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Original poster

why is there so much pressure to breast feed??

587 replies

blondebaby111 · 30/06/2013 18:34

Just that really??!!! At my first midwife app it was thrown In my face abit when I said I wasn't sure yet if I would but I'd feel more comftable doing both. Why are you made to feel like its such a crime. I'm only 12 weeks so have alot more appointments where this will be brought up.

I have friends who have breastfed and have had miserable babies that rarely settle, they are completely flustered with it and some verge on pnt because of all the pressure. Yet the friends that haven't breastfed or done both seem to have happy babies, they are a lot more happier in themselves and generally just so relaxed. So my views are mixed on this.

I don't want to start a debate but I just wish we could all make our minds up without midwives frowning or thinking its bad if we choose not too....just saying!!!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Voodika · 04/07/2013 13:13

When you look at a group of ten year olds can you tell which we're breast fed? No.
Do what you like and with confidence because that is much more important for babies, a happy healthy mummy.
I've done both, both have huge merits, both have negative points and like every single decision with children you have to work out what is right for you and them.

Amazinggg · 04/07/2013 13:13

Hully there are lots of benefits of ff-ing, do all of them count as 'justifications'? Yes breastfeeding is superior nutrition, but I have found ff to be massively convenient for so many reasons. I will ff again if I have another child. I'll also do lots of other things that would get big ticks and crosses on the big parenting bible that doesn't actually exist. I will SAH, BLW, I cook every meal from scratch and provide my child with all sorts of stimulating activities. Overall my children will be fine. Breastfeeding isn't the be-all-and-end-all and I have no idea why you are intent on making it a win-lose battle. It's just one aspect of parenting which I don't want to do. Yes it's natural, but so are lots of other things we can avoid in the modern world if we so wish. Formula is miraculous stuff. And babies are pretty damn tough, unless you are making up bottles unhygienically then they will be fine.

  • my child sleeps very well (stats support this)
  • I was able to rest and recover from my C-section with complications while DH fed DS
  • we have shared care of DS completely, which I find to be a feminist and freeing choice I am able to make
  • I have avoided the pain and messiness of bf
  • I lost all my baby weight quickly from running around after DS - bf-ers often claim weight loss as a benefit of bf-ing but IME it's having a small child that helps!
  • I was at risk of developing PND and I believe not bf-ing helped me avoid this. Not sure if the fiercely pro-bf posters think this was a decision I should have taken, but I think it was a decision I had the right to make and will make again.
  • I made up 24 hours worth of bottles in advance, carefully and with sterilised equipment, and stored them in fridge. If you don't want to do this then use ready made cartons. Baby hungry = baby fed pretty much immediately, on demand.

Check out fearlessformulafeeder - interesting blog.

ExpatAl · 04/07/2013 13:16

I'm with you Amazinggg apart from the 'feminist' thing. Breast feeding has nothing to do with feminism.

midori1999 · 04/07/2013 13:27

"Please ......until you have futilely tried to pump for weeks, because your baby is too sick to feed, or suffered from retained placenta preventing milk generation because of hormones, or any other of the myriad reasons why women who dearly wanted to feed and could not ....... please climb off the soapboxes."

How do you know the history of those you think are 'on their soap boxes' on this thread? You don't, obviously.

WinkyWinkola · 04/07/2013 13:30

Is how you feed your baby a feminist issue? Really?

WinkyWinkola · 04/07/2013 13:31

FearlessFormaFeeder blog? Fearless of what?

I have only ever encountered hostility for ffers about how I fed my little ones.

Amazinggg · 04/07/2013 13:34

Yes, how you feed your baby is a feminist issue Confused seems pretty obvious to me!

It's a whole other debate whether choosing bf or ff is the more feminist choice though. Obviously supporting women to make the right choice for them is most important on an individual level.

MumnGran · 04/07/2013 13:34

I may well not, but I have made two assumptions ....

firstly, that those who have experienced such difficulties are usually the last to be judgemental and "soapbox prone" when it comes to the subject. They have more empathy.
and
secondly, that if those standing on their soapboxes had experienced such issues they would be megaphoning it along with the rest of the script that says it can be done "if people really wanted to".

Amazinggg · 04/07/2013 13:35

FFS Winky, look at the blog before you sneer.

Or are you more interested in making snarky comments than contributing to the discussion?

WinkyWinkola · 04/07/2013 13:36

If stating breast is best and giving out information to women who might not have understood the scientific facts in this isse means you are standing on a soap box, then how do you regard doctors recommending vaccinations or eating healthily eating?

Are they on soap boxes too?

Is one to tiptoe around whispering about the science in case some one is offended?

I've been very offended by ffers who CHOSE to be obnoxious about my bfing my 10 month old. So if you're talking about soap boxes then it is they who are guilty of it, yelling self justification all the time.

WinkyWinkola · 04/07/2013 13:37

Sneer? Who is sneering? Defensive aren't you?

I merely asked fearless of what?

Amazinggg · 04/07/2013 13:40

Didn't a HC professional upthread say they were told not to use the phrase 'breast is best' now? So you're incorrect if you think that is part of the NHS strategy.

And I'm sure I have read in the past that the phrase itself was coined by a formula manufacturer to make it seem more like an equal choice, although that seems counterintuitive! So you're playing into your own enemy's hands there a little by continuing to use the phrase.

MumnGran · 04/07/2013 13:44

Oh please. There is a somewhat obvious difference between providing information, access to vaccines etc, and incessantly reiterating that formula is second best and women ff are choosing a second best option.

I think soapboxes probably fit into the same category as 'if the cap fits, wear it'. If one feels the need to defend the soapbox concept, one may indeed be on one.

Amazinggg · 04/07/2013 13:45

MumnGran thank you for your posts x

WinkyWinkola · 04/07/2013 13:45

Enemy? Grin Wtf are you on about? Madness.

And I don't for one second believe women who use formula are "stigmatised" by their peers. Not when the majority of babies are fed with formula in this country.

midori1999 · 04/07/2013 13:46

mumngran, perhaps you shouldn't make assumptions then?

WinkyWinkola · 04/07/2013 13:47

Sigh. Okay. Stating facts means standing on a soap box. Hmm

MumnGran · 04/07/2013 13:48

They aren't causing me any issues.

WinkyWinkola · 04/07/2013 13:48

And mumandgran, if I chose not to vax my dcs, the GP would certainly start telling me the scientific facts wrt the advantages of protecting them. It happened.

Phineyj · 04/07/2013 13:49

Amazinggg, I very much agree with your post of 13.13.

Amazinggg · 04/07/2013 13:57

I see it as sort of like a liberal vs Tory standpoint (bear with me)

We would all like to see bf rates increase. Ok.

Tory view: 'it's simple! People should be educated and then they will do the right thing. People need to take responsibility. Society needs to change.'

Liberal view: 'How can we erase the barriers to bf? Let's put funding in place to assist women where they say they need support. Let's listen to the issues and address them. Let's not judge individual choices or circumstances.'

Grin
Hullygully · 04/07/2013 14:16

why are women "pressured" to bf asked the op

Because breast milk is best for the baby

Everything else is a different debate.

amazing your post of reasons why ff is so great is...oh never mind

Hullygully · 04/07/2013 14:17

But one thing that stands out is that all your reasons are about the mother's convenience, not the baby's best interests.

Hullygully · 04/07/2013 14:18

mumngran

If someone CAN'T bf, they can't. No point feeling like a failure. And no point saying stop talking about it, it's upsetting. Don't bloody read then.

noblegiraffe · 04/07/2013 14:20

I think this debate is a feminist issue because ffers feel that they are being got at by the message that bfing is best for baby and judged for not bfing. Bfers have to put up with 'icky' 'feed your baby in the toilet, not where I'm trying to have lunch' 'smug' 'your baby would sleep better with formula' 'isn't that baby on a bottle yet?' 'denying father bonding experience', and the full force of the formula companies not insubstantial advertising budget.

Basically, whichever way you feed your baby you can't win. And it's women that suffer this.