bed' thing though, he really doesn't want to go back to his bed and I don't want him to feel like I have kicked him out when baby comes. Think I'll have to work on getting him back in his bed and soon...

Chocotrekkie · 05/07/2013 18:23

Mine slept on an air bed the last few weeks of my pregnancies and the first few weeks with baby he moved the air bed into the nursery so I wasn't disturbed.

He is a good soul really...

Original poster

HelgatheHairy · 05/07/2013 19:22

Thanks all. I think what I'll do is start off in bed with DH then when I get up to pee transfer to the spare room. It's just easier for me to move (and I'm less likely to be bothered by the cat & dog) and then maybe go back to bed with DH in the morning.

OP posts:

ThwartedbyMum · 05/07/2013 19:30

When I was pregnant we didn't have a spare room so we used to top and tail! It was amazing how much more space I had and it was nice when he rubbed my feet.

star15 · 05/07/2013 20:01

I am new to all this, so firstly hello.

I have had problems with sleeping since I was about 12 weeks pregnant and have found sleeping on my own helps me and my partner greatly. I normally start off in the same bed and move in to the spare room later in the night due to waking up needing a pee and not being able to get back to sleep. At first my partner thought he had done something wrong and once I explained that wasn't the case I just wanted us both to sleep the best we can at the moment he completely understood.

badfaketan · 05/07/2013 20:12

Perfectly reasonable to want to sleep alone.You just need to get a nice rest at this stage of pregnancy whatever that takes.
Once you've had the baby there will probably be more nights that you spend alone.DH was in the spare room for the first 2 months after each of my DCs were born as he is a light sleeper and was frequently disturbed by breastfeeding.
And once you have a toddler in a bed all sorts of bed hopping goes on,toddler in your bed,parent back in toddlers bed to help them sleep..
Basically lots of parents with very young kids end up with separate sleeping arrangements to keep sane so don't feel bad.

badfaketan · 05/07/2013 20:15

Perfectly reasonable to want to sleep alone.You just need to get a nice rest at this stage of pregnancy whatever that takes.
Once you've had the baby there will probably be more nights that you spend alone.DH was in the spare room for the first 2 months after each of my DCs were born as he is a light sleeper and was frequently disturbed by breastfeeding.
And once you have a toddler in a bed all sorts of bed hopping goes on,toddler in your bed,parent back in toddler's bed to help them sleep..
Basically lots of parents with very young kids end up with separate sleeping arrangements to keep sane so don't feel bad.

badfaketan · 05/07/2013 20:16

Oops sorry didn't mean to post twice!

Original poster

HelgatheHairy · 06/07/2013 09:38

star That tends to be my problem - sometimes I just toss and turn all night but in general I fall asleep ok but then when I wake to go to the loo I can't get back to sleep. It's really annoying when it's only about 1am!

OP posts:

Sunflower1985 · 06/07/2013 13:30

Top and tailing has also worked for us. More space, plus I'm further from the snoring end of my husband. This together with a fan, body pillow, blackout blind and white noise seems to get the best sleep I can hope for (obv. nothing stops having to get up to pee 3 times)

bunchofposy · 06/07/2013 15:23

Hi Helga, I am 35 weeks pg and can't bear sleeping in the same bed as DH atm - same reasons as you. Consistent insomnia/not being able to get comfortable is awful!

We have slept apart lots since our first was born though. We spend time in bed together before one of us goes to the spare room. I think this never spent a night away from each other thing is quite a pressure when you are pregnant or young kids. I'm sure your DH will understand. (Mine quite likes having his own lair!) It's rubbish not sleeping well.

bunchofposy · 06/07/2013 15:23

(or have young kids)

Fakebook · 06/07/2013 22:23

I'm 22 weeks and had an argument with DH last week. He's been banished to the spare room since and I haven't asked him to come back either! It's absolute bliss! No snoring, no weird noises, I can sleep however I want and roll over the bed without bumping into anything.
He just came into the room pretending to look for his t shirt and clothes and saw me sitting on his side of the bed and then stood around for a bit and left. Haha.

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