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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Just found out & massively freaking out - help!!

27 replies

Saundy · 04/03/2013 09:37

I've just found out I'm pregnant (so don't know what all the abbreviations mean in posts as this is a whole new world).

I don't know where to start, I'm completely freaking out - I thought I'd be really happy but I'm just really shocked. I feel like everywhere I look all I see are horrible bratty children & I can't remember why this was a good idea. Is this normal? It's only been 2 days since I found out but I feel like such a bad person cause my reaction has really caught me off guard.

Because I'd been on the implant I thought it would take longer to happen but it's happened straight away which I didn't expect (I had some debts I wanted to clear first & am trying to secure a pay rise at work this week).

I also took a negative test initially which I took as a green light to have a few nights out & I drank so much more than I have in a long time & feel really guilty about that too.

Is this normal? I'm all panic & no happy at the minute & I was wondering if anyone else reacted like that? I feel like I'm barely pregnant & I'm already a bad mum.

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MerryMingeWhingesAgain · 04/03/2013 09:44

Totally normal.

Both mine were planned. Both times I thought OH SHIT what have I done!!

It's a biggie. Normal to freak out though.
Make sure you are taking folic acid. Drinking before you knew is not a problem, that's how many people end up pregnant IIRC.

Congratulations Smile

Saundy · 04/03/2013 09:58

Ok then that's ok, thank you I feel a bit better knowing that, hopefully it will pass & I'll suddenly know how to knit & be filled with a warm glow soon.

Started taking folic acid a month before I came off the implant so at least I got that right!

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gardenpixie32 · 04/03/2013 10:06

Yes, normal.

I was like "what the fuck have I done" for most my pregnancy. Love my babies though!

SourSweets · 04/03/2013 10:53

Think that's totally normal. I wanted my pregnancy SO much but still had a few sheer panic moments of "this is way too soon". It passes though as you get used to the idea and now I am happier than I thought possible about being pregnant. Congratulations!

toffee01 · 04/03/2013 11:04

Few! Not just me then! (not pregnant yet but have been twice).

That's your rational side freaking out!

As soon as your mind gets in the way, it finds all sorts of problems and negatives about the pregnancy, because it's such a big thing.

When I fell pregnant the first time I didn't know for 18 weeks (irregular period may I add, and fed up with testing and getting negatives).

So obviously I wasn't freaking out, but my deep self must have sensed it, because I suddenly got a real sense of family, ie, I phoned my mum (who usually gets on my nerves bless her) on Christmas eve nearly in tears because her, my dad and my sisters weren't there with me. Normally I wouldn't have cared that much.

Also I suddenly developped a nursing, nurturing side (out of character), I was delighted when my friend asked me to look after her fish for a week, and sad when I had to hand him over Confused

I became the perfect housewife and spent hours preparing my christmas menu. Very strange.

The day I found out, I freaked out, cried, remembered that I had been drinking alcohol (not too much though) and was convinced I was going to be a crappy mum.

Now I can't get enough of my children, would like one more, think children are the best thing in the world, and love every aspect of mothering.

So don't you worry, it is normal. And it will come with time. xx Good luck, and try not to think about it too much, relax and accept the way you feel. Smile

SeriousStuff · 04/03/2013 11:17

Completely normal! We'd only been trying for three weeks and had prepared for it to take much longer as I'm in my 30s, so it came as a massive shock even though we had decided 3 months earlier to start trying.

I keep thinking how nice it would be to do different things - skiing, go on a nice beach holiday, go for a nice meal and keep thinking that, even if we do it before the baby comes, it won't be the same as I'm pg (and currently have bad nausea). I think knowing that life will never be the same again is the most overwhelming feeling. But the baby will just fit into your life and soon you won't remember what it was like without him/her (that's what I've been told anyway). I felt the same when we first decided to get a dog! Not quite the same but suddenly we had to be less selfish as we had to ensure he was ok, or being looked after by someone we trusted if we went away etc... I think having a baby older has it's good and bad points - on the one hand I feel mature enough to handle it and more financially secure than 10 years ago but the older you get, the more selfish and used to a certain independence you get!

I love the life me and my DH currently have and love spending time just the two of us, but these feelings now are nothing to how I would feel if I postponed it much longer then found out it was too late.

As for the alcohol. I had decided to carry on drinking while trying because I thought changing my life completely would just make me stress about it. But as soon as I found out, I stopped. I've read that the baby doesn't actually connect to your blood supply until around 6 weeks so please don't worry about this.

Oh, and congratulations!!!!

Saundy · 04/03/2013 11:31

Thanks guys that really helps, I feel a bit more like its ok to feel like this now which is helping me along to phase 2 - acceptance & then hopefully phase 3 - joy, before I know it.

But you're right it is HUGE so maybe expecting to skip straight to 3 was a bit naive. Plus you all got on board in the end so its fine, it doesn't mean anything.

This is really overwhelming, I didn't expect a forum to help but it actually has - I'm not the only one! Smile

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toffee01 · 04/03/2013 11:54

Oh I'm glad. I swear by this forum, I've had a lot on help on here for the last 9 years, from conception, potty training to how to repair my dishwasher!

Every time I have a query on any subject, I come here. Smile

Kelly1814 · 04/03/2013 12:05

i am so glad it's not just me! i stopped using contraception after 21 years and got pregnant far quicker than i thought i would. the first week or so i did panic hugely...reasons being....

i am not a fan of other people's children (hope that doesn't sound awful).... i am terrified of giving birth.....i don't feel much different yet cannot drink/socialise, go to the spa for my friend's birthday/exercise (incompetent cervix) so all the things i like to do are out of bounds! also it costs a fortune to give birth overseas where i am (10k GBP!) ...

then my hormones balanced out and now I'm 8.5 weeks and excited, not panicking!

Saundy · 04/03/2013 12:11

Haha that's brilliant, I'm sure I'll be set for a few more freak outs along the way so will no doubt be popping back.

Congrats to you too SeriousStuff (loving the gravity of the name), I can relate to what you've said. I'm 33 so expected a longer wait & had been thinking of all the things we could do if it didn't happen, so as to guard from disappointment - not so clever now!

But I know I'm lucky and to see that people feel like this even when they already have kids is very reassuring...& breathe!

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Saundy · 04/03/2013 12:14

Congratulations Kelly1814!

Actually I hadn't considered the hormonal side, dropping a glass of water did make me cry so that's a good point you make Grin

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Saundy · 04/03/2013 12:21

Congrats to you too SourSweets! Happier than you thought possible sounds like something to look forward to.

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Dolallytats · 04/03/2013 12:31

I'm 20+1 weeks pregnant and I am still convinced that it's not real. I can feel the baby kicking, but it feels too weird to imagine having this baby....and this will be No3!!

Saundy · 05/03/2013 07:41

Congrats Dolallytats! I can't believe people still feels like that with no3 but I guess that shows its not such a strange reaction. Enjoy being kicked, that must be so strange!!

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toffee01 · 06/03/2013 13:35

Oooh, talk to me Dolallytats, I'm trying for #3 and having a few pg symptoms (although tested negative but only due between today and saturday).
Since having those rather obvious symptoms, I am terrified because it seems so much more real (although I might not be of course).
How old are your 2 DCs and how old are you if you don't mind me asking?

Posabelle · 06/03/2013 14:59

I've just found out too. As in, haven't even told my husband yet. Going mental at work. All i want is gin. SHIT! (are we allowed to swear? I feel i need to swear. sorry)

Saundy · 06/03/2013 17:19

Congrats Posabelle!

I was a bit scared to swear too but think its ok/called for. I was repeatedly having to look at the test over the first 3 days & my reaction was consistently FUUUUUCK so can totally relate.

Have now moved into a strange kind've disbelieving acceptance that is peppered with moments of panic and excitement. Its weird. This thread really did help me though - good luck!

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SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 06/03/2013 18:03

Panic is totally normal! First PG because you are stepping into the unknown, subsequent PGs because you know what's coming, and you worry you won't cope with more than one. From here on in, everyone else's Dcs will look bratty and badly behaved. That's because nature dictates that your own dc is the best and most splendid dc in the entire world! You'll be ok. Just try and occupy your mind elsewhere! take up knitting!
Getting drunk in the early days is fine. I did, and DS17 is only slightly cross eyed! Wink seriously though, the placenta isn't up and running for a few weeks. Until then, the embryo is pretty self sustaining.

SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 06/03/2013 18:05

And whilst we are on the subject, stock up with £1shop cheap HPTs. Then in weeks to come, when you are suddenly struck with one of those common moments of disbelief, you can nip to the loo, POAS and reassure yourself it's still in there! Grin

Saundy · 06/03/2013 18:28

Thank you!

Right again I have to say I've no idea what DCS DS POAS HPT, or pretty much any abbreviation means!! (though I have figured out PG & MIL) - is there a place you go to learn this stuff?! I should start some sort of translation request thread haha

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cyclecamper · 06/03/2013 18:31

There is a button up there ^ entitled 'Acronyms' which should help Smile. There are a few that aren't on the list but most are.

SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 06/03/2013 18:35

You just need to install a Babel Fish! Wink Grin

cyclecamper · 06/03/2013 18:43

I'm still slightly freaked out and I'm nearly 26 weeks! I was 16 weeks when I found out and it was so unlikely (I'm 42, Husband has a vasectomy, we've never used anything in the 5 years we've been together), that I was convinced the test would be negative. Even after the Dr confirmed it, I expected to be told at the scan that there was something else there (I don't know what I was expecting it to be!) and I was shocked again when it was clearly a baby in there! I have days when I panic about the things we are losing (I know it's worth it, but cycle camping is complicated with a baby!). We had just got to a stage with my stepson that we could leave him for weekends and do couple things and now we are back before square one. I will be 58 and my Husband will be 64 before we get back to where we are now Shock. The fact that I finished my job the week before I found out just adds one more complication to the list! Despite all that, I am now really excited - even with occasional wobbles.

abbyfromoz · 06/03/2013 19:47

Felt physically sick when i found out... Took me a while to realise...i'm allowed! Woohoo! Not being naughty lol...

abbyfromoz · 06/03/2013 19:47

Felt physically sick when i found out... Took me a while to realise...i'm allowed! Woohoo! Not being naughty lol...