why is there so much pressure to breast feed??

[blondebaby111]

Just that really??!!! At my first midwife app it was thrown In my face abit when I said I wasn't sure yet if I would but I'd feel more comftable doing both. Why are you made to feel like its such a crime. I'm only 12 weeks so have alot more appointments where this will be brought up.

I have friends who have breastfed and have had miserable babies that rarely settle, they are completely flustered with it and some verge on pnt because of all the pressure. Yet the friends that haven't breastfed or done both seem to have happy babies, they are a lot more happier in themselves and generally just so relaxed. So my views are mixed on this.

I don't want to start a debate but I just wish we could all make our minds up without midwives frowning or thinking its bad if we choose not too....just saying!!!

Yy noblegiraffe.

I'm just going to link that blog again because I've even reading some of it just now since I remembered about it and linked it - it really is a good read and not dogmatic in any way. If it makes anyone currently posting in a lecture - y way on here think twice about doing so on future threads about infant feeding, so much the better.

Read me please

It's a feminist issue that society makes it difficult for women to do the most natural thing in the world and feed their baby with the best thing for it. The really feminist thing to do therefore is to bf and not let society win.

MumnGran thank you for articulating so brilliantly what many of us are feeling.

Hullygully I have no argument with any of the evidence you cite or points you make. However, I get the feeling you've never had to admit defeat at bf despite being desperate to do it. If you had, I think some of your posts would have been worded a little more gently. No, those of us who've failed to bf don't have to read these threads - but until you've experienced the wracking guilt and feelings of utter, utter failure that comes with it, you won't be able to understand why so many of us feel compelled to participate in threads like this to share our experiences.

It's an interesting debate Hully. I think formula has freed me to be able to share parenting more equally with my male partner. DS has been cared for, cuddled, fed, rocked and soothed by DH as much as me. I have been able to spend days and nights away from DS, not bound by natural biology. Breastfeeding is natural, yes, but it is hugely limiting to the woman. I have bonded just as much with DS as any breastfeeder, he is rarely cared for by anyone other than me and DH, but we are equal parents. I see that as pretty feminist. I see it as massively anti-feminist to say that despite DS's needs being met, it should always be me who feeds him, me who spends hours feeding him and me who can't be away from him. It does make te job of parenting much more equal and the woman can return to work or other activity more easily. What's more feminist than that? By your logic, each month when we have our periods, we should be allowed to remain home and bleed freely. Tampons are massively 'convenient' but not as healthy as letting the blood run freely. They aren't the 'natural' option but I thank heaven we can use them. Anything that means we are less hindered by our biology is good. Of course, if women want to bf then society should support that, but I am making the case that ff can be a feminist choice.

As other posters have said, apparently it's better for the baby and mother health wise, I'm not sure I've seen this in practice with my two though!
Mainly bottle fed DD1, who seemed happy and content most of the time if a little neurotic, she put on weight slowly the first few weeks too, despite bottle feeding. Great health wise, has only been ill once and she's nearly 5.
Exclusive bf dd2, who was much more contented than her sister, and put on weight hand over fist. She Has had very bad eczema and food allergies though, which I was surprised at.
One side effect of bf I did like was losing weight very fast after she was born no matter what I ate.

rally - do you not think though, that it would be easier for women like you who have really tried and failed to hold their heads up knowing they did their best, if there weren't thousands of women who say 'oh I tried but I couldn't breastfeed', when what they actually mean is that it was easier to give formula so that is what they decided to do?

I have NO issue with people choosing to FF on an individual level (the actions of the formula companies and the impact in the 3rd world concern me greatly). What I do have an issue with is people who rather than just saying 'this is my choice', make a big hoo-ha about how hard BF was and in doing so undermine and diminish the efforts of those who really do try.

rally - believe it or not I have no interest in upsetting anyone, why would I?

I understand the topic is upsetting for some, but I'm not even really arguing about that, I am arguing about the illogicality displayed because it really irritates me.

I agree with you on that AliBaba - it makes me sad when I meet women at baby groups etc who are ff-ing and feel the need to explain and justify it, telling people how they struggled to bf. It makes me sad because I used to do it, ff-ing makes you feel judged. It's clear from MN alone that the only acceptable ff-er is a failed bf-er

"DS has been cared for, cuddled, fed, rocked and soothed by DH as much as me. I have been able to spend days and nights away from DS, not bound by natural biology. Breastfeeding is natural, yes, but it is hugely limiting to the woman"

Amazinggg that's obviously your experience and your opinion, but based on never having breastfed. So how do you know that breastfeeding is 'hugely limiting' to the woman?

I actually find breastfeeding less limiting than FF, much less so, there are so many things you just don't have to consider or worry about when breastfeeding and it certainly hasn't stopped me spending days or nights away from my child if I feel the need to.

Also, aside from the feeding, DH has taken an equal share in parenting our DD and has done just as much for her as I have, which is presumably why they are so close, she is very much a 'daddy's girl'.

Hully by your own admission you don't care about posting comments which you know are upsetting people. And you don't care about the intricacies of the issues, only repeating your black-and-white 'breast is best the end' mantra.

why do you think that is amazingg?

my question was about why is the only acceptable ff a failed bfeeder do you think?

If people get upset, they get upset. It's their issue. I get upset about a lot of things, but I wouldn't ask people to keep their opinions to themselves because the topic upsets me.

Illogical again.

What do you want me to say Hully? That every mother, regardless of circumstances, should try to bf? I guess that's an ideal situation. I won't be bf-ing my second though, does that count as unacceptable or is it ok cos I've already failed once? Why does a woman actively choosing to ff bother you?

I don't care what you do, just be honest about the reasons.

Hully that post is going on my shitsheet. You don't care if you upset people - ill be giving you a wide berth on here. Not that you give a hoot I appreciate, but I have laughed and agreed with your posts around the site in the past and as a frequent namechanger for years have found you an amusing poster. But I had no idea of your hugely dogmatic views on bf.

And don't talk nonsense about "pressure" etc

Hully - I FF BECAUSE I AM A FAILURE

Happy now?

I feel like spock.

talking to you is like a parallel universe amazinggg, one where all logic has been left at the door.

Am really quite upset and leaving thread now. Thanks to those with whom I've had an interesting debate. MN shouldn't make me this upset,time to get a grip and find something else to do I think.

oh for goodness sake

I think it's strange to use terminology such as 'breast is best' because breast is just the way it is - it's nature at its finest. I find the debate odd. Some women/babies (really not many) don't manage it and it's very upsetting for them. Thankfully there is a substitute that is more than adequate. Feeling shy is not a reason not to do it. Lots of my friends take themselves off to bf so as not to do it in front of a crowd. If some women really researched the composition of breast milk I'm sure they'd rethink their position. It's a remarkable thing.

Midori your point about African woman all breastfeeding isn't really painting the full picture. Many of their women are simply too malnourished and poorly themselves to produce milk. A huge number of their children die every year. I think there are lots of ways to point out how bf is the natural way to feed your baby but using African woman as an example is not the way to do it.

Feeling judged isn't the same as being judged. I've seen comments about mothers 'smugly' breastfeeding their babies around ffers, like the mere act of them breastfeeding is a show of their superiority, instead of them simply feeding their baby.

Let's face it, after a few weeks even, the majority of mothers will have given their baby some formula, so judging just won't be happening.

I'm ebfing a 5 month old. I am in a tiny minority now. Trust me, I'm not judging ffers when I'm feeding my baby out and about, I'm trying to be as discreet as possible so as not to draw attention to myself.

It's clearly a very emotive and mad issue...

If someone CAN'T bf, they can't. No point feeling like a failure. And no point saying stop talking about it, it's upsetting. Don't bloody read then

Really?

Perhaps the answer then, when the OP actually asks "Why are you made to feel like its such a crime", is simply to say 'because empathy appears to be non-existent in the approach of vociferous advocates'.