Have whacky therapy & sessions at hospital planned need to talk

[melsy]

Im 29 wks and suffered very badly after dd's birth with PTSD/PND. I finally got my 1st appt last wk for an assessmant for therapy (Ive waited over a year to come down the list on NHS)and because of my PTSD from dd's birth nearly 3 yrs ago, she would like to start EMDR therapy straight away, but she needs to check wether its ok with someone pregnant.If not the physchologist will go down the CBT route. Its the latest therapy for trauma and seems to be very effective from write ups Ive read online, Im also into trying anything different as long as it works . Its a bit like what Paul Mckenna does with patients and tapping the face and hands, but this is with rapid movement in front of eyes.

One of the senior midwives at the hospital has also kindly offered her time to read through all my past notes as she knows Im with the mental health team and sit with me next wk at the hospital to help me prepare. She will also take me down to the delivery suite , if Im up to it.

Im glad this is happening now , as I only have 11 wks to go and Im getting more and more anxious about being back at hospital. I feel very blessed that Im getting all this care, especially as I felt painfuly failed by the system during dd's labour , birth & months after , but its hard right now to be reliving painful memories and experiences , especially when very hormonal. I fought hard to get this help and its like a gift has come to me , but even after just an hr last wk of retelling my history , I was in a terrible state for days. I have my 2nd appt on Thursday and its a mixture of relief that I can get it all out of my system ,but also great apprehension as to what Im about to face.

Are there PTSD sufferers out there I can talk to , or anyone whos had this therapy?

sorry realised I didnt acknowledge you Arabica, my post crossed with yours.Thank you also for talking with me. What kinds therapy have you been doing?

Ive just been looking at the natal hypnotherapy website and its making me cry reading the posts on there. Sounds amazing , but it brings it all home to me that its going to happen very soon.

oops thank you also stleger.

One of the things that the debrief did for me, was effectively to give me permission to say NO to the medical staff. I did do that during labour, and no-one had any issues with it. It made a world of a difference to me and the 'good' labour with dd completely wiped away the distress of the 'bad' labour with ds.

Somehow during labour you are disempowered (I remember being unable to say what I wanted, feeling like a 5yo, very frustrated), but that's not an indication of what or who you are. We are women doing an amazing thing, the staff are there to look after us, to serve us, to guide us not direct us. It's good to find a midwife or other staff whom you trust. I was very lucky that way and wanted her direction. Knowing that she knew I would say NO if that felt right for me, and knowing that she would respect my NO made it a good two-way relationship.

Is it possible for you to give birth in another hospital entirely, or possibly in a midwife-led unit?

BTW, hello Arabica!

thanx for your post pretty candles, I think alot of my ptsd was due to not feeling like I was being taken seriously , so hopefully with the help of this senior midwife she will help turn that feeling around. So you are right I need to learn how to say NO , and be vocal in my dislike of how Im being treated.

With regards to hospital ,luckily the gp knows my case and got me into another near hospital and thats were Im getting the senior midwife taking on my case. Unfortunately I cannot go into midwife led unit as Im under consultant care , due to previous pph and transfusion.

I feel so drained after todays session , its just this dredging up and dredging up and having to do it twice, the therapist is wanting to now talk to the senior midwife on my case and talk her through things , so that I dont have to repeat myself every week.

I now have a week to decide how I feel about doing EMDR and sign the consent form, as it has side effects like flashbacks and memory recall of things and may make me feel worse before being better. I think though that its all happening already withought having specific treatment , so Ive got to really have a think. At the moment I feel very emotionaly wobbly, tearful and anxious.

Had my 1st emdr session yesterday and I must say , what a wierd experience, just by her tapping on my hands rapidly (didnt do the rapid eye movement, as being preggers it makes me really giddy), made me relive things from my life like I was back in my body from that time, but also moving through experiences like somoene had hit a play buttton on a video of my life, was very strange.

when I finished I felt so drained , but she made sure we did a visualisation of my chosen safe place, so when I left I felt quite bouyont, but as the afternoon progressed I felt really woozy and then in the evening I had a right barny with dh, which really didnt help with how vulnrable I felt. I had the oddest night , as kept on having very vivid dreams and strange images. I was warned of this but suffice to say it wasnt pleasant as it was like I was in some mad disney film and the baddy, (a malicifent type thing), was keeping me trapped in my mums bedroom , very weird, woke at 5:30 and Im now thoroughly zonked. I really need some peace and quiet but wont get that with dd around ! I just want to go back to bed again.

melsy well done with last week
how did it go with the midwife
was it at the same hospital as last time
and your session sound like its released pent up emotions you can take bachs rescue remedys whilst your pregnant that will help calm you
i keep having a sniff of mine very now and then

ive got my next perinatal appt on tenth july and with someone new so instead of going on my own like i planned chris is gonna have to come with me as i get very intimidated by the whole setup

are you seen in the specific pychiatrist unit or in the maternity section we have to go to the pychiatric ward and its all buzzers and locked doors and i find it very oppressive you'd think they would find a space in antenatal to make you feel relaxed

Thank you for coming to have a look in on my thread booby x

The midwife seems to want to help and support and is available by telephone and boy did I need that last week, after a session with pychologist and then midwife too. The midiwfe is based at the hospital Im booked into , which is not the one I had dd in. The physchologist is based in a gp surgury not far from me, so not having to go into pysche unit. That must be hard booby, I remember the lock doors etc well at the worst part of my trauma in 2004. Do have things you do /use to relax after and take you to a nicer place?? So much better to go with someone to these things.

I didnt realise you could use the bach stuff ,as have some different bottles of it.

You are right that it released pent up emotions , I saw things whilst in the session from deep in my memory that I hadnt actually remembered and they were quite painful to feel and see. Its hard to comprehend how Ive managed to carry those feelings so deep inside , they must be whats been controlling so many of my reactions and behaviours for years and they were from school. Quita amazing this EMDR thing, even though its quite nerve wracking.

my lovely hubby generally takes me for a meal and a glass of wine or we come home and i wallow in the bath or we lie on the settee together for the afternoon and i sleep

glad you are getting the support you need they wil be assessing me next time of whether i need anit depressants before i even have baba which ive decided i dont want as want to bf

dont know what will happen if have traumatic birth i assumme they will gether me up and watch me like hawk rather than let me stew and get in a mess
must say wish had contact with my midwife more often as she is only part time and they dont give you a personal contact

what does emdr stand for by the way

Booby glad your dh looks after you , very good to have a nice distraction after something like that. Have you thought of phoning Pals ,(patient and liason service),at the hospital your booked into, they may be able to direct you to someone there who looks after vulnrable mums ,as mine does.

EMDR stands for Eye movement desensitisation & reprocessing. Its specially for the treatment of trauma. \link{http://www.internethealthlibrary.com/Therapies/EMDR.htm\Simple explanation of EMDR}

Have my 2nd appt with Senior Midwife today and Ive been getting apprehensive about it aal weekend, not because of her so much , as she seems to want to help, but more that she may have gt hold of my notes now , and it is planned we go through them today, Its the real re living of it thats making my heart go. Its making me feel sick. My mums been giving me a prep talk jus now as have been crying all morning (damn hormones). Thankfully my lovely mum is loking after me and taking dd to nursury and collecting , so I can just focus on the next few hrs ahead withought that worry.

melsy how did your session go sorry its been a while been to knackered to even comtemplate coming on with the baby being up all night

glad to hear you mum is helping you prepare hope it helps let me know babes