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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Putting off TTC because DH worried I will be house bound

29 replies

Beaverfeaver · 23/06/2013 23:06

28 years old and I am desperate to start TTC.
DH also keen on having children but says he wants to wait a while because we won't be able to do normal stuff.

I asked him what he thinks is the normal stuff I will be incapable of as there is nothing in this year I have done that seems to be too difficult if I was pregnant.

I visit places, have the odd meal out. Go to the cinema, picnics, walks etc.

He seems to think I will be incapable of doing many of these things and it makes me feel like I will be under house arrest over the 9 months of pregnancy.

I keep telling him that of all the people we know that have had babies, that they all do normal things most of the time.

Am I wrong?
Is pregnancy going to make me house bound?

OP posts:
Rowboat · 23/06/2013 23:21

Well, if you're unlucky there are conditions which might limit you, but a normal pregnancy shouldnt make you housebound. Of course not. You may feel less like doing some things, but again, that doesn't make you housebound. Does he think it's the 19th century?Hmm

absentmindeddooooodles · 23/06/2013 23:27

I still managed to do most of those things with severe spd, on crutches and various other complications. You may find that you have a straightforward pregnancy, you may not, but genuinely I don't really know of anyone being housebound to that extent whilst pregnant. Yes you may feel tierd and sick and fat, but it's lovely to go out and so things as a couple before the baby comes. Just get a nice DVD and takeaway a bit more towards the end instead of cinema etc if you find it hard :-)

wilkos · 23/06/2013 23:32

What a load of rubbish. As he's clearly aware of friends of yours who have had babies and not been housebound, sounds to me like he's not as keen on TTC as you are. Sorry...

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 23/06/2013 23:35

Pregnancy won't. Having a newborn might. I think I've been to the cinema once since ds was born.

Lydia161290 · 23/06/2013 23:44

In all honesty, and I apologize for this, but it sounds like he's just creating excuses. Are you sure he even WANTS to TTC as much as you do, but may not want to hurt your feelings by saying?

Pregnancy does not mean your life has ended and you're housebound or destined to become a full time housewife with a baby dangling from the nipple!

Angelina7 · 23/06/2013 23:47

I am 28 weeks preg & work in the theatre where I am up and down stairs, in and out of dressing rooms & backstage area, not to mention the commute to central London & I hope to be able to continue to do this up until the week before baby is due, the midwife says the stairs & walking is good for me too so I'm not too worried at mo, a couple weeks ago I was taken out of action for one work day as I was working 12 hour days and developed sciatica but once I knew what this was & had a rest it was still manageable, I know everyone is different but I think the less you do the less you are able to do and it is important to keep a certain level of activness for your mind as well as your body. Maybe he just doesn't feel ready yet to have the responsibilities & compromises that come with having a baby, but lots of mums I have spoken to have had to give their man a nudge to get things moving ....even those who have been together forever or are definitely mature enough & ready!! At least he will prob b pleasantly surprised if he is expecting the worst lol. Gd luck xx

PumpkinPie2013 · 24/06/2013 08:32

You won't be housebound at all! Goodness me does he think we live in the stone age? Hmm

I'm nearly 18 weeks now and had morning (all day) sickness and nausea until 13 weeks and now suffer with sciatica/pgp but I have/still carry on pretty much as normal.

I'm a teacher and do a lot of outreach work in other schools so I'm on my feet all day and in/out of the car with resources but I manage fine. I even went on a conference at 15 weeks which was overnight and involved train journeys but it was fine when I did it.

I'm still doing pilates and going on walks with my husband (although not really strenuous anymore), been out for meals and we are going to the lake district in August when I'll be 25 weeks.

I fully intend to return to work after I've had the baby as well - although of course that's a personal choice.

Honestly you'll be fine but I agree with others who say perhaps he isn't quite ready yet?

meditrina · 24/06/2013 09:00

He wants to wait "a while" - how long is he thinking of? If it's, say, over this summer when he might have things planned, but would be ready to start in the autumn, then it's reasonable (he might be thinking of travel jabs, or possible morning sickness which can out a real damper on things).

But if he's not got specific reasons/timings in mind, then it's trickier. Does he really want DC? Or is he talking the talk whilst just faking a future?

Twinklestarstwinklestars · 24/06/2013 09:19

It depends on you as a person too, I'm nearly 37 weeks and still working and have 2 other dc, my partners cousin was shocked I had the energy to cut a cake up at the weekend! She said she did nothing at this stage just lazed around and got her dp to do everything. After the birth depends in you too, it would drive me crazy being inside all the time, even the school run is something to break the day up and see other adults especially on days we don't go to toddler groups etc.

Cavort · 24/06/2013 10:19

I am 39+5, have mild to moderate SPD and spent 3 hours trekking around The Trafford Centre on Friday night. Pregnancy hasn't stopped me from doing anything I would normally do except drinking.

parttimer79 · 24/06/2013 10:31

I'm pretty sure pregnancy won't but as others have said I think life may change more drastically for me in 6 weeks when little one arrives.
The only things I can't do atm are heavy lifting, hiking and going out on the lash!
All other activities including holidays, days/nights out and such have gone on as normal (with short interludes for throwing up pretty much all day until 20 weeks).

june2013 · 24/06/2013 12:28

I'm 41 weeks today and still out and about... was in town shopping for about 5 hours Saturday. Granted, I needed to sit and rest by my mum did too! I've been active, travelling, exercising and what not throughout my pregnancy. But I have been extremely lucky with a straightforward pregnancy. Morning sickness was not too bad and haven't had any spd or anything like that.

Is it possible he's overly worried and super protective? I think it's harder for guys to imagine what being pregnant is actually like!

Flobbadobs · 24/06/2013 12:33

Unless you develop certain pregnancy related conditions of course you won't be! Good grief I spent 4 days at Disneyland Paris at 29 weeks pg, worked up to very late all 3 times and 2 days before I gave birth the second time I was at a friends birthday party!
It sounds like the potential reality of having a child has scared him, or he's been talking to a 'voice of doom' type friend who has been having a moan..

Cheffie100 · 24/06/2013 13:25

You are not going to be housebound! The first trimester I didn't feel like doing much due to morning sickness but still managed 2 and half weeks adventuring round Thailand. I have been to every social event we have had on and have enjoyed everyone but have just come home at midnight rather than 2am. Today I am 39 + 4 and have taken my car to the garage, had an hours walk on the beach and cleaned the kitchen. Tomorrow I am off out for lunch for the day a d then shopping in town later.

Pregnancy makes you more determined to get out and about- if you were housebound for 9 months you would go demented!

BeanoNoir · 24/06/2013 13:58

Does he mean pregnancy or having a child? There's no denying how much it changes your life and there's lots of things you can do a lot when childless that don't really happen as much after, because your priorities have to be different. If you're not both on board with this you need to talk about it properly and discuss what and when you are both prepared to do.

FruminousBandersnatch · 24/06/2013 14:06

I think this is a red herring - does he really want children? He must know that even if pregnancy is difficult (and for most women, it really isn't that bad) it is just a small part of what it means to become a parent.

I think he's not keen on having children at all, sorry.

pinkr · 24/06/2013 21:20

I was doing normal aerobics classes until 29 Weeks...I'm still doing aqua, working and gardening at 32, Weeks. My 78 year old neighbour just came out to help me sweep up hedge clippings bless her and she told me off! I intend to keep moving for a long as possible!

neversleepagain · 24/06/2013 21:42

I found things more difficult during my recent twin pregnancy but I carried on with life as normal.

Lj8893 · 24/06/2013 21:54

I'm 22 weeks and have done everything i would usually do (except heavy lifting, drinking, etc) but I have been to the cinema, been to several weddings, been on a weekend trip to london, I've even had a few nights out (not in very busy places and I have left earlier than I usually would) and I'm still working just as hard as I always have done, on my feet all day and up and down stairs. And I walk to work.

I am taking my maternity leave as early as I can but that's only because its easier for me to due to relocation and I'm in a fortunate position to be able to so I can relax and enjoy some me time before the madness!

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 24/06/2013 21:56

I think he's not ready to have a child and is coming up with excuses.

You need to talk to him. He doesn't need to make silly excuses, it's ok for him to talk honestly about his fears.

Champagnebubble · 24/06/2013 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VisualiseAHorse · 24/06/2013 22:49

Unless you're very unlucky, you will not be housebound for months. I walked up a huge hill (4 hour walk) the week before I gave birth. I did have to sit down for a while at the top, but I did it.

I went on lots of nights out, lunches with friends, and worked until I was 7.5 months (childminder, could not lift my charges any more so had to stop working!).

Original poster
Beaverfeaver · 24/06/2013 23:46

He's not very good at heartfelt chats.
I ended up in tears for a few hours with him saying nothing at all and just getting angrier at me.

Sometimes I feel I've made a mistake and wasted all these years on the wrong man.

He has no thought about my needs and only his own, as conpromise never comes into it unless I'm compromising to his way.

I'm so sad, I don't want to look at him anymore.

I'm struggling to sleep next to him.

OP posts:
Snazzywaitingforsummer · 24/06/2013 23:59

Sorry to read that it has gone this way. I did wonder. I would just say that you are still young at 28. Don't imagine your chance to have a child - with him or anyone else - has gone. But you do need to think about the future as this is a deal breaker for most people and it sounds like it is for you.

If you're having trouble sleeping, can you move to a spare room? He does need to know how serious this is for you.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 25/06/2013 06:24

That's not good.

At what age do you think he thinks that you can have a baby and not "be housebound" - if that is his fear!

And - worst case scenario, you WERE 'housebound' for 9 months - so what? It's 9 months out of your life for a baby. I'd do it. Wouldn't you?

What he means is it's a massive lifestyle change that he doesn't want/isn't ready for.

If he isn't willing to be honest about it, what are you going to do?

When will he be ready?

What are your options here?

Although, you know, it really is worth thinking about if you actually want to tie yourself for life to someone who gets angry when you want to talk about something important, who makes silly excuses instead of communicating honestly and who you say doesn't think about your needs, just his and always expects you to bend to his will...