Judgement on your Pregnancy?

[Kelly1814]

Hello all

A client of mine just had a baby....around 9 months after she got married. Lots of pointed comments in office along lines of..."well they didn't waste any time did they" etc etc.

This is a little uncomfortable for me as I got pregnant two weeks after stopping contraception and whilst in Vegas getting married! So pretty much two days after getting hitched I would estimate.

Added to which I'm 24 weeks next week and no one in the office knows. I can just imagine the reactions when I go public.

I know I shouldn't care what others think, especially as we are delighted and feel blessed to have got pregnant so quickly, but it is on my mind.

Did any of you face judgement when you announced you were pregnant, and any tips on how to deal with it?

Thanks in advance :)

Just ignore them! I can't believe people feel they have the right to make such personal remarks just because your pregnant. I have had people say "but with 3 kids how did you have time to make the baby" yuk. I don't want to talk about my sex life with random people.

24 weeks and you haven't told anyone at work, that must be hard to keep a secret. I'm the size of a house already and only 22wks - I look like I've eaten a whole baby as my daughter keeps telling! :)

They are ridiculous. If anyone makes a comment give them a face like this: and ask them very slowly what their point is and why they want to discuss your sex life.

Hi I don't think it's judgment - think its an attempt at humour and congrats. I'd be shouting it from the roof tops. Can't believe you've kept it to yourself for 24 weeks. They will be happy for you I'm sure...

People will always think that their opinions are important to you, I have only been in my job 7 months and will be going on maternity leave in November and when I told people, some of them said 'already? well will you be coming back after your maternity leave?' As long as you and your other half are happy about it then sod other people! lol

You can't win either way, so just ignore them :)

I'm 26 weeks now but we'll have had our 4 year wedding anniversary when baby arrives + had been together as a couple for 8 years before that. Every single wedding we've been to since we got married we've been asked when we're having children, it's ridiculous! I the end I decided the only way to shut people up preaching about why we should have had them already or be trying was to give TMI about my gynae problems while promptly stopped the conversation!

i wouldnt bat an eyelid what others think, someone is always going to have an opinion. yours is the only one that counts! we are expecting baby no4 and ive lost count of how many variations of 'dont you have a tv' we have had.

My hubby and I had a lot of judgement and criticism surrounding our pregnancy. His family are very religious (he isn't) so they were less than impressed when I fell pregnant before marriage and didn't even want to listen to our thoughts or reasons behind it. My hubby proposed and we wanted to try for our son straight away as I had been told at 16 due to lots of ovarian problems I would have difficulty conceiving naturally so we figured hey let's start trying now we're engaged and hopefully by the time the wedding comes round we'll be pregnant a short time after. To both our amazement we caught on the first month of trying! Something we were over the moon amount but everyone else was furious, prompting some people to even suggest we abort and try again after wedding! We didn't cancel our wedding date or move it until after our son was born because as long as we were happy who cares! It's up to u and your partner when u have your children, people are so bloody rude and uncaring about the hurt their comments can cause! I would just try your best to ignore any negativity as my situation really got me down! Tell them to sod off!

don't you have a tv

Yawn. We have been asked this too and we are only onto our second. The hilarious joke is, we don't actually have a TV. Hahahaha.

What matters is what's important to you.

What other people think of you is none of your business. ;) Can't control what other people think, so just be happy in yourselves and your decisions.

Me and OH aren't married... plans are afoot, but it certainly won't be before bump arrives!

Really its not worth worrying about. Im nearly 40 & earlier this year i was pregnant but mc. I spent the whole of that pregnancy worrying about what my mum & sister were going to say!

Im 7 wks pregnant Im not worried about telling them this time. I have 2 grown up dc. 3 Younger dc11, 8 &5. Been with dp 14 years.

People have views & opinions but you don't need to listen to them. This is your life.

It's just small talk. People think they should say something, so they do. It's not a judgement.

And it's something that goes on the whole time about just about everything. You only really notice it if you're in a heightened state yourself for whatever reason.

Smile and nod will stand you in good stead, for this and all the other banalities that crop up.

Don't worry. My DP's grandmother told everyone she met when DS1 was born that I had clearly been pregnant at our wedding. Apparently my "being thin then" was a classic sign.

DS1 was born 13 and a half months after our wedding.

As scaevola says, it's only small talk, someone else will soon be the next topic of conversation . There does seem to be a bit of a tendancy amongst some people to worry too much about what other people think of them, so long as you are happy and comfortable with your decisions, what does it really matter what anyone else thinks?

Yes, I got a few raised eyebrows when I announced my pregnancy, at 42 and after 14 years of marriage when we strongly told anyone who asked that we did NOT want children .

Am heading to 40 very soon and finally gave in to having DC3 and am due in November.

The amount if people who make the assumption that it was a contraception failure is in credible.

I have taken to telling people that I slipped on a banana skin DH left at the foot of the bed and got impaled on his penis!

Maybe just point out to people how rude you find their comments or say you want at least 10 kids so thought you best get started quickly!

TrudyW I had a very similar situation to you... though it took us 9 months and we hadn't yet booked the wedding, so it's now on hold. No judgey religious family, just a lot of "was it planned?" And then shock/scepticism when I replied yes as I'm 'only young' (25!)

I do agree with other posts though that people just feel the need to say something and out comes the first thing that pops into their head... it is frustrating though especially when you're feeling a little hormonal sensitive.

TrudyW I had a very similar situation to you... though it took us 9 months and we hadn't yet booked the wedding, so it's now on hold. No judgey religious family, just a lot of "was it planned?" And then shock/scepticism when I replied yes as I'm 'only young' (25!)

I do agree with other posts though that people just feel the need to say something and out comes the first thing that pops into their head... it is frustrating though especially when you're feeling a little hormonal sensitive.

We got engaged at Christmas and have the wedding booked for autumn 2014 but we always planned to try for a baby first. Which happened in the first month!

The only sodding person to have judged us is my mother. Cue comments such as are you bringing the wedding forward etc. err no mother we're not!

Some people haven't anything better to talk about so just ignore

I've had a few comments such as 'you didn't waste any time' etc etc. i got pregnant 3 months after our wedding. It's a bad attempt at a joke but I don't find it very funny! But honestly it doesn't bother me. It's no one's business and people will get used to it :) good luck.

"OH MY GOD are you keeping it?!"
"So do you know who the father is?"
"Was it planned?! [shocked]" x200

I'm 18 and starting uni in September, but people have no right to judge me the way they do.

I fell pregnant with dd2 right around ds's 1st birthday - contraception failure. The amount of idiots strangers who have gone ''crikey that wasn't planned was it?'' Or ''no tv in your house?'' And even a sage nod/grotty wink then ''catholic are you'' not forgetting ''that you done then'' which i also got after ds as i had the 'perfect' one of each

Yes dd2 may be coming a couple of years earlier than we intended but she's our blimming dd so no one elses damned business the nosy feckless bastards

I'm front of house in a small restaurant which I co-own with my dh, most of our regulars are local and of gp age, they are always v interested in our private lives and always have done comment to make. Somehow it became known that I wad expecting - before we told anyone (and before we married at Gretna Green) and every comment was positive, although if I'd been feeling ultra-sensitive I could possibly have taken offence a few times... I have always taken the view that they are interested because they care so never took any offence, and actually I enjoy how much they feel like they are part of the village 'family'. Now dd is here I have been inundated with offers of help and am so glad I didn't get huffy with the many comments of 'it's definitely a boy' or 'you won't be able to work like this when baby comes' etc... I was walking through the village this afternoon with dd in a sling and our huge dog on a lead when a lady ran over and almost had tears in her eyes seeing dd, after her (v forceful) comments about possible names earlier in the year...people are generally pretty nice, even if it doesn't always cone across that way when we're all hormone-d up!

I just know, I can feel it now that when I announce this pregnancy everyone will say, "so, you hoping for a boy then?"

No actually, we're not! We'd be just as happy with another daughter (already have one). I couldn't believe the amount of people who, after DD was born, assumed that we would be having two. Not only may we have wanted to stop with her but we could've wanted more! Found it especially weird coming from our families as DP is one of four and I'm one of three

I can't believe you've managed to keep it quiet for so long OP. I was whale size by then still am now! when I read about having to inform employers by 25 or 26 weeks (can't remember which now) I always wondered how anyone would manage to keep it quiet for so long, I just don't have the willpower!

I do think a lot of people aren't trying to pass judgement as such, but the comments can still be pretty insensitive.

I do think its just something for people to say. I have been asked a million times 'was it planned'? which to me is very rude... I would never ask someone that!! Oh and 'is it your first?' me: no, my third. Them: :O 'you don't look old enough!!' (i am old enough, whatever that even means).

I dont see how its any one business if my pregnancy was bloody well planned or not.... but I know they don't mean to offend. Although years ago when pregnant with DS1 a blinking taxi driver asked me if it was planned!!! That I was cross about! ha!!

Also the assumption We would prefer a girl because we have 2 DSs, (it is a girl) and then people going on about how wonderful that is (which yes it is) but as if it would be less amazing if it was another boy!! Grrr.

Also (you've got me going now!) people commenting on how awful my maternity uniform is. I FUCKING KNOW. And no, I have no choice. cross face

Wow I read the first post and wondered if I'd been tardis'd back to the 1960s! Judgey people are just unbelievable sometimes. Just give them the ' No. 2 Paddington Stare' and they will stop it