Pregnant after MMC, someone please hand hold me!

[fluffandnonsense]

I had a MMC in April at 14 weeks. Very devastating and have only really got over it. We started trying again straight away and fell pregnant straight off the back of the MC. Did a pregnancy test couple of weeks ago and again yesterday and both positive. Beginning to feel rotten now too which I know is a good sign BUT I am so so worried something will go wrong again. Every time I think about the fact that I'm pregnant all I feel is fear. Fear that it will all happen over again, that I won't be able to stay in control, that if it does happen again ill give up and stop trying. The docs are happy for me to have an early scan but I'm crapping myself as it was at the scan I found out last time. I feel really irrational and hormonal.

I had one of those at 12 weeks. There is a reason it happened in that pregnancy. I think they are quite common and I also think each pregnancy is unique and there is no reason to expect the same issue with subsequent pregnancies. I now have two gorgeous girls (3 + 6).
For me, an early scan was so useful, to see a heartbeat :) And then to feel my baby kick at 16 weeks. You can have my hand. Of course you'll be worried, but try and enjoy it as much as you can and be gentle with yourself.
Also, congratulations x

hi fluff, first of all, congratulations!! i've been in the same boat as you and know exactly the fear you are feeling. but all you can do is look after yourself, do everything you can to stay healthy and whatever will be will be. i'm pretty sure that anyone who has had the terribly sad experience of a mc or mmc will be fearful during subsequent pregnancies for fear that the same will happen again. i can second what mylovelymonster said - i had an early scan at 8 weeks and seeing the heartbeat was the best feeling ever. i wouldn't necessarily recommend a scan earlier than 8 weeks as they may not be able to see the heartbeat much earlier so it can be more stressful.

i also wanted to let you know that i am on a great thread for ladies that are pregnant after mc - sadly we are all in the same boat but i have found the support so comforting and everyone is so helpful and knows exactly how each other feel so there is no fear about asking any questions or sharing your emotions. we have a motto - today we are pregnant :) please come and find us if you fancy some extra hand holding and support - it's the PG after MC thread - Laura Ashley / Posifrickintivity thread. You are most welcome to join.

good luck with your pregnancy, and maybe we'll see you on the pg after mc thread xx

Hi fluff, congratulations and sorry about your mmc.
I was going to invite you over to our pg after mc thread but I see Janie has got here first :)
You are very welcome, we have ladies at all different stages who are constantly there as support for handholding/ranting.

Congratulations fluff!

I'm in the same boat as u, had a MMC in Oct last year. I have been worried, anxious and stressed all the way through so far. I didn't get offered an early scan this time which has been hard, I was very close to the same gestation that I lost our last baby and to make matters worse the 12 week scan fell on lost baby's due date! Thankfully everything was fine but I still didn't relax, I have had my 20 week scan now and will be 21weeks on Saturday and so far all seems well. I still worry and don't think I'll be truly relaxed until baby is safely in my arms but I'm feeling better and more confident the further on I get.

Good luck x

Hi Op.

I had a MMC late February, i was 12 weeks. 14 is even tougher, i really feel for you.

My baby died at 8 wks & 2days. I had, had a scan at 7wks & 2days, seen the little heartbeat & lots of pictures as it was a private scan...best £70 i ever spent.

Im pregnant again. 8 Wks today. I don't want an early scan. Im terrified of going for a scan. I havn't been offered an early scan & couldn't bring myself to ask for one. I know seeing a heartbeat gives no guarantee. I don't really think of a baby with regards to this pregnancy. I've no plans. I've not told anyone apart from dp.
I loved the baby i lost. I can't talk about it without crying even now.

I wish i could say something to make you feel better but nothing i say will make it better. I just live day to day. If i end up with a baby its a bonus.

Best of luck. Take care of yourself.

Thanks so much everyone It does help to know that there are people here thinking of me. I'm going to the doctors today at 8:30 to get the scan booked in for next week. It's mainly because I have no idea of dates now because of it being straight after the MC. I bled for 2 weeks so how that affects ovulation I don't know. If I go from the first day of my ERPC I will be 9 weeks next Thursday. By how I'm feeling I think I'm around 7 weeks. Before the baby died at 6 weeks and it wasn't picked up until I had my scan at 13 weeks :( Finally ending in me going private for an ERPC at 14 weeks. Which is why I want the scan really, I just feel like those extra 8 weeks were such a waste of time. If I'd have known at 6 weeks I could hand done something about it and moved on faster.

Everytime I think of going for another scan my heart pounds! It was such a horrible experience that I'm terrified its going to happen again :(

I know what you mean - I spent my first trimester of my first pregnancy really positive and happy and starting to get a nice shape going - had no clue about miscarriage - blissfully ignorant of all the pitfalls, which is fine, but it was all going horribly wrong and it was such a hard cruel lesson. It does affect you emotionally, but you need to find the strength to move forward. Being able to conceive in a relatively quick way is a very good sign of your fertility. Next week will come around soon - let us know how it goes! x

Hi fluff

I'll hold your hand as I'm in the same position as you. I had a mmc in march, found out at my 12 week scan that baby had stopped growing at 10 weeks. Was absolutely devastated. We started trying again straight away but I only got my bfp yesterday so its very early days but I am so terrified of something happening again. I was told at the epu if I got pregnant again I could have an early scan at 8 weeks. Not sure if I want to have it though as I think seeing a heartbeat and then if something did go wrong would be even harder but at the same time don't think I can wait till 12 weeks.

Hope you don't have to wait too long for a scan. Fingers are firmly crossed for you

I'm the same mmc in march fell pregnant after first period. I have an early scan tomorrow and I don't really want to go because I'm half expecting the worst to happen :( I just wish there was a button to press to tell me if everything is fine or not without having to go through scans etc

Notsosuper and fluff
In exactly the same position and feeling all the same things. I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks at Christmas and a very early one (probably about 4 weeks) at the start of May. I'm now pregnant again but driving myself mad with worry every time I go to the loo or feel a bit different. I think I'm c 6 weeks but dates a bit uncertain and I just can't stop being totally irrational.

I have the same thing re scans. Not sure how I'd cope but is it worse getting further on and finding out you could have known sooner? With my first mc the baby had died c 5 weeks and I too felt that I'd somehow 'lost' 6 weeks I could have spent trying again.

Hello, I had a mc at 12 weeks Christmas Day 2011 and found out yesterday that I am finally 5 weeks pg after 18months of trying and 4 rounds of clomid. I don't feel too stressed yet, hope I can stay calm throughout. I do feel for you though fluff. Frustration at not getting pg for 18 months was unbearable. Still kind of cant believe its true. Good luck!

Hello!

Can we hold hands too?

I too am pregnant again (yay!) after two MMC's. One last February (14 weeks) and one this February just gone (16+ weeks). Both have left me pining for my baby boys but I am trying my best to feel positive. I fell pregnant quite quickly this time around and am still reeling from the shock! Soooooooo happy but finding it hard to ignore the worries going around in my head.

For both the other pregnancies, I kept my news quiet and didn't tell anyone bar my DP, Mum and a couple of close friends but this time I've told my boss and team at work as it was such hard work pretending all the time. They've been lovely.

Congratulations fluffand nonsense and all else on this thread...

I may have to come and find you all on the PG after MC thread!

OP I had exactly the same thing happen to me. Now nearly 15 wks with new pg which (fingers crossed) is all going well.
I found the first 12 weeks quite stressful and couldn't really engage with the pregnancy, despite a positive scan at 8 weeks. However, since the 12 week scan I have been a lot more relaxed and am finally allowing myself to be excited about this pregnancy. Scans are so hard, aren't they? For me it has been about getting past the point where I learned it had all gone wrong last time (12 wk scan). I think once you have had that horrible experience at a scan it really hangs over you.

Sorry to hear of everyone's losses. One technique I have tried is to actively stop myself worrying (not easy but possible with practice). I have told myself that if I have to go to that dark place again that we all fear (having to relive the shock and pain of a MMC in real life) I will do that when and if it happens, but I am not going to have every day ruined unnecessarily by fears and by imagining that stuff could happen again when it isn't actually happening (if that makes sense). Some CBT techniques and a book called The Worry Cure by Robert Leahy have been very helpful for getting on top of the anxiety and not letting it spoil things.

I've got a positive pregnancy test today and I'm terrified

I had a termination for medical reasons at 16wks in November and now I'm pregnant again. Added to that im pregnant without having a period since an early miscarriage six weeks ago! Done a first response and got an ok line and a clear blue digi. I'm so paranoid the line on the test won't get darker - last time it got lighter then I miscarried. Not sure how to get through this week!

Marmite that's exactly how I felt. Like those extra few weeks had just been a bloody waste when I could have been recovering or trying again. I actually felt like my body had betrayed me because even at 14 weeks it was still showing no signs of naturally expelling what was left of that failed pregnancy. :(

At the moment I'm on wipe duty. My heat literally skips a best if I notice anything even slightly out of the ordinary!! I'm even holding the tissue up to the light to double check it. Yep I think I may have finally flipped.

Thanks for your support guys, I'm sending stay put baby thoughts to you all!

Oh and today's thought has been 'What if I'm not even pregnant???' I was thinking because it is so close to the mc, what if its just residual hormones left over? I do have pregnancy symptoms but what if its my mind playing tricks. I've done another test and its still positive, 8 weeks post mc.

Fluffy because you can't be sure of dates and you are in a post-MC cycle I am sure your EPU would scan you to confirm pregnancy (although you'd be unlikely to see a heartbeat yet). But might help you to know that there's definitely something in there?

fluffandnonsense

Wipe duty - good phrase! I'm exactly the same and no you haven't flipped. I too hold the tissue up to the light just to be sure and the past couple of days the very mild pregnancy symptoms I was having cleared up so had another freak-out about that.

I had a doc appt today and he raised the spectre of me not being pregnant and just being residual hormones. I'm confident I am though as I've been doing the clearblue tests which give you dates and I've done one a week for 3 weeks and each one has been a week on which I think means the hormones are increasing?!!

I've got a referral though for an EPU scan because I can't be sure of dates after mc. That brings with it a whole new set of worries, but on the basis that it might actually put my mind at rest if they can see something then I think I'm going to go.

Marmite I think that would be my biggest fear. In fact I'm tempted to go get some more tests tomorrow. Not had a huge amount of symptoms which is worrying me!

Another invitation to have your hand held in our posifrickintivity thread- we've all been there or there abouts.

All the anxiety/ worrying you're not even pg/ knicker checking = completely normal.

Wishing you all the best this time

Thanks will pop over to the thread in a minute. I was on the last one but it moved so fast I couldn't keep up! Well today I caved and went and got a Clearblue Conception Indicator but I didnt realise the maximum result it shows is 3+ week from conception which makes you 5+ weeks or more. I think from my dates I'm either 8 or 9 weeks and according to the Clearblue I got a maximum result of 3+. I'm sure I saw one that told you exactly how many weeks you were?? Which one is that?

At least it was a positive result!

Hello!

I've been popping over to the other thread too but it is moving so fast and I don't get on here too often at the moment!

I too am tempted to do another test as this doesn't feel real yet! Apart from extreme tiredness, grumpiness and bloating, I don't feel pregnant. With my other three pregnancies (DD aged 5 and MMC February 2012 and MMC February 2013) I had other symptoms - nausea, sore boobs etc. Makes me feel normal reading all your posts as I too feel slightly bonkers...the wipe thing, google-ing every single thing...

Felt rubbish over the weekend and had lower back pain and mild abdo ache on both sides - and teeny tiny spotting once - but it seems to be more prominent from the afternoon onwards.

We had a scan last week and there was nothing to see (the sonographer thought she could see a yolk sac but couldn't be sure) so we're book in for a second scan on Tuesday 2nd July. I can't wait as I just want to know that everything is where it should be and things are OK so far...

Shouldn't wish time away but I want to fast forward to the 12 week scan stage!

fluffandnonsense - I've only seen the one that tells you roughly how many weeks you are...

I've booked a private scan for Saturday. Totally crapping myself!!

Purple I've had a lot less symptoms this time although they do seen to be getting worse. To be fair though with the last pregnancy I was sick as a dog and lost the baby at 14 weeks so I guess you really can't use that as a guide.