why is there so much pressure to breast feed??

[blondebaby111]

Just that really??!!! At my first midwife app it was thrown In my face abit when I said I wasn't sure yet if I would but I'd feel more comftable doing both. Why are you made to feel like its such a crime. I'm only 12 weeks so have alot more appointments where this will be brought up.

I have friends who have breastfed and have had miserable babies that rarely settle, they are completely flustered with it and some verge on pnt because of all the pressure. Yet the friends that haven't breastfed or done both seem to have happy babies, they are a lot more happier in themselves and generally just so relaxed. So my views are mixed on this.

I don't want to start a debate but I just wish we could all make our minds up without midwives frowning or thinking its bad if we choose not too....just saying!!!

Anyway, I'm off now, I'm even boring myself...

mmm maybe it is a cultural thing because I am a bit as to why it is not seen as normal. Here in germany (well east germany) it is a lot more live and let live really - women here BF in cafes, parks, wherever - no-one bats an eyelid about it, or to what age in fact people chose to feed to, likewise no-one judges FF either - there is support here for whatever you want really. Also kids and babies are welcomed in restaurants etc here, which is one of the reasons I like living here, it is very family orientated, and not so sexualised etc etc. I still think this whole thread and debate is rather like saying you should feed your child x y z and not a b c later on to some degree - since we all know certain foods are much more beneficial - but we just do the best we can. Likewise with BF - we all know BF milk is nutritionally better, but that can't be the only factor, partic with women who have medical reasons etc. It isn't the only reason a baby thrives - they need love, affection, security, a safe (smoke free) living environment etc, these all play a vital role too. It's no good a mother forcing herself to BF when she is losing the plot. Some women simply do not have the support around them to follow it through. Or a woman who is suffering from PND and unable to feed properly and really needs help, or someone who just wants their body back after a truly shocking pregnancy (friend over here actually) - she had to work a few months after the birth PT with her business, with a toddler, and had no choice in the matter (to work)- for her FF was the only option that worked without her losing her sanity after a shocking time of it. And that's why good job we have a safe alternative, so that our babies can be fed safely. In any case - this is for about the first 6 months or so for most women, give or take. We have long roads ahead of us.....

Good evening everybody
This was always going to be a heated thread

But Hully

I gave my pfb baked beans on a baked potato tonight. I should have cooked the chicken I'd defrosted but I truly couldn't be arsed.

That was a choice I made, right there, which had a negative impact on his health. A tiny tiny one. But by your totally binary logic, a wrong choice. As a mother, I'm constantly making 'wrong' choices - it's ok, because with each, I'm doing the best I can do. It is my choice to ff. I would support any woman who wanted to, in a climate which as others have identified, makes it such a poisoned chalice of a 'choice'. Hard to choose bf, hard to choose ff. You say you've nothing against ff-ing but you are making it so clear that it is and I quote 'wrong' to make that choice.

Wonder if one of you staunch promoters is the bf 'counsellor' who make me feel like utter shit after 3 weeks of watching my baby fighting for life.

Its views like yours that give bf a bad name amongst those who need proper bf education. I live in a fairly rundown area where lots view bf as a 'hippy dippy' or upperclass thing to do.

"Heated" Olivia?

Lukewarm at best

This really is the last time

I don't have convictions. I am simply repeating ad nauseum that the reason bf is strongly promoted is because breast milk is better for the baby and therefore if people CAN bf, they should.

I have no further interest than that.

Hang em on swaddling boards and douse them with vodka for all I care.

I agree with a lot of your sentiments TeaandFlapjacks - some women just don't have the support around them to maintain breast feeding.
Breast Feeding is extremely hard and tiring and it is never as black and white as just saying you are or aren't going to do it.

With all the good will and strong intentions in the world, sometimes breast feeding just doesn't work for some mothers and they should not be judged for that or made to feel substandard because they have changed to FF.

Life isn't perfect and no mother should ever be made to feel she isn't doing what is best for her baby. The love and security a baby receives from it's parents are far more important, in the grand scheme of things, than the type of milk they are being fed.

x

Oh ok.

I was contributing to the 'why is there so much pressure' bit - I thought it was obvious that breastfeeding was better than formula feeding.

doublecakepleaseWed 03-Jul-13 20:01:16

Wonder if one of you staunch promoters is the bf 'counsellor' who make me feel like utter shit after 3 weeks of watching my baby fighting for life."

That is so awful. Im sorry :( I hope your baby is ok now

Why can't we all just get along? Won't anyone think of the children?!

Seriously though, feed your kid whatever you want. Nothing wrong with ff. Nothing wrong with bf. Bf is nutritionally better but that can't be the only factor included in the decision you make about how to feed your lo.

Case closed.

Breast is best. Everyone knows that. It is a fact.
I was not pressurised to bf. actually the opposite. On PN ward they kept insisting on formula. Bf support was dire.
I found it very hard. But liked it a lot, once I got going. But I also ended up mixed feeding.
I agree with the poster about children being hard. Some are easy, then difficult toddlers. Some are hard, then easy toddlers. We all end up looking haggard !!

'I live in a fairly rundown area where lots view bf as a 'hippy dippy' or upperclass thing to do'

Hmm - a look at the statistics on who does and doesn't breast feed is quite telling about what the barriers are. I find it quite sad that those who can probably least afford to ff are most likely to. We are not so very different to third world countries really...

www.unicef.org.uk/BabyFriendly/About-Baby-Friendly/Breastfeeding-in-the-UK/UK-Breastfeeding-rates/

I think the nhs/government tackles health issues by sharing information in the first instance. Based on my knowledge and the workshop I attended and commdnts on here, this isn't a bad idea as there are big knowledge gaps. In terms of changing attitudes and behaviours, it could be more effective to have more positive role models and focus on the link to body image.

"I live in a fairly rundown area where lots view bf as a 'hippy dippy' or upperclass thing to do."

^^ That is the sort of view that needs changing. How can this be done?

And why is something that is so natural so hard to do? Do most other mammals struggle as much as we do?

Thanks stealth - he's fine now but tbh she almost pushed me over the edge. 3 hours after being told to stop bf because my meds had put him on the verge of a coma and she was still pushing the 'breast is best'

I've said all along that i agree with bf for those who can and WANT to but the people who i referred to as thinking its upper class etc are more than likely tuned off to the demanding, my way is right crew. TELLING someone that bf is the only correct way to feed a baby will automatically turn some off it.

If some of the women who've posted here are those trying to educate and promote then i fear a further lapse. Some of the high and mighty, judgmental and pushy posts have really got my back up and I'm a grown, educated woman armed with research. Imagine how others with less experience feel.

Well said doublecakeplease - so glad to hear your LO is ok.

It sounds like you and I had very similar experiences at the hands of people who were supposed to be supporting us. I really hope some of those who've been so vociferous on this thread can take a step back, realise how they're coming across and perhaps think about modifying some of their language and tone when talking about bf. Only then will more people feel encouraged rather than pressured to bf.

I agree that statements like "it's natural, how hard can it be?" are unhelpful.

To answer OP, my baby sleeps through the night, has 4 feeds a day, is big for his age and very happy. He is ebf. I'm not sure whether he'd be any different with formula tbh. I think most of it is pot luck, although it is very useful having boobs to offer as comfort when needed.

The other advantages apart from health are that it's free, convenient, you get a rush of "feel good" hormones, less crying if you feed on demand, and it helps you lose weight (I weigh less now than I have in 15 years). You don't have to worry about whether you should increase the amount of formula you're giving or offering water etc.

The drawbacks IME are you either need to be with baby all the time or express milk which is a bit of a faff, leaky boobs, pain and discomfort in first few weeks, some stress over whether baby is feeding enough/ too much/ long enough especially during growth spurts. You also have to be careful with drinking enough fluid and eating well to avoid feeling crap.

Whatever you decide to do, do it because its right for you and your baby, not because your friend experienced x or you live in an area where bf/ff is looked down upon.

There are lots of factors that affect a child's future wellbeing - bf is just one of them.

Some people bf and then go on to wean their babies on to lousy diets setting up poor health and dietary habits for life .

There are lots of socio economic factors affecting a child's health.

Yes bf does have benefits but its important to get it into perspective.

Go with what is best for your family.

Encouraging bfing is important in the NHS because it offers protection against infection (baby) and cancer (mum), thus saving the NHS money.

How would people like the NHS to 'encourage' bfing, if not by pointing out the health benefits? Obviously practical support needs to be given at the right time too, but the OP seems to be talking about during pregnancy.

"I agree that statements like "it's natural, how hard can it be?" are unhelpful."

Whilst I agree that it's unhelpful for people to say this, we only find breastfeeding difficult in the UK because of our cultural expectations of what a baby behaves like and also because it's extremely unlikely that our Mum's, Aunts, siblings, friends etc have actually breastfed. It's just not something you see often in the UK and if women need support they have to turn to health professionals (many of whom won't have breastfed themselves and probably don't know much about it) or volunteers.

I was speaking to one of the midwives recently who had worked in Africa for a while, I forget which country. She said that when she said to several local women that in the UK a lot of women struggle to breastfeed, the women simply couldn't understand it or what could be difficult about it. Obviously it is their cultural norm to breastfeed.

midori - I think it is like the "dad's can't bond" argument, another justification for not doing what you don't want to. Of course some women can't bf, but the vast vast majority can if they want to.

Let me tell you what is wrong about presure to bf. Implied, imposed, imagined ..... or projected by vehement support and the constant reiteration that breast is best.

It reduces women who want to feed and genuinely cannot to feeling as though they are failing their babies and being second class mothers.
Can you imagine how that feels, when you have tried desperately to feed ....and failed your baby?
Do you think it matters to that woman that umpteen African mothers can feed like falling off a log? or do you think it may make her feel even more of a failure?
Do you really suppose that saying ff if you want but we all know breast is best doesn't just take whatever fragile sense of self worth that woman has ....and trample it into the dust?

Do you not understand that every time women jump up and down on the soapbox of breast milk being nutritionally better, you destroy how some women feel about themselves when they have had no choice but to ff.
I understand that you know there are lots of women who choose to ff and you think that choice is second best, backed by science.
Your opinion is not going to change theirs by one single jot. They will argue with you here from now until kingdom come.

But for the fragile women who may have visited this thread, they have simply had themselves classed yet again as failing their babies.

Please ......until you have futilely tried to pump for weeks, because your baby is too sick to feed, or suffered from retained placenta preventing milk generation because of hormones, or any other of the myriad reasons why women who dearly wanted to feed and could not ....... please climb off the soapboxes.

Losing the smugness wouldn't go amiss either