Have whacky therapy & sessions at hospital planned need to talk

[melsy]

Im 29 wks and suffered very badly after dd's birth with PTSD/PND. I finally got my 1st appt last wk for an assessmant for therapy (Ive waited over a year to come down the list on NHS)and because of my PTSD from dd's birth nearly 3 yrs ago, she would like to start EMDR therapy straight away, but she needs to check wether its ok with someone pregnant.If not the physchologist will go down the CBT route. Its the latest therapy for trauma and seems to be very effective from write ups Ive read online, Im also into trying anything different as long as it works . Its a bit like what Paul Mckenna does with patients and tapping the face and hands, but this is with rapid movement in front of eyes.

One of the senior midwives at the hospital has also kindly offered her time to read through all my past notes as she knows Im with the mental health team and sit with me next wk at the hospital to help me prepare. She will also take me down to the delivery suite , if Im up to it.

Im glad this is happening now , as I only have 11 wks to go and Im getting more and more anxious about being back at hospital. I feel very blessed that Im getting all this care, especially as I felt painfuly failed by the system during dd's labour , birth & months after , but its hard right now to be reliving painful memories and experiences , especially when very hormonal. I fought hard to get this help and its like a gift has come to me , but even after just an hr last wk of retelling my history , I was in a terrible state for days. I have my 2nd appt on Thursday and its a mixture of relief that I can get it all out of my system ,but also great apprehension as to what Im about to face.

Are there PTSD sufferers out there I can talk to , or anyone whos had this therapy?

I did have hypnotherapy before having DS2 because I had no positive memories of DS1s birth. Not quite the same though

Went on to have DD at home which was a completely different experience.

Hi Soupy , havent "spoken" for a long time have we. How are you ?

Did you find the hypnotherapy effective , I also had this and its cost me a fortune. She did stop all severe panick attacks, but only just skimmed the trauma side of things. How long did you go for??

Hi Melsy, my dh is a counsellor and hypnotherapist who has recently done EMDR training. He reckons it's amazing - especially for trauma - and will be the next big thing, a form of therapy everyone will have heard of in a few yrs time whereas now it's still quite unusual. I'd say grab it with both hands - good luck!

Im so surprised its been offered ,as on NHS , but weird you should say grab with both hands, as friend said a very similar thing to me last wk

I only had 3 sessions and took tapes away with me. It made me more able to relax about going through labour again. I clearly wan't as badly affected as you though.

What really chased the demons away were DS2s more straightforward birth and then DDs finally cleared up the rest.

(am knackered due to wingey BabyDragon and no sleep. Sigh)

what is cbt and emdr?
i think i am suffering from ptsd from my last birth and the treatment i recieved which all resulted in my baby dieing.
so far have been unable to find any help. i asked a dr and i got to see a councillor but she just sat there and expected me to talk and i find talking about what happened really difficult. anyway i only saw her twice as there was not much point in going.
is emdr and cbt different to that?

Im so sorry for your loss slink, its very hard for me to discuss the things I can only imagine you have been through. It may be you are not yet ready to heal yet as it takes some facing of things, as to talk about it LOTS is the best thing , but you have to be in that place. As I said before , Ive had to fight to get help on NHS and its taken some time.

CBT - cognitive behaviour therapy is a way of managing emotions and looking at various ways to deal with the same issue. Its meant to be quick as in 12wks , and isnt just a talky therapy , its quite defined and you work with therapist on specifics of your behaviour and reactions. It helps you define the difference between emotions , behaviour and thoughts.

EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Sounds mad , and is difficult to explain. Its quite different to CBT. Basically you bring up a visual memory of a trauma or acute anxiety, discuss the emotions and feelings and as you do the therapist rapidly moves their finger accross your vision, whislt doing this you then think of a visual memory or feeling that is positive and feels good and supposedly the eye movement is supposed to replace the bad associations.

Thats my take on it , you may want to have a more detailed look online.

There are 2 charitys / grps that deal with birth trauma btw slink. Birth trauma association & Association for Post-Natal Illness.

thats fab, i am going to do a bit of research into these therapys. i was at a bit of a loss after i decided councilling was not for me, i thought it was the only thing that would help but now these other things might be worth asking my dr for or even persuing privatly

i hope your therapy goes well :)

Thank you slinkstah , I also went down counselling route , did it for a year and during my pregnancy with dd , in the end I found it just left me to ruminate more and more about things. I still ended up with PTSD/PND under a year later.

Good luck with your search slink, its worth really pushing for these things on NHS , but it takes 12-18mths or more to get down the list. Just let them know that you need more than talking, you need help moving forward and being taught how to deal with the trauma in a better way.

Therapist hasnt started with emdr , as she still hasnt yet had her meeting with the more senior phyche. It was a hard session as had to describe all my most vivid flashbacks and memories. I also had a to fill out forms for diagnosis and all traumas Ive had in my life and rate the most painful. It left me feeling really odd for the rest of that day and more visions kept on coming to me later in the evening, it made me just burst into spontanoues tears , its was a really odd feeling.

I have meeting at the hospital today with the senior midwife , to go through my history and plan forward. Im getting really nervous & teary , as this is the 1st time Ive gone to the hospital alone. My mums looking after dd ,as shes not at nursury today. My dh thinks that may be going alone will be good for me , but the apprehension is hard and knowing Im going down to the delivery suite withought anyone except the midwife. I know its silly , but Im quite scared of it all, even though its not even the hospital I had dd in.

hi melsy
your first session sounded hard.
i understand your fear of the labour ward. Its good that its not the same hospital. i know it will be hard though.
i had to go to the labour ward for a cervical scan when i was 16 weeks pg, different hospital to that where i had my bad experiences but it was scarey. I felt good when i had done it though.
i then had to go for a cervical stitch operation at 23 weeks which was horrid because even though it was a different hospital it was the same time and same thing that happened in my last pg, i was treated really well that time though and had an ok experience considering.
i went for my cervical stitch removal the other day and had a very different experience, it was horrible and i am so scared of labour wards anyway i was in shock until the next day where i was angry and ranted, raved and cryed for a few days.
at the moment though i am just awaiting the birth, i hopefully am having a planned homebirth so i feel more in control and relieved that i will not go to hospital unless its completely neccessary. Also i am desperate for the birth to be different to my last one as the memorys are so vivid.
Anyway good luck with your appointment on the delivery suite, if you let the midwife know how you feel maybe it will be easier.

Melsy that sounds really hard, going through all that. I really hope it is productive for you, and maybe going through it all thouroughly this once will mean you have less pain over it for the rest of your life.

And Slinkstah - I am so very sorry for what you went through and your loss. When are you due now?

It's appalling that women's health and childbirth can be handled like this - it seems totally random, some people have a wonderful experience and some people are scarred for life. It should be more consistent.

Will be back tomorrow Melsy.

Chin up

Have my 3rd session this afternoon. Feel all out of sorts today. Ive gone over my story 3 times now to 2 different people and although I know the eventual benefits of facing my fear head on. Im finding its raising my anxiety levels and now Im having problems getting sleep. Its gone from not discussing things properly for last year or so , to full on non stop. I just havent much else to focus on , as my work has slowed right down and my mind is just wandering every day withought purpose. I dont know what Im trying to say really.

melsy you poor thing can you dh not go with you can you not ring him and tell you need him

if you dont want go alone surely this will make things worse can your mum not take you then come away so your not going all the way there and back alone

if not big deep breathes and explain if its someone new that surely going through it again wont be doing you any good i refusd to see one of the pychiatrists because he was a man and they were fine about it because you feeling comfatable is the main thing

As a result of the refresher course I did at the hospital during late pg with no2, I had a 'de-brief' with a specialist midwife to go over my first labour experience. I hadn't realised until the course how angry I was about things that had happened during the labour, and how much it bothered me and was holding me back from being open-minded about and welcoming towards the forthcoming labour. The debrief was utterly wonderful, and really empowered me to tell the midwives what I wanted - including that I did not want a certain individual anywhere near me.

I had had PND after ds, and finally reached the top of the waiting list for psychotherapy when I was about 15w pg with dd. I was both eagerly looking forward to the therapy, and terrified of it as they refused to give me unlimited therapy because of the pregnancy. I've no idea why, but tehy wouldn't continue the therapy beyond about 30w. As a result I struggled to talk openly as I was afraid of opening up cans of worms that would not be dealt with by the end of the 'course'. Eventually I did let go, and wept like a child after evey session, felt like shit. But, although not all the cans of worms got dealt with, I started to feel so much better about myself and my experiences, and learned so much about myself that I was able to put into place later. It was worth every teardrop.

Sorry about this bleat, but I hope thta it will show you that the miserableness after therapy is worth every moment of the therapy itself. I didn't have PND after dd was born, and I'm sure that part of that is because of what I learned aobut myself through the therapy, and the strength it and the debrief gave me to choose for myself and to value my choices.

Thank you for coming on here booby. I was actually a big brave girl and went to the hospital alone on Monday, quite an acheivment.

I wouldnt ask my dh home for todays session , hes in the city and I just wouldnt ask him to do this with me.

My therapist is only down the road from me , and its not so much that I go alone, its just the apprehension of going. I can sort of stomach it to drive. I think that may be part of my healing , as I lean on my mum quite a lot to do things when Im in a state, but I do have to find my own way. Otherwise shes just enabling me to rely on her always.

Im just in a funny way today ,may just be very tired. It seems to make me feel a bit lost,irratable a grumpy. Im hoping it will pass. I think its being alone to much may be too, but its hard to make arrangments with people when you feel like this. It always seems to knock my confidence.

Melsy, sorry to hear that you're having to repeat yourself, but stick with it, if you can. I'd also agree that therapy can be tough at the time, but worth it in the end. I've been in therapy for ages though, and intend to train as a psychotherapist, so I'm biased!
By the way hello PrettyCandles!

Thank you for your words prettycandles , it really has resonated with me reading it. I do feel anger and distrust and fear , especially towards all medical staff. I told the senoir midwife this. She knows theres a lot of work to do to make me believe in them and caring for me and assures me she will do all she can to support me and make that I will be heard. As with dd's birth I felt totally unheard , dehumanised and frightened. So theres some way shes (the team) have got to go before I feel confident in going through all this again. The hardest thing is looking at my belly and thinking how have I dont this again, what was I thinking , almost as if my body in its condition and mind in its thoughts cant connect at all that Im having another child. I just dont know how to explain it really and i wish I could as I think its part of a fear I have.

Sorry grammer awful ,hope you get jist, wanting to get words and feelings out but also thinking I have to get dressed for nursury run!!!!. My appt straight after.

This is my 3rd cycle of therapy since 2002. My husband is unsure its the best thing right now , but I have to find a way of dealing with this, otherwise I dont know what will happen after the birth. I want to feel Im learning some control and have tools to feel empowered and supported.

Melsy I hope all this works for you. Wasn't it you who had tracheitis in March?

yes was me stleger, wow good memory. Was a nasty time around then. Are we not supposed to bloom in 2nd trimester!!! I was more like wilt like a heap!!

Glad that bug has gone. It is too hot here for anyone to bloom. Good luck over the next few months - every birth is different in my experience, I hope you have a good one and all goes well afterwards.