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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

why is there so much pressure to breast feed??

587 replies

blondebaby111 · 30/06/2013 18:34

Just that really??!!! At my first midwife app it was thrown In my face abit when I said I wasn't sure yet if I would but I'd feel more comftable doing both. Why are you made to feel like its such a crime. I'm only 12 weeks so have alot more appointments where this will be brought up.

I have friends who have breastfed and have had miserable babies that rarely settle, they are completely flustered with it and some verge on pnt because of all the pressure. Yet the friends that haven't breastfed or done both seem to have happy babies, they are a lot more happier in themselves and generally just so relaxed. So my views are mixed on this.

I don't want to start a debate but I just wish we could all make our minds up without midwives frowning or thinking its bad if we choose not too....just saying!!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2013 11:58

please please feed that back! I trained as a peersupporter (not maintained that other than unofficially) and one of the first thing we were told was that peer support was for women whose breastfeeding was going ok but had the usual concerns about eg "how do I know how much he's getting", "how can I feed while out and about" etc. Not appropriate in your situation at all. Glad you had decent support from the professionals & you managed to switch to formula ok and I hope things were well from then on?

curryeater · 02/07/2013 11:59

rallytog, that sounds awful. I am so sorry, yes, that does sound like harrassment.
I am a trained peer supporter and I was worried on my course that some of the others being trained really didn't seem to get that our job was to support women who had chosen to breastfeed, and were asking for help with it. It was explicitly stated several times that we were not supposed to be persuading anyone to do anything. (Apart from anything else, of course, we are not medically trained and shouldn't be going anywhere near telling women what to do for that reason alone - though there is a whole host of other good reasons).
I am sorry that the peer supporters you had didn't seem to get that message. I wouldn't say though that they weren't given it. I have seen the message being given and being ignored, or argued with.

curryeater · 02/07/2013 12:00

x-posted with Stealth!

TarkaTheOtter · 02/07/2013 12:14

Agree curryeater not trained to tell women what to do, nor insured to do so. We were told (at peer supporter training) that we shouldn't even really be giving "advice" but helping women find the information they needed to reach their own decisions and sharing our experiences.

curryeater · 02/07/2013 12:21

Right, Tarka
But we are different from MWs and drs, etc. who are HCPs and are trained to give advice - and the advice is: breastfeed if you can. And imo it is good advice

StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2013 12:34

Yes, it's a coaching type thing, not counselling, and not advising. It's being there, and helping women make their own decisions. Of course if you spot something wrong you need to advise but that should go as far as "you need to see your GP/MW" - exactly the sort of advice you'd give a friend. You're promoting it by the very fact you're there, breastfeeding/fed, normalising it, and allowing women to talk about their experiences. IMO no peer supporter should be telling women about the benefits, unless specifically asked, and even then should be making it clear it's their own experience only.

rallytog1 · 02/07/2013 12:56

Thanks StealthPolarBear, curryeater and TarkaTheOtter - I am hopeful that my experiences were not representative of peer supporters more generally. At the time, the hospital was having some kind of assessment around its breastfeeding work, so I suspect that perhaps some people were being a little over-enthusiastic as they knew we'd be interviewed about our experiences as part of the assessment (luckily for them we refused to take part in the end as I was too exhausted to talk to yet another person about bf!).

Overall I am really pro peer supporters - I just hope that at our hospital they can be supported a little more to behave in a slightly more appropriate way.

All is now well thanks - DD seems to be thriving on formula so I'm beginning to feel less guilty about not bf and just feeling glad we live in a country where we have choices and alternatives.

SuffolkNWhat · 02/07/2013 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Miamiami · 02/07/2013 16:46

Aha my point is proven. You see when someone shoves religion down my throat and I tell them what I know/ think, they get soooo angry. Its sooo predictable. Same story on this thread Already called a divvy and a luddite. Lovely!
lurcher I don't care if women want to BF their child until its 18. I said before its not what I choose to do. Personal choice.
Hully if I want info on anything I will ask for it, I do not want/ do not need it shoved in my face.
I don't care if anyonr is a BF martyr, just stay away from me

Miamiami · 02/07/2013 16:46

*anyone

StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2013 17:11

You said you don't agree with extended breastfeeding. Which commonly means you extend that to other people.

StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2013 17:12

Otherwise you'd have said "I don't choose to"
"I don't agree with" tends to mean "I disapprove"

Hullygully · 02/07/2013 17:12

So should we ban ALL health information and recommendations then Miammiii?

RJM17 · 02/07/2013 19:56

Why is everyone jumping on miami we both disagreed with this thread and yet for some reason you have all decided to attack her and her views. Think this is uncalled for and everyone should just leave it now and agree that everyone has their own opinions and views on everything!!
Think this thread has become less about the OP's question and more about what people think about each other x

StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2013 20:02

everyone has their own opinions and views and they tend to come on MN to discuss them. It's not compulsory.

lurcherlover · 02/07/2013 20:15

Miami said that extended bf-ers have "ishoos", By which I assume she means either they want to keep their children as babies and not let them grow up, or that they're perverts. Either way, lots of us feel pretty strongly that she shouldn't be saying that.

WinkyWinkola · 02/07/2013 20:19

Why if you bf are you a martyr?

Miami, you really don't like women who breastfeed, do you?

I'd say it is actually you with some pretty massive "ishoos"

The only negativity I've had from people about how I feed my baby has been from those who ff'd their dcs.

They seemed to really care that I bf'd. And were quite insulting about it even though I'd not said a word.

Hullygully · 02/07/2013 20:25

RJM

that is a very odd post.

If someone says X, and people disagree, they will say so. That is not "attacking" and if lots of people disagree and say so, it is not ganging up, it is more likely that the poster has an erroneous view.

You can't disagree with breast is best. It is.

And if you say women shouldn't be given that info, then logically, no one should be given any info about any health issue.

Surely you can see that?

RJM17 · 02/07/2013 20:37

I can see what u are saying but think the whole idea of this thread was for the op to get info and that seems to have been forgotten with all the issues people have with each other.
I personally come on here for info or advice or a bit of hand holding not to argue with people. And just think this thread has been taken over and the poor op forgotten in all this xx

StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2013 20:41

Waas it? what info did the OP want?

lurcherlover · 02/07/2013 21:02

The op didn't ask for any info. She asked why there was "pressure" (her word) to bf.

She has been given the answer: because bf is better for babies' health than formula, and therefore society in general benefits from as many babies being bf as possible.

Apparently some posters choose not to believe these facts.

Amazinggg · 02/07/2013 21:31

There is some disingenuity here though - obviously 'breast is best'. That is why information is, and should be, provided. However, I think it's important that it is provided in a way which empowers the mother, so that it is not experienced as pressure . A lot of posters seem to dislike the idea that advice regarding breastfeeding is experienced by some as pressure - why are you questioning the valid experiences of the OP and other posters? I too experienced the advice during pregnancy as pressure, despite fully intending to bf. I think there are genuine issues around how information is presented, that results in women becoming nervous, pressured, defensive and ultimately less likely to succeed.

And as I said in my previous post - oh how I wish that funding and resources were directed to post-natal support for breastfeeding as opposed to information and advice during pregnancy - which at the moment, for many NHS staff and expectant mothers, means not support but the very opposite. I recognise the feelings the OP has and can't understand why so many of you have reduced it to a 'breast is best' thread yet again

StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2013 21:33

Any chance you can point out where I compared ff to smoking? Not mentioned them in the same post, but compared them.

WinkyWinkola · 02/07/2013 21:38

Wish the op had been more explicit about how the pressure was applied.

Amazinggg · 02/07/2013 21:50

Isn't it enough that she experienced it as pressure? I think it's a serious issue. It's not good enough to say 'breast is best' when it's clearly not working. Why not listen to the mums who don't want to bf and empathise, rather than condescend. If there is an issue with how information is presented, then IMO increasing the information isn't enough - a change of strategy is what's needed. No pregnant woman should feel pressured into anything, the whole business of making a child is pretty overwhelming as it is. I experienced a lot of pressure to bf, despite being set on doing so. Several different staff, several different occasions. Lots of pressure, and in the end - no support.

SPB - I cba scanning all the way back - on app - but don't be defensive - it just amuses me how it always happens on threads mentioning ff, someone starts using analogies about smoking or similar. Every single time. Several posters on this thread have done it, ostensibly as a way of demonstrating choice, but also pretty obviously offensive to anyone who used formula?! Not sure why you'd talk about it in the same breath as formula if you weren't hugely scornful as a minimum of formula.

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