Your chance to tell a person who wouldn't give up their seat on the tube for a heavily pregnant woman what you think of them.

[dizietsma]

On another message board I frequent, someone has posted a thread about how they wouldn't give up their seat on the tube for a heavily pregnant woman because she "chose" her disability and is therefore somehow less deserving of consideration.

I'm going to link this thread to the other and let this person see for themselves how pregnant women feel about such (IMO) nasty attitudes. Lets try to keep it civil, eh? I think this person needs to know about how disabling late pregnancy is, not just how unacceptable an attitude this is.

Below is the full text of the initial post.

"Just received this in email entitled “a heartwarming tale” and provoked a wee discussion in the office about tube etiquette.

sadly not ours, but a fine example is set for us all to follow.

"My friend Connie, who continued working in a Manhattan summer right up to the birth of her first childwas standing on the subway from Brooklyn and began to feel faint. She asked a respectable looking young man if she could possibly have his seat. He ignored her. She asked again. He rustled his Wall Street Journal, crossly.

Finally a boy, aged about 10, marched up the man and announced: "You heard the lady. She's pregnant. She needs to siddown. Now move!"

Even then he sat still, whereupon the boy began to kick his shins. "I said move, mother**er!" he remarked, and the man finally stumbled off down the carriage noisily threatening to sue. Connie says it was a very satisfying moment.

How did "Connie" knowing the man wasn't deaf or was injured in some way that required him to sit. Does the fact that she chose to work “right up to the birth” mean she’s entitled to harangue all and sundry for a seat?

AFAIC, you choose pregnancy and can't expect everyone to dance around you like handmaidens facilitating your life choice. Fair enough, I’ve given my seat up in the past, but sometimes I just don’t want to and evidently other people don’t too – is this why she was asking? And if she had to ask presumably it had happened before. If the little darling is so important why go on the tube at all.

I’m disinclined to stand up for pregnant women since in the words of Jimmy Carr, I’d prefer to see a pregnant woman standing than a fat woman in tears.

Do you always give up your seat? Always offer? Who to? Old people, pregnant people, disabled people?"

I think this is just some very bitter twisted person with wrong priorities.

It's just kind to give your seat to someone who needs it more than you. I often don't want to give my seat to a pregnant or old person, but I do because I'm a decent human being and I overcome my selfish reluctance to give up my seat because if I behaved the way I wanted and everyone else behaved they way they wanted all the time, there would be chaos, unpleasantness, unfriendliness and a pretty nasty society to be in. I really don't see how re-inforcing the selfishness of others by being selfish myself, is of any benefit to me.

People who don't give up their seats to others who need them more are just nasty people, end of.

My life got easier when I stopped expecting people to have any good sense and was pleasatly surprised at those who offered thier seats. I had water retention up to my stomach, mild gestational diabetes and a lot of back pain but i just sat on the floor when i had to rest. And I shoved people back really hard when i had to.

My former boss told me to stay away from his wife when i was pg coz she can't have kids due to extensive chemo. We have another one with multiple miscarriages who sent a misconduct letter to one of her staff for staying away for days with hyperemesis without contacting the department first (jealousy). I can imagine they'd both be terrors on the tube, hating those who can have kids. I invested quality time stucking out my tongue at both of them then sent them picture messages of ds.

People are not as good natured as they used to be but if i encountered a hostile one who dares to speak, i'd have a lot to say.

Call me old fashioned but I would give up my seat for anyone that I thought needed it. My kids have been bought up to expect to have to sit on my knee when the bus or train got busy. I hate seeing toddlers sitting proudly in their own seat while poor grannies try to hang on to the pole and their shopping as darling johnny just won't sit on Mummy's knee.

When I was pregnant I was offered a seat on most - but not all - occasions, and tbh, it was mostly by men. I often found that men sometimes didn't notice, but often women clearly did but would pretend they didn't. There was the memorable time when a middle-aged woman beat me to a seat when I was 8.5 months pregnant (and looked about 15 mths pregnant, with twins), and then just looked at me and said "sorry".

It is a choice rather than an obligaton to give up a seat, EXCEPT when people are sitting in the priority seats for those elderly, disabled, or carrying children, and have a clear sign over their head instructing them to give up the seat to someone who needs it if necessary. When I was on a crutch with a broken leg travelling on the tube, I usually didn't get offered a seat. So, I would go up to someone in such a seat and ask loudly "do you mind if I have this priority seat, please?" I did it once or twice when pregnant, too. I was never refused.

I feel I have to defend some wonderful people out there. I had an hour commute in London with my first pregnancy and suffered particularly badly with morning sickness as well as the usual pregnancy problems. I could count the number of times I had to stand. On one journey, where no-one stood up on a very crowded carriage, two people passed on a message to me that someone further down was ready to get up for me. A passage was created for me, and you could see the people seated between my and the now empty seat squirm with guilt.

On another journey, a girl nearly missed her stop because she was insisting that I took her carton of juice because she was worried about me.
I have loads of stories that restored my faith in human kindness. What happened to the 'pass it on' idealogy? So many unselfish acts have been directed at me. It's not just manners (which is reason enough to stand up imo) but it feels good to return a kindness. I have been given money in car parks when I don't have enough change. It's not even about pregancy, it's about helping others when we get the opportunity.

I worked until my due date and frequently had people tell others on the Northern line to get up so that i could sit down...warm glows all round (apart from the person made to stand).

My coup was at 42 weeks getting the Vic line to Brixton on my way home from hospital. I am 5 foot 8 and had a baby who was nearly 10lbs. Plus polyhydramnios, which meant loads of excess fluid. Was effing HUGE! And hung from the strap, bump swinging in the wind, all the way home!

I was a lucky one - I never had to stand more than one stop for my commute to/from work - 11 stops on the Northern line. I've always moved to the middle of the carriage when standing, cos there's more breathing space, when I was pregnant you could see people eyeing the bump then waiting a minute to see if anyone else would offer their seat, then resigning themselves to the fact it had to be them to offer! I always made a point of thanking them "very much", and giving them a nice big smile - hopefully they would then be motivated to give up their seat again if they feel appreciated!

I will always offer my seat to anyone who looks like they need it more when I see them - and yes, I have offered my seat to a woman who looked pregnant, who smiled and told me that she had already had the baby, but thanks anyway!!